1. From my heart, do my best

(Comments: The topic is concise, closely related to the theme of "dream", and the words of Mencius "I am old, I am young" and Confucius "I do what I want from my heart" are expressed in classical Chinese sentence patterns, showing my knowledge of classical Chinese, which is elegant and good. )

Do you hear your most pious cry in the turbulent sea of ambition at midnight? Aren't these dreams that overflow in the eyes and emerge in the eyes exactly what we want to pursue all our lives? (Comment: At the beginning of the question, it has many functions, such as catching people's eyes, leading to the topic, avoiding mediocrity and creating new ideas. These two questions come out of the blue, asking strange questions and using long sentence patterns, which can be described as a voice. Xiaobu, a Yao girl, should also walk on the golden road of entrepreneurial dreams. (Comments: Point out the materials, fasten the requirements of the topic, and give "suggestions" directly, which is crisp and neat and the center is prominent. )

the age of early twenties is as worth looking forward to as the swaying ears of grain in the wheat waves. (Comment: The choice of vehicle is appropriate, novel and poetic, which shows the author's certain literary accomplishment and taste. ) This twenty-year-old full of unknowns and possibilities is unique. "I advise you not to cherish the golden clothes, and advise you to cherish your youth." Youth seems to be a trump card of revolution, which shines on all those who belong to this term. (Comment: The metaphor is novel. However, the "trump card" refers to the strongest card in the poker game, which means the most powerful person, means, etc., which is inconsistent with "plating with light". It can be changed to: Youth seems to be a trump card of revolution, giving everyone who belongs to this term the right to pursue their dreams. ) Sun Yang became an Olympic champion at the age of nineteen; At the age of 2, Lola published a book and made a movie and became a star on the North American continent overnight. At the age of 2, G.E.M. gave a concert at the Red Pavilion, which became the top song list in Hong Kong. (Comments: Three current examples, reduced to a parallelism sentence, are quite convincing. It's a pity that we have made an ill-chosen phrase "the collocation of subject and object is inconsistent", which can be changed to "Sun Yang at the age of 19, Lola at the age of 2, and G.E.M. at the age of 2". You never know how successful you can be at the age of twenty unless you do it. (Comment: The quotation is accurate. Xiaobu, a Yao girl, what spark can she bring to this entrepreneurial era with her talent in fashion design? (Comment: Fasten the material to avoid the phenomenon of two skins. ) We can look forward to it. It is necessary to seize the opportunity to do what you want and listen to your inner voice, so I hope that the first college student, the "first person", who has come out of this Yaozhai village can seize the present and pursue his dreams in this fearless era. (Comment: "I hope" is a suggestion, which hides the theme of the composition. )

Like a rose, it is fragrant and beautiful, with sharp and numerous thorns. (Comment: Metaphorical epigrams, which are short and full of profound philosophy, are placed at the beginning of the paragraph, which is a big "secret" of the composition in the examination room. ) the pressure to resist against the current is huge and endless. In the face of poor and backward hometown and carefree employment opportunities, Xiao Bu's dream doesn't seem to be so deeply rooted. (Comment: The word "looks" is redundant. ) Yes, the road to dreams is uncertain, or it is thorny or muddy. It is not comfortable and leisurely, and it may not satisfy the situation of the most people, but it is a strong driving force that goes deep into the bone marrow. (Comment: It is more appropriate to change "firm" to "strong and firm". ) Snails climb up the vines, geese fly south, and an inner hot force will drive you to run without regrets, and sand embedded in the meat can also help you climb high. (Comment: Analogical thinking. Taking "snail" and "wild goose" as analogies, it is vivid and convincing, and won the brushwork of Xunzi's "Encouraging Learning". Ma Yun once said: "You are not afraid of action, you are just afraid of taking the wrong road." (Comment: Quote is brilliant. Boccaccio, a rich young master who was born with prosperity and everything, was indifferent to his wealth, but later generations compared his decameron with Dante's Divine Comedy. He was born in the regretless Renaissance, and it was shocking that he completed his dream in such difficulties and obstacles. It is the choice of the brave to be yourself and be yourself. (Comments: Boccaccio's material is typical, and the latter sentence is well discussed. The material and discussion are deeply integrated, which has the effect of harmonious integration and is worth learning. Judging from the composition in the examination room, it is a big failure that the end of the paragraph does not combine the materials to discuss. Adding this sentence, the effect is particularly wonderful: Xiao Bu's choice is equally difficult, but only when it is difficult can he show courage. )

"flowers can be folded straight, so don't wait until there are no flowers to fold branches." Gratitude is of course extremely important, but we have missed the right age and the right era, and all the rewards can only pass by like clouds. A quality life is attractive, just like a comfortable recliner, but the dream is desirable. It is a skateboard that sends you to the top of the wave. (Comment: The two metaphors of reclining chair and skateboard are novel and wonderful. It's not too late for us young people to go back to our hometown with achievements and glory in the ups and downs. (Comments: Excellent, closely related to the materials and properly analyzed. First deny "repaying kindness" (being a teacher), then deny high-quality life (foreign company), and finally return to "entrepreneurial dream". Three choices, comparative analysis, and the author's critical thinking ability are commendable. )

Young people, our future is far and long. From my heart, we will try our best to reach the beacon of dreams, so that we can better row into the distance. (Comment: The full text of the philosophical statement is wrapped up, and the sound is lingering, which makes people memorable. The text is short and meaningful, which shows that the author's words control kung fu. Let's take the aura of our dreams, jump fearlessly and fight the sky. (Comment: If the ending can be discussed in combination with the materials, it is more in line with the characteristics of the composition in the examination room. The examinee's lack of this awareness is sometimes a danger. In fact, the combination of materials is extremely simple, which can be changed to: Xiao Bu, in fact, you don't have to be troubled. With young people as the backing, let us take the aura of dreams, jump fearlessly and fight the sky. )

general comment as an examination composition, this article got full marks, which can be described as "deserved". The full text is complete in structure and clear in thinking: the first paragraph leads to the center and makes clear suggestions; The second paragraph discusses the need to adhere to the "entrepreneurial dream"; The third syllogism states that we should stick to the "entrepreneurial dream" or not be afraid of difficulties; The fourth paragraph combines the comparative analysis of materials to clarify the center again; The fifth paragraph closes the full text and issues a call. The biggest highlight of this paper is that the author's ability to use language and characters is extremely strong, which is manifested in the following aspects: first, making good use of metaphors, and each metaphor is almost novel and appropriate, which makes people admire; Second, the quotation is accurate, and each quotation is short and appropriate; Third, there are many aphorisms, and the author has strong rational thinking ability, and often has concise sentences that wake people up; Fourth, the discussion of the old spicy, the full text of a number of deductions hair discussion, penetrating, proper analysis.

2. Spreading knowledge back home is as touching as a dream

(Comment: giving "suggestions" directly without losing literariness)

I am always worried about the choices before me, always tired of measuring the gains and losses, and worried about returning to my hometown, but I failed my young dream. Xiao Bu, returning home to spread knowledge is as beautiful and moving as a dream. (Comments: The previous sentence puts himself in the position of analyzing Xiao Bu's inner entanglement and struggle, and reveals contradictions, which is the basis of the following discussion; The last sentence gives "suggestions", which is like a face-to-face conversation with Xiao Bu. It is kind and emotional and infectious. )

The outside world is wonderful and helpless. Yaozhai has her beautiful scenery, but it also contains undeniable backwardness. (Comment: It not only reveals the contradiction between the "outside world" and "Yaozhai", but also compares the "outside world" and "Yaozhai" and deeply analyzes the situation, which makes the following discussion more difficult and further indicates the profundity of the following discussion. ) I went to college and entered the city, adding a young heart with entrepreneurial dreams, as well as the incitement of a high-quality life and the temptation of the entrepreneurial environment. I couldn't help thinking about it and began to struggle, but I still couldn't bear to leave the poor old village in my heart. (Comment: Further point out Xiao Bu's inner struggle and struggle, echoing the beginning. Then, please have the heart to give up your entrepreneurial dream at the moment, go back to your hometown to spread knowledge, let more children have your golden wish, and let you choose to return to Yaozhai more touching because of its future. (Comment: Incitement and tenderness coexist, and it is profound and affectionate to complete the transformation from "ego" to "ego". )

Many years ago, a book Life inspired many people to grit their teeth and work hard. Gao Jialin in the book is a real intellectual who walked out of the countryside. However, in the end, he returned to his hometown and wept and groaned on that homeland: "My fellow villagers ..." (Comment: The example is not only just right, but also full of emotional infection. ) Gao Jialin is a warm-blooded young man, who has great motivation to go to the city to fight hard, and has like-minded lovers who appreciate each other. This is just like the reason why Xiao Bu is puzzled. His inner desire has long belonged to entrepreneurship, and he hates that he can't cut off the villagers and struggle for himself without attachments like Gao Jialin. However, at the end of the story, Gao Jialin was heartbroken and returned to his hometown. (Comment: The story and mood of Xiao Bu and Gao Jialin are intertwined, which not only closely follows the theme of the article, but also gives the article an unforgettable tension. The choice after entanglement must be profound and broad. The modern city and entrepreneurship policy can't be compared with the past, and all young dreams are more and more beautiful under the rendering of the times, but Xiao Bu should have confidence, and it is more touching to spread knowledge back home. (Comment: Like a face-to-face conversation, go back to the starting point and start the following discussion.

Economist Cheng Siwei once said: Economy can guarantee our today, science and technology can guarantee our tomorrow, and only education can guarantee our day after tomorrow. (Comment: It is a great "secret" to quote appropriate, short and profound philosophy and put it at the beginning of the paragraph. ) When graduation approaches, if Xiaobu chooses to return to his hometown, it will not only fulfill the ardent wishes of his fellow villagers, but also show Xiaobu's vision and courage-he has the courage to look after this poor village that has raised him for 2 years, and he has the knowledge to place his unfinished wishes and the choice of giving up on a younger, more dynamic and future generation. (Comment: the analysis of "foresight" and "courage" is incisive)

If Xiao Bu really returns to her hometown, she will surely not regret it, and she should not regret it. Just as "a soldier dies in battle or returns to his hometown", Xiao Bu's choice is not a heroic tragedy, but a wise man's choice. (Comment: The quotation is brilliant and the summary is profound. ) Marx said that if we choose a career that can work better for human welfare, then the burden can't overwhelm us, because it is dedicated to everyone. At that time, what we feel is not poor, limited and selfish fun. Our happiness will belong to millions of people, and our cause will exist silently but forever. (Comment: Ending the full text with Marx's words is both profound and sublimated to the center of the full text, which has the effect of making the finishing point. )

General Comment This is an article with great tension and feelings, which shows that the author's literary skills are unusual. The full text is profound and full, both literary and argumentative. The first two paragraphs reveal Xiao Bu's inner entanglement and struggle, and suggest Xiao Bu to return to his hometown to spread his knowledge face to face. In the middle two paragraphs, examples and reasons are used to further persuade Xiao Bu to return to his hometown to spread his knowledge and change from "ego" to "ego". The last paragraph is profound and perfectly quoted, which sublimates the center of the whole article.

3. Burn the fire of the silkworm torch and promote the beauty of dedication

Zweig said in "The Stars of Man Shine": "A person's greatest happiness is to discover his mission when he is young." (Comment: It is the choice of many candidates to use warning words at the beginning. However, there are three difficulties. First, the quoted warning words are too popular, which often fails to have a moving opening effect. Second, due to insufficient accumulation, it is difficult to find warning words that suit the topic. Third, if you can't recite or skillfully use them, even if you think of a famous saying, it is a vague impression. The little author quoted a famous saying by Zweig, and it was a very clever choice to cut into the materials from the point of "prime of life". Xiao Bu, a newly graduated college student, is undoubtedly in the prime of life. Facing employment, it is not difficult to choose a foreign company and create an excellent life. It is not difficult to realize the dream of starting a business and listen to the inner choice. What is difficult is to take on the mission of teaching and educating people and changing the poor hometown and even the society. (Comments: After cutting into the materials, the little author used the method of parallelism, put forward his own suggestions and expounded his own views in comparison. This also reflects the author's superb language generalization ability and expression ability. However, the word "even", although elegant, is not fluent, and it will be fluent if it is changed to "this". ) burning the fire of a silkworm torch, casting people's souls with candles and promoting the beauty of dedication should be Xiao Bu's happiest choice. (Comment: This sentence is a topic sentence and also a theme sentence. )

To return to my hometown to teach and spread knowledge, I choose a hard job, but it is also a responsibility and a hope, which reflects a selfless and dedicated pursuit of life. (Comment: Explain the reasons. Chang Chunyuan, a "rural super teacher", could have been a comfortable teacher in a slightly developed town, but he resolutely returned to his hometown to teach, saving a small amount of salary every month to add extra-curricular books to his children, and realizing the value of life in the long mountain road; Teacher Li, who sticks to Tibet, can only talk to his son by video every month, but always insists that "a piece of chalk is the national luck" in the simple classroom in the open air. (Comment: Quote examples, explain the reasons, and indirectly give suggestions to Xiao Bu. However, the cited cases should be accurate and specific. The so-called "accurate" means that there is no serious injury in fact in the case, and the "rural super teacher" quoted by the author should be "Chang Genyuan" rather than "Chang Chunyuan". The so-called "concrete and clear" means that the person, name, occupation, time and details of the case should stand the test, but the "teacher Li" quoted by the author who sticks to Tibet is not very specific. Of course, it is worth understanding that I can't remember it at the moment in the examination room. They are all like Han Mei, who is "Qiao doesn't fight for spring, but only reports the spring", silently dedicating themselves and making the most appropriate annotation on the mission with no regrets.

To return to teaching is actually to go to the grass-roots level and get close to people, and to support great undertakings with meager strength. This choice is not only in Yaozhai, but also in Xinjiang, not only teachers, but also in grassroots village officials. "If I die, please bury me in the sand. I don't need a tombstone, just plant a tree." Since the reform and opening up, gratitude to cadres stationed in Xinjiang has become a tradition of planting trees to commemorate after death. Over the past 6 years, the trees on the Tianshan Mountains have been winding into forests, singing carols of the Gobi desert spirit. Can't those selfless cadres who help Xinjiang live a better life? No, they just chose the grass-roots level, chose to make contributions, and paved the road of national unity and rejuvenation with their youth. (This passage is a failure for two reasons: First, instead of writing around Xiaobu's choice of returning to his hometown to be a teacher, he extended the topic to the "grassroots", thus stealing the topic of writing. Second, the nature of the "proposal" is not obvious. Does the author suggest Xiao Bu to be a grass-roots village official? It's puzzling. )

Milan Kundera said, "Life is a tree full of possibilities." When Xiao Bu is faced with the infinite possibility of employment, the possibility of stepping onto the three-foot platform is the most beautiful, and he gets the sweetest and fuller fruit in his cultivation. For this reason, retired diplomats choose the possibility of teaching in Guizhou without regret and undertake the mission of spreading knowledge; Forensic Yang Jian chose the possibility of being stationed in the frontier, holding up maintenance and