People who can't communicate don't communicate. Everyone has different views and practices on things, because everyone's feelings and emotions are different, which leads to a world of difference in handling things, especially when two people can't communicate, people who can't communicate will not communicate.

Don't communicate unless you can communicate. 1 As the saying goes: "What songs are sung on what mountains; What did you say when you met someone? " Sun Wu has a famous saying: "Know yourself and know yourself, and you will be invincible." It can be used as a guiding principle for our interpersonal communication and conversation. Talking without looking at the object will not only fail to achieve the purpose of conversation, but often hurt the other party.

On the contrary, knowing each other's situation, even if you make some bold remarks, will not cause harm to each other, so as to achieve your own goals. So people who can't communicate don't communicate.

Remember these taboos to make your interpersonal communication smoother.

First, when there is an argument, don't push the other side to the wall.

When you want to get into the whirlpool of argument, the best way is to put it down and not argue. For example, aggressive arguments can only defeat the people, but not convince them. People who are forced to have nothing to say by your eloquence are often full of complaints. Don't expect to change the other party's existing ideas and prejudices just by verbal arguments.

You are aggressive and insist on arguing until the last sentence. Although you can get the self-satisfaction of winning the performance, it is impossible to make the other party feel good. Therefore, in conversation, we must adhere to the principle of "seeking common ground while reserving differences" and don't impose our views on others.

Second, don't show off too much.

People who blow their own horn, talk big, and "brag" are often weak at the outside, just to attract people's attention and satisfy their vanity. Friends and colleagues get along, and you are talking about credit. If you brag about what you can't do, it will give people a flashy impression. Showing off oneself, showing that you are brilliant and knowledgeable, will make the other party feel embarrassed and is not conducive to communication.

Don't complain, tell others your misfortune.

There are troubles, grievances, pains and grievances in my heart. Although you need to talk to people, you can't talk to people you don't know. First, the other party may not be very interested; Second, it is difficult to have compassion without knowing your own actual situation; Third, you may misunderstand that you have shortcomings and deficiencies, which is why you have so much trouble. In this way, your venting can easily lead to the boredom of the other party. Therefore, it is of practical significance to keep calm psychologically, control yourself and try to talk to anyone.

Fourth, when friends are helpless, don't talk about yourself.

"When you are proud, don't forget when you are frustrated." If a friend confides his loss and pain to you, his intention is to get sympathy and comfort. If you inadvertently compare your complacency with your friends' misfortunes and setbacks, it will inevitably stimulate their self-esteem. He may think you are laughing at his incompetence, so it is difficult to clear up the misunderstanding, so be careful what you say.

Don't talk about others in an accusatory tone.

The relationship between friends and colleagues is equal, and you can't be self-righteous and condescending. Overbearing reprimand will hurt each other's self-esteem, and this habit will make you become withdrawn. Human beings have a * * * nature: no one likes to accept orders and reprimands from others. Never be self-righteous and let others have their own' face'.

6. Don't touch privacy at will.

Everyone has privacy in his heart and territory that he doesn't want to be violated. Modern people attach great importance to privacy. It is your honor for a friend or colleague to tell you his inner secret out of trust. But if you can't keep a secret, it will make them sad and even resentful. Privacy is the most sensitive, exciting and stinging corner in people's hearts, so we should avoid such topics whether in person or behind.

Seven, don't do some impolite actions when you speak.

In order to respect each other's conversation, the first thing to do is to keep a dignified conversation posture. Shake your legs, pick your nose, yawn, etc. It's all impolite. In particular, don't stare at other people's eyes, otherwise it will make them feel embarrassed; Don't look down on it, otherwise it will give people a feeling of being above others; Don't look around, or you will make the other person feel that you are absent-minded or have other plans.

Eight, don't just focus on individuals and ignore others.

When talking to many people, don't just focus on one person and ignore others. It is best to use a topic to arouse everyone's interest and let everyone express their opinions.

Don't interrupt others' conversation casually.

When someone else is talking, the topic is suddenly interrupted, which will make the other person feel dissatisfied or suspicious. I think I know nothing about current affairs, my level is low and my knowledge is shallow; Or think that you hate or dislike such topics; Or think that you don't respect people and have no culture.

Don't talk about topics that others don't understand.

If the other person doesn't understand and is not interested, please don't speak. If you introduce yourself unconsciously, the other person will think you are pedantic, showing off or deliberately embarrassing him.

Don't communicate unless you can communicate. Don't be ambiguous.

99% of communication problems are due to high ambiguity. In other words, a sentence may have multiple meanings, and the two sides understand different meanings, so it is easy to have problems in communication.

For example, you and your colleague are working on a project, and your colleague says to you, "I don't understand this project." This kind of words is very vague. This project is so big that it is divided into four modules: abcd4. What don't you understand? If your colleagues are confused by module A, but your understanding is generally confused by module C, taking module C as an example, your communication efficiency will be very low.

Therefore, we should try to avoid such ambiguous words in our life. What can I do specifically to ensure that the other party understands accurately?

If you are a colleague who asks questions, you can add that what I don't understand refers to a certain aspect under module A, so that the other party can understand.

Similarly, communication is two-way. If the other person is vague, you also need some words to ensure smooth communication. If the other person just says "I don't understand this project", you can respond: "Are you the A module under the item?"

The basic logic is not to let the ambiguity in the communication process be too high. Whether you are a listener or a speaker, you can say more definite words to ensure smooth communication, which can make your interpersonal relationship better and better!

Don't be full of doubts.

"It's not what you think."

"I told you who told you not to listen to me?"

"What's the matter? You are too melodramatic. "

How would you feel if someone said these things to you? If it were me, I would think, "This man has gone too far."

99% people think the same as me, because this is a weakness of human nature.

No one likes to be questioned, everyone likes to be affirmed, even if they have done something wrong, they like to be affirmed. In communication, many problems arise because they violate this weakness of human nature.

If you want to solve problems and communicate better, doubts can exist, but you must be sure first.

Affirmative words include:

I quite agree with what you said.

I can understand how you feel.

It is normal for you to have such an idea.

Logic is actually affirming each other's feelings, words and ideas, and then expressing their own views. At this time, even if they are different from each other, communication can go on very smoothly, because you are sure first.

So when communicating, don't be full of doubts, or your interpersonal relationship will get worse and worse!

Don't turn facts into opinions.

What are facts and opinions?

"I ate a fruit today", which is a fact. Describe what happened.

"I ate a super delicious fruit today", which is an opinion and defines fruit.

Never turn facts into opinions in communication, which may make your communication completely [collapse].

If you chat with the leader and the leader asks which colleague you prefer, the wisest way to communicate is to tell the truth.

A colleague, who graduated in 1985, has been exposed to many large and small projects in the past two years. He usually chats with us and helps us a little. He usually doesn't take a lunch break at noon and often sees him reading.

After telling the truth in this way, we can neither offend people, but also let the leaders make rational judgments. This is a great exchange.

But if you say it as an opinion, it becomes:

Colleague a,/kloc-0 graduated in 1985. In the past two years, she has done a good job in interpersonal relationships and studied hard.

After such an opinion is finished, the leader may be disturbed by you in his judgment. If it turns out that it doesn't agree with what he thinks afterwards, his impression of you will get worse and he will continue to praise this colleague. Other colleagues may not like you, which is not only bad for your existing communication, but also affects your subsequent interpersonal communication.

Don't communicate unless you can communicate. First, don't be too vague.

There are communication problems, usually because the ambiguity is too high. In other words, this sentence has many meanings, and there will be differences between the two sides, which will make communication difficult.

For example:

You and your colleague do a job together, but the colleague says, "I don't understand this job, how to do it!" " "

This sentence is a very ambiguous sentence. This work is divided into 1, 2 and 3 points. What don't you understand? If this colleague doesn't understand at 1 and you do at 2/,then your understanding is different. How can you finish the work well?

Therefore, in communication, we should avoid ambiguity, specifically, we should do so, or explain according to the above examples.

If you are an understanding colleague, you should ask, "I don't understand 1 this place in this job?" Only by asking accurately can the other party understand accurately and give a more accurate answer.

Of course, passing is also a two-way street. If your colleague asks such an ambiguous question, you can ask him again. "What do you mean by work? What does the shooter woman not understand about this?" This can ensure smooth communication between the two sides.

The principle is not to let ambiguous words appear in communication. No matter what you listen to or say, you can say more definite words to ensure smooth communication, so as to make your interpersonal relationship better and better.

Second, don't be full of doubts.

For example:

It is not what you think!

I told you, who told you not to listen to me

Don't be too sentimental. What's the big deal?

How do people who say such things make you feel? I think I will feel bad after hearing these words. I think the people who said these words have gone too far.

99% people think the same as me, because this is a weakness of human nature.

People like to be affirmed, but they don't like to be denied. Even if you do something wrong, you don't want to be denied by the other party. Many problems in communication actually violate this weakness of human nature.

Therefore, if you want to solve the problem, you must communicate well. You can have doubts, but you must make affirmation first.

take for example

I understand how you feel now.

It's normal for you to think like this, and so on.

Logically, affirm each other first, and then say what you think. At this time, what you said is not consistent with the other party. Because there is your affirmation in front, the communication behind will be smoother.

Therefore, don't question each other before communicating, otherwise your interpersonal relationship will be very poor.

Third, don't turn facts into opinions.

Facts are facts, and opinions are opinions!

In communication, you can't turn facts into opinions. There is no way to communicate smoothly. If you are chatting with a leader and the leader asks you which colleague is better, the simplest answer is to tell that good colleague that this is a fact.

Colleague Kobayashi, high flyers, has done many projects in the company in recent years. She is also very kind to others at ordinary times and will do something for everyone. She never forgets to improve herself during lunch break, and often sees her reading.

Telling the truth in this simple way will not offend people, but also allow leaders to make rational judgments. This is a very effective communication.

But if you turn facts into opinions, it's different:

Xiao Lin's colleague deserves to be high flyers. She has a good interpersonal relationship and worked hard in the company for several years.

Your communication like this will make the leader misjudge. If the leader finds that the facts are different from what he thinks, it will also implicate you and leave a bad impression on you. There is also blindly praising a colleague, which will also make people feel disgusted and is not conducive to your communication. It will also affect your future interpersonal communication.

Fourth, don't think you can win.

Everyone wants to win, but many times they don't really want to win, but because of face problems. The same is true of communication. We always try to persuade each other to accept our ideas.

But if your interaction is always like this, then your interpersonal relationship will get worse and worse.

Because the other person, like you, also needs face, which is everyone's weakness.

Then there will be less communication between you, and it will become an argument, not to communicate to solve the problem, but to see who can say who wins, so there will be no good result.

Therefore, in communication, don't have the psychology of winning each other, but open your curiosity and let each other keep their curiosity about communication, so that your interpersonal relationship will get better and better.