Gao Xiumin: Ah ~ ~ ~ What a fool! Big fool! Zhao Benshan: What are you talking about? Why don't you call me a stage name when you come out to sell this job today Gao Xiumin: Father, Zhao Benshan: Well, Gao Xiumin: If you ask me, don't sell this crutch! Zhao Benshan: Because of what? Gao Xiumin: The streets are full of good legs and feet. Who will buy your perfect response? Zhao Benshan: You are talking nonsense. If you don't sell it, this transfer will cost labor and materials. You haven't slept all day and all night, so if you don't do it, you won't lose money? Gao Xiumin: Gee, this street is full of legs and feet. Can you sell it? Zhao Benshan: Don't you know me? You still call me a liar. I can tilt the positive fool, tease the faded fool, fool the sharp person and let the young couple live a good life. I'll lie to him and say goodbye. Today I am a kidnapper, and I can trick him into limping with a pair of good legs! Gao Xiumin: Haha, you can forget it, Zhao Benshan: Believe it or not? Gao Xiumin: I don't believe you can fool a man with good legs? Zhao Benshan: You see, this is my strong point. Gao Xiumin: I don't know what your strengths are yet. My child's father is very interesting. It's said that some people buy riding covers, some people buy motorcycles to sell helmets, some people suffer from insomnia to sell sleeping pills, and others-Zhao Benshan: Stop it, this is called the market, so pay special attention to the quantity in advance! Gao Xiumin: Sometimes you make mistakes in advance! Zhao Benshan: This turn was a mistake. Gao Xiumin: I heard that driving a four-wheeled vehicle with a lock post hurt my leg. I got up early in the dark to make this turn. As a result, I was hit hard and took a wheelchair directly after discharge. This turn is not sold, hahaha ~ ~ hehehe ~ ~ Oh ~ ~ Zhao Benshan: Don't worry, I'll kidnap this couple today. Gao Xiumin: Then the streets are full of legs and feet. Who sells them? Zhao Benshan: Honey, let's find a good one and sell it to him today to see my bluff. Gao Xiumin: Then why don't you lie? Zhao Benshan: Where there is a will, there is a way, understand? Help me shout a few words: Gao Xiumin: I won't fool, do it yourself ~ Zhao Benshan: See if I wink? Hey, someone is coming, shouting ~~ ~ Gao Xiumin: Ah, turn, turn, turn! Turn, turn! Turn around! Fan Wei: I said, what are you bossing around here? You knew where I was going, so you made me turn. Zhao Benshan: Shout for sale. Gao Xiumin: Oh! Sell, Zhao Benshan: Sell what? Gao Xiumin: Turn to Zhao Benshan: Connect. Gao Xiumin: Kidnapped! Kidnapped! Fan Wei: Huh? What's going on here? Who wants to kidnap you? Gao Xiumin: No, he kidnapped Fan Wei: Are you kidnapping? Zhao Benshan: What's your expression? Kidnapping, kidnapping. I can kidnap this. Do you buy it? Fan Wei: What's wrong with you? This is, Zhao Benshan: What's the matter, mind your own business ~ ~ ~ Gao Xiumin: We are lovers, and we are playing here! Zhao Benshan: Hehehe, nothing to play! Fan Wei: This couple, on New Year's Day, sold their wives for fun ~ ~ ~ Oh ~ ~ Gao Xiumin: No ~ ~ Zhao Benshan: It's serious to stop ~ ~. Gao Xiumin: What? Zhao Benshan: It's too serious. Fan Wei: What are you talking about? Zhao Benshan: Hehe, it's none of your business ~ ~ ~ Gao Xiumin: What's so serious? Zhao Benshan: I should tell him not to tell him about the disease. It's dangerous ~ ~ ~ It's okay. I can see that there is something wrong here. My wife won't let me talk, and you can't believe it. Go ahead, it's okay ~ ~ Hehe ~ ~ It's okay ~ ~ Go ahead ~ ~ Fan Wei: You are really ~ ~ Zhao Benshan: Fan Wei: What's the matter with you? Say something nice during the Chinese New Year! What's going on Zhao Benshan: Take it easy. See that something is wrong. Alas, you don't believe it either ~ ~ Fan Wei: You have to say whether I believe it or not. What happened? Zhao Benshan: Regardless of your illness, I know what you do! Fan Wei: Ahem, I know what I'm doing. What should I do? Zhao Benshan: You are the big boss in business-Fan Wei: What? Zhao Benshan: That's impossible. Fan Wei: Nonsense. Did Big Boss pull through safely? Zhao Benshan: Working in a hotel. Gao Xiumin: How did you know he was in the hotel? Zhao Benshan: I smell chopped green onion ~ ~ ~ Is it from the hotel? Fan Wei: So ~ ~ ~ What do you think I'm doing in a restaurant? Zhao Benshan: master chef! Fan Wei: Huh? Zhao Benshan: Really? Gao Xiumin: Gee, how do you know he is a chef? Zhao Benshan: Big head, thick neck, either rich or a cook! -Isn't it? Is it a chef? Fan Wei: Wow, OK, OK ~ ~ You guessed it. Zhao Benshan: Not really? Fan Wei: Ah, ah, yes, yes. So what did you just say about me, saying it was serious and late? What is that? Zhao Benshan: Can you believe it? Fan Wei: I, I, I ~ ~ I believe, Zhao Benshan: I haven't felt a part of you recently, which is different from before. You think, you think hard ~ ~ ~, really, Fan Wei: I don't feel it, I just feel my face is getting bigger and bigger. Zhao Benshan: By the way, this is not the main symptom! Do you know why your face is big? Fan Wei: Why? Zhao Benshan: It's the necrosis of your peripheral nerve that makes it bigger. Fan Wei: Where are you holding back? Zhao Benshan: Below the waist ~ ~ Feet up ~ ~ Fan Wei: Legs? Zhao Benshan: Yes! Fan Wei: No, there is nothing wrong with my leg! Zhao Benshan: Take two steps! Take two steps! Take two steps without illness! Let's go Fan Wei: OK ~ ~ Take two steps, two steps, two steps ~ ~ Zhao Benshan: Stop! What's wrong with your shoes? Fan Wei: Is there a problem? Zhao Benshan: One high and one low? Fan Wei: This is it ~ ~ ~ This is the heel of sports shoes! Zhao Benshan: Yes, your leg is sick and one leg is short! Fan Wei: There is no such thing! If I want a long leg and a short leg, the pants seller will tell me! Zhao Benshan: Did the pants seller tell you that you still sell pants? Who is so kind as me? Guess what? I'll adjust it for you. Believe it or not, raise your legs as high as my hands, as high as possible, and throw them hard, okay? Believe it or not? The leg is specified to be sick and the right leg is short! Come on, get up! (Fan Wei coordinates) Zhao Benshan: Stop! Are you numb? Fan Wei: numb Gao Xiumin: Hey, why is he numb? Zhao Benshan: Stamping will numb you! Zhao Benshan: Are you numb? Are you numb? Fan Wei: numb ~ ~ Zhao Benshan: Get up, get up! Leave it alone, the leg is 100% sick, leave it alone and relax! Let's go Go, go, go. Forget it, forget it. Would you like to go with me? Go up, it will be fine little by little. Go ~ ~ (Fan Wei cooperates) Fan Wei: Oh, my God! Zhao Benshan: You go! Gao Xiumin: My good leg is lame! Fan Wei: What should you say? Zhao Benshan: Did you see that? My wife saw it. She said you were suddenly lame. Fan Wei: Sister, why didn't you find out earlier? Gao Xiumin: You haven't met him before. If you had met him earlier, you would have been lame ~ ~ Zhao Benshan: I had already transferred you ~ ~ Fan Wei: Brother, what's the matter? This? Zhao Benshan: Don't worry, you sprained your leg when you were young. Fan Wei: No, I sprained my leg. Zhao Benshan: It's moving! I don't know. Later, your career was very bad for you. So you are not a spoon, but a pier cutter. You always press this leg hard, and the heavier you press, the lighter you tiptoe, the heavier the femoral head is, and the later you are a vegetable! Gao Xiumin: Ha ha ha ha ha ~ ~ Zhao Benshan: What are you doing? Gao Xiumin: I said ~ ~ When I first saw him, my eyes would still ~ ~. Ha ha ha ha Zhao Benshan: Be honest! I'm adjusting my condition! Fan Wei: Brother, what medicine should I take? Zhao Benshan: Drugs don't work! Gao Xiumin: Don't let people take medicine during the Spring Festival. Come on! Zhao Benshan: Look, my wife knows crutches! Fan Wei: A cane? Zhao Benshan: Please sit down ~ ~ ~ After you are on crutches, your legs will gradually balance and get better little by little. At the beginning, an old man saw my leg was sick and worried about money, so he wouldn't let me see a doctor. Finally, she was disabled ~ ~ ~ Fan Wei: What about you? Zhao Benshan: There is a steel plate in it. You can't turn it back ~ ~ ~ Fan Wei: Is this a useless leg? Gao Xiumin: Nice leg, old man ~ ~ ~ Zhao Benshan: What are you talking about! Good ~ ~ good legs. Who is on crutches? Fan Wei: Yes, Gao Xiumin: That turn isn't-Zhao Benshan: Don't be fooled! Fan Wei: Oh, sister, will you stop fooling around? This is a patient-to-patient discussion about the disease. What do you always use to match it? This is ~ ~ I'll see what's wrong with this leg ~ ~ Zhao Benshan: Your leg is not needed ~ ~ I'll walk for you. I didn't go before ~ ~ It's over ~ ~ (Zhao Benshan goes) Fan Wei: Oh, oh, my God, oh, my God. Gao Xiumin: Don't be blind. Didn't you get kicked out when you dumped your shoes? Zhao Benshan: Can the legs be removed? How much are your shoes? Fan Wei: So ~ ~ 220 ~ ~ Zhao Benshan: 220? Just a pair of money. Fan Wei: Where can I buy crutches? Zhao Benshan: Transfer to Gao Xiumin: Is that right? I'll sell you this crutch ~ ~ Zhao Benshan: What are you talking about? Get over there! What are you selling? What should I sell after I finish? Why are you like this? Wouldn't it be over if a woman picked it for him? Fan Wei: No, Gao Xiumin: No? Zhao Benshan: Will you stop it? Turn! Fan Wei: Ah, big brother! Oh, brother, I can't ask for it for nothing. I have to pay ~ ~ ~ Zhao Benshan: I know your character. If her woman wants money, you can't get rid of it. You're ashamed. When you tell you that I don't want it, you look down on you, don't you? I still have to, give half, a hundred. Fan Wei: Hey, come on ~~ Zhao Benshan: I told you to give me more encouragement! Fan Wei: OK, OK, Zhao Benshan: Stop it ~ ~ (Fan Wei pays) Fan Wei: Ah, big brother, that ~ ~ my two pockets are only 32 yuan ~ ~ Gao Xiumin: Then take it as much as you want Zhao Benshan: What kind of bike do you want? What kind of bike do you want? Fan Wei: Oh, yes, yes ~ ~ Zhao Benshan: Why are you doing this? Gao Xiumin: I didn't say I wanted a bike? You said you wanted a bike ~ ~ Zhao Benshan: I smiled. Oh, I couldn't control this wife, so I asked someone for a bike. Gao Xiumin: I didn't say I wanted a bike! Zhao Benshan: I won't take you out in the future ~ ~ ~ Fan Wei: Brother, don't be angry all the time. I think what my sister said is still reasonable. You said that with my legs and feet, I basically bid farewell to my bike, didn't you? I'll just give you my bike ~ ~ ~ OK? Zhao Benshan: OK ~ ~ Gao Xiumin: No ~ ~ You can't have someone else's bike. Take it back and push it back ~ ~ ~ You don't know he's lying to you! Fan Wei: You are lying to me! How could you? I wonder why there is such a big gap between two couples living together. Zhao Benshan: Brother, turn around! Fan Wei: Brother, fate! Zhao Benshan: Take it easy ~ ~ Go back and get well, and it will be fine in a few days ~ ~ Fan Wei: OK ~ ~ Big Brother, Zhao Benshan: Take it easy, Fan Wei: I won't say anything ~ ~ Gao Xiumin: Are you going a little too far? Zhao Benshan: How can he thank us? Fan Wei: Thank you! Zhao Benshan: Look! (Fan Wei walks away on crutches) Zhao Benshan: What are you looking at? Why are you so distressed? Go, change places! Gao Xiumin: What are you going to do? Zhao Benshan: Find someone with bad legs and feet and sell him a bike! (Zhao Benshan pushes his bike to Gao Xiumin)

Lines from the sketch Kung Fu at the Spring Festival Gala in 2005 (Complete Boutique Edition)

The lines of the essay Kung Fu (Zhao Benshan, Fan Wei, Cai Weili, Wang Xiaohu) in the Spring Festival Gala in 2005;

→ Coral Captain/Note: No one is allowed to copy or publish it at will. The lines are only for those who imitate sketches and those who are loyal to Zhao Benshan's sketches. Please forgive me for making minor changes to the manuscript!

Zhao Benshan: I heard that he changed his job as an improper chef into an anti-fraud hotline, but he felt threatened and would never be cheated again. The cruel reality almost pushed up my psychological defense. If I don't sell him something this year, I won't be able to fulfill the topic I promised the audience for three years!

Cai Weili: Master, let's go in.

Zhao Benshan: Don't worry, dial a harassing call first!

Fan Wei: Hello, this is the anti-fraud hotline. I am an old fan who has been cheated by myself. With years of experience, I can make a clear judgment on whether you are fooled or not. ~ ~ ~ Please press 1 for abductions, 2 for cars, 3 for brain teasers and1/kloc-0 for stretchers!

Zhao Benshan: Hello!

Fan Wei: Hello!

Zhao Benshan: Excuse me, are you Master Fan?

Fan Wei: Ah ~ Who are you?

Zhao Benshan: This is ~ ~ ~ I have a question to ask you directly.

Fan Wei: Ah, you're right!

Zhao Benshan: We have an old sow with white flowers in the dark. She got up in the morning, opened the door and ran at 80 mph. She hit a tree and died!

Fan Wei: Killed? Is there anything wrong with the pig's eyesight?

Zhao Benshan: Both eyes are 1.5!

Fan Wei: Are you mentally ill?

Zhao Benshan: I am mentally healthy!

Fan Wei: Then how could it be killed?

Zhao Benshan: Because that pig has no brains!

Fan Wei: I said you are not picky. You don't play by the rules. Press 3 for a brain teaser. In that case, I also ask a question!

Zhao Benshan: Say it!

Fan Wei: After the Spring Festival, our family didn't buy new year's goods, only a pig and a donkey were left. Do you think I should kill the pig or the donkey first?

Zhao Benshan: Then kill ~ ~ first and give you two a chance!

Cai Weili: Donkey meat is delicious! Kill the donkey first!

Zhao Benshan: Kill the donkey first!

Fan Wei: Congratulations on your correct answer. So is the pig! ~ ~ ~ demo, ~ ~ hum!

Zhao Benshan: Sadness, I really sympathize with you. I plan to travel alone. How can this reassure me?

Wang Xiaohu: Master, kill the pig first!

Zhao Benshan: That donkey thought the same thing! I'm telling you, it's not good for you to kill anyone first on this issue! Why didn't I answer, just because I thought he had a problem! ~ ~ Eh, see? He has grown from a neck in those days to two calves now!

Cai Weili: Master, he is wonderful. I think we should go home!

Zhao Benshan: No, the kidnapper tricked him into limping, and the seller tricked him. If I don't get rid of him in 10 minutes, I can't be a teacher with you two!

Cai Weili, Wang Xiaohu: The master led the door. What a fool!

Zhao Benshan: OK, look me in the eye and go in! Beautiful him, look, aha, he ran away, where to run!

Cai Weili: Is Chef Fan there, please?

Fan Wei: Hey, who are you? You ask ~ ~ ~ er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, the pig hit the tree. You hit a pig, didn't you? Did you rear-end the car? Why did you change it to 3 again?

Zhao Benshan: I have missed you for three years!

Fan Wei: Fool!

Zhao Benshan: I've come to confess to you!

Fan Wei: Keep joking!

Zhao Benshan: My apprentice is my witness!

Cai Weili and Wang Xiaohu: Hmm!

Fan Wei: I organized a group here to fool me. It's hard to fool me. As long as we good people are alert to you, what can you do? Huh? Just a few brain teasers! There are/kloc-0 monkeys on the ground, and there are 7 monkeys on the tree, which are both two monkeys and eight monkeys!

Zhao Benshan: Maybe three monkeys, maybe nine monkeys!

Fan Wei: Why has it changed again?

Zhao Benshan: Pregnant with a monkey!

Fan Wei: Is it interesting?

Zhao Benshan: It's boring. I won't give you a brain teaser. I'm here to apologize! For three years, the most sorry person in the world is Chef Fan. What a nice guy, I always tell you, why do you think I lied to him? How honest and honest! You hit me twice, you can't, you scold me, you can't talk, so, anyway, you forgive me, I will, forgive or not, I will come with sincerity!

Fan Wei: Yes, yes, yes, it's still paved!

Zhao Benshan: Help me up!

Fan Wei: Yes, I can stand up. There's nothing wrong with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take two steps. Take two steps, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh? Everyone is watching, and everything has nothing to do with me! Why do you always hang around like this? Get up! what can I do for you? Let's get this straight, okay? Zhao Benshan: Do you want to hear it?

Fan Wei: I want to hear it!

Zhao Benshan: Did you get your letter?

Fan Wei: As long as you stand up, I will believe you!

Zhao Benshan: Go away, I can stand up!

Fan Wei: Say it!

Zhao Benshan: It's a long story. I remember it was the first snow in 2003, a little later than in 2002!

Fan Wei: What did you do with the lyrics? If you have something to say, just say it!

Zhao Benshan: I won't play with you. I will apologize to you today. Get the goods! Look familiar?

Fan Wei: Is this the hundreds of dollars you cheated me of?

Zhao Benshan: Not a penny!

Fan Wei: Which watch is this?

Zhao Benshan: I haven't seen it in my hand!

Fan Wei: Big Brother! ! ~~

Zhao Benshan: The feud between us should be settled. Wheelchairs have been the chief culprit in these years. Today, I must smash it in front of you!

Wang Xiaohu: Master can't break it!

Cai Weili: Master, this wheelchair is a witness to your brother's reunion!

Zhao Benshan: Don't talk nonsense, I, you can't stop me!

Fan Wei: Brother, if you want to hit me, you are too sincere. The children are right! It is not only a testimony to our reconciliation, but also a reminder to me to avoid being fooled again in the future. I have collected it!

Zhao Benshan: No, how do you accept the money the child gave me?

Fan Wei: I'll pay!

Zhao Benshan: How much is it?

Cai Weili: Two thousand!

Fan Wei: I'll give you two thousand pounds!

Zhao Benshan: I'll give 2500!

Fan Wei: I'm three thousand!

Zhao Benshan: I'm 3500!

Fan Wei: I have four thousand pounds!

Zhao Benshan: I'm five thousand!

Fan Wei: Deal!

Zhao Benshan: Put it on Chef Fan.

Fan Wei: You shout 5000, and I'll finish with a hammer. Deal!

Zhao Benshan: No! You remember wrong. How did you shout?

Cai Weili: I heard it was Chef Fan!

Wang Xiaohu: No! It's the master!

Fan Wei: Look!

Zhao Benshan: What a mess! What a mess! Well, it doesn't matter who shouts! Look at us. Who shouted first?

Fan Wei: I called first!

Zhao Benshan: How much did you shout?

Fan Wei: I'm two thousand!

Zhao Benshan: I'm 2500!

Fan Wei: 3000!

Zhao Benshan: 3500!

Fan Wei: 4000!

Zhao Benshan: 4500!

Fan Wei: 5000 pounds!

Zhao Benshan: Look!

Fan Wei: No, I am an elf myself!

Zhao Benshan: Then you are in a mess!

Fan Wei: Stop it, 2000 2500 3000 3500 4000 4500 5000!

Zhao Benshan: Yes!

Fan Wei: Yes,

Wang Xiaohu: I remember wrong, the host shouted!

Fan Wei: No, no, big brother, I called 4000, but you directly called 5000, right? Right?

Audience: Yes! ! ~~~~~~~~~~

Zhao Benshan: Well, it's a mess. Since my brother and I agreed to accept it, let's shout it again and find out who is shouting this 5000. That! ~ ~ What's the starting price?

Cai Weili: 2000!

Fan Wei: I'm in 2000!

Zhao Benshan: Deal! It's not messy this time!

Fan Wei: No, aren't you going to call?

Zhao Benshan: Yes, I'm afraid I'm confused!

Fan Wei: Ah! Don't move! This wheelchair is mine!

Zhao Benshan: I'm telling you, bro, you shouldn't ask you for money. You are still very proud. You have to take care of people, but ~ ~

Fan Wei: But if I give it to you, I will be fooled!

Zhao Benshan: I tell you, I didn't think about it at first ~ ~

Fan Wei: Er, er, er, changed it to Rob?

Zhao Benshan: You are mistaken!

Fan Wei: Come on. From the moment you entered the room, you used a bitter plan. When you were caught, you used many tricks. Master and apprentice cooperated with the plan to smash the car and suddenly dropped the mallet. I only used one plan!

Zhao Benshan: Let's play!

Fan Wei: This is a plan for you!

Zhao Benshan: Walking is the best policy!

Fan Wei: No!

Zhao Benshan: I failed. Do you know why I failed? He is a chef who only reads the art of war without reading the menu. Get out!

Cai Weili and Wang Xiaohu: Master! ! ! ~~~~~~~~~

Zhao Benshan: What are you doing? Where are you kneeling? I'm here!

Wang Xiaohu: Master, I'm sorry. Your IQ is so low that I can't learn anything from you!

Cai Weili: What should you do? You're going to miss the No.2 bus soon!

Zhao Benshan: Sad!

Wang Xiaohu Cai Weili: Master, my disciples worship me!

Zhao Benshan: Aye aye! The world is crazy. Rats are the bridesmaids of cats! Oh, my God!

Cai Weili and Wang Xiaohu: Master, please accept us!

Fan Wei: Er, er, er, children, this book is endless. Just learn it well. Give you a red envelope in the New Year, ah, a red envelope!

Zhao Benshan: Can you take this money? Didn't I pay you both last month? Sad, really sad!

Fan Wei: Come on, everybody, take it!

And: Master Xie!

Cai Weili and Wang Xiaohu: Master, take it down!

Zhao Benshan: Ha ha ha, anti-hegemony!

Fan Wei: Alas, it is impossible to prevent! But I refuse to obey you. I'm still in a wheelchair, aren't I?

Zhao Benshan: What do you want?

Fan Wei: What about your promise? Where is your stretcher?

Zhao Benshan: Develop it yourself!

Fan Wei: Hmm!

Zhao Benshan: This is customized for you. If it is short, it can be lengthened!

Fan Wei: Yes, you took great pains for me. Thanks to my superior plan, I opened the red envelope!

Zhao Benshan: Huh?

Fan Wei: During the Spring Festival, I send you a pair of couplets: "Turn around for a year, shake your destiny for a year. Thank you! "

Zhao Benshan: I'll give you another rhetorical question: "Self-taught"!