How to educate-stop beating, scolding and nagging, talk to your child from another angle, and don't let him feel pursued because of a problem.
Mark Twain once listened to a priest's speech in church. At first, he thought the pastor's speech was very good and touching, and he was ready to donate money. Ten minutes later, before the priest finished speaking, he got impatient and decided to donate only some small change. Ten minutes later, before the priest finished speaking, he decided not to donate any money.
In psychology, this phenomenon of psychological impatience or resistance caused by excessive stimulation and long action time is called "overrun effect" Ji believes that parents and teachers should pay attention to the over-limit effect in three aspects in education.
First, criticism When your child makes a mistake that makes you angry, do you also suspect that the child didn't remember it after a criticism, so you will be "bitter" and "noisy" repeatedly? Every time you do this, the child's psychology will gradually develop from the initial guilt about his wrong behavior to impatience with your repeated criticism, and even backfire. In addition, some parents often blindly preach to their children to be big and empty, but they don't know that their children are already very familiar with these "famous sayings". Even if these words are correct in themselves, they will not play a positive role. Therefore, parents and teachers should remember: students made a mistake once, don't repeat the same criticism on the same thing, and if they must explain why they can't do it again, they should also change their perspective, so as not to make students feel "pursued" and have an over-limit effect. Education should pay attention to the "white cloth" art. China's paintings pay attention to "carelessness and impenetrability". "Sparse and easy to walk" is "white cloth", and with "white cloth", aesthetic feeling can be produced. Parents should stop talking to their children at ordinary times, leave some "white cloth" appropriately, let the children think and reflect on themselves, and must not "chase after them".
Second, praise should pay attention to students' preaching, so isn't the more praise the better? Russian writer krylov wrote a famous prophecy called Demjan's soup.
Demjan is a very hospitable person. One day, a friend came to visit from afar. Demjan was very happy. He personally cooked the most delicious dishes and served a large basin of delicious fish soup. My friend drank the first bowl and felt very satisfied. Demjan advised him to drink the second bowl. After the second bowl, I have a little more friends. But Demjan didn't care and kept saying, "Have another bite, my friend. What a delicious soup this is. " Finally, my friend couldn't bear it anymore and left the bowl.
Although "fish soup" is a good thing, if it is given too much, it will cause psychological burden to "soup drinkers" and even make them impatient. The ancient Greek philosopher Democritus said, "When people go too far, the most suitable thing will become the least suitable thing." Similarly, the praise for students in education should not be too "cheap", and excessive praise will have an over-limit effect. As we know, movies are composed of still pictures, and the reason why they seem to move is because of people's aftereffects. The same is true of praise. When you praise your child, the child's satisfaction and motivation to learn will last for a while, so you don't have to praise them all the time. This is called intermittent reinforcement in the reinforcement theory of behavioral school. The effective reinforcement theory of behavioral school also holds that although both positive reinforcement (such as praise) and negative reinforcement (such as criticism) have the effect of influencing motivation, positive reinforcement may produce other beneficial effects besides the expected motivation enhancement effect, which is called positive reinforcement spillover effect, while negative reinforcement may bring negative effects. Therefore, parents should criticize their children as little as possible when they do something wrong and praise them when they do something wrong.
Third, the learning overload effect will also bring cognitive overload. In other words, when people accept tasks, information and stimuli, there is a subjective ability. Beyond this ability, people are unwilling to take these tasks seriously. For example, in a class, if the teacher asks you to learn 10 words, you may study hard, but if you are asked to learn 50 words, you may not even be interested in trying. Therefore, when explaining a certain knowledge, truth and homework to students or children, we should pay attention not to exceed the limits acceptable to students in terms of time and number of tasks, otherwise it will not only fail to achieve the original intention of education, but also be counterproductive.
Everything must be reversed, and education should be measured and not over-stimulated.
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