The same is true in social activities. You should take the initiative to find a topic. If it's the first time you meet, taking the initiative to find a topic can eliminate the strangeness between you and him. It can make people think that you are positive, generous, friendly and kind. The other person may feel kind because of your simple greeting, thus deepening the intimacy between them. There are a lot of people who rarely contact with the opposite sex. When talking to the opposite sex, they are always worried that they are not good at words and are afraid of being left out, so they simply keep silent. In fact, this kind of worry is completely unnecessary. Let the other person feel your friendliness and talk to him actively and enthusiastically, because sincere language can melt the doubts in the other person's heart, open the other person's heart, and thus draw closer to each other's feelings.
At the same time, talking with the opposite sex actively and enthusiastically will make the other party feel friendly and cordial. If we can find the common ground in the conversation, we can eliminate the tension caused by strangeness and make both sides feel friendly. Therefore, we must be enthusiastic and positive in the process of talking with the opposite sex.
Remembering the things mentioned by the other party can also make people feel kind and cordial. Everyone expects to be understood and cared for by others. When you show concern for others, you should remember what the other person said, and then choose an opportunity to easily point out: "Before, you said …" Especially when you tell the other person your interest or hobby, the other person will be delighted by your concern for him, and immediately put down his guard, thus narrowing the distance between them.
As long as you care about others with a friendly heart and treat everyone and everything in your life with a friendly attitude, your life will be full of flowers and joy.
If both men and women are honest and introverted, they will easily feel uneasy when they meet the opposite sex, especially women. At this time, the man should be generous and take the initiative to show respect for each other. He should not look down on each other because he is shy and taciturn. Introduce yourself appropriately, such as age, culture, work, temper, hobbies, family status, and yearning for the future. You can also talk about things you are familiar with or have similar interests to show your respect for each other. But for the confession of feelings, it can be euphemistic and tortuous, leaving room for manoeuvre. But it is worth mentioning that in conversation, we must pay attention to the understanding and acceptance of the other party, let the other party understand what you mean, and don't say anything that the woman doesn't understand, can't accept, or even embarrass her.
If you like each other as soon as you meet, you can say bluntly, "I feel very happy to know you today, and you?" If the person you like thinks it needs further understanding and consideration, you can say, "I hope our conversation can continue in the future." Are you serious? " If you are not satisfied with each other, you can politely say, "Let's think about it!" " Or: "I will ask my parents for advice", try to avoid expressing dissatisfaction and maintain the etiquette of communication and mutual respect.
[1] 3 1.
Due to gender differences, there are both instinctive attraction and social vigilance between men and women, and language communication is too harmonious, which may cause emotional fluctuations. You know, if the feelings of the same sex are too close, it may not have much impact on your life, nor will it produce too much right and wrong in society, while the feelings of the opposite sex are too close, it may produce a series of corresponding problems. Because the emotional development between the opposite sex has a special trajectory, that is, emotion → love → marriage → family, which is a psychological and emotional trajectory that same sex does not have. Therefore, the conversation between the opposite sex should pay attention to discretion. There are two ways to discuss the discretion of speaking with the opposite sex.
1. heterosexual conversation for social purposes
The best way to talk to the opposite sex for social purposes is to ignore gender. Only by ignoring gender can we be natural and harmonious, honest and sincere, and can we eliminate the tension between us. According to Freud's point of view, when we communicate with the opposite sex, it is often the concept of "sex" hidden in our hearts that affects and influences the normal communication and conversation of the other party. As long as you put aside "sex" and don't have too many thoughts, your conversation will become frank and relaxed. Of course, ignoring gender doesn't mean that you can be informal, sloppy, pay no attention to your sitting, standing and walking, and vent, complain and talk casually. Too vulgar things, not to mention the conversation between the opposite sex, are not welcome between the same sex. You know, elegant speech can reflect personal knowledge, insight and personal accomplishment, which everyone appreciates.
2. heterosexual dialogue for the purpose of pursuing sex
The opposite sex conversation for the purpose of pursuing sex should adhere to the principle of step by step. Because the relationship with the opposite sex needs a development process, there is a problem of discretion in every sentence said in this development process.
In the initial stage, they usually have nothing to say and seek language communication. They always talk about unimportant things, usually things that both of them care about, such as chatting, talking about the city, talking about work. At this stage, the two conversationalists defend each other and test each other, rarely revealing their true feelings. But because ears replace eyes, talking about small things can also make both sides receive a series of new information. The intonation, speech speed, dialect, wording and thinking of both sides can all lead to the development of bilateral relations. This kind of irrelevant conversation is a test of the attraction of both sides, because this kind of small talk is not easy to touch the depths of the soul, which may make one party unwilling to continue to develop the relationship: perhaps the visual signal in the previous paragraph is still attractive, but now the new information shows the opposite situation, so the pursuit of the opposite sex conversation always has a tentative process. Temptation is a measure, but the most difficult thing to do is how to break the "enough" of love.
You know, it is not a very casual thing to use language communication to pierce the "enough" of love. Because of shyness or fear that the other party will not accept it, it may cause some embarrassment or disadvantage, and even lead to misunderstanding, trouble and trouble, which is very likely. Therefore, when you use language communication to pierce the "enough paper" of love, you must pay attention to your speaking skills.
Measure 1: A tentative relationship made out of nothing
In individual contact, under the guise of others, say your intention to establish a relationship with each other, such as:
"A few days ago, someone saw us together and said we were in love! I don't know if I deserve to fall in love with you, but I dare not admit it, so I remembered to ask you today: What am I in your mind? "
Measure 2: Take the opportunity to ask questions to show your attitude.
At banquets or other entertainment occasions attended by many people, I take the opportunity to show myself, which will arouse the goodwill of the other party to a certain extent, and then quietly attach it to the other party's ear when the other party is happy, just like telling the other party a secret, telling a question that the other party can't refuse. For example:
"I want to ask you a question: Can I pursue you?" Or "am I entitled to your love?"
Measure 3: Use the scenery to capture each other's fate.
If, when you have the opportunity to get along alone, you see a lover who is very much in love in the distance, you can express your feelings through the scenery, such as:
"Look, this couple, how enviable! I wonder if we can have such a fate? "
Measure 4: Speak with your eyes and let the other person feel your love.
If you can inject your favorite mood into your eyes, express your feelings with your eyes: first, try to show "worry". When she (he) is late, slightly injured or scolded by the boss, look at each other with "Are you okay" eyes. Moreover, when she (he) talks to other people, she (he) tries to look at her (he) with a little jealous eyes of "Hum, why are you so close". When you can freely express your feelings with your eyes, your facial expressions will be enriched and radiant.
When the "enough" of love is punctured, the emotional trajectory is clear. After that, the two people can talk about everything with the development of their feelings.
In the early days of love, with the continuous warming of feelings between men and women, the distance between hearts is getting closer and closer, and the passion for love is getting higher and higher. At this time, men have a lot to say to women, but they don't know how to say it, so they have to look for opportunities to break through from women's expressions. Women are even different. They know they have a lot to say to their sweetheart, but they just don't want to talk. All they have to say is "stored" in their eyes. So some people say that women's eyes can "talk" more than their mouths. Women's eyes, expressions and gestures can make up for the lack of language. Therefore, women are better at using atmosphere and expressions than men, which is why women are very lovely in men's eyes. For example, a couple walks to a remote place. The man said, "May I kiss you?" The woman said, "You can't do this." As she spoke, she looked away and thought to herself, I wish he were more active. If she looks the other person in the eye and says, "You can't do this." Obviously, what she meant was a lesson gesture. If the man wants anything more, she will definitely turn around and leave. If she says "no", he looks down with a straight face, which means: absolutely not.
If in an instant, she looks into a man's eyes, lowers her head and touches her fingers unconsciously, it means: no, but it's hard to refuse. Or she said "no", looked at him while talking, and then closed her eyes shyly, which might mean: yes, you can kiss!
Try it if you don't believe me.
In the same sentence, you should express your inner meaning in an appropriate way, so as to achieve a harmonious atmosphere.
People think frankness is their virtue. Frank is "a natural form that is completely unadorned." On some occasions, confession may not do any harm, but in love conversations, too frank conversations often fail to achieve satisfactory results. For example, a conversation between two people at dinner.
"Add some hot sauce, will you?"
. I don't like hot sauce, but I don't like the spicy taste. "
"What do you say?"
"Nothing, I like something light."
If you change the conversation between the above two people into the following way, you will get another effect.
"Add some hot sauce, will you?"
"Thank you. Can I have no hot sauce? "
"Of course. Don't you like spicy food? "
"I haven't tasted its beauty yet."
"So, what do you want to add?"
"There is no need to add. I like something light. "
Talking in a relaxed atmosphere can naturally create a pleasant atmosphere. Although it is the same meaning, if the tone is too blunt, the gap in feeling will be far apart. But if you express your heart in an appropriate way, coupled with the clever cooperation of your eyes, the effect of expressing your feelings will be better.
[1] 32. Speak with wisdom.
In the process of love between men and women, if all the beautiful women are in love with each other, but they don't know each other's attitude towards themselves, in this case, the only way for both men and women to understand each other's attitude towards themselves is to understand each other's attitude towards themselves in a wise language during the conversation with each other, so as to achieve the purpose of mutual communication.
There are several communication skills, so both men and women should choose different communication skills according to their emotional situation.
1. Communication skills from friendship to lovers
As lovers develop from friendship, it is difficult to know where their first conversation began. The two young people went through a long process of friendship. With the growth of age and feelings, friendship made a "leap" and love appeared. We regard the young man's talk of expressing love to his or her lover as the first conversation with his or her lover.
The love between Marx and Yan Ni is well known. As a beautiful legend, it is widely circulated all over the world.
Marx and Yan Ni were childhood friends. He made love to Jenny von westphalen and proposed.
"I have fallen in love with someone and decided to propose to her."
At this time, Yan Ni, who had always loved Marx deeply, was very sad and asked him, "Can you tell me who your lover is?"
"yes." Marx answered, while handing a small box to Yan Ni, and then said:
"Inside, I'm leaving. You'll know when you open it."
After Marx left, Yan Ni carefully opened the small box with anxiety, which contained only a mirror and nothing else. Yan Ni's beautiful face was reflected in the mirror, and Yan Ni suddenly realized and smiled happily. What Marx loves and pursues is herself.
2. Communication skills with lovers who fell in love at first sight.
In the poetic novel yevgeni onegin, the masterpiece of the great Russian poet Pushkin, the heroine tatyana is a simple, enthusiastic, imaginative and nature-loving girl. She fell in love with the hero onegin immediately after seeing him, and boldly wrote to him and said:
This is providence: I am yours;
My whole life is guaranteed.
I will definitely meet you;
I know you were sent by God,
You are the protector of my life. ...
You appeared in my dream,
Although I can't see you, you are already my lover.
Your strange eyes bother me,
Your voice is in my heart,
Has responded ... no, this is not a dream!
I knew as soon as you came in.
Completely confused, blushing,
I said to myself: this is him!
It is true that tatyana saw onegin. You had me at hello. "But what we mean by' love at first sight' here is that it is produced by both sides' intuitive senses and determined by each other's image, manner, speech and other impressions, so that the' love' between men and women is often love at first sight.
At a dance in Paris on 1920, Captain De Gaulle invited Miss Wang Duluo and said, "I am honored to know you, Miss, which makes me very honored. This is an inexplicable honor ... "And Wang Duluo said," Captain, I don't know what is better than your words, and what is better than this moment ... "They danced.
Everyone is eager to have feelings that depend on each other, agree with each other, and can't be alone. However, heartlessness and deep feelings depend on everyone's nature. And naturally, the key lies in your mouth, whether your mouth will fall in love, because everyone's love is said with their mouths. There is no doubt that the first love talk is the key to the success of love.
There is a dialogue between Fu Jiajie and Lu Wenting in the movie "Man to Middle Age":
"Do you like poetry?" Fu Jiajie asked Lu Wenting.
"Me? I don't know poetry, and I seldom read poetry. " Lu Wenting said sarcastically, "Our eye surgery is very strict and we can't have any illusions."
. No, your work is the most beautiful poem. Fu Jiajie interrupted her and said eagerly, "You have made thousands of Qian Qian people see the light again. "
At first, Fu Jiajie asked the girl about "poetry", but she didn't expect to expose her shortcomings.
When girls see that the communication meeting is blocked, they refute each other in an ironic tone. Fu Jiajie immediately put aside the topic of not knowing poetry, praised his works, communicated their feelings and won the girl's favor.
As the saying goes, "a woman's heart is a cloud in the sky." Indeed, women's hearts are changing rapidly and unpredictable, which makes most male suitors unable to start, miss the opportunity, or give up halfway and fall short. As a man in love, he should know more about women's psychology and grasp women's hearts with superb conversation skills. Only in this way can he pick attractive flowers of love.
A gentleman is someone who knows a lot about women's psychology. Every time he persuades a woman, he always says:
"Are you going home or going to have a midnight snack?" He will never say, "Are you going to have a midnight snack or go home?"
When a woman hears "Are you going home?" There will be a sense of security and a slight sense of disappointment, because she will subconsciously expect other proposals from the other party. At this time, add another sentence, "Are you still going to eat midnight snack?" In an instant, the feeling of disappointment disappeared.
This gentleman really understands the psychology of women. If the first sentence. Are you going to have supper? "She will alert and then said," still go home? "If the other party keeps silent, it means going home. Most women are embarrassed to say: I want to eat midnight snack. "
According to the investigation and analysis of psychologists and sociologists, young men are generally more active in courtship, while women love "marathon".
Men are more likely to fall in love at first sight than women, and women's self-esteem and alertness are also stronger than men.
Women have more "stereotypes" about people they know than men. Their love is generally deep and stubborn.
In terms of emotional characteristics, women are more reserved, often showing Chen Jiao and self-esteem, but too shy and stubborn, while men are exposed and enthusiastic, but their self-control is slightly insufficient.
Russian writer Chekhov has a famous saying: "A girl of 18 years old wants everything from you, but she won't give you anything;" A 30-year-old girl will give you anything, but as long as you are sincere. "
With the change of time and environment, people's psychology and emotions will change accordingly. Men should adopt different ways of talking according to women of different ages.