Primitive family
Family of origin refers to the family that you grew up in childhood, which is relative to the newborn family formed after adulthood, that is, the family where you live with your parents, siblings, grandparents, stepfathers and stepmother. Relatives in consanguineous families and their relationships have a profound influence on everyone's growth.
When we were young, our most direct learning and imitation objects were the caregivers around us. The content of learning is not only how to communicate with people, how to get along with husband and wife, but more importantly, our values and beliefs are often inseparable from family background.
Know yourself.
Socrates once famously said, "Know yourself". One day, you will find that knowing ourselves is an important direction that we have been working hard all our lives. People's understanding of self will directly affect their perception of happiness, while family background will profoundly affect our view of self.
If a person can feel unconditional love in the family environment, then his self-esteem level is often higher and his sense of security is more adequate. In the process of growing up, people who lack love and security are often more likely to know themselves. The fragile ego is also the root of modern people's "lack of love" and "insecurity".
Many times, it is impossible to live in a happy family environment full of love. Most of us may have encountered some big or small family background problems.
Some typical family background problems.
Typical family problems include growing up in a family environment where parents are emotionally unstable and full of quarrels; Often rejected by family members and emotionally ignored; Parents divorced, resulting in the loss of one of the roles; Having experienced traumatic experiences such as domestic violence or abuse; Often beaten and laughed at by relatives.
We can't choose our origins, but is the trauma caused by our origins really irreparable? Can you only be a scar in your life? On the surface, blaming all the emotional and psychological problems on the family background seems to give you an excuse not to change.
However, life is our own, and we can't be trapped in the cage of our family forever. A person should have certain responsibilities when he grows up to eighteen. It is more important to think about how to get happiness and make behavioral changes in the next life than to dwell on the dark past.
Cognitive behavioral therapy
In the process of psychological counseling for children's trauma, psychological counselors often use cognitive therapy. Cognitive behavioral therapy believes that people's emotions come from people's beliefs, evaluations, explanations or philosophical views on things they encounter, not from the things themselves. As A·T· Baker, the main representative of cognitive therapy, said, "Disordered behaviors and emotions all originate from disordered cognition".
Then, if we can constantly change our thinking mode and modify our behavior, maybe we will have some brand-new understanding of life and ourselves. This is a process of reconciliation with ourselves, which requires our persistence and efforts. If you want to change, you can try the following methods.
1, shake hands with your childhood experience and solve the problems that bother you.
2. Try to communicate with your family and pour out your feelings with your parents in a more rational way.
3. Change the way you used to get along with your parents.
4. Improve our ability to deal with intimate relationships, manage our new family well, and regain love and security in the new family.