Reasons for not getting along with the mother

The reasons for not getting along with the mother have been relatively implicit in Chinese expressions since ancient times, which may lead to communication problems between parents and children. Many problems arise in the communication between parents and children. People always feel that they can't talk or get along with their parents, and they can quarrel just by saying anything. So what is the reason why they can't get along with their mother? Reason 1 for not getting along with mother

The two of them are too strong

There are always strengths and weaknesses in life, and there is no exception in a family. As the saying goes: "One mountain cannot accommodate two tigers." "Two overly powerful people will always be at odds with each other if they live under the same roof. If a mother always likes to fuck her son in his private life or work, his son must listen to her. The son has his own opinions and doesn't like others asking questions. This creates a conflict.

Similar personalities

People with similar personalities are prone to conflict. It is also easy to get agitated when communicating, both of them are relatively straightforward. For example, a small thing happened: a mother and her son practiced together in the morning. After the son met an acquaintance and chatted with him when he came home, the mother said that his son was lazy and his clothes were not wet. No matter what my son says, will my mother assume that he is too lazy to get along?

Mom loves to nag

Mom thinks that no matter how old her son is, he is always a nagging child. My son doesn’t like to listen and can’t stand the nagging. This creates a conflict. Our mother-in-law always said that if her son is fat, he should eat less and not be allowed to eat anything. He babbles a lot while eating, which is annoying to everyone else, let alone his son.

Too self-righteous

Too self-righteous People are always annoying. For example, my mother always loves to watch the Yangshengtang, and she often forces us to watch it together. We are always told that we are wrong when we use it or eat it. What can you eat to prevent cerebral thrombosis, high blood pressure, etc. I am so self-righteous that I think I am half a Chinese medicine practitioner.

Love face too much

Everyone loves face but it depends on the situation. You can't slap the fat man in the face. For example, if the aunt's daughter is getting married as a gift, but her son has clearly not agreed, she will say that her son has agreed and give her a red envelope of 2,000 yuan. It made my son jump.

Can’t stand a little grievance

Mother always thinks that her son must be filial and listen to her. But my son has grown up and has his own opinions. If I say a word or two about something that doesn't go well with me, I will think that I have been wronged and always nag me to go back to my hometown. It makes the family restless. Reason 2 for not getting along with your mother

Understand the root of the conflict

There must be a reason for the bad relationship with your mother. Calm down and think about what is the reason for the bad relationship with your mother. Well, finding the root of the problem will solve the problem.

Reflection

You should reflect on whether the cause of the problem is the mother or yourself. You must have an objective and clear self-understanding, and you cannot attribute all faults to the mother.

Face the problem head-on

Don’t run away from the fact that the relationship is not good, face it positively, communicate more with your mother,

Think from someone else’s perspective

< p> There must be reasons and truths for what the mother does. You must learn to think from her perspective and think more about your mother's situation. You cannot always ask your mother to understand you, and you should also give more.

Refuse to confront

The direct manifestation of a bad relationship is confrontation, and this kind of problem should be avoided. If there is a problem, communicate well. If there is a problem, communicate well. Confrontation will not solve the problem.

Change the communication mode

Interact more with your mother and do things that are helpful to enhance the relationship, such as cooking and doing housework together, watching TV programs together, etc. Do not use intense violence to If you communicate ineffective ways and emotions, the relationship will only get worse.

Summary

I believe that mothers love their children. The only problem with poor relationship is the communication method. If you want to improve the relationship with your mother, you must be patient. After all, mother is There is no unsolvable conflict between the person closest to you and your mother! Reasons 3 for not getting along with the mother

1. Caregiving deprivation

Mother's caring nature refers to the warm attention and expression of physical affection to the child. In families that favor sons over daughters or have many children, children are likely to experience caregiving deprivation due to the mother's attitude toward her children and limited energy.

This will cause children to be prone to somatization problems. Because the body is our earliest form of expression. The body expresses itself instinctively when we don’t yet have words to express it.

Therefore, adult somatoform disorders are likely to be related to the emotions caused by caregiving deprivation.

Lily, a girl who grew up in a patriarchal family, always suffered from dizziness after marriage. After examination at multiple hospitals, no abnormalities were detected. Later he was diagnosed with somatoform disorder.

After a long period of psychological counseling, Lily discovered that she had not been taken seriously by her family since she was a child and had often been ignored. In order to get her husband's attention after marriage, she resorted to headaches to get her husband to take more care of her.

2. Emotional deprivation

Emotional deprivation means that someone can understand your inner emotions, identify with your emotional feelings, and respond to them.

The child's hand was scratched by a toy. The child was frightened by the pain and cried for his mother to come to him to comfort him.

An affectionate mother will lean down, comfort her child in a soft voice, and pat her child's back gently to gradually calm down her child's mood.

Mothers who are not sentimental will impatiently scold their children not to be distressed, and even hear their children's calls but are too lazy to show up.

Children who experience sexual deprivation will be mentally damaged, have a low sense of self-worth, and will be very eager to be recognized.

This type of person will be very rational. In love, he will be called "straight man".

Girlfriend: "I have a fever of 39 degrees." I told my boyfriend because I wanted to get care and comfort.

Boyfriend: "So high?! That's awesome!"

Girlfriend: "I want you to comfort me! You idiot!"

Boyfriend: "Drink more hot water. If you don't feel well today, we won't meet each other. I'll go play some games."

It is difficult for children who experience sexual deprivation in their early years to develop good **Emotional power.

3. Protective deprivation.

"Protectiveness" refers to the ability to provide strength and guidance to children and face difficulties with them.

My parents themselves are weak and incompetent people. They are also easily ignored in their own family of origin and have weak self-strength. When children need help from their parents, parents appear helpless.

When their children are bullied at school, these parents tend to let their children hide away, or ask their children: "Why do those people bully you instead of bullying others?"

< p> Or when a child is sexually assaulted or molested and turns to their parents for help, most parents do not believe what their children say, or choose to ignore it.

If your mother is a narcissistic mother, it will also affect your relationship.

First, let’s understand what unhealthy narcissism is.

Unhealthy narcissism refers to a kind of infantile omnipotent narcissism.

Because such people believe that they are worthless, unlovable and unworthy of love deep down, they need the evaluation of others to confirm themselves and are self-centered at the same time. They naturally regard subjective imagination as reality, and externally manifest themselves as thinking that they are omnipotent and pursuing perfection in everything.

The famous saying in the entertainment industry at that time: "I don't want you to feel, I want what I feel", which is a golden saying full of narcissism.

Therefore, it is difficult for narcissistic people to tolerate other people's views and opinions that are different from their own. They will regard this as devaluing and denying themselves.

From a psychoanalytic perspective, this is also their psychological defense mechanism. That is: projecting faults onto others to avoid feeling frustrated.

It seems to be "domineering", but on the inside, I am very afraid that I am not doing well enough.

Just like narcissistic leaders in the workplace, it is easy to formulate the following rules:

When sending a message in the group, subordinates must reply within 10 minutes.

Subordinates must like and forward messages posted in Moments.

Once a subordinate fails to do what is required, the narcissistic boss will find fault. Because the subordinate's disobedience will make the boss very frustrated, and he may vaguely think that he is not popular or has poor social performance, so the subordinate does not buy it.

So what will happen when a child is raised by a narcissistic controlling mother?

The usual method of narcissistic controlling mothers: moral kidnapping, everything I do is for your own good.

Because narcissistic mothers feel that they are worthless deep down, they want to pursue perfection and have high expectations and standards for their children. On the other hand, he constantly belittles his children to prove that he is right.

One of the main reasons why mothers have such cognition and performance is the loss of early maternal love.

From the perspective of infant neurodevelopment, having an unwanted child (unexpected pregnancy, etc.) and lack of emotional connection with the mother (nurturer) will cause the development of mirror neurons in the infant's brain. affected. Mirror neurons are the physiological basis of the ability to understand or feel another person's emotions.

Therefore, narcissistic people cannot communicate well with others and empathize with others. From a systemic family perspective, this is an intergenerational transmission.

The impact of a narcissistic mother on her daughter: Through her mother’s attitude towards herself, the child will feel that she is bad, worthless and unworthy of love. In order to please the mother, the child will develop a false self based on the mother's emotional needs.

What are the consequences of the false self?

When children grow up, they will form the basis of their personality to please others.

She will be very sensitive to the needs of others. Think that only by satisfying others can you feel at ease. This also expresses the fear in childhood: if you can't please your mother, you may be abandoned by your mother.

A mother with a healthy personality will raise children with "real self". Because the mother will respond to the child's desires and needs through understanding, the child does not need to be overly sensitive to the mother's emotions and give up his own needs to cater to the mother and please the mother. In this way the child's true inner self can develop.

Narcissistic mothers will only love their children when their children respond to and meet their own needs.

So this kind of love that a mother gives to her child is a conditional love.

Children who develop a "false self" essentially feel that they are not good enough. Because it takes a lot of effort to gain mother's love. This hard work and feeling of powerlessness will make children feel that they are not good enough. When you grow up, this inner self-evaluation will be projected outward, and you often feel that people around you will think that you are not good enough.

When dealing with others, these people often adopt methods such as trying to please and suppress themselves, appearing to be frightened and fearful of saying or doing the wrong thing.

Having struggled to survive since childhood, the relationship with my mother was naturally very complicated.

In addition to narcissistic mothers, emotionally disturbed mothers can also cause painful experiences for their children.

Because the mother’s emotional confusion and instability will cause the child to be full of fear, anxiety and uncertainty in relationships.

An emotionally stable mother will become a safe haven for her children. Whenever a child needs emotional support, he will fly back to his mother's arms and receive her mother's warm embrace and caring questions.

For example, if a child falls in the play area, he will look for his mother when he gets up. The mother will comfort the child.

However, an emotionally confused mother will sometimes patiently comfort her child and let her child feel the love from her mother; sometimes she will impatiently push her child away, or even scold her child for causing trouble to her.

This will make the child feel very confused, because he does not know when to run to his mother to get love or to be scolded. Emotionally chaotic mothers sometimes provide a safe haven for their children, and sometimes they become a source of danger for their children. Therefore, children will develop disorganized attachment.

Such children are more likely to go astray, especially in adolescence. Because the mother's emotional confusion causes the child to be in a state of alert for a long time, the lack of mother's comfort will make the child become confused and aggressive.

Such children are also vulnerable to rejection from classmates and criticism from teachers in school. If you make friends with bad social youth at this time, your children will easily be led astray.

But in fact, these seemingly aggressive teenagers don't even care about their own lives on the surface. They lack a basic sense of security in their hearts. Their core emotional experience is basically fear and anxiety.

Therefore, when you are with a violent partner, the feeling of being "high-spirited" and making others avoid you is to defend against the fear and anxiety in your heart.

Naturally, at this time, the mother went to "find the child" crying and shouting, trying to stop the child from the cliff, but it was already difficult for the child to look back. To reach this point, parents, school teachers, community workers and psychological counselors need to work together.

The crux of many bad relationships with mothers is formed early in life. And some mothers themselves don't realize it, because mothers are also products of their own families of origin.