All the problems in your life come from you not loving yourself enough. This sentence comes from the book "When you start to love yourself, the whole world will love you", written by Zhou Fan.
An independent woman raising two children and running two businesses. Although her story is not long, every bright and determined owner must have had an experience of getting out of a downturn.
When Zhou Fan was young, she cared very much about the opinions of others, always worried that she was not good enough, and worked hard to present herself in a way that others would like her, for fear that others would deny her value. In other words, it's like being afraid that the way you look after taking off your makeup will look the most real in the mirror, but you will be considered to be useless after taking off the disguise.
As a result, I got used to it and became increasingly unable to let go of myself wearing a mask. How long can such a disobedient state last? It won't be long before you have to face your true self one day, that glass heart that cannot withstand blows and has been poorly protected.
I forgot where I heard this sentence: If your glass heart falls to the ground and breaks, you can only pick it up by yourself in the end.
When Zhou Fan’s eldest daughter was 10 months old, her father was diagnosed with gastric cancer. Due to the intersection of many things, she felt deeply powerless. Watching her father getting thinner and thinner, in the last period of his life, with mixed emotions, made her gradually realize many things.
It turns out that you don’t need to be a better person in the eyes of others. What you really need to do is love yourself. Only by loving yourself can you become complete and strong, and face life more calmly.
How do you love yourself? I think we can think about what is good to a person? to answer this question. If you want to be nice to someone, you might do something like this:
There are many ways to show kindness to someone. Only people who don't love themselves will not be kind to themselves. I can remember doing a lot of things for others that care about them, but I can't remember when I was just as friendly to my relatives and what were the good things for myself. It seems that when the people around you get better, you will get better too. This is the value of your existence.
Lu Xun has a famous saying: "The joys and sorrows of human beings are not the same. I just think they are noisy." Here, I want to use it to express that even people who are close to each other cannot empathize. Self-love does not mean selfishness. Self-love means loving yourself while also allowing you and the people around you to reserve a more comfortable and balanced space for each other.
When you get used to prioritizing other people’s needs, you get stuck in a situation where you want to stop but can’t change for a while. Gradually, you are afraid to face yourself and ask yourself, is this what you want? You know very well that this is not what you want. The original intention at the beginning was just for everyone to be happy together, but in the end it turned out that you can't be happy and you can't make others happy. This is, why?
Those who know how to love themselves live calmly. Those who are selfish will eventually be seen for what they are, just like rats crossing the street. People who love themselves love themselves and also know how to love others. A selfish person, in addition to loving himself, sees everyone else as a tool, indifferent and indifferent to the feelings of others. There is a difference between the two. Being kind to yourself is obviously a good thing, but why can't you love yourself? The following four points serve as analytical viewpoints:
It is difficult for a person who does not appreciate himself to be happy. The girl who wrote to Sanmao pessimistically underestimated herself and imposed many labels that denied herself, just like the question she asked - what is the ultimate purpose of life? Is it to keep denying your own worth? Of course not, the meaning of life is to create your own value and leave your own value.
The second psychology is because she feels that many people need her to save, and being able to take care of everyone around her is the most secure thing for her, because she has not let others down. No matter how well the people around you are taken care of, you will be more casual with yourself. In order to fulfill others, you will put aside your own basic physiological needs and fall into deep self-movement, taking pride in this.
Here are just examples of the extreme practices of the Holy Mother Heart. The Holy Mother Heart will also show different degrees of expression. The similarity is that they will only live in the expectations of others as their way of life and not pay attention to other people. lifestyle. It seems that this is their only choice. Even when they encounter things that are against their will, they are afraid of seeing others disappointed, so they retreat and allow themselves to meet the needs of others again.
"Is it because I am not good that things like this happen?"
"They are so good, I can't repay them, I can only run away, This way I feel more relaxed and cannot accept that I am a person who can only accept but cannot give. "
"It's all my fault. I didn't do it well. "
Similar. These feelings of guilt will deeply consume your mind and will continue to undermine the establishment of intimate connections between you and the outside world.
In an intimate relationship, some people always think that if they make the other person feel ashamed, it will make the other person reflect on themselves and thus make the other person better. But guilt is a great motivating force. It can make people work hard, but it can also cause serious damage to the heart.
For example, parents say to their children: "Every time we quarrel, it's because you are disobedient. You have to be obedient." If this is not the case, then this child will have "" Because I am not good, this kind of thing will happen” mentality. These psychological problems will continue to accumulate and form habits in the child, making it difficult for the child to change when he grows up. When something happens, you will only think that it is your own fault and caused by your own reasons. Falling into deep self-blame.
In the classic film "Good Will Hunting", the protagonist Will is deeply affected by guilt. Since being sexually assaulted in childhood, he has been willing to degenerate, paralyze himself, and constantly punish himself. Finally, under the treatment of psychological expert Sean, I realized that it was not my fault, so I faced the shame of being hurt, reconciled with myself, and bravely restarted my life.
I lacked love when I was a child, and I still lack love when I grow up. Although I know I need love, I have never received it. How can I understand love? Loving yourself and loving others requires stumbling for a long time before you finally realize what love is.
What's more, subconsciously, I believe that I don't deserve love. The lack of intimacy in childhood is listed in my heart as something I can't have in this life. This kind of understanding will make you not believe in love and not want to learn how to love yourself.
Unfortunate people spend their entire lives healing their childhood, while lucky people spend their entire lives reminiscing about their childhood. The healing process starts with loving yourself. It is difficult for others to get along with people who have no love and people who do not understand love. Therefore, you must first save yourself, find the meaning of your life, and then have a wonderful time.
To love yourself, you must first be friends with yourself and understand yourself, as mentioned before. Get rid of the previous neglect of yourself, pay attention to your own psychological needs, begin to awaken yourself, and firmly believe that you deserve those good things. No longer be a fool who just waits for the goddess of fate to fall in love with you, and waits for others to find out that you need to be loved. Isn’t it good to love yourself? Isn’t it good to not be afraid of being abandoned, not afraid of not being good enough, and no longer anxious? You can control your own feelings, right?
On her 100th birthday, Mr. Yang Jiang sighed: "The world is always yours and has nothing to do with others." To love yourself is to create your own inner safe world and get along well with the outside world. This is the strongest way to protect yourself steadily.
Whether you are taking an exam, working, or playing a game, you have to understand them well before you can pass the level, right?
If you want to make friends casually, you have to know their basic information. Not to mention a close friend, by the end of the relationship, you may know him better than he does himself.
You are so important, the most important thing, so take the time to understand it carefully, isn’t it too much?
There are many ways to understand yourself. Don’t do things like comparing yourself with others. Those who seem to be excellent are not on the same track as you. There are limited ways to learn from them in terms of level. . The best reference is yourself. You can use time management methods to record your living habits, and you will find out what kind of person you are.
Here, I recommend Liucheev’s time record management method. There is no chicken soup in this method, only methods. There is also an article in the early articles of Wo Meng Mao about Liucheev's method. You can search for it or learn about it through other channels. This method is relatively simple and easy to get started.
Another way is to be alone and find a place to stay by yourself for a long time without working. It needs to be long enough, at least half a year. It’s too short, and it doesn’t give you enough time to get in touch with yourself.
Of course, there are many ways to help yourself understand yourself, such as occasionally reading books, watching movies, or slowly learning to get along with yourself through experiences, which are also effective. It's just that the former tends to be fragmented, while the latter is too painful to go through. Only by taking the initiative to fully understand yourself can you express yourself in the most caring way.
Give yourself more positive energy and recognize the importance of your own evaluation to yourself. No matter how small it is, encourage yourself if you do it well, and reward yourself with a gift every time you make an achievement. Learn to arrange benefits for yourself appropriately. Only when you feel comfortable inside can you get good circulation effects. You can also imagine that you are a conscientious boss who is willing to give preferential treatment to you, a good employee, and set tasks for yourself. If you do well, you will be recognized with big prizes and special awards. If you cannot complete the task, you will deduct benefits, but not food. Encourage yourself to keep working hard and challenge it.
Life is so long, and the road is always being walked by you, so don’t be in a hurry to see the end. Getting along with yourself is a lifelong thing, and you never know what possibilities you have. It seems like this, but it can't be like this, unless you want to just let it be like this and ignore it. You, your life, you make your own decisions.
Therefore, don’t rush to define what kind of person you are, but think about what other interesting and meaningful things you can try. You must be more cautious in denying yourself. You must know that every time you deny yourself, you are blocking every possibility of yourself, and finally leaving you with no way out. You must be free to recognize yourself, and the more you try, the more possibilities you will have, and you will be able to ride the wind and waves and reach the clouds.
People who don’t know how to love themselves are children who are hurt inside. Now that they plan to learn to love themselves, the healing temperature should be more cute and relaxed. We have always been children, and our inner innocence has just been hidden. It’s not that we have lost it, it’s just that when we grow up, we need to face maturity with maturity. To love yourself is to make innocence and maturity good friends and face the world together.
Loving yourself does not necessarily mean letting yourself live a delicate life, growing up happily, and living up to your own time. There is no absolute standard for what it means to love yourself. What is similar is that people who know how to love themselves know themselves very well, know what they want, know the boundaries of getting along with others, know how to protect their inner child, and live a more free and easy life.
Loving yourself does not mean increasing your inner burden, nor setting up restrictions or unreasonable material standards for yourself. Rather, it is gentle, powerful, and moisturizing to understand yourself, find your own heart, and find a way of life that makes you happy and secure. By understanding more about yourself and the world, you can establish a comfortable way of getting along with all the people and things in the world. Know how to take better care of yourself and the people you care about. Only then will you feel the guidance along the way, continue to create the splendor of your life, and live out the value of your life.
All the problems in your life come from you not loving yourself enough. When you love yourself enough, all the problems in your life will be solved.
To do what you like at the time you like, in the way you like, is the definition of a free person to me.
—— Haruki Murakami "My Occupation is a Novelist"
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