When it comes to parenting, a perfectionist attitude or a freewheeling mentality can affect your overall health.

Many stories detail the many ways in which your parenting style can affect your child's health. For example, helicopter parents may unknowingly make their young children anxious. On the other hand, growing up in an authoritative household - where parents set limits while showing compassion and warmth - is considered an indicator of a happier personality and better emotional control. (Easier said than done, to be sure, but adorable motivational, no?) RELATED: 12 Moms’ Parenting Styles Based on Their Zodiac Sign

But what about us parents? Most of us know that screaming at our offspring to just leave their jackets outside isn't comfortable, but have we ever stopped to consider whether our parenting style is affecting our own well-being?

People may underestimate the "health impact of parenting," said Dr. Kevin Shafer, an associate professor of sociology at Brigham Young University. His research found that stepfathers are more likely to be depressed than other men, which may be due to unclear Expectations from parents. "Or they might be aware of the psychological effects, like depression or anxiety, but not the long-term physical consequences of those mental health issues, like gastrointestinal issues, migraines, etc." With that in mind, let's explore three common Parenting styles, and how they can frustrate you in healthy ways.

Helicopters: "These parents want to save their kids," explains Amy Morin, LCSW, a psychotherapist and lecturer at Northeastern University in Boston, Massachusetts, and 13 things retarded parents don't do. "If they forgot their soccer cleats at home, or didn't finish their homework, mom and dad would do it for them." These are the same things parents tend to do by stopping at their little ones at the park or applying hand sanitizer at 30-minute intervals.

Helicopter moms and dads, Dr. Shafer says, are "parents who come from a high-anxiety, need-to-control place, who tend to be perfectionists, who put tremendous pressure on themselves and who see their children as A reflection of your own success. ” Unfortunately, all this stress puts you at risk for depression and burnout. Uncontrolled anxiety is linked to a number of long-term physical health problems, including gastrointestinal issues (nausea, diarrhea), insomnia, and a compromised immune system (which means you're more susceptible to viruses that make you nervous), and your son will get them ) or even heart disease.

Morin recommends that the next time you feel like you're on the verge of your child's rescue, take a moment to think about everything you survived as a child. Chances are you've gone to the mall without your phone...or fallen off the monkey bar on the playground.

Another way to deal with anxiety: "Ask yourself what advice a trusted friend would give you in a specific situation," suggests Morin. For example, let's say your 11-year-old wants to try "babysitting" her 8-year-old sister, but your inner helicopter mom isn't happy with the idea. Chances are, a depressed friend may reassure you that it's completely normal and safe to give your 11-year-old a 20-minute break at home. "This approach can help you be less emotionally reactive and more logical, now you just have to apply the advice to yourself."

Morin also encouraged parents to let their children make mistakes. Resisting the urge to keep moving forward and saving them not only teaches them that they can recover, but it can translate into feelings of pride, liberation, and calm about themselves—emotions that Morin says will almost certainly lead to a reduction in healthy, destructive stress levels and possibly even more. A little immunity.

Autocratic: This is the classic dad-know-my-way-or-the-highway parent. Punishment is often excluded (or at least threatened). “Because I told you so” is a common response to the question. Dr. Shafer points out that parenting styles tend to be passed down from generation to generation, and this is especially true for authoritarian parents.

Again, anxiety may be at play. "Sometimes these parents have anxiety and instead of letting their children make their own choices, which may be too anxious, they think: 'If I can control my child, I don't have to worry about my anxiety getting worse,'" Morin explains . In the short term, yelling at your fifth grader to do homework may feel good now because it alleviates your worries that it won't be done on time, but "eventually your child will rebel - which is completely normal - and your Anxiety will skyrocket. "

Educating with an authoritarian POV can also be a recipe for anger issues; all that yelling and demand-making will undoubtedly cause inner anger, and anger is a well-documented, negative reaction to anger. Health has a profound impact on emotions. When anger outbursts out of control, it activates our primitive fight-or-flight system, causing our heartbeats to speed up, muscles to tighten, and blood to be diverted from our stomachs and gastrointestinal systems to our extremities, explains W. Robert Nay, Ph.D. , clinical associate professor of psychiatry at Georgetown Medical School and director of Anger: Six Steps to Assuring Yourself in Out-of-Control Situations. In caveman days, such a response would be helpful, and might even save a life when facing a saber-toothed tiger.

But when your modern nervous system stumbles multiple times a day, like when your toddler keeps putting cereal on the floor, the resulting cascade of symptoms is nothing short of harmful to your health.

Have time to increase your self-awareness: “If you can recognize when and how your anger is triggered, or when anger-generating thoughts arise, you can catch and challenge those thoughts and stop them These automatic reactions occur,” said Dr. Nainai. One of his favorite techniques is called "Stop, Sit, Breathe," which is done when you feel your blood boil and drop from 10 to 1.

“Your brain interprets a seated, lying position as safe relaxation,” he said. “It physically blocks the flow of anger-inducing chemicals, and being in a chair feels like anger. Same thing, when you're standing up, yelling, pointing, it's almost impossible to think you don't have time to sit down? "Unless the house is on fire," Dr. Nay assured me. Even if little Billy has just slammed the door, waking his sister, and you think punishment is in order, "please take a moment to sit down and think about how to handle it, shift from your right brain, your emotional brain, to your left brain," The Verbal and Analytical Brain".

Authority and Positive Discipline

Globally considered a healthy way to raise children, authoritative parenting "allows children to explore in age-appropriate rooms, but at the same time , there is a set of rules and consistency in the home, and the parents are warm and affectionate in their interactions with the children. "Positive discipline, in which parents try to show respect and kindness to their children and focuses on identifying the beliefs behind the behavior rather than the behavior itself, is an offshoot of authoritative parenting that has become increasingly popular in recent years. (For example, if a When a child refuses to put on his jacket despite repeated requests to do so, a positive disciplinarian parent might squat down at the same level of the child's body and ask questions along the lines of: "Looks like you have your jacket open, I How can this help you?")

Confidence and balanced parenting can help you build confidence in yourself, and studies show that people who exhibit self-confidence are healthier overall and live longer, Morin said. Long. “Confidence and optimism are protective against depression, and because they are positive emotions, they are good for you mentally and physically. Dr. Shafer added that authoritative parenting can reduce anxiety levels "because you know more about the child."

Chicago mom Valarie Fairchild, who has four children ages 6 months to 9 years old, said she and her husband recently transitioned from an authoritarian "parenting" that had a lot of talk about responsibilities and consequences. Positive parenting with a focus on building a deeper connection with our children “It’s really helped me be more patient, less irritable, and we have a better connection with our children. ”

A case in point: When her seven-year-old recently refused to bundle up for a sledding session because his red sweatshirt was too big and his orange sweatshirt was too bulky, Fairchild Noticing the tears welling up, "I could see disaster coming," she said. "I continued to pretend, as if my sweatshirt didn't fit, I stretched out my arms, snorted, and turned it half over. Tsukuru almost fell over and after about two minutes he started smiling and we were both giggling and he helped me pick up my sweatshirt and I helped him...and off we went. "

One note: If you decide to try to change your parenting style, be forewarned: "Things are likely to get worse before they get better," says Morin. When you try to Your child may get stuck in it when out of the switch, but eventually, you'll find your new, more balanced normal. Let's say your child calls you from school again because she forgot her lunch. "Don't rush to bring in, like you always do, don't tell, it may feel difficult at first, but soon you'll see your child blossom...and you'll feel better too.

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