Warm Bi Shumin: It took me 30 years to get out of pessimism and inferiority.

It's MINUS 20 degrees, and the wind is very cold. A 17-year-old girl, carrying a 60 kg bag, trudged.

The backpack belt left a deep mark on her shoulder, and she felt that the mark was about to be pulled into the bone.

A cold wind blew and her whole body seemed to fall apart.

Her throat was bitter and salty, and she wanted to shout but couldn't make a sound. She hasn't had a sip of hot water for 12 hours

Cold, hungry and sleepy, she really wants to sit down, but once she sits down, she may never get up again, and she can't stop if she wants to.

She felt that every blood vessel in her body was frozen and solidified, and every inch of her skin was like a dead leaf, as if she were going to become a fossil next moment and lose her vitality forever.

She doesn't want to put up with it for a moment. She put down her hand holding the bag and stepped on a stone. As long as she closed her eyes and jumped down, the pain disappeared.

She closed her lips as if she had made up her mind. Before jumping, she instinctively looked around, and a girl followed her closely behind her. If she jumps, she will definitely fall into this bottomless cliff with this girl.

She stopped and continued to endure the pain.

It happened at 3 pm in the cold winter of 1969. The temperature is MINUS 20 degrees and the average altitude is more than 4500 meters. Known as the "roof of the world", "roof of the world" and "life forbidden zone".

The protagonist of the story is Bi Shumin, a first-class female writer in China who we are familiar with.

It's a good thing she didn't jump, otherwise we wouldn't have seen many famous works, such as Trauma in Kunlun, Blood Exquisite, Red Square, Saving Breast, Female Psychologist and so on.

Today, 50 years later, she still remembers that scene with a lingering fear. She said that at that moment, being a little selfish was what she wanted. And this will be the biggest regret in her life.

After that disaster, Bi Shumin lived quietly on this barren plateau for eleven years.

She stroked these hills over and over again with cold eyes, but never made a sound. She sang a song to express her frustration.

Why is a little girl under 17 so pessimistic and reserved that she can't see the hope of life and will commit suicide?

This stems from her own deep inferiority complex, and the origin of this inferiority complex is precisely the great pain she has to face in this life.

On Ali's Silent Hill, she recalled the moment that made her feel inferior and ashamed countless times.

In the beautiful and passionate melody, Bi Shumin, like other friends, opened his throat, tried to cater to the music and sang loudly.

Suddenly, the female teacher stopped her music and walked up to them. She asked the students to continue singing and looked back and forth at their mouths.

"Bi Shumin, I said there was always a discordant voice in the team, so it was you. You are fired. " The female teacher suddenly stood in front of Bi Shumin and said such a sentence.

Bi Shumin looked around at his classmates, trying to say something, but trying to swallow it back. She packed her bags and left awkwardly.

She was walking aimlessly on the road when a girl came running: "It's a good thing you didn't go far. The music teacher asked me to call you back. "

"Bi Shumin, who let you grow so big? You will continue to stand in this position in the future, but you can only open your mouth and not make a sound. " The cold voice of the music teacher flooded into her eardrum.

From then on, she formed a bad habit and never dared to speak in crowded places, let alone sing.

After 1 1 years of plateau life, she closed her lips and thought quietly.

From the bottom of her heart, she always thinks that she is a person with poor qualifications, and no matter how hard she works, she can't compare with others.

Over the years, she didn't even sing a lullaby to her son, because when she wanted to sing, she remembered the contempt and disgust of the female teacher. It gripped her throat like a whip.

This inferiority complex has always accompanied her, even after she has published many works and gained high popularity, she still feels inferior.

Once, she was invited by the lecture hall to give a lecture, but she quickly refused for various reasons. In fact, what stopped her from moving forward was her inferiority complex: "What if I don't speak well?"? What if I leave a bad impression on the audience? "

Perhaps the teacher is considering the effect of the whole chorus, but she doesn't know how much her contemptuous eyes, irresponsible attitude and actions have hurt a girl's heart and affected her life.

And this also allows Bi Shumin to develop a rigorous and serious personal style.

Because you know, you are kind.

Knowing the inner troubles and struggles of others after being rejected and indifferent, she always shows a kind smile and warms and irons others' hearts with particularly gentle words.

Sixteen-year-old Bi Shumin was silent and stared at Alishan all day.

Above 5 thousand meters above sea level, the extreme geographical environment, ice and snow, and the vast universe have seriously ignored the smallness of people.

Ali's silence often makes her fall into extreme depression in life.

She looked at life and its meaning over and over again in her mind.

When she and the old military doctor carried the body to the mountain and spread it out, the deformed organs were exposed in the wilderness, and the giant eagle hovering overhead swooped down, which also made her shudder. When the giant eagle soared and landed at high speed, it almost accidentally injured her, and death was close at hand.

Since life will die, why try to live?

The severe test of Ali's polar life, the young comrades around him and the death of many lives all made Bi Shumin feel the cruelty and fragility of life. She is at a loss and doesn't know what the meaning of living is.

Pessimism is like a mountain, which keeps pressing her.

Later, Bi Shumin became a writer and went to the hospice to experience the last moment of his life.

Lying on the bed where the body had just been carried away, she remembered the moment when she wanted to die when she was young; Thinking of an 80-year-old man, he said to her before he died, "I don't think I have lived in my life"; When I remembered my old father's departure, I smiled and said, "I am very happy in my life."

But she cannot experience happiness. In her mind, there has always been a sad pessimism.

Even if Bi Shumin later traveled around the world, at that time, her life should be complete.

However, in times of crisis, she will habitually think of the worst. Will I be the prey in the lion's mouth next moment?

She kept this sadness to herself. She is always full of pessimism about herself, but she is willing to give others a chance to live and a hope in this lonely pessimism.

1 1 year's military life, she felt very guilty because her son got rickets, so she applied to quit Ali and went to the mainland to continue to be a doctor.

When the doctor was on duty, she spread out a piece of manuscript paper and merged the bits and pieces of Ali's life into "Kunlun Mourn". With the delicate brushwork of women, she has a strong mind and vision like a man to examine and look at the place where she lived, and she regards it as the foundation of life.

After getting the manuscript, the editor looked at her name again and again with suspicion, not believing that it was written by a woman.

However, when Bi Shumin came to him with her husband, he was sure that the woman in front of him was as strong as she said and worshipped her.

Once published, Trauma of Kunlun Mountain caused a strong sensation, and Bi Shumin seemed to become famous overnight.

However, in fact, she spent eight years writing, and the life scenes in the article are the true portrayal of the most precious twenty years in her life.

In those years in polar Ali, young people always leave early. She has experienced the pain of parting from life and death. She thinks that life is just a meaningless act.

But you read from her words that even in this meaningless place, there are still so many unknown people doing touching and noble things to protect their homes.

At that moment, even in the bleak and meaningless life background, she is still willing to let herself and others feel the beauty of life, because you can give it the meaning of living.

"There are too many joys and sorrows in the real world, but when we face it bravely, we will eventually fall in love with this world and our brave self."

In the following years, she used warm brushstrokes to compile her life experiences into rigorous and calm novels again and again.

She wants to use this deep thinking of torturing life to inspire the public how to live in this world without regrets.

When his father died, he told Bi Shumin that he felt that he had such a daughter and a complete life. He has no regrets and lives happily.

At that moment, Bi Shumin was deeply shocked. She thinks about how people can be happy when they are alive.

Are we eager to finish one task after another, or are we insensitive to continue to act stiffly?

Or do you really feel the gentle skin of the baby who has just bathed again and again?

Or the wonderful feeling of relief when we draw the last full stop in a novel?

So Bi Shumin wrote "Reminding Happiness". She wanted more people to feel the subtle and simple moments in daily life, and to make life very interesting and meaningful at this moment.

After the Wenchuan earthquake, Beichuan invited Bi Shumin to attend a Chinese class. After the disaster, the children said they were the happiest people in the world.

She asked, "Why?"

The children said, "So many people have died and we are still alive. Are we unhappy? " ?

People in all provinces of the country are eagerly concerned about us. Ten days after the disaster, we can begin to continue our studies. Are we not the happiest people in the world? "

At that moment, Bi Shumin felt an unprecedented shock in his heart. She thought she was here to teach children how to face disasters, but the children taught her how to experience happiness.

Happiness is dribs and drabs, be grateful for life, and feel the tenderness and touch of the breeze at every moment.

In an instant, some people are in heaven and some people are in hell. The power of the heart is so mysterious and great.

So she went to study psychology, and she wanted to comfort more people struggling in the soul swamp with more professional and profound theoretical knowledge.

After becoming a psychological counselor, in the consulting cases, Bi Shumin faced all kinds of people who were troubled, hesitant, struggling and tangled. Although he has tried hard enough, there are still many people who can't escape from the psychological cage.

There was once such a case in the history of medicine: a person lived in a grotesque delusion, and he thought he was an fried egg.

He refused to sit down because he was afraid that he would break it and spill the yolk.

This is a typical pessimist.

The doctor tried to soothe his fears with sedatives, but to no avail.

Finally, the doctor advised him to take a piece of bread with him from the perspective of recognizing his delusion. When you sit down, put the bread on the chair so that he won't break it and spill it.

Since then, the patient always has a piece of bread in his hand, but it can help him lead a fairly normal life.

Bi Shumin is willing to use the words in her hand to give such people a piece of spiritual bread to take over the broken yolk in their hearts.

She feels that her life mission should be to build the strongest defense system in people's hearts with the pen in her hand, her own life experience and her own psychological knowledge and theory.

This may be the greatest value and significance of living.

The Female Psychologist was written by Bi Shumin on the basis of this cognition. It was conceived in the most stable and mature period of her life, and it is a philosophical novel about her life experience.

In "Corolla Virus", Bi Shumin wrote that a person facing the world's most powerful virus is not how good his physical fitness is, how advanced his medical equipment is, or how good his medicine is.

It is your strongest confidence and the greatest psychological energy built from your heart that is the strongest enemy against all viruses.

Even though she is pessimistic in her bones, she has always known the darkness of human nature, the unfathomable darkness and the existence of chilling viruses in this world.

But she still firmly believes that even on the most barren soil and the steepest cliff, there is a tenacious life that never gives in and grows upward, just like on the Ali Plateau, there are still large mangroves with roots deeply rooted in the soil.

It is the red forest rooted in the soil that gives Bi Shumin strong faith and perseverance, and she patiently overcomes her deep pessimistic complex.

She often laughs and says, "If you happen to come to my house and see that my house is spotless and as clean as washing, you should know that I have fallen into endless hopeless pain, and I am using this constant housework to alleviate this negative energy."

After a long and severe test in the polar regions, Bi Shumin has the determination to resist the wind, frost and snow of life.

"It's like getting chicken pox and having antibodies to similar diseases. Since then, general depression can't knock me down. "

She is willing to write this book with the determination and methods to overcome depression, and tell more people who are at a low ebb how to face the ups and downs of life with high spirits, bravely walk out of the comfort zone, walk out of the limits of the soul and challenge themselves.

A parent once said, "Mr. Bi, can you teach our children a way to avoid pain?"

Bi Shumin said: "I can tell you firmly that your child is destined to suffer the hardships of life."

"Only how to strengthen one's inner heart, strengthen one's inner strength to face suffering, do not escape, and find ways to face or solve it, can we really get rid of fear and suffering."

Life is to climb constantly, break through many difficulties, be reborn from nirvana, and live to the other side with enthusiasm.

Because everything in life is a scratch except death.

Bi Shumin said: "Happiness is actually a kind of inner peace. We can't decide everything outside, but we can decide our inner state. "

Each of us is a trivial grain in the universe, as small as an ant, but the inner world of each of us is a giant with great power.

Although you know that life is a tragedy, you can still face it with a smile and strengthen your inner strength.

This may be Bi Shumin's life, and her works, tell us the truth of life:

Even if we live in inferiority and pessimism, we have the strength and ability to look up at the stars, so we should go all out to make ourselves happy and beautiful.

. End.

Wen | fish antelope

Edit | Li Rengang

Typesetting | Mao Mao Rain