American psychologists believe that emotional intelligence includes the following aspects: first, understanding one's own emotions. Because only by knowing yourself can you become the master of your life. The second is to properly manage your emotions. That is, you can regulate yourself; Third, self-motivation can help people get out of the low tide of life and start over. The fourth is to recognize the emotions of others. This is the basis for normal communication and smooth communication with others; The fifth is the management of interpersonal relationships. Namely, leadership and management ability.
The level of EQ can not be accurately expressed by test scores like the level of intelligence, but can only be judged according to the comprehensive performance of individuals. Psychologists also believe that people with high emotional intelligence have the following characteristics: strong social skills, outgoing happiness, not easy to fall into fear or sadness, more devotion to their careers, honesty and compassion, rich emotional life without crossing the line, and peace of mind when they are alone or with many people. Experts also believe that whether a person has high emotional intelligence is closely related to the education and training he received as a child. Therefore, the cultivation of emotional intelligence should start from an early age.
Emotional intelligence is often decisive.
Emotional intelligence is a kind of ability, a kind of creation and a kind of skill. Since it is a skill, there are rules to follow, and you can master it. Practice makes perfect. As long as we have more courage, more wit, more training and more emotional input, we will also create a relaxed environment conducive to our survival, establish a social circle of our own and create a space for giving full play to our talents, just like "EQ experts".
Besides IQ and EQ, it can also include: moral quotient MQ (moral quotient), adversity quotient AQ (superiority quotient), mental quotient MQ (psychological quotient), daring quotient DQ (daring quotient), financial quotient FQ (financial quotient), ambition quotient WQ (will quotient), spiritual quotient SQ (spiritual quotient) and health quotient HQ (health quotient).
The difference between IQ and EQ
Intelligence quotient (IQ) is a tool to express intelligence level, and it is also a common method to measure intelligence level. The IQ level reflects the intelligence level. Emotional quotient (EQ) is the ability to express one's emotions. The level of EQ reflects the difference of emotional quality. Emotional intelligence plays a more important role in people's success than IQ. IQ and EQ are both important psychological qualities of people and an important foundation for career success. The relationship between them is an important theoretical issue in the research of IQ and EQ. A correct understanding of the differences and connections between these two psychological qualities is conducive to a better understanding of people themselves, to overcoming the wrong tendency of being wise before others, and to cultivating healthier and better talents. First of all, IQ and EQ reflect two different psychological qualities. IQ mainly reflects people's cognitive ability, thinking ability, language ability, observation ability, calculation ability, rhythm ability and so on. In other words, it mainly shows people's rational ability. It may be the function of cerebral cortex, especially the left hemisphere brain which is in charge of abstract thinking and analytical thinking. Emotional intelligence mainly reflects a person's ability to feel, understand, use, express, control and adjust his emotions, as well as his ability to deal with emotional relationships with others. Emotional intelligence reflects the individual's ability to grasp and deal with emotional problems. Emotion often walks in front of reason. It is irrational and its material basis is mainly related to the brain stem system. The frontal lobe of the brain controls emotions.
Secondly, the formation basis of IQ and EQ is different. Although both EQ and IQ are related to genetic and environmental factors, their relationship with genetic and environmental factors is different. The relationship between IQ and genetic factors is far greater than social environmental factors. According to the entry in the Concise Encyclopedia of British IQ: "According to the survey results, about 70-80% of intelligence differences are due to genetic factors, and 20-30% of intelligence differences are caused by different environmental influences." There are innate factors in the formation and development of EQ. For example, "the basic expression of human beings is common to all mankind and has cross-cultural consistency." (Emotional IQ, edited by Pan Yunming, China City Press, p. 22) Research by American psychologist Aikman shows that New Guineans who have never been in contact with the outside world can correctly judge the expressions in photos of other nationalities. But there are great cultural differences in emotion. Folklore research shows that there are significant differences in emotional expression among different ethnic groups. The research of children's psychology shows that congenital blind children have relatively weak emotional ability due to the socialization influence caused by social communication obstacles. Anthropological research shows that the emotions of primitive people are very different from those of civilized people. They are irritable, cheerful, moody and have poor self-control. Some anthropological researchers in the United States believe that the emotional control ability of human childhood is very weak, and from today's perspective, it is like suffering from collective mental illness. From the study of modern history, we can also see that people's emotions are easily influenced by social environment, and people always have a deep-rooted herd mentality. The social sentiment in Germany during World War II fully illustrated this point.
Third, IQ and EQ have different functions. The function of IQ is to know things better. People with high IQ have excellent thinking quality, strong learning ability and profound understanding, and are easy to make outstanding achievements in a certain professional field and become experts in a certain field. The survey shows that many people with high IQ have become experts, scholars, professors, judges, lawyers, journalists and so on. And have high attainments in their own fields. Emotional intelligence is mainly related to irrational factors, which affect the motivation of cognitive and practical activities. It strengthens or weakens the driving force of understanding things by influencing people's interest, will and perseverance. People with low IQ and high EQ are not as efficient as those with high IQ, but sometimes they can learn better and achieve greater success than those with high IQ. Because perseverance makes up for diligence. In addition, EQ is a kind of ability to grasp and adjust the emotions of self and others, so it has a great relationship with the handling of interpersonal relationships. Its function is closely related to social life, interpersonal relationship, health status and marital status. People with low emotional intelligence have tense interpersonal relationships, easily broken marriages and poor leadership skills. People with higher EQ are usually in a healthy mood, with perfect marriage and family, good interpersonal relationship, easy to become the leader of a certain department and high leadership and management ability.
Eight ways to improve emotional intelligence
1, it is good for everyone to learn to draw a proper psychological boundary.
You may think it's a good thing to be unclear with others, so that everyone can get along as they please, without having to bargain fiercely with each other. This sounds reasonable, but its disadvantage is that others often hurt your feelings without your knowledge.
In fact, if you look around carefully, it is not difficult to find that people with poor border skills are prone to morbid phobia. They will not confront the invaders, but prefer to talk to a third party. If we are the one who violates other people's psychological boundaries, we will feel like cold-blooded idiots when we find out the truth. At the same time, we also feel hurt, because we blame ourselves for our mistakes and are indignant because a third party intervened to judge us.
Clear boundaries are good for everyone. You must understand what others can and cannot do to you. When someone violates your psychological boundaries, tell him so that he can be corrected. If you always can't draw a clear psychological boundary, then you need to improve your cognitive level.
2. Find a method that suits you, calm yourself down when you feel that you are losing your mind, keep your blood in your brain and make rational actions.
Americans once joked that when something happens, rational children let blood into their brains and can think intelligently; Savage children let blood enter their limbs, their brains are empty, and they are crazy.
Yes, when blood fills your brain, you are awake and behave normally. On the contrary, when blood flows to your limbs and tongue, you will do stupid things, be impulsive and irritable and say nothing.
In fact, scientific experiments have proved that when we become overly nervous under pressure, blood does leave the cerebral cortex, so we will behave abnormally. At this time, the animal nature in the brain plays a leading role, making us behave like the most primitive animals. You know, in a civilized society, acting like a primitive animal will bring big trouble.
There are many strategies to control emotional outbursts, one of which is to pay attention to your heart rate, which is an accurate ruler to measure emotions. When your heart rate exceeds 100 beats per minute, it is very important to rectify your mood. At this rate, the body secretes much more adrenaline than usual. We will lose our minds and become aggressive crickets.
When the blood begins to flow to the limbs again, you can choose the following methods to calm your mood:
1, take a deep breath until you calm down. Take a deep breath slowly and let the air fill the whole lung. Put one hand on your abdomen to make sure you breathe correctly.
2. Talk to yourself. For example, say to yourself, "I'm calming down." Or: "Everything will pass."
3. Some people use hydrotherapy. Taking a hot bath may make your anger and anxiety disappear with the foam in the bathtub.
4. You can also try the method of American psychologist Donna Aidan: think about some unpleasant things, and at the same time put your fingertips on your forehead above your eyebrows, press your thumb on your temple and take a deep breath. According to Aidan, it only takes a few minutes for blood to return to the cerebral cortex, so you can think more calmly.
3. When you want to complain, stop and ask yourself, "Should I continue to endure this seemingly unchangeable situation or change it?"
We call endless complaints nagging. Complaining consumes efforts, has no result, is useless to problems, and rarely makes us feel better.
Almost everyone finds that if we confide our dissatisfaction to a sympathetic third party, we will feel better and he will be angry with them. Someone says to you, "poor baby." This is a great comfort to you. Your stress seems to have eased, and you can face the original situation again, although things have not changed.
But if you don't complain, you will feel great psychological pressure. Sometimes stress is not a bad thing, yes, it may make you feel uncomfortable, but it is also a force to make changes. Once the pressure is relieved, it is easy for people to maintain the status quo. However, if stress is not lost in complaining, it will accumulate and reach a limit, forcing you to take action to change the status quo.
So, when you are ready to complain to a sympathetic friend, ask yourself: should I reduce the pressure and maintain the status quo, or should the pressure continue to urge me to change all this? If it is the former, then complain to drive away the pressure. Everyone complains sometimes, which will make us feel good for a while. But if the situation really needs to change, then make up your mind and act!
4. Sweep away everything that wastes energy.
What is the driving force that is not conducive to improving our EQ? The answer is everything that wastes energy.
Many people have thick calluses on their nervous system, just like their father's hands. We are used to not knowing the energy consumption. Energy is subtle, but you can also experience obvious changes. For example, when you hear good news, adrenaline will surge, and when you hear bad news, you will feel exhausted. We usually don't notice the subtle consumption of energy, such as getting along with a negative person, looking for a piece of paper everywhere on the table and so on.
What are the things in your life that slowly consume energy? There is a rug in the corner of my house. Every time I see it, I think someone might trip over it. This problem is not big, but it distracts my energy. This is our definition of distraction-we feel distracted after every contact. Sometimes friends do the same-they absorb and give energy to each other-but some are energetic vampires who only absorb your energy. At this time, there are two choices: first, face up to this problem, establish psychological boundaries, and continue to communicate with them cautiously; The other is to reduce contact with such people.
Indeed, we need to get rid of those things that waste energy slowly and concentrate on improving our emotional intelligence.
Want to accelerate-you can choose to reduce resistance or increase propulsion.
Try the method we provide:
1, always list things that consume your energy.
2. Systematically analyze the list and divide it into two parts:
First, you can make a difference.
B, it cannot be changed.
3. Solve the problems in List A one by one. For example, for me, hang the car keys on a fixed hook so that I don't have to look everywhere.
4. Look at the questions in Table B again. Are you sure? Is it possible to move some of them to list a to solve them?
5. Give up the questions in List B. ..
5. Find a vivid role model in life.
We have all experienced the era of learning from examples, and examples are lofty and far away for us. So our enthusiasm for learning from the role model gradually faded from the role model, because we know that we may never be a great hero in our life.
Yes, you can't be a hero, but you can be a happy ordinary person, such as your friend Daning, who is energetic, young, generous, intelligent and interesting. She runs a gynecological clinic, works as a company consultant, writes a regular column for a city, and has a handsome husband and lovely daughter.
Do you have such excellent people around you? Take him as your example! You can think: I can do what she can do, but our styles are so different that I can't do anything in her way. But I will imitate some things she does and do it in my way. From her, you can always see the potential you never realized.
Find an example for you to learn from among the people around you! They are smarter, better educated, more advanced and more persistent than you. You will naturally improve your emotional intelligence in the process of catching up with them.
6. Being a parent.
Being a parent will teach you a lot. When the child screams, "Why don't you buy it for me? I hate you! " Sometimes, you can't despair and be furious. You need to understand him and accept the reality of extreme resentment. You know, this is the best gift a child can give you. Of course, this hatred should not last.
Raising children is a win-win result. In the process of raising children, children learn how to get along with immature young parents. As parents, we smooth our edges and corners in the process of suppressing our own needs to meet the needs of our children. Raising children will automatically improve our emotional intelligence and make us more qualified parents.
If you don't want children, you might as well try to help your friends look after them. Getting along with children can really improve our emotional intelligence.
7. Learn from difficult people.
There are many people around us who are full of complaints, bullying and putting on airs. How much we want these people to disappear from our lives, because they will make people angry, desperate and even crazy. Why can't we circle these people, buy a plane ticket and send them to an island where they will never be?
It will disturb others. However, it is best not to do so. These difficult people are our helpers to improve emotional intelligence. You can learn silence from talkative people, patience from grumpy people and kindness from wicked people. You don't have to be grateful to these teachers.
Moreover, your definition of "difficult person" may turn out to be someone different from you, and it is difficult for you to get along with the so-called difficult person.
The most effective way to deal with difficult people is to be flexible. In other words, find their way and adopt the same way as flexibly as possible in the process of interacting with them. If this person likes to chat before getting down to business, your reaction should be to relax and talk about things at home. On the other hand, if this person is straightforward, you should cut short the gossip and get to the point. In this way, you will be more efficient when dealing with difficult people, and you will find that these people are not so difficult to get along with.
The second point in dealing with difficult people is to treat them as gifts. Judy married a bully. Married life is full of ups and downs for her, because she has no clear boundaries. After breaking up for many years, she learned to thank him because he taught her the importance of establishing and maintaining boundaries. She doesn't care at all if she meets such a man again. Judy said, "After living with him, you don't care about these guys at all." If she had married an easy-going person, there may be no clear boundaries until now, and it is difficult to deal with those difficult guys.
However, if we can choose, maybe we will never choose difficult people.
8. Try a completely different way from time to time, and you will broaden your horizons and improve your emotional intelligence.
Are you an outgoing person or an introverted person who only likes one person or is with several close friends? Do you like to plan what to do every day in advance, or do you have no plan? Everyone has their own preferences, and if they can choose, everyone will choose their preferred way. However, it will be more helpful for us to grow up suddenly and try the opposite action.
If you are always keen to be the center of the party, make a change this time and try to make those who are usually inconspicuous show off. If you are always passively waiting for others to strike up a conversation with you, you might as well take the initiative to say hello to each other.