Specifically, you can't enter my space without my permission; Similarly, I won't enter your space without your permission. There is a line between you and me.
Only by forming a clear sense of boundaries can you keep your own boundaries and interests and respect those of others. The combination of the two is the foundation of healthy interpersonal relationship.
I am a person who lacks boundaries and can't tell my own boundaries. After listening to this chapter, it is very profitable to know the border consciousness.
The book says that a person who can't distinguish his own boundaries is tantamount to encouraging the other party to violate your boundaries and hurt your interests.
If you have no sense of boundaries, you love to escape and think of others. It hurts your own interests.
If you give in blindly, you won't be respected by others, and you will make others think you are a bully.
I didn't know before, and I don't know why I was always bullied.
It turns out that I can't keep my own boundaries, and it's easy to compromise and give in. Did not hold their own borders.
What is worth pondering is that I lack self and have an evasive character. Escape is because you can't keep your boundaries, so you have no sense of boundaries.
Border consciousness has the following aspects: geographical boundary, physical boundary, psychological boundary and property boundary.
Geographical boundaries: For example, in rural fields, there used to be a wide road in the middle where you could cross the carriage, but every year when everyone plows in different seasons, you take a little and I take a little. Otherwise, you will feel cheated. Slowly, there can only be one bike on this road. This kind of heart will make our relationship tense and difficult to get along with.
Geographical boundaries actually express territorial boundaries, and geographical boundaries are clear. Although it seems far away, the relationship is more harmonious.
Body boundaries: People who can establish body boundaries can make their own decisions.
The body is the temple of the soul, and only one soul can live in each body.
Teacher Wu Zhihong told an example of an old couple, one of whom was quick-thinking, keen-eyed, fond of expressing emotions and very aggressive. The other party is not good at expressing emotions, and is always suppressed by the other party, so it is very depressed, and gradually becomes deaf and blind, unable to hear or see. What she means is that I don't want to listen to you or watch you shout. I'd rather these functions disappear.
Here's a concept, somatization,
Somatization means that when an emotion or emotion cannot be freely expressed through language and behavior, it will be expressed through the body. Somatization may be the most frequently initiated self-defense mechanism.
To keep the boundaries of the body, there is a general principle, that is, to actively express "I do" and "I don't want to" in the relationship.
Psychological boundary: there is a good psychological boundary, that is, your psychological state is yours, others' psychological state is others', and there is a boundary between you. Your perception, imagination and judgment of the other party are yours. Unless you get strong evidence, you can only confirm that it is the other party.
Psychological boundary: Privacy is the simplest psychological boundary.
When a person especially likes to pry into other people's privacy, it shows that he is crossing the psychological boundary of the other person.
Whose feelings are responsible?
If a mature individual feels uncomfortable in a relationship or an event, he can know who is responsible for his feelings.
It is easier to change yourself.
A good psychological boundary allows us to retain our independent strength when we get along with others, and we also have the ability to actively change when bad emotions come.
Property boundary: both family and career will appear. Parents at home say that everything we have is yours, and all the property at home will be yours in the future. What is not said is yours, and what is not said is ours.
A younger brother is a taxi driver. His brother is addicted to gambling. He owed more than 65438+100000, and had no money to pay it back. His brother paid it back for him. Later, he owed another 50 thousand, and his brother sold the car to help him pay his debts.
But my brother's own mortgage is also very stressful, and he can't afford it. He committed suicide by jumping off a building. Little brother, the property boundary here is unclear, yours is mine and mine is yours. Finally I committed suicide.
Whether at home or in the workplace, don't let the other person feel symbiotic with you. Don't let the other person feel that you are one in economic interests.
Dealing with interests is the most difficult and crucial thing in the world. Mature people talk about interests, while naive people talk about feelings.
Attributes must have boundaries. When this is fully respected and guaranteed, talents will have stronger motivation to create more wealth.