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female self-report

Keywords: fear of family mother

Lengda, hello. I am 21 years old and weak. I was not close to my parents since I was a child. When I was a child, I lived with several relatives. Many people bullied me when I lived in my hometown. But by giving them money, those children are very kind to me, so I have the habit of stealing.

after I came back from the back, I was not very close to my parents. My mother has a bad temper. She is the youngest in the family. In order to marry my father, I suffered a lot to get a stable childhood life for my brother and sister.

when I was a child, I always made mistakes, and my mother beat me and scolded me, saying some ugly things. Therefore, I have always been afraid of her. She always said that I was born with a problem, or like my father. Because my dad cheated on me many times when he was young.

since she was a child, she asked me to be sensible and suffer, because I am the oldest. She is partial to her younger siblings and wants me to understand. I have three siblings. My parents run a factory, although they are not very close, but I see their hard work.

in high school, I was an art student. In order to quickly confirm my own way and help my family to reduce the burden in the future, I will go to training for half a year in senior three, but my mother explicitly refused to let me go.

at that time, my father supported me and secretly gave me the money. But my mother said that if I insisted on going, I would divorce my father. She used to say things like this about me, and she will leave me alone in the future. She divorced my father and so on.

every time after she scolds me, I'm afraid that she will ignore me. If she ignores me, I'll be happy. At that time, teachers and principals talked to my parents and said that I would definitely be admitted to a good university. If it's because of money, the school can help me.

But my mother is worried that I will invest a lot of money after I go to college, so I dare not take the risk of letting me study. Plus I have three younger brothers and sisters. After crying for a month, I dropped out of school.

after I work, my mother wants me to pay all my salary every month. If I don't want to, I will be coaxed or bullied. I compromised. She said that this will be my dowry in the future, so I have been giving it for three years.

I still have a dream. Now I really want to be independent and don't want to give her money every month. But I face my mother, and I am afraid that she will ignore me. What should I do?

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Comments on Cold Love

When I first started studying family therapy, I would help you analyze how the whole thing came into being. In your case, it is possible that your parents have very high expectations for you because you are the boss and because of the theorem of hand-foot position; It is possible to face your father's infidelity, and your mother can't confront it head-on, so she has to take it out on you; It may be because your mother was treated like this before, or for other reasons and so on.

I used to be addicted to finding out the reasons behind things, but now I have changed. I pay more attention to the emotions at this moment and the present than to pursue the reasons of the past and predict the future development.

I can feel your most prominent emotion, which is fear. You want children to ignore you, so you want to bribe them with money, and even develop petty theft. And you still treat your parents in the same way.

All the above are about your behavior and cognition, but all of them are driven by your emotions (fear). But I want to ask, where did your fear come from? To say the least, even if she really ignores you, you are afraid of it, so how do you get along with this fear?

everything your mother does is a kind of harm to you. Therefore, you should learn to find a way out for yourself, which is the most important thing at present. I believe everyone has the possibility of getting better. Now that you want to change and be independent, this is a good start.

It's just that when you encounter this kind of thing again in the future, you can learn to observe what kind of emotion you are in. Only when you realize that emotions are controlling your behavior will you be able to get rid of their control.