The experimenter gave a 94-year-old child a marshmallow and told them that if they didn't eat it, they would get two marshmallows in fifteen minutes. This is actually testing the child's ability to delay pleasure.

The so-called pleasure of delay is whether you are willing to give up your immediate enjoyment and choose to pay after knowing that you will pay now and gain more in the future.

Michelle has spent 30 years tracking these 90 children, which proves that children who can resist the temptation of cotton candy when they are young will achieve more in society when they grow up than those who can't resist the temptation of cotton candy. In fact, the distance between people has been widening since childhood.

We also have an old saying in China that "three years old is seven years old". According to Michelle's logic, there is a certain basis in a sense, because his experiments have proved that a person's childhood personality has decided his future destiny.

However, in 2002, Taylor Watt, Greg Duncan and Quan Haonan of new york University did this experiment again and introduced more variables. Such as religion, race, parents' education level, family background, children's memory and expression ability. After re-experiment, the conclusion of "cotton candy experiment" was subverted.

The new conclusion is that whether a child can resist the temptation of marshmallows has nothing to do with his future success, but is directly related to the family environment in which they grew up.

In the new experiment, it is difficult for children with poor family environment to resist the temptation of marshmallows, because in the process of growing up, the lack of stability and satisfaction makes them more concerned about the current satisfaction.

Long-term lack and dissatisfaction make these children more eager to enjoy marshmallows.

Those rich children are very calm, and they believe there will be a second marshmallow.

It can be seen that what really enables children to achieve self-control is the sense of stability and inner satisfaction that the family has passed on to them.

Many viewers in the variety show "Where is Dad?" are surrounded by Jordan chan's son Jasper, who is polite and sensible. Many viewers can't help feeling after reading it: Why don't I have a warm son like Jasper?

However, they all ignore that children are born with a blank sheet of paper. With the growth of age, their advantages and disadvantages are increasing day by day. These strengths and weaknesses all come from family education.

Cherrie Ying is full of patience and wisdom in Jasper's education. In one project, Cherrie Ying and Jasper were assigned to cut pig grass and feed it to pigs. Everyone is working hard, but Jasper stands still to show resistance: I haven't played, and I'm a little hungry.

At this time, Cherrie Ying neither obeyed the children to eat nor scolded them for their wrong attitude. She grabbed a handful of pig grass and said to Jasper lovingly and patiently, "Come on, let's try it, shall we?" ? You are hungry, aren't you? Then finish eating quickly. Let's eat quickly. "

Jasper didn't respond, and Cherrie Ying didn't give up. While working, I persuaded, "Hey, what are you doing? Sir? This is what you have to do. Sometimes, if you have to do something, we will finish it. After that, we can feed it to the pigs, ok? "

After being rejected again, Cherrie Ying was patient and deliberately exaggerated with gestures: "How did the boys pull it out? In this way, rua, Rua ... "

As a result, jasper, who was still flat-mouthed, couldn't help laughing and suddenly entered the state. After pulling it out, he happily carried a small basket full of pig grass.

This is a small thing in life, but it is from such a small thing, from Cherrie Ying's persuasive patience, that he taught Jasper a truth: I know you don't want to do it, but we should finish what we should do.

Cherrie Ying integrated education into the details of life and taught Jasper what responsibility is with love and patience. Under such a background of family education, it is not difficult to understand why Jasper can be loved by everyone.

As the saying goes, parents are children's first teachers. Children are with their parents from birth, and their psychological thinking, learning attitude and behavior are all influenced by their families. How parents educate their children and what kind of people they will cultivate.

I once saw an interesting classic hypothesis about education: If you have a three-year-old child, one day you will see him secretly taking a toy from another child home. How would you educate him? There are two possible situations:

One: You tell him, "What you did is wrong. This is stealing. Give it back to me immediately. "

The second type: You ask him, "Baby, do you think your child will be sad if you take his toy?" A child may answer, "I don't know."

You continue to ask, "Will you be sad if other children take away your favorite toys?" "

The child may answer, "Yes."

"Do you think your child will be as sad as you if you take his toy?" You keep guiding.

"Maybe! Then give it back to him! " The child reached out and handed you the toy.

What's the difference between these two ways of educating children? What's the difference between educated children?

Maybe your answer may not be exactly the same as mine, but that's what it means.

The first kind of education only teaches children to do "right" things; The second kind of education teaches children to love others and themselves.

The difference between the two kinds of children when they grow up is that the first kind of children will be a good person when they grow up, but not necessarily have love. The second kind of child grows up in love, and it is difficult for him to be a bad person. Because the standard of bad guys and good guys is actually whether they will hurt others, that is, whether there is love in their hearts.

Family is our first teacher and the most critical teacher. They teach us how to think, how to know ourselves and what to expect from others.

Mr. Lao She once fondly recalled his mother and said, "From private school to primary school and then to middle school, I have experienced at least 100 teachers!" Some have a great influence on me, some have no influence at all, but my real teacher, the teacher who inherits my character, is my mother. She can't read, and she gave me an education in life. "

Family education is the beginning of cultivating children's good behavior. It is a process of shaping children's character to edify children bit by bit in family education. What kind of parents will educate what kind of children.

There is a famous "Rosenthal effect" in psychology: what a child is often regarded, often described and often treated will become a reality in the near future.

The atmosphere of family background, traditional habits and communication among members will all affect a person's world outlook, outlook on life and values, and will also determine a person's thinking logic and attitude towards life to a great extent.

A child who has lived in love and warmth since childhood must be a loving person when he grows up, and he will be full of trust and attachment to his family.

So what should parents do when they take action?

0 1, pay attention to children's psychological education

The internationally renowned psychologist Dennis vividly compares the growth of a child to the growth of a tree: psychology is like the root of a tree, although it is invisible, it is very important. The invisible part is related to the height and strength of a tree and the survival and development of a person.

Many parents' ideas are still stuck in creating good material living conditions for their children, and making children worry about food and clothing is the best education. In fact, children are eager to be respected, trusted and understood, and their mental health can not be ignored.

Ji Bolun said: Your child is not your child. They are children born of life's desire for themselves. They came into this world with your help, not because of you. They are by your side, but they don't belong to you. What you can give them is your love, not your thoughts.

03. Parents and children grow up together.

Tolstoy, a famous Russian writer, once pointed out that the core of educating children lies in their own educational guidance, and self-education is the most important way to influence children.

Lenin's wife Krupskaya also said: "Family education is the self-education of parents."

The core of family education is to improve parents' own quality. When parents' own quality is improved to a certain extent, it will inevitably produce a good tutor atmosphere, so that children can bathe and moisten like sunshine and rain, thus thriving.