Why should others give you what you want?

Text/Lao Yao

Some time ago, I saw an answer on Zhihu about whether to change seats for pregnant women who are sleeping on the upper bunk. A girl’s answer reminded me of it. Still new.

She said, if a pregnant woman is not careful when going out, can’t she swipe the ticket a few more times? Can't you let your family go to the station and insist on buying tickets for the shop? How could one so hastily entrust the safety of himself and his children to the kindness of strangers? What qualifications do you have to harm a stranger's interests and ask others to give up his seat to you for no reason? Just because you are pregnant, are your needs more legitimate?

It suddenly occurred to me that when many people ask for help, the same is true. Most of them adopt the attitude that because I need it, you should give it to me. I am a weak person. I am in urgent need now. Why do you Still not satisfied with me?

If you reject me, then you are selfish, indifferent, and inhumane. I wish I could stand on the moral high ground and label you a bad person for everyone to reviled and attack, as if this world is because of you. The existence has become so cold and realistic.

But why?

It is said that there was a very humble young man named Jia Yun in Jia's family. He lost his father when he was young, and his uncle usurped the family property. He lived with his elderly mother. He often couldn't find a job, and his family couldn't even put food on the table.

Jia Yun wanted to curry favor with Wang Xifeng and asked Sister Feng to give her a job to make ends meet.

On the next day, Jia Yun went to the door to wait for Sister Feng again, because he had gone to ask Jia Lian before, but failed. Sister Feng now blamed him, it turns out that you gave me borneol and musk yesterday. , to find a job.

Jia Yun immediately said: Please uncle, aunt, don’t mention this matter, I am regretting it here! His flattery was of great use to Wang Xifeng, because she felt that she had face, and she liked to hear others say that she was more capable than her husband.

In Dream of Red Mansions, Jia Yun is not the protagonist. He only appears in a few rounds. He has a low status and a poor family. It is this harsh environment that allows him to see through it early. Human relationships are complicated, and I have learned the survival rules of how to struggle out of difficult situations.

Jiang Xun said in the book that Jia Yun is a person with high emotional intelligence. For a person with no background and qualifications, this high emotional intelligence allowed him to get job opportunities and be able to communicate well with others. The people around her managed the relationship well, and Jia Yun survived even after the Jia family declined.

Only people with high emotional intelligence can pay attention to the needs of the other party, know how to speak, how to put forward their own needs without being flatly rejected, and make the other party willingly meet their requirements.

And what about those people with low emotional intelligence? Always only care about what you want, and then ask people directly for it. Otherwise, the other person is unkind, the world is too dark, and society is too realistic.

I know a buddy who wants to buy a house and get married. He borrowed it from all the friends. Some people couldn’t stand it and asked him over and over again to borrow it even though he was not well-off. They complained to me behind my back that I always thought I was so poor and I'm really not familiar with him, so I definitely won't be targeted by him. Unexpectedly, this guy still talked to me on QQ.

He never considers whether his request will be difficult for others. He even knows that his request will take up other people's time and energy, and may even cause the other party to lose money. You still bring it up without hesitation, without even thinking about it from the other person’s point of view, why would someone else do this for you?

I am a person who is not very willing to trouble others. Most of the time, if I think I can solve the problem, I will find a way to solve it myself. If I can't solve it, I will think about who I can ask for help.

Before asking for help, you must pay attention to the following things:

Your attitude must be sincere

When asking for help, you must act like you are asking for help. Attitude, don't clearly mean to trouble others, but try to get away with it by substituting tricks. Tell them that you have a benefit and just give it to them.

I have met some people who asked me to help them write book reviews and publish articles to promote their new books. They also told me that I have a book. After reading it, you will definitely write a great one. If you post a book review, it will definitely be on the home page of Douban. I can give it to you for free!

Please, can you show a little respect for other people’s intelligence?

Consider whether it is convenient for the other party

When you encounter difficult matters at work and need help, ask your colleagues for advice. They are so busy that you still have to drag them around. This is called no wink.

If you are sure who can provide you with practical advice, honestly leave a message to them: I know you are more knowledgeable in this area, and it would be more reliable to contact you. I have some questions that I would like to ask for advice. What can I ask you? When is it convenient?

It’s not just about time, but also what boundaries need to be clarified. Although we are colleagues, we are also in a competitive relationship. I will catch people and ask them how they got big projects and whether there are suitable resources that can be introduced to them. You, then people will probably just ignore you silently.

Express appropriate gratitude

Silently observe his circle of friends and other social networks, find a suitable opportunity, give her what she wants, and reveal that you are really paying attention Him, something that has intentions for him.

Or, be the first to step forward when he is in need.

The relationship between people is complicated, but one thing that remains unchanged is that only when you really put your heart into it can others feel it.

The so-called relationship means that only if you care about others, you will always keep in touch.

4. Don’t brush your face for things that can be solved with money

You can brush your face, but it is best to only use it once, and it must be used in the most critical place.

If the relationship is really good, then that’s fine, but most of the people they flirt with have only met them a few times.

The company obviously has a budget and is looking for someone to write soft articles, but they still refuse to pay. They keep saying that since we are so familiar, just write one for me, brush your face, and complete the work tasks. In fact, It's the most pointless thing.

Obviously you can hire a moving company, but you have to use your friend's weekend rest time to help you move, save hundreds of dollars, and tire your friend and yourself to death, so why bother?

When I went on a trip, it only cost a few hundred yuan to stay in a fast hotel, but I had to stay at the house of a friend I didn’t know very well. After being rejected, I complained angrily to everyone about how stingy and selfish my friend was. You are not willing to borrow a bed. We are all adults and need our own private space. If you don’t have a good relationship with others, they don’t welcome you to live in their homes!

Ask a designer friend to help you design a logo or advertising image. Ask a friend who can write to help you write copywriting, recruitment and soft copy. Give as much as you need. Don’t always think that you have a friend with certain skills. , it would be a shame for him not to take advantage of it and use his skills for others.

Taking advantage of others is probably one of the bad traits of human beings. However, more often than not, people who are keen on taking advantage of small things often cannot get any big advantage.

Our lives today are much better than Jia Yun’s. We don’t need to be like him and know how to observe people’s emotions and learn how to make a living in their teens. However, for most people, how to use the correct It takes a long time to learn how to master the skills of asking people for help and getting what you want without recruiting people.

The simplest thing is, when asking someone for help, silently ask yourself, what do you want from the person? Why should others give it to you?

After all, others are not your mother, so there is no reason to spoil you, right?

Quotes that will transport you strength

1 When you are honest with yourself, no one in the world can deceive you.

2 You must always be grateful to all living beings who have given you adversity.

3 It is shameful for people to cover up their shortcomings by hurting others.

4 This world is inherently painful, without exception.

5 It is better to forgive others yourself than to let others forgive you.

6 People who think they have wealth are actually possessed by wealth.

7 People who are not blessed enough will often hear right and wrong; people who are blessed enough will never hear right and wrong.

8 To follow the fate is not to muddle along and follow the rules, but to do everything in your life and obey fate.

9 It is not so much that others make you suffer, but that your own cultivation is not enough.

10 Emotional attachment is the cause of distress. Only by letting go of attachment can you feel free.

11 You must always forgive all living beings, no matter how bad they are, or even if they have hurt you, you must let go in order to gain true happiness.

12. A person who is full of jealousy, is not honest in his heart, and speaks incorrectly cannot be regarded as a person with good facial features. I will always think that he is

13. If you don’t worry about yourself, others will never worry about you. Because you can’t let go of your own heart.

14 When you know the confusion, you are not pitiful. When you don’t know the confusion, you are the most pitiful.

15 If you don’t forgive all living beings, if you don’t forgive all living beings, you will suffer yourself.

16 When you are happy, you have to think that this happiness is not eternal. When you are in pain, you have to think that the pain is not eternal.

17 Do not mix your wisdom with arrogance. Do not let your humility lack wisdom.

18 Don’t be too sure of your own opinions, this way you will have fewer regrets.

19 You should not always be dissatisfied with others, you should always review yourself. If you are dissatisfied with others, you will suffer yourself.

20 If you are alive for one day, you are blessed and you should cherish it. When I cried that I had no shoes to wear, I found someone who had no feet.

21 To admit one's own greatness is to admit one's own foolishness.

22 Never waste a minute of your time thinking about anyone you don't like.

23 Arrogant people can be saved, but people with low self-esteem cannot be saved.

24 If a person cannot forgive others from his heart, he will never feel at ease.

25 Discipline yourself well and don’t discipline others.

26 When you let go, there will be no worries.

27 People who are filled with their own opinions and ideas will never hear the voices of others.

28 How many people will say the same sentence when they are about to leave this world. This world is really helpless and desolate!

29 Everyone has life, but not everyone understands life or even cherishes it. For those who do not understand life, life is a punishment to them.

30 Love is not a charity and cannot be given casually. There is no formula, no principle, and no reason to follow in feelings. But people are still persisting and pursuing until death.

31 Being able to talk but not do is not true wisdom.

32 Hating others is a great loss to oneself.

33 Being jealous of others will not add any benefits to yourself. Being jealous of others cannot diminish other people's achievements.

34. Listen more carefully to what others have to say, and don’t rush to express your own opinions.

20 Life Suggestions for You

20 Life Suggestions for You

1. Don’t easily deprive others of their hope, maybe that is their only hope.

2. Don’t make any decisions when you are angry.

3. Be careful of those who have nothing.

4. Learn to say no politely and flexibly.

5. Don’t expect life to be completely fair.

6. If the failure of one battle will win you the victory of the entire war, do not hesitate to give up decisively.

7. Don’t be afraid to say I don’t know.

8. Praise 3 people every day.

9. Look into other people’s eyes and say thank you often.

10. Treat others the way you want others to treat you.

11. Make new friends and consolidate old ones.

12. Keep secrets.

13. Admit your mistakes promptly, but turn a deaf ear to speaking ill of others.

14. Learn to listen. Sometimes opportunities knock gently on your door while listening.

15. Great ideas that can change the world often come from people working independently.

16. If you decide which side to stand on, you must have determination and confidence.

17. Sing in the shower.

18. Never let others see you drunk.

19. Only lend books to others that may or may not be returned.

20. Be careful when choosing your life partner, which determines 90% of your happiness.

The famous sentence serves as a warning to yourself. I hope that the above "Why should others give you what you want?" 》The content will be helpful to you. If you want to get more famous quotes, you can click on the topic "Sentences from Others That Make You Chill".