China is a country that pays great attention to filial piety. Since ancient times, there has been a saying that "filial piety comes first among all virtues". The Chinese nation itself is a nation that attaches great importance to filial piety. If a person does not know how to be filial to his parents and teachers, it is difficult to imagine that he will love the motherland and be kind to others. In Mencius' famous article "Mencius Liang Hui Wang", there is such a sentence: "I am old, and I am the old man, and I am the young, and I am the young man, and I am the young man," which means that we should respect the elderly and care for the young. It can be seen from this , respecting the elderly and loving the young has always been a simple folk custom that our entire society needs to work hard to inherit.
In Lao Zeng’s view, it is not important whether a family has rich people or whether it embodies the aura of wealth. What matters most to him is whether the family is run with benevolence and filial piety and is praised by neighbors with filial piety. , it is also the place where he worries the most and is always concerned about it. Looking through Lao Zeng’s family letters, we can see that Lao Zeng is a person who attaches great importance to family harmony and filial piety. In his view, if a family wants to be truly harmonious, in addition to maintaining brotherly harmony, children and grandchildren must always be filial to their grandfathers. Elders are also indispensable, and for many years they have practiced it and led by their own example, striving to pass it on from generation to generation.
1. Be sincere and filial to your elders, and take great pains to welcome your adoptive parents
In the 26th year of Daoguang reign, my grandfather Xinggang Gong finally recovered from illness. The old man wrote to his younger brothers about this He expressed his concern and opinion about his grandfather's illness: He felt that his grandfather's illness may have been caused by taking too many tonics, and the deceased's death was not caused by taking tonics by mistake. Later, Ze Liuye was cured by taking cold medicine. This time, I should also ask him to treat my grandfather. From now on, I should often come and go with Mr. Ze Liu, and be polite to him in both big and small matters. We often say: To be a human being, you must know how to care for others. What Lao Zeng did is an extremely vivid lesson! It’s worth learning from us!
"You must be filial to your family, but you cannot have both loyalty and filial piety." Lao Zeng has not been back to his hometown in Hunan for more than ten years. Although Lao Zeng expressed his desire to take leave and go home many times, he was unable to do so due to various reasons. In the first month of the 30th year of Daoguang's reign, Lao Zeng mentioned in a letter home to his younger brother that he hoped to welcome the elderly in his family to Beijing so that he could better fulfill his filial piety in person.
Regarding the welcoming plan, Lao Zeng’s specific consideration is: There are four elderly people in the family, parents and uncles. If only the parents are welcomed to the capital without the uncles, I am afraid that other family members will have ideas. I and my parents would feel uneasy. If we welcome all four old people to the capital, considering that my aunt is still ill at this time, it would be inconvenient to travel far while sick. Lao Zeng's suggestion is to welcome the three of them, parents and uncle, to the capital. Let the uncle live in the capital for more than half a year and then be sent back to his hometown after the New Year. Let the aunt stay in the hometown and be carefully supported by the brothers and daughters-in-law at home. This can kill two birds with one stone.
Filial piety and gratitude are the traditional virtues of the Chinese nation and the basis for the formation of our Chinese character. China's culture of filial piety actually means supporting parents, reproducing offspring, admiring others with virtue, maintaining both loyalty and filial piety, remembering ancestors, etc. This is a multicultural system from the individual to the whole, cultivating oneself, managing the family, governing the country, and bringing peace to the world. Today, we talk about "family happiness and social harmony" and "spiritual civilization construction". In fact, we require every family member to cultivate morality, maintain good health, have filial piety and friendship. The culture of filial piety and brotherhood, we should study hard today! Passed down from generation to generation!
2. Strictly control the marriage of children to ensure that the family tradition is passed down from generation to generation
As the saying goes, "One generation has a good wife, and the third generation has a good son." If you want a good family tradition from generation to generation, To pass on the inheritance smoothly, the family must not only have a sensible leader like Lao Zeng, but also a good wife and mother. Lao Zeng's wife, Ouyang, was the daughter of his mentor. She was a virtuous and virtuous woman who gave birth to two boys and four girls for Lao Zeng. Lao Zeng attached great importance to how his children chose their spouses and often discussed this matter in his family letters. In his view, being able to choose a good marriage for his children is the key to whether the Zeng family's fine family tradition can be passed on.
In the twenty-fourth year of Daoguang reign, Lao Zeng’s nephew Jiawu wanted to marry the Chang family. He was very concerned about this matter and wrote a special letter to discuss it: The Chang family wants to marry our family. , I don’t quite agree, because Brother Chang Shi likes to bully others. He pays attention to food and clothing, and hugs before going out. I’m afraid that his girls will be tainted with the arrogance and luxury of an official family, which will seriously damage us. The family tradition of the Zeng family will induce the children to become extravagant in the future. Lao Zeng hoped that his sixth brother (Jiawu's father) would find out more about it from others.
In addition to the marriages of his nephews, Lao Zeng was also very cautious about finding partners for his daughters and nieces. In a letter home to his fourth brother in the sixth year of Xianfeng, Lao Zeng specifically pointed out: Three girls in the family are looking for It is best to choose a person from a thrifty and simple farming family, not necessarily from a rich or famous family. Regarding the marriage of the Luo family, he suggested to wait for a while and observe it before talking. Lao Zeng found that many families would develop arrogant and extravagant habits once they had an official. He thought this was not a good sign and often used it as a warning.
In the sixth year of Xianfeng's reign, Lao Zeng's eldest son Zeng Jize grew up and got married. Lao Zeng wrote a special letter home to his son: When a new daughter-in-law enters the house for the first time, her son should ask her to go to the kitchen often to make soup and rice. , spinning and making cloth, just because she comes from a wealthy family doesn't mean she won't do it. By the way, I also asked if my three daughters are already able to make shoes? Lao Zeng asked his daughter-in-law and three daughters to make a pair of shoes and send them to him every year to show their filial piety and to demonstrate their needlework skills. He also asked four people to make clothes made of cloth and send them to him, so as to observe who is diligent and who is lazy. It is really admirable that Lao Zeng strictly controls the good family tradition! Learned!
Lao Zeng is a very far-sighted person. He deeply understands that if the Zeng family wants to develop for a long time, it is essential to have a good internal and external environment. Maintain fine traditions internally and pass them on from generation to generation, and maintain harmonious neighborhood relations externally, so that the external environment will not infect the stable development of the internal environment. On the one hand, we should try our best to help the poor families in the clan; on the other hand, when it comes to local affairs in our hometown, we should communicate with each other as much as we should, and decline with others if we should refuse, maintain a suitable degree, and try to be as peaceful as possible. .
3. Purchasing land to benefit the clan, and living in a moderate manner to the neighbors
Lao Zeng was born in a peasant family, and he was very aware of the hardships of the people and how difficult the lives of the people were, so he always paid attention to the lives of the Zeng clan. Current situation of life. In the 29th year of Daoguang reign, Lao Zeng mentioned in a letter home to his younger brothers that he had a great dream, that is, he hoped to build a charity field in the future to help the descendants of his ancestor Meng Xuegong who lived in poverty. Lao Zeng had been an honest official all his life and was unwilling to be greedy for money while serving as an official. Therefore, he decided to save his own salary and purchase a charity field in the future. It can be seen from this that Lao Zeng has a deep understanding of justice and cares about the overall development of the family. He is a very benevolent person.
Once, Lao Zeng mentioned in a letter home to his parents: I didn’t want my father to interfere with the affairs of the countryside before because the scribes in the small place in my hometown were used to forming cliques for personal gain. Some people just spread rumors to cause trouble, and even used local state and county officials to forge some incomprehensible resentments with the Zeng family, which would cause conflicts between the Zeng family and the local area. In addition, if my father starts to get involved in these affairs, people will often come to invite him to come forward. It is better to thank guests behind closed doors and refuse all visits. Old Zeng believes that keeping a low profile is the best policy.
How to deal with local officials in his hometown, Lao Zeng also elaborated in a letter home to his brothers: Don’t talk about the rights and wrongs of your parents’ officials in your hometown; keep a distance that is neither far nor close, nor close nor alienated. ; When local officials have weddings and funerals, the Zeng family must come; when local officials have official business and require the squire to step in, the Zeng family will not avoid it if they don't step in; it is appropriate for children, nephews, and descendants to meet local officials in a modest and cautious manner. Here, we can see Lao Zeng’s philosophy of doing things: the golden mean! That is to say, an attitude of being impartial, eclectic and harmonious.
According to Lao Zeng, no matter how big his official position is and how glorious and prosperous the Zeng family is in the local area, family members should not get too involved in local affairs and go to the state and county government offices as little as possible. Always be careful and keep a low profile, and don't be arrogant or competitive. To sum it up in one sentence: Don't be aggressive in everything, and be careful when sailing. This view is also in line with Lao Zeng's own philosophy of doing things.
I have to say that Lao Zeng’s family management strategies are very appropriate, and can even be said to be miraculous. They are worthy of our careful study and reference! Learned! Close the team!