Separation seems to be the most effective adhesive for love. The farther the distance, the more hopeless the meeting, and the more lasting and beautiful the love. Life or death, as long as two people never meet again in this life, this relationship will become a permanent legend. So some philosophers lamented: "The only way to make a love last forever is to completely separate two people who love each other. 」
As early as the earliest book of poems in ancient China, the Book of Songs, we saw such a sad, lingering and poetic poem Jiaqu: "Jiaqu is pale, and the white dew is frost. The so-called Iraqi people are on the water side, tracing back to it, and the road is long. Xiu Yuan Xi, swimming from it, is in the water.
/kloc-Keats, an English poet in the 0/8th century, was disappointed when he saw a beautiful ancient Greek urn. To this end, he wrote the following poem: "You can never, ever kiss a bold lover, even though you are getting closer and closer to your goal …" On that beautiful ancient urn, a brave man looked at his lover through mud, paint and hopeless void.
It seems that the most perfect and lasting "Iraqi" at all times and in all countries seems to be placed on the other side of the water, watched by lovers and sung by poets. As the saying goes, "ask the world how to teach people to commit themselves to life and death." Once "Iraqis" happily fell into the trap of marriage and made a happy marriage, but unfortunately they became the red and white roses written by Zhang Ailing: "After marrying the red rose, over time, the red one became a touch of mosquito blood on the wall, and the white one was still as bright as the foot of my bed; Married a white rose, the white is the rice on the clothes, and the red is the Zhu Shazhi in my heart. 」
If you take any one of the red and white roses, you will still be infatuated with it and devote your life to it. I am afraid that writers can write it, and readers may not believe it! In the new edition of Legend of the Condor Heroes, Mr. Jin Yong recorded an interesting detail. A physicist questioned his one-way infatuation with Bao Xiruo, which was written by Hong Yan Lie, 18 years unchanged: "Love is a two-way communication emotion, which cannot flow in one direction like a rectifier. He thinks that Hong Yanlie's love for Bao Xiruo is not worth it, and the risk factor is too high, which is simply an unlikely miracle. However, Mr. Jin Yong replied: "The four greatest writers recognized by literary critics in the world are Homer, Shakespeare, Goethe and Dante, but the love written by these four great writers is a one-way street, not a two-way communication. He also cited many examples: Helen, a ruthless beauty in Homer's works, abandoned her husband and eloped with Paris; In his sonnets, Shakespeare described his unforgettable but unattainable love for a black beauty "Lady Dark". Goethe described the young Werther's desperate love for the engaged woman Charlotte, which ended in suicide. Dante has had a soft spot for a girl of the same age-Beatrice since he was nine years old. This unrequited love lasted his whole life. Finally, in his immortal masterpiece The Divine Comedy, the girl became a great woman who guided him to roam in hell, purgatory and heaven.
Mr. Jin Yong's admiration for unrequited love proves Wan Yanhong's devotion to Bao Xiruo and the rationality of unrequited love in the past 18 years, and also strongly shows that love is like a luxury. The more great, lasting and thrilling love is, the more unidirectional it is. Only through separation and death can we reach the perfect state.
Perhaps some readers will ask, is love just a legend that people sigh after a meal? Isn't there a kind of love, which is two-way, and will never fade in 365 days without separation and death?
Yes, of course. I will talk about this in detail later. Here I want to talk about a question first, that is, when did the love we all longed for become an unattainable luxury?
From luxury goods to consumables-Love that changes unconsciously in time. The so-called luxury goods, relative to daily necessities, are frequently used words in economics. Luxury goods are usually high-priced and high-quality goods that are difficult for ordinary people to contact, such as luxury houses, cars, high-grade jewelry, brand-name clothing and so on. And daily necessities are indispensable to the lives of ordinary people. Originally, love should be like a commodity, and everyone has the right and ability to get it. However, in the materialistic society, facing the ever-changing emotional reality, the cup of love, which should be too strong to melt, has been ruthlessly diluted. It has always become a fable, and love and marriage have been attached with conditions and labeled. On the one hand, we are full of dreams and hopes for love, but class one considers the scale and weight of material in the choice, on the other hand, we have to resist all kinds of slutty temptations outside. Love, which was originally a commodity of life, has become a luxury under the grinding of the sharp blade of reality.
For example, a fashion magazine with an astonishing circulation in Chinese mainland recently shouted: "Love seems to be rampant, and it is the first luxury in 2 1 century. Many polls show that more and more urban men and women now think that "love is the most beautiful and good, and you can live without love." "Taking love as the ideal and marriage as the career" has gradually become a new slogan for mature women. When we are in love, we may know what love is, but when we start to step into the wedding hall, have children, have a house and a car, we gradually lose love.
That's because after a long time, love has become a consumable.
I remembered a bestseller that was all the rage a few years ago, and its title was Who Moved My Cheese. Day after day, year after year, a piece of cheese named "life" unconsciously changed its taste; From the initial sweetness and aftertaste, to the gradually sour and moldy taste. However, the subtle changes in this process are rarely noticed, until one day, it is found that it has completely deteriorated, which is regrettable.
So is love. It is said that the so-called * * * emotion is actually a substance that can only last for one and a half to three years in the human body: in the deep center of human brain, Cupid's arrow, called dopamine, is stored. When a man and a woman fall in love, dopamine, a neurotransmitter in the lower hypothalamus of the brain, is constantly secreted and irresistibly gushed out. Then, we have the feeling of love. See you for a while, miss you for a while. This is what the Book of Songs says: "I don't see you for a day, like Sanqiu."
Unfortunately, however, our bodies can't bear this stimulant-like ingredient all the time, that is to say, a person can't be at the peak of tachycardia forever. So at some point, the brain had to cancel this idea and let those chemicals metabolize naturally under its own control. Such an exciting process usually lasts for one and a half to three years. According to statistics, the average duration of dopamine secretion is 30 months. With the decrease and disappearance of dopamine, * * * also becomes calm. In other words, the love between a man and a woman can only last for 30 months. When it was all washed away by time, boredom and mediocrity replaced * * * and mystery. Love is mixed with daily necessities, and chickens and geese fight. With luck, it can also be used as "daily necessities", and most of them have become "consumables". If unfortunate, it can only be reduced to "scrap iron." How many people have an affair and divorced, isn't that the love between them has been exhausted? If marriage is compared to a car tire, love is the gas inside. Without love, tires are in danger of being scrapped if they are not inflated in time. Some people make up for it, while others simply change to a new spare tire.
What used to be everyone's daily necessities has evolved into an expensive luxury that can only be seen in love stories, and then into a ruthless consumable in marriage, useless scrap iron in an affair and divorce. In this way, love has undergone a qualitative change unconsciously under the exposure of time.
Tolstoy said: "All happy families are similar, and each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. I've been questioning Thon's famous classic saying: Is a happy family really always "happy"? What is the so-called happiness to maintain? Why do novelists, poets, dramatists and even movie master enjoy singing the love of Where Are You Going, but seldom praise this happy family? Why did the fairy tale come to an abrupt end except that it finally told us that the prince and princess lived happily ever after? As for how they are "happy, sweet and harmonious" but "vague"-why do some film and television works describing married life make us feel like a scar instead of excitement and romance?
Remember that classic American Oscar movie called Kramer vs Kramer? Joanna, a beautiful wife after ten years of marriage, suddenly left without saying goodbye after kissing the sleeping child one morning. Later, we learned that she was so heartless because she couldn't stand the triviality of married life and her husband's long-term neglect and indifference to her, her children and even this family under the pretext of busy work.
Remember the New Year's film "Mobile Phone" directed by Xiaogang Feng? Originally, it was a comedy released in the Lunar New Year file. After watching it, the audience did not laugh heartily, but it was a bit bitter. That's because the TV host played by Ge You openly uses mobile phones as a modern communication tool to engage in extramarital affairs. One of his colleagues, Zhang Guoli, a senior planner, used an ironic aesthetic term "aesthetic fatigue" to describe his wife who had lived under the same roof for more than 20 years.
This has to cause us to think, why is a beautiful love annihilated once it is attacked by marriage and daily life? Why did some men who strode forward under the banner of love, under the pursuit of the "hurt locker" of marriage, quickly defect and fall to the "Little Three" camp? Why did the passionate lover gradually become a husband with aesthetic fatigue?
Maybe Joanna is not human? Maybe Ge You's TV host is not strong enough to resist the temptation outside?
No, neither. Joanna, or the host played by Ge You, is the most ordinary person in the world. They didn't ruin their marriage and love because of some "evil", which is why their stories attracted so many audiences. In my opinion, what makes these ordinary people's "love cheese" rot gradually in marriage and daily life is not evil, but dullness and inertia. It was an "unwise sword" that cut their relationship by mistake.
Being a "three noes" woman: preventing the "unwise sword" from cutting erotic lines by mistake. Readers may say that you are wrong, which is called "smart sword to kill love". I want to say, no, most people's love and marriage tragedies are mistakenly cut by an "unwise sword." The name of this sword is "Sword of Damocles".
In ancient Greece, there was a king named Dionysius who ruled the richest city in Sicily. He lives in a beautiful palace with countless wonderful and priceless treasures. A large number of attendants are waiting on both sides, ready for orders. The king has a friend named Damocles. He often said to the king, "You are so lucky! You have everything people want. You must be the happiest person in the world. One day, the king was tired of hearing this and said to Damocles, "Do you really think I am happier than others? Then I want to change places with you. So Damocles put on his royal robes and a golden crown, and sat at the table of the banquet hall filled with delicious food. Flowers, wine, precious perfume, touching music, everything, he feels that he is the happiest person in the world. When he raised his glass, he suddenly found a sharp sword hanging upside down on the ceiling. When the nib almost touched his head, Damocles' body froze and his smile disappeared. His face was pale and his hands trembled. He doesn't want to eat or drink. He just wants to escape from the palace as much as possible. The king said, "What's the matter, my friend? Are you afraid of the sword that may fall at any time? I see it every day, and it hangs over my head all the time. Maybe someone or something will break that thin line. Maybe some minister coveted my power and tried to kill me. Maybe someone spread rumors to turn people against me. Maybe the king of a neighboring country will send troops to take my throne. Maybe my decision-making mistakes forced me to abdicate. If you want to be a ruler, you have to take all kinds of risks, and risks are always with power. Damocles said, "Yes, I see. Besides wealth and honor, you have a lot of troubles. Please return to your throne, I'm going home. From then on, Damocles cherished his life very much.
In everyone's love and marriage life, even if we are as happy as the king in the story, as long as we look up carefully, we can see an invisible, dangerous and shaky sword of Damocles hanging over our heads with a mane or hair. For the king, risk and power coexist; For lovers, risk and happiness coexist. Friends who have been happily in love and successfully entered the marriage are often blurred by the dull happy time day after day. It is not until the sword of Damocles falls and the relationship is cut off that they realize the existence of risks.
Therefore, compared with men, women who pay more attention to happy love and happy marriage should always remind themselves of the existence of this sword if they want to have a perfect love and maintain a happy marriage hand in hand. Only by doing this, love is neither a luxury that can be obtained through separation and death, nor will it gradually become a consumable or even a waste in the tempering of time.
For such a woman, love will keep fresh charm all her life, and she will not lose her risk estimation in happiness because she has obtained marriage and love, and ignore the shelf life of love as cheese.
I remember one year at the Spring Festival party, Song Dandan said with emotion in the essay "Talking about Things" in front of the national audience: "Woman, be cruel to yourself! As soon as this statement came out, many women immediately accepted it and began to "strictly" demand themselves. At the same time, some people are quite dismissive of this. In fact, the so-called "ruthlessness" is not cruel, not to show the ruthlessness of the most poisonous woman's heart, but a kind of ruthlessness that is determined to overcome all difficulties, a kind of sobriety that does not lose itself in the position of love and marriage, and a kind of ruthlessness to myself and the man I love most. Because women, especially oriental women who are deeply influenced by the concept of a good wife and a good mother, it is easy to blindly engage in sexual relations and lose their focus. In the end, they were all exhausted, and they didn't keep their husbands or their marriages (this question will be discussed later).
Therefore, this book is dedicated to women who don't know how to be "cruel" to themselves, and also to their favorite men. A "vicious" woman is strong and smart. They are both red roses and white roses, but they will not become a drop of mosquito blood on the wall or a grain of rice on their bodies because of the passage of time. Perfect love and marriage have not made them lose their foundation and soil, and they are still free to stretch and grow without experiencing life and death. They often stay with their families on this side of the shore, bringing warmth and comfort to each other: they are often watched by their lovers across the water.
They will break the spell of great love through separation.
They are right next to us.
They are women with hidden thoughts, unpredictable personalities and erratic actions. I call such women "three noes" women. Even in ordinary daily life, they make men dream of getting married. They never depend on men, and will not become accessories of men's material life and spiritual world. There is a kind of "ferocity" in them, which makes them stable in career, love and marriage. Under the illumination of their confidence and wisdom, love is no longer a consumer product, nor a luxury, but a daily necessity.
The "three noes" women not only live in the love story where are you going, but also live in a happy marriage. However, all along, we often ignore the existence of such women, or even if we see their charm, we don't know how to define them and imitate them, so that they are always so rare and lonely.
So, what charm does the "three noes" women have to attract men for a long time? Why can they not only get phoenix nirvana in the love story where are you going, but also get eternal life in the real feelings and marriage they face every day? Why do women who are a little "hard" on themselves and men make a perfect love last longer? What women in history and reality can be called "three noes" women? If you are interested in these, then I hope you have time to read this book.
Mystery, freshness and distance are preservatives to maintain sexual relations. The concept of "three noes" woman is closely related to my last book.
Another book of mine, See through the Death Hole of Men Before Love (simplified version titled "Men are Beasts, Women are Nesting Animals"), has received many letters from readers. In these letters, there are support, doubt, doubt and opposition. In short, there are different opinions, among which the concept of "three noes" is the most talked about. In the first chapter of the last book, I put forward the idea that what kind of woman is the most unforgettable for men, so that they will never leave? I think she is not a beautiful woman with outstanding appearance, nor a gentle and virtuous lady, but a woman who is hidden, unpredictable and erratic. I call this kind of woman "three women"
However, where is the real charm of the "three noes" woman? How to become a "three noes" woman? How to implement this "three noes" principle of "concealment, unpredictability and uncertainty" after falling in love with a man or even getting married? Due to the limitation of space, I didn't fully elaborate on it, which also attracted many readers' misunderstanding. A female reader wrote in an email to me: "I have read the whole book n times, but I still haven't mastered the essence of the" three noes "women ... I will think about it only when I can't get it. What about after I get it? " Or you can't get it all the time. After a long time, when you meet that kind of woman, you will unconsciously frame it as "no". Will you find the most ordinary woman in the future? Some readers still think that the so-called "three noes" women are mysterious and unrealistic ideas, and some even think that this is a bad trick to promote extramarital affairs and encourage women to be "mistresses." These problems also forced me to think and explore further, so this book came into being.
In this book, you will see that, based on a large number of real life and gender counseling cases, I have concluded that "three noes" women are men's favorite. Mystery, freshness and distance are preservatives to maintain sexual relations. If a woman wants to get a happy love and marriage, I don't think it depends on beauty, wisdom or just love, but on the spirit of "three noes": that is, her thoughts should be secret, her personality unpredictable and her actions always erratic. This "three noes" spirit will firmly trap a man's heart and make him loyal to you all his life. This kind of woman is the so-called "three noes" woman As for why beauty, wisdom and love are not weapons to subdue men, everyone will know after reading this book carefully.
Maybe some readers don't agree. They believe that men and women love each other and enter marriage by heart-to-heart communication, not by playing tricks and mystifying. In fact, this is a serious misunderstanding of the "three noes" woman. Haven't you noticed that extramarital affairs and divorce rate are still high, many middle-aged couples have lost their love except responsibility and affection, the seven-year itch is inevitable, and there are more and more asexual marriages (referring to couples living together again, but basically having no sex). Isn't that the result of not paying attention to "keeping fresh" for each other? Some people may say that the so-called "three noes" woman is too difficult to do. As I will say in the book, she is not born, but gradually cultivated (I will also mention many "three noes" skills in later articles). The spirit of "three noes" is not a tricky love game, but an essential equipment for keeping love fresh.
I remember once giving a lecture on gender in an overseas returned overseas Chinese club, and I also mentioned the concept of "three noes" women. A single man in his thirties said on the spot, "I don't like women with three noes." Are you tired of dealing with such a woman? " Boys in their early twenties like this, but it's useless for men my age. I think two people together rely on mutual attraction and soul mates. 」
Others say that this person is a "British returnee" studying in the UK. After returning to China, he started his own business and opened an advertising company. The income is not bad, but my eyes are high, and I haven't even made a satisfactory girlfriend. Soon, I heard that he was in love. I happened to meet him on MSN and asked him. He said that the girl was originally one of his clients, and her appearance was not particularly beautiful, but she had a temperament and style that attracted him. I asked him what his temperament and style were, but he couldn't describe it. He just said, "It's an elusive taste, just like a famous painting. People can't help but ponder after reading it. " "In the long run, this feeling fascinated him. Soon, they fell in love, and soon, they got married. I was glad to hear his description. Isn't this what I call a woman with three noes? He said before that he didn't like this type of woman, but in the end he was subdued by this kind of woman unconsciously.
This reminds me of reading Jin Yong's martial arts novels when I was a teenager. I couldn't put it down without being surprised: Why can't a dull Guo Jing leave the playful Huang Rong? Overbearing Zhao Min fell in love with indecisive Zhang Wuji? Qiao Feng is a man with indomitable spirit. Why was he completely melted by the petite and gentle Aju? Wei Xiaobao loves everyone, but how can he be as incurable as a terminally ill person after seeing Chisui? A few years later, after rereading Jin Yong's works, I suddenly realized that this is what we usually call "everything has its vanquisher". Yuan Hao, a poet in the Jin Dynasty, once asked a poem: "What is love in the world? Teach people life and death! However, ordinary real life is not a novel life, and not every relationship is earth-shattering, making people cry and committing themselves to life and death. But "everything has its vanquisher" is like a golden monkey subduing demons, just like Tang Sanzang mastered the Monkey King with a spell, obedient and willing, and inseparable.
In fact, the so-called "everything has its vanquisher" is not a buzzword, but a cliche, which has appeared many times in classical novels such as The Journey to the West and The List of Gods. In the laboratory, every creature has its own natural enemies who specialize in subduing it. In martial arts novels, every poison has its own antidote. Isn't that what love groups do? Women submit to destiny takes a hand's man, and men submit to destiny takes a hand's woman. In this wheel of fate, there are many twists and turns, entanglements and condensation, grudges and debts, close lovers and permanent couples. They are both lovers who love and hate each other, enemies who can't be resolved, and fated nemesis in life. In this sense, "three noes" women are women who are good at conquering men in love. For example, Lin Daiyu, Jane Eyre, Huang Rong and Little Dragon Girl are all typical "three noes" women. In other words, you want the man you like to be loyal and consistent to you, and you want each other's feelings and marriage not to have "aesthetic fatigue". Being a "three noes" woman is a wise choice.
As the saying goes, "If you hit a snake seven inches, you will catch a soft spot." Just like two martial arts experts, one of them took out the secret skill of killing and hit the key acupoints of the other at once, so why not bow down and submit? So, let me sum up and ask what the world is like, but everything has its vanquisher. As long as you hold your lover's lifeline, you are not afraid that he (she) is not in your bag! As for how to buckle, please read on!
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This article is authorized to be published from Good Culture/Ceng Zihang, "Women are not cruel, men are not kind! 》
"Women have no malice, men have no kindness! 》