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Bullying is largely related to bystanders.
In Finland, there is a KiVa comprehensive anti-bullying project specially developed to prevent school bullying. Kiusaamista vastaan means "against bullying" in Finnish. At the same time, it is also a pun, and the pronunciation is very close to the Finnish word "kindness".
This project will shift the focus from bullies to bystanders of school bullying's behavior, mainly through role-playing exercises and computer simulations, so that students can witness bullying, especially in the absence of teachers, and they must make their own choices-whether to protect the victims or others. After the end, students will get timely feedback and suggestions.
This project has four highlights, which are worth learning from.
1, it is very important to cultivate empathy.
First of all, school staff have clear guidelines and specific tools so that they can intervene in a timely and effective manner when they find bullying.
KiVa includes a 20-hour seminar in a school year. The project covers three main topics, including: the influence of groups on bullying behavior, the importance of compassion in combating bullying behavior, and practical strategies to reduce bullying behavior of school children.
The project has prepared professional preparation materials for the school, including teachers' manuals, videos, online games, surveys of KiVa students and employees, posters, vests and parents' guides. Online anti-bullying games are attractive and easy to implement. These tools make the daily anti-bullying work in schools fit in and advance steadily.
In addition, the KiVa project is not only applicable to students and teachers, but also to parents. Before the project starts, the team will advise parents to accept teaching and participate in activities.
2. Simulate bullying scenes through games.
This project will allow students to manipulate the virtual characters in the game through simulated games, and experience all kinds of bullying scenes that may be encountered in school through the characters, so that students can experience the helplessness of the bullied. When students encounter bullying on campus, they will sympathize with and support the bullied, rather than stand by and watch.
In addition to simulating games, teachers will also let students simulate bullying scenes in the classroom, and take a vivid anti-bullying lesson with the help of onlookers' reactions. When children become witnesses to bullying, will they join in or watch and laugh?
The school found that KiVa's anti-bullying program worked well.
KiVa no longer only targets at individual bullies and their victims, but effectively controls bullying by paying attention to the whole class. It will educate children to sympathize with individual victims and guide them to think about their personal orientation, thus reducing bullying in Finnish schools.
Based on past research results, the team concluded that paying attention to bystanders is the key to successfully preventing bullying. For example, it is not enough to choose to stand with injured companions. We need to provide students with safe strategies. So KiVa not only pays attention to teachers, but also pays attention to how to teach students, how to choose ways, when to do it and how to do it.
When bullying happens, adults usually don't appear, so children need to know how to act constructively when witnessing bullying. So KiVa not only teaches teachers, but also teaches students what to do, when to do it and how to do it.
Of course, the role of teachers is irreplaceable, and it is also important to report project bullying to adults. Through KiVa's online reporting tool, students can report bullying behaviors they have experienced or talk directly with the school team.
3. Let the students solve it by themselves.
Punishment is not the key when bullying is found. KiVa team has two strategies to deal with bullying, "face to face" and "non-face to face". The choice depends on the result of team discussion-whether the bully has a tendency to change.
When bullying attracts the attention of the school, the staff will discuss with the relevant students, including the victims and their close companions.
In addition to bullying found in schools, students can also take the initiative to report to teachers. When a student accuses other students of bullying, he can apply for a KiVa meeting. Teachers and students will first fill out a form describing what happened, and then negotiate the date and place of the meeting.
After that, the teacher will put this form in a special folder. KiVa teachers' team will check the folders regularly, and if necessary, they will inform the senior students' team that these students have been trained and know how to deal with such conflicts.
Meetings to solve bullying problems are usually arranged after class. In an idle classroom, the teachers, the two sides and the senior student team negotiate together. During the meeting, both sides had the opportunity to describe their experiences. At first, the key is to listen to each other's conversation. Then, the teacher asked both sides to reflect on themselves and think about what they can do if a similar situation happens next time.
The key point is to let these students come up with solutions "by themselves" to avoid the recurrence of conflicts. Once both parties promise to implement the preventive strategy, the teacher will record it truthfully and the meeting will be over.
The focus of this meeting is how to solve the problem of bullying, not a insincere apology.
KiVa is evidence-based and aims to prevent bullying and effectively solve bullying incidents. Prevention is very important, but the solution can not be ignored, because preventive measures can not make bullying disappear forever. When bullying happens, the school will use relevant tools to solve specific problems.
Through online tools on the Internet, KiVa will continuously monitor the annual changes of some schools, and it will provide schools with annual feedback on the implementation of the project and the results achieved.
4, less bullying, learning can make progress.
From 2065438 to 2006, researchers from UCLA investigated the students in grades 4 to 6 in nearly 80 Finnish primary schools, and about half of them received KiVa intervention.
The results show that bullying in KiVa schools in Finland has dropped by about half since it was launched on a large scale in 2009-verbal, physical and cyber bullying has dropped significantly, even reducing the depression of victims, improving self-esteem, and the average academic performance of Finnish students has also improved.
Thanks to the funding from the Finnish Ministry of Culture and Education, up to now, about 65,438+0,500 schools in 90% of schools in Finland have used the KiVa anti-bullying project. A large-scale randomized controlled trial covering 65,438+0,654,38+0.7 schools showed that KiVa reduced bullying by 20%.
In view of the great success of the project, other 19 countries in the world are also promoting the project, including the United States, Germany and Britain. Schools in Italy, the Netherlands and Britain are testing KiVa in their projects, and the United States is also evaluating it.
02
What should children do after being bullied?
1, bullied children, the school rules can't leave the teacher's sight for too long.
Every school in the Netherlands has a response plan for children being bullied, including grading evaluation of bullying degree, detailed early warning notification regulations, and specific handling procedures. Once bullied, children and parents should report to the school and start a bullying treatment plan to protect the bullied children.
At school, teachers will also closely monitor the children's whereabouts. She must not leave the teacher's sight for too long, otherwise she must find the child to prevent being locked up again. When interacting with classmates, the teacher will be especially careful to prevent someone from deliberately isolating her.
2. You can't completely rely on the school and the other parents to communicate with the psychologist to find the root cause.
School bullying programs can only be used under the conscious supervision of schools and teachers. If the school is out of control on the way to and from school or the teacher is negligent, the child will still be bullied. The school also realizes that it is difficult to have a comprehensive plan, so it will recommend children's behavioral psychologists and experts to deal with bullying. Parents and children will discuss with them and find specific ways to heal their children's trauma and get out of the state of being bullied.
Bullying has many profound and complicated reasons. It takes time, patience, and the right way to deal with it and rebuild children's confidence. We can't generalize in order to eliminate one factor.
3. Never use violence to control violence and accompany children out of the trough.
Principle 1: Never use violence against violence.
Experts on children's psychological behavior say that violent methods are the worst and the most ineffective. Many parents have a misunderstanding. As soon as they saw their children being bullied, they asked to learn to fight, hoping that their children could fight back, improve their physical fitness and stop being beaten.
But it turns out that the effect of this method is not ideal. Many times, the bullied party is weak and unable to fight back. Even if you learn to fight, it is only a temporary relief. The most important thing is that fighting violence with violence cannot fundamentally solve the problem, nor will it eliminate the source of bullying, but it will cause more harm.
The way to end bullying is to stand up and build self-confidence from the self and psychological level.
Principle 2: Never isolate a child with love and protection.
Borrowed strength is not your own strength. Parents, once they find that something bad has happened to their children, will accompany them to protect them. That child will not be able to build the ability to protect himself, and may be exposed to dangers that he can't handle all his life. Parents can't accompany them to protect them for life. If the child doesn't get up where he fell, the shadow of being bullied will accompany him all his life, and even he will be treated unfairly repeatedly when he grows up.
We can't isolate the child with love and protection, and isolate her from the group she should join. The acceptance and recognition of classmates is very important for the establishment of children's self-worth and cognition.
Principle 3: Cultivate children's ability to win people's hearts.
We hope that our children not only have the love of their loved ones, but also have the ability to love others and win love. Therefore, it is necessary to cultivate children's ability to win people's hearts. Fighting violence with violence is to sow the seeds of resentment in children's hearts. People who hold grudges will not be happy. Only those who know how to love and those who can get love will be surrounded by warmth and happiness forever.
4. The most effective way for children to find a sense of existence and build self-confidence.
Measure 1: Build self-confidence.
It is useful to learn physical skills when children are bullied, but it is not the most useful. The most effective way is to make children aware of their sense of existence and build self-confidence. To this end, we should support children to do more things they like, explore their hobbies, learn more about their abilities, and show them.
Emphasize and affirm the advantages and differences between her and your child. When children do something that makes them happy and start to know themselves and the external environment, they will show a kind of aura and self-confidence.
Measure 2: Understand the reasons for being bullied and show your position through protest.
We can talk openly with the child about his emotions and feelings, tell him the reasons for being bullied, and analyze where the danger and infringement come from. We can help them see the characteristics of others and teach them to stop using fists and abuse to express their inner anxiety.
Let children not be afraid of those people, ignore them or deliberately avoid them, stand up and face everything and deal with different bullying violations in different ways. When being ridiculed and ridiculed, you can communicate with them through language and express your position loudly and firmly. This is the first step to determine a child's confidence and boundaries, and it is also the first step to stand up.
Measure 3: Establish your own circle of friends.
Encourage children to make and develop new friends and have some good companions. When children have more and more friends, in addition to enhancing their collective understanding and acceptance, they can also go to school together and use the barrier of friendship to keep bullying out.
Measure 4: Turn an enemy into a friend.
Hostility is often due to ignorance and ignorance. Any provocation may be an opportunity, because it exposes the problem. We can use provocative ways to let children show themselves, give answers, and find opportunities to break the ice, thus resolving differences. To this end, it is necessary to increase children's mutual understanding and interaction.