What is empathy?

To put it more complicated, empathy is a way of communication that objectively understands the inner feelings of the parties and conveys this understanding to them.

Simply put, empathy means "don't do to others what you don't want others to do to you". Empathy is putting yourself in others' shoes.

To put it bluntly, empathy is "emotional intelligence".

Specifically:

Empathy means that when the leader assigns work, you should understand his purpose and see his intention clearly. I often encounter such a situation: when arranging work for team members, I repeatedly ask "Have I made myself clear" and "Are there any questions?" After repeated confirmation, what I submitted is still irrelevant. So when I accept the task, I always confirm to the leader: What do you want? What's your purpose? After understanding this, you can help him solve the problem effectively from his point of view.

Empathy means that when motivating employees, we should focus on their "excitement" and not expose their "scars". Everyone has a reason to work hard Rich families are afraid of losing their jobs to prove their abilities, while poor families are afraid of losing their jobs to improve their lives. Knowing the different psychological needs of different people can arouse everyone's enthusiasm. If you don't ask questions, it's futile to shout for fuel with a whip.

Empathy is to understand each other's needs and psychology when cooperating with others, and to persuade each other subtly that both sides should work hard for the same goal. It is usually difficult to subdue others with strength.

Second, listen and live.

Seven years ago, I chatted with Pan Jiuyang of Beijing Traffic Station. He said, "What is a good employee? Good employees are very simple, just four words: obedient and active. " I always remember this sentence, which is a wise saying.

What do you mean "obedient"? There is an old saying that "the east can't work, and it's exhausting." Who is "East"? Your immediate boss is "Dong", and most of the time, it is right to listen to him.

A friend said: I have the ability, I am better than the leader, so I won't listen to the leader! Regardless of who has a high level-since he can be your leader, there must be something better than you-let's talk about level and ability first. What is "ability"? If the leader uses you, you will have the ability. I don't need you, and your abilities are mostly in vain.

According to my experience, generally speaking, leaders are better than you, at least one thing: he has more comprehensive information and more accurate judgment than you. Because it is easier for leaders to reach higher levels and understand their intentions, you don't know what they know. You think this is right from your own point of view, but at a higher level, leaders don't necessarily think so.

Some friends say that my leader is blind, which is obviously wrong. Why should I listen to him? This is another problem that we will talk about in the last article. If you feel that the current environment cannot be improved, you can consider leaving your job.

What do you mean by "alive"? It is the work given to you by the leader. You should finish it on time and report and summarize it. If this work is going to last for a long time, then you need to give feedback to the leader in stages. We often make mistakes. When leaders arrange their work, they don't ask you, don't say anything, even if they don't mention it, it's over.

Past? It's not that easy! The leader remembers. When you wait for him to ask you, "Hey, Xiao Chen, how's the last thing I arranged for you to do?" -He has written a label for you in his mind: "Not reliable".

One "unreliable" needs ten "reliable" to reverse, two "unreliable" will be difficult to change the impression, and three "unreliable" will not give you a chance.

"Being alive" has another meaning, that is, "exceeding expectations". Let's talk about this later.

Third, if you want to be famous in front of others, you must suffer in secret.

Working in a company, everyone's IQ is similar, and no one is much better than anyone else. They all work very hard and hard. If you work hard, you will do better than others. Oh, you are not smarter than others. When others get off work, you get off work, others play with you, others date you and pick up girls. What makes you do better than others?

It is not difficult to understand the truth that "if you want to be famous in front of people, there must be bitterness behind it". The real pain is vague. Some people will say, why don't I enjoy life at a young age? This idea is very common. This is a question of values. There is nothing to say. One can live as one pleases. But some friends are obsessed with pursuing ideals and enjoying life, and these friends can talk.

Ma Yun once said: What we want to pursue is the great balance of life, not the small balance day by day. There is also a saying in New Oriental: Never be afraid of suffering all your life. The two sentences have the same effect and are worth pondering.

A job, you want to work hard, the leader knows at a glance, you want to fool, and you can see it at a glance. This is not a fluke. The standard for leaders to judge this problem is simple: you didn't expect what I thought, of course you don't care; What I thought, you thought of a part, you didn't pay enough attention to it; What I didn't expect, what you thought of, was intentional-this is "exceeding expectations." If you can give your boss an unexpected result every time, you are undoubtedly a good employee.

Fourth, how many great things can be achieved as much as you can endure.

Tell a joke:

In the elevator, the leader farted and turned to the secretary. Who farted? The secretary quickly replied, "Not me!" The leader didn't speak, and it was over. Soon, the secretary was transferred. When the leader talked about the reason for the transfer, he said, "I can't stand the big grievance. What can I do?"

If you want to be appreciated and reused by leaders in your work, you must have excellent working ability, and more importantly, you must have enough self-restraint (anti-pressure or blood transfusion ability). It is certain that you can accomplish many great things as much as you can be wronged. In order to examine your "ability to withstand pressure", leaders sometimes deliberately test you, so you must stand the test.

I have experienced something similar myself:

I worked overtime one day and got home at 2 pm. I received an email from my boss criticizing me for not doing my job properly. I was devastated and wronged when I received the email. So I immediately wrote a book and replied to the email! Explain how I work, what I do is reasonable, what I do is effective ... I wrote more than 2,000 words.

After writing, I seemed to calm down a little, so I thought about one thing: if I was the boss, I was dissatisfied with an employee's work, so I wrote him an email to criticize him. What I want to see is his eloquent explanation and excuse? Obviously not. Then I suddenly understood, so I deleted all those more than 2,000 words and simply replied with a sentence to the effect that I would reflect on the problems in my work and then rectify them as soon as possible.

I was promoted two months later. At my promotion ceremony, I told my boss about it, and he told me that I know you are wronged, and I just want to see how you will react when you face injustice and pressure, which shows a person's maturity.

One more thing, people will sigh that "money is hard to earn, shit tastes bad" and everyone wants to "earn money standing up". I'm sure you didn't see him when he was kneeling. We always emphasize "dignity". Bill Gates once said, "No one will care about your dignity. You can only achieve as much as possible before you feel good about yourself. "

For a genius like Bill Gates, what about a mediocre person like me?

Five, always hide from the leadership, you are in danger.

Many people avoid leaders, talk to them as little as possible, and walk around them. Because there are many things when you are close to the leader, there are not many contacts with the leader, few things and more leisure. This is "a leaf can't see Mount Tai".

If you want to make some achievements in your work, I suggest that you should take the initiative to communicate with the leader. What leaders usually say in meetings is general, and what is important, useful and valuable is not necessarily said. It's not that he didn't want to say it, but that he didn't have a chance to say it.

Interested employees will take the time to communicate with their leaders at any time, increasing the opportunities for private communication: eating together, smoking together, going to work together, and even singing karaoke together ... Through this opportunity, you can understand the leaders' views on you and your work, which will help you adjust the way you work.

Some friends worry that this will arouse the resentment of the leaders, but it will not happen at all. Leaders are mostly lonely. If he finds an employee who humbly asks him for advice and actively shares his work ideas, he is very happy.

A friend said, I don't want to be so tired, I just want to muddle along. Even so, you'd better take the initiative to communicate and report with the leader. You chase him, you are the active party, but you are not tired; When he chases you, you will be passive and eventually exhausted.

Lao Luo once told a story. When you entered the company, you bowed your head and ignored the boss. Of course, the boss ignored you. When it comes to the year-end assessment or layoffs, the boss vaguely remembers that you are a person, but you don't know your name, let alone what you did. The boss will think: this is your fault, not mine. You're not fired. Who is it?

The boss is human, too. If we communicate in a human way, everything will become much easier.

6. Don't be stingy when helping others.

Ma Yun once said that success is to achieve yourself and help others. That's true.

If you work in a company and you find that your work can be done by yourself without anyone's assistance, you are probably a handyman. On the contrary, the more people need to cooperate in the work, the more complicated and advanced it is. In practical work, I find that I am in a cooperative network, and I can't work without the help of others.

When you are busy with a job, a colleague comes to you for help. Many times we will refuse directly or even rudely, but we don't know that doing so is sowing the seeds of trouble for your future work. The worse luck now, the better another time. In a company, everyone's work is likely to cross each other. Maybe you'll use someone. These personal relationships need to be maintained at ordinary times. Today you help others, maybe tomorrow they will be your lifeline, which is very possible.

One day, I was trying to cope with a project summary. At this time, a colleague from other departments came to me to talk about cooperation. I don't know him. I patiently introduced him to the situation and really formed several pleasant cooperation. Half a year later, at my promotion defense meeting, I found out that he was my defense member. ...

Seven, target repositioning, quantification and re-quantification.

Without a goal, it is not called work; What is not quantified is not called a goal.

When accepting a job, first ask what the goal is; When assigning work, first explain what the goal is. I don't know. It's all bullshit.

Don't want to be a blindfolded donkey? Then, in addition to being clear about your goals, you must also be clear about the goals of your department and company. Most importantly, you need to know where your work is in the overall goal and what role it plays. If you find that the goal of your work has little or no relationship with the overall goal, then you will be easily removed.

It is a headache to dismiss employees or grade their performance "unqualified", but it is not difficult. The key is to set quantitative work goals with each employee in advance and remind employees whether his work meets the requirements at any time. It is natural to dismiss or "fail" if the quantitative indicators are not met. In the face of data, hypocritical people have nothing to say. On the contrary, if you talk about feelings and hope, you can't do it.

It is my duty to find a solution to the problem.

I can't say "I can't do it" or "I can't do it" for the work assigned by the leader.

In order to solve this problem, the company invited us to work. If we can't solve the problem, we are worthless. It is normal that we can't continue to work when we are in trouble. What we need to do is to actively find answers and methods. Even if your method is not suitable, then ask, but in any case, we can't tell your leader, I won't.

The day before yesterday, I heard in the company that the team leader next door arranged for colleagues to book a conference room. Anyone with company work experience knows that it is difficult to book a conference room, and if it is not good, it is necessary to "trust the relationship to enter the back door". This little classmate may not have booked it, so he said to the leader, "I didn't book it." His leader was anxious and said, "What should I do? Do you want me to book it? "

It makes sense for leaders to be angry. After finding that the conference room can't be booked, the young students should find a way to solve the problem by themselves-the simplest thing is to consult with their old colleagues.

The ability to solve problems is the most critical ability of employees, and there is no one. It is normal to encounter difficulties in work. At this time, we have an obligation to find a solution to the problem.

Nine, try not to say "not me, I didn't".

When most people face criticism, their instinctive reaction is to pass the buck. The mantra at this time is "not me" and "no me". I always feel that many times, the more mature people are, the less they will face problems with instinctive reactions because of their stronger self-control.

Try not to say things like "not me" and "not me", because these words are useless, and leaders are used to such evasive words and will not be moved at all. At this time, if you can take the initiative to take responsibility, it reflects a kind of responsibility. Even if you are really wronged, defending on the spot is often not the wisest choice. You can keep silent first and find opportunities to communicate with leaders privately. See article 3 for details.

Ten, "if you talk too much, you will lose", and you will die miserably.

In the company, don't gossip, don't gossip, be a gossip.

Just believe one thing: your boss will know everything you say. Good words don't necessarily mean bad words do.

Let's be an upright person, which is the simplest and most beneficial. The principle of an upright person is: criticize to your face and praise behind your back.

Know when to leave.

Many colleagues and friends have talked to me about leaving my job. My advice to my friends is that if you are not satisfied with your job, don't leave your job, because no matter where you go, you will be unhappy: the boss doesn't like it, your colleagues are unlovable, your work is too tired, and your relationship is too complicated ... I assure you with my experience in many big companies that almost all the companies I have worked for have the same unpleasant things.

When are you leaving? I think there are two situations:

1. In this company, you have no room for promotion and you can't learn more.

2. In this company, you have learned enough knowledge to show your skills in new fields or platforms.

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