1. Establish self-awareness

(1) Establish the following beliefs, and often reflect on and remind yourself: In "my" life, "I" is the most important, and there is "I" "Only can I affirm the existence of my life. "I" exist in this world. If there is no "I", there is nothing. Only when there is "I" can there be a boundary between "I" and the boundary between "I" and society.

(2) When speaking, always start with "I", for example:

Would you like to go to the movies? ——Changed to: I want to go to a movie, okay?

This is not right. ——Changed to: I don’t think this is right.

Don’t force me like this. ——Changed to: I don’t want to see you forcing me like this.

(3) Whenever you talk about yourself (for example: introduce yourself: "Hello, I am ***"), use the middle three fingers of any hand to press the center of your chest. position, and pay attention to the feeling of holding that position with your hand.

(4) Always ask yourself four questions in your mind:

Who am I?

Where am I?

What do I want?

What am I doing?

2. Speak to express your feelings

(1) Train yourself to truthfully express your inner feelings. Example: I feel very uncomfortable when I see this scene.

(2) Train yourself to organize your words well before speaking, focusing on accuracy.

(3) Some of the more complicated things are ideas. Write them down on paper and see for yourself whether you understand them. If it is not clear enough, revise and revise again until you can express it clearly in 15-20 words.

(4) To speak clearly, you must first improve your listening skills and listen more with your "heart".

(5) Talk to more friends, especially about your inner feelings.

3. Be with the feeling

(1) Being with the feeling is to be fully connected with your own proprioception.

(2) Do more breathing and relaxation techniques.

(3) People who have neglected this aspect in the past should always ask themselves and be self-aware of the feeling of each part of the body. For example: How does my left leg and knee feel now? How does my stomach feel now? How does my right ear feel now?

4. Rationality and sensibility coexist

(1) We grow up surrounded by rational thinking, so most people are more rational than sensual. Paying equal attention to rationality and sensibility is to effectively connect with one's own emotional feelings.

(2) Paying equal attention to rationality and sensibility can be called the unity of reason and sense, that is, the unity of body and mind.

(3) We think that our rationality can decide many things, such as shopping. In fact, it is our sensibility that makes the decision, and our rationality just finds reasons to support it. Therefore, it is important to be aware of our inner emotional state, because in this way we can upgrade ourselves from the mode of impulsive decision-making to the mode of intelligent decision-making (unity of reason and sense).

(4) When you are free, do the following exercises. You can do this exercise in any situation:

Step 1: I see ***, I hear When I get to ***, I feel *** (proprioception);

The second step: I think *** (the meaning and use of the fact);

The third step: The emotion I have now is ***, or the emotion I am surging out is *** (pay attention to what the emotion was like before? How has it transformed into now?)

5. Multi-line thinking

(1) There is a famous saying in NLP that best explains multi-line thinking: there are always at least three solutions to everything.

(2) Multi-line thinking is a prerequisite for the ability to solve problems, plan for the future and even coordinate the overall situation.

(3) It is not that we lack neural networks with multi-line thinking, but that we have been instilled with too many restrictive beliefs since childhood. That is, there are too many rules and frameworks in neural networks, which makes the original network useless. The road department can be released and exerted, so breaking these regulatory frameworks is the first step to improve multi-line thinking.

(4) In addition to the usual (often ineffective) methods, stopping is also another method.

But there are only two ways to still stay in the predicament. To break the rules and frameworks, you must first learn to challenge them:

If it is possible, where might it be? Who/what

Where can the thing/thing be found?

First think of an incredible or impossible solution, and then ask yourself: What can you do to make it possible: Who/where/how to do it?

(5) The on-site detachment method of NLP is very helpful because it can strengthen our mental state of shifting from "the authorities are obsessed" to "the bystanders are clear".

(6) Do the following exercises: Find a target at random, such as from Guangzhou to Shanghai, and let yourself imagine three different places to reach the destination; another commonly used question or how to not spend money Can I see new books? Think of three different methods. After thinking about it, tell yourself that you are not allowed to use the three methods you just thought of. Think of new methods. Repeat this. Think of three and then three more, at least ten times before you can stop. The process You will be happy because you will begin to appreciate your own wild ideas, and you will have stimulated your own neural network for humor, problem-solving, and creativity.

6. See yourself from the perspective of others

(1) The root cause of the lack of this ability is the lack of self-awareness. This seems very contradictory. Since you don’t see yourself from the perspective of yourself, you must see yourself from the perspective of others. Why is there still such a lack? Looking at yourself from the perspective of others is like using a mirror to reflect yourself. But when you are not around, you cannot see the mirror, and of course you cannot see yourself in the mirror. (A person who extremely denies himself cannot even look into the eyes of others.) Therefore, the prerequisite for cultivating the ability to see oneself from the abilities of others is to cultivate self-awareness.

(2) You can do the following exercises. Press the center of your chest, look at your own eyes in the mirror, and then say to yourself in the mirror: "I see you, and I can also See myself from your perspective.”

(3) The on-site detachment method of NLP is a very important exercise to improve the ability to see oneself from the perspective of others.

(4) See yourself from different “others”, which is the use of multi-thinking thinking skills. In this way, we can be more tolerant of ourselves, and at the same time, we can be more tolerant of others and give others space. Therefore, our relationships will be better.

7. The ability to solve difficulties

(1) The ability to solve difficulties requires the previous 1-6 items as the basis. In addition to the above 6 points, it also requires a certain psychological quality.

(2) Confidence (perceptual ability), analysis (rational ability).

(3) You can use the following methods to train yourself and improve your ability to solve difficulties: First, imagine a person falling into a difficult situation, and then, imagine that you are that person. In that situation, use the following Conscious thinking, try to come up with a solution.

5W1H: why/when

What/who/where

How how). Use 5w1H to analyze and filter information.

NLP level of understanding (6 levels): system/identity/belief value/ability/behavior/environment. Analyzing problems using levels of understanding allows us to clearly see both the surface and the inside of the problem as well as its various levels.

8. The ability to face and handle conflicts

(1) The correct psychological model is as follows: know yourself - accept yourself - love yourself - be aware of your boundaries - Defending self-boundaries - Dealing with challenges (conflicts) to self-boundaries.

(2) Each of us has the right and responsibility to defend our own boundaries.

(3) Defending self-boundaries is an expression of loving yourself; at the same time, loving yourself means not letting yourself get hurt. Therefore, you cannot use defending self-boundaries as an excuse to put yourself at risk of getting hurt.

(4) That is to say, be firm and at the same time defend your boundaries gently, calmly and wisely. If the environment does not allow this, or if others are unwilling to respect your boundaries, you should leave the environment and these people.

(5) Therefore, before deciding to join an environment or decide to associate with certain people, you must first consider the above factors.

9. The correct attitude towards failure

(1) Learning any technology, mastering any skill and improving ability in any aspect requires a person who goes from "ignorance" to "familiarity" process. Each step of this process can be described with the labels of "failure" and "frustration", or they can be seen as each step towards "success" and "familiarity".

(2) Everyone will grow and become more mature after a failure or setback. When he can use what he learned from it in his next attempt, he will be more successful. Therefore, failure and setbacks are experiences that allow people to grow, mature, and succeed.

(3) If failure does occur, we can only accept it and have no other choice. And the possibility of it appearing in the process will give us tension, anxiety and a sense of powerlessness. When we understand the above two points, we can remind ourselves of this possibility so that we can make better preparations as much as possible. Because the better you prepare, the less likely it is that failure will occur. In this way, all failures and setbacks have become positive, positive, and helpful things in my life.

(4) What really makes people resist failure and setbacks is not the thing itself, but our inherent denial of ourselves and lack of qualifications.

10. The correct attitude and ability to face separation

Separation includes some unavoidable situations in life:

(1) Death of a person, loss of relationships The end, the separation in real life, and even the completion of a stage.

(2) There must be gatherings, separations, separations, and unions in anyone's life. Since it is an inevitable situation in life, everyone must learn effective ways to face and deal with it. Many people only focus on the miserable and helpless emotions caused by this, and ignore the true meaning of these life facts. They are even completely helpless and will harm their own growth, even health, and even future achievements.

(3) Things in the world are full of gatherings and separations. Many people focus on being unwilling to accept the emergence of "separation". This is a wrong attitude. The correct attitude is to focus on the value and growth we can get while "still together". In fact, the unwillingness to "separate" is because we didn't get enough and what we should have during the time we were together.

(4) No matter it is a person, thing or thing, the only meaning when we are together is to help each other grow. When this meaning is completed, it is the time of "separation". Everything that happens and everyone appears in life is to allow yourself to grow. With a grateful and grateful attitude, accept everything you get, and at the same time do everything you can in the process to go Help each other grow. In this way, there is a sufficient balance between giving and taking. We gather when we should gather and divide when we should divide. This is the correct attitude.

(5) On the surface, many people think that the grief caused by separation cannot be let go. The real reason is as mentioned above, there is no balance between giving and receiving. However, the true meaning of grief is to be grateful for what we receive when we get together, and at the same time Cherish the other relationships you still have even more.

11. The correct attitude towards money

(1) Some people value money, and end up being slaves to money throughout their lives; some people despise money, and end up being trapped by money throughout their lives.

(2) In families with superior economic conditions, children have no awareness of money income at all, and at most they only have the awareness of spending money. In families that dote on their children, money comes too easily, and children often do not even develop a correct attitude toward spending money.

(3) Money is a very important thing in life, but it cannot be the master of life and turn oneself into its slave.

(4) Only those who have a full understanding of money, correct values ????and the ability to effectively manage it can become its master. This value and ability must be established in children when they are very young.

(5) The more we need well-managed people and things, the more we need to learn to respect them.

(6) How do we train children to have a correct attitude towards money?

Let him learn how to use money from an early age;

When he is older, let him have his own money and learn to manage his own money at the same time;

When it comes In the teenage stage, it is even more important to teach children to begin to develop awareness and thinking patterns on how to make money;

In the youth stage, a correct "identity positioning" between me and money must be established.

(7) People who have reached the stage of adulthood will understand that they need at least three kinds of money:

First, their daily necessities (food, clothing, housing and transportation);

< p> Second, save money for value-added investment;

Third, spend money for fun and enjoyment of life.

These three kinds of money are the minimum. When you have sufficient ability, you need to add a fourth kind of money - "money for doing meaningful things." For example, helping others, donating money for disaster relief, social welfare, etc.

(8) In marriage, in addition to the above four types of money, there should also be your own money, your partner's money, and even "our" money.

12. A grateful attitude

(1) "Grace" is something you get without the right to get it. We get many things every day that we unconsciously take for granted, such as: a greeting from someone, a smile from a colleague, a recognition from a friend, or even buying a beloved little gift by accident, or eating a bowl of delicious food. noodle soup, buying a long-awaited handbag at half price, etc. Money can indeed buy many things, but whether we buy them with money or not, we should be grateful because they make our life so beautiful. Imagine you are in a certain country in Africa today, or somewhere in Bangladesh, India, Indonesia, etc. There are many things that you can enjoy every day and take for granted, but in these countries, even if you have money, you may not be able to buy them. Maybe you will understand why we need to be grateful.

(2) Maybe your parents are not as perfect as you hoped, but when you think about some people who have never seen their parents, you will have a grateful heart.

(3) Happiness does not come from what you have, but from your attitude of gratitude for what you have.

(4) So whenever you feel lost, painful, or wronged, try to count your happiness.

13. Observation and correct judgment of things

(1) The existence of things itself is meaningless. Only when you see and hear them can you connect with them. It will make sense, because in our lives, we need to choose what is useful to us, including the judgment that can bring the best results. So "observation" is found in the information we see and hear.

(2) The fundamental orientations of observation are:

What is it/what is it not?

What should/shouldn’t be done?

What’s good/what’s bad about it?

What might/won’t happen?

(3) To overcome the limitations of single-line thinking developed during our growth, we need to ensure that we see at least three possibilities in our observations, which is room for change and flexibility.

(4) No matter what judgment you make, when you insist on the possibility of seeing something wrong, you are also insisting on "not seeing the possibility of being more correct and effective." This ensures that we can continue to learn and improve.

14. Understand your own learning mode (including learning interests)

(1) Things outside pass through our eyes, ears and other senses, and then are transmitted to the brain. How does the brain process it? What about this information? NLP has very sufficient research in this area.

(2) People with visual, auditory and sensory learning styles are different. Simply put, people with inner vision can handle many details; people with inner hearing have special trust in the learning of logic, rules and details. , when it comes to learning words, inner hearing is the best; people with inner senses always have a great feeling for what they want to learn, but their learning speed will be slower and they are unwilling to talk too much. Very few people only have one kind of inner hearing. Most of the sensory types are a mixture of 2-3 types.

(3) In addition to the inner senses, you need to pay attention to:

Is your motivation for learning "avoiding pain" or "pursuing happiness"?

In the learning process, do you focus on visual mastery or overall understanding?

Is your learning pattern "chain type" (section by section) or "rope type" (continuous)? Your memory mode determines your learning effect. How do you remember what you have learned?

(4) Which of the following value dynamics do you feel particularly strongly about:

Novel, rare, different

Responsible, difficult

< p> Challenge and competition

Promote yourself (make yourself better than others)

Be able to help others

Get recognition, praise, appreciation and admiration from others

Can reach a higher spiritual level

Use knowledge to make life easier and more satisfying

Can increase my future wealth

Happy, funny, humorous

15. The correct attitude to effectively live in the system

(1) Many things have happened in domestic society this year, making it increasingly difficult for many people to live a relaxed life. From whether to support the elderly when they fall, to drivers who are rude and unruly, to the daily conflicts and disputes in society. When we complain that we don't get the respect we deserve, it's possible that we don't give others the respect they deserve in another matter.

(2) In Japanese first-grade elementary school textbooks, children are taught on the first day not to cause trouble to others and not to make themselves a burden to others.

(3) Japanese society is very orderly. Crossing the road and obeying traffic rules have always been talked about by everyone. This has a lot to do with the training they have received.

(4) Excuses such as "If you don't take it, you won't get it for nothing", "No one knows anyway", "It's okay if you don't know for sure", "Everyone is like this", etc., prove that we have not learned. To develop the correct attitude to effectively deal with life.

(5) Will what I do:

reduce the rights of others;

violate the boundaries of others;

Let us lose the respect and acceptance of others.

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