It’s the Chinese New Year, and all the fathers who have worked hard outside have gone home, and their wives and children are warming up. This is the most anticipated and warmest moment of the year for many fathers.
On the first day of the new year, I took my son to watch the long-awaited movie "Bear Bears: Metamorphosis". I thought I would watch it with warmth and comedy, but I didn't expect that I would become Brother Qiang. The father and son were deeply in love and shed tears. After the son watched the movie, his little hand tightly held his father's big hand.
This movie is not only a fairy tale movie suitable for children, but also a good movie that can make adults reflect, about the relationship between father and son, and about companionship.
Regarding accompanying their children, fathers often say:
(1) The lack of companionship, the father’s helplessness
In the film, the bald father suddenly visited Gou Xiong Ridge, Qiang's father, who has always been strict and rigid, was indifferent to Bald Qiang, and getting along day and night failed to ease the relationship. Instead, the conflict between father and son broke out because of the "micron machine" and the flashlight.
Bald Qiang and the two bears were accidentally "shrunk". Unknowingly, Qiang's father left sadly and took away the "shrinking machine" unintentionally. As a result, Bald Qiang and the two bears embarked on an adventure in the "micro world" chasing Qiang's father and the machine.
Bald Qiang had a deep generation gap with his father because his father neglected to accompany him when he was young. After Bald Qiang grew up, Qiang's father wanted to compensate for the lack of companionship in his son's childhood and ease the relationship with his son, but he didn't know that it was too late.
Nowadays, many people are complaining about fathers who have no time to spend with their children, and feel sorry for the left-behind children. However, there are 280 million migrant workers in China, as well as countless white-collar workers and executives from all walks of life, who are forced to make a living in other places. Work, or busy with endless overtime, this is China's national conditions.
Who understands the sadness of fathers who have no time to spend with their children. If they could stay with their children and earn money to support their families, why would they want to go far away from home? Having the opportunity to participate in the growth of their children is what many fathers dream of.
(2) How to balance family affection and career
After Bald Qiang’s father became a logging captain, he was very busy at work and had no time to accompany him. Because of his father's busy work, he was ignored and hurt time and time again, and his feelings for his father gradually faded. After Bald Qiang grew up, he did not go home for the Spring Festival for several years.
After Qiang’s father was selected as the logging captain, he worked more for collective honor in that special era. He is the epitome of many Chinese fathers. In a specific era, he worked hard or traveled far away for the sake of the country, the collective, and the family.
Because they are busy and tired, many fathers will become more and more angry; because they focus more on work and do not notice the neglect and harm to their children. When they react, maybe The child has grown into a rebellious teenager or has learned nothing.
A friend of mine, Xiao Liu, has been working in Africa for 7 years. He majored in electrification at a prestigious university. After graduating from university, he was assigned to Africa by a state-owned enterprise to work on China's assistance in building high-speed rail projects in Africa.
Xiao Liu has been married to his wife for 5 years and their child is 4 years old. He can only go home once a year. After returning home during the Chinese New Year, he said that his children no longer recognized him. He called him "uncle" and shied away from his father's hugs. There was unspeakable sadness in his heart.
When the child was born, Xiao Liu was not with his wife. He only missed the child by phone and video chat. It is important to spend time with your children, but at a time when the country needs it, Xiao Liu chose to abandon small gains and focus on righteousness.
Xiao Liu said that if he works in Africa for another year, the high-speed rail line he is responsible for will be opened to traffic, and he will apply to be transferred back.
It has been difficult to have both children and career at the same time since ancient times. As a father, you must learn to balance. If you simply pursue money and wealth, then spending enough money is enough; if you pursue the ideal of a great country, then you must weigh it when appropriate. After all, children only grow up once.
(3) Father’s love must also be spoken loudly
What made me cry the most in the movie was when Bald Qiang and his father became smaller and were accidentally loaded into a garbage truck. , thrown into the garbage dump. In order to save Bald Qiang, Qiang’s father was buried under the garbage and almost lost his life.
Bald Qiang couldn’t find his father and burst into tears. When he saw the composition about his father when he was a child, he felt lost and suddenly realized that he felt his father’s great love.
The love that many Chinese fathers have for their children is quiet, subtle and profound, but also the most powerful.
Fathers are not good at expressing love. Chinese-style "restrictive" education will make many children not understand their father's love, making the gap deeper and deeper. In terms of expressing fatherly love, the practices of fathers in some Western developed countries are worth learning from.
During the Spring Festival holiday, I took my children to Shanghai Disneyland. While waiting in a long line to play a certain item, a foreign family caught my attention.
This foreign family has three children. The oldest is about six or seven years old, and the youngest is only about two years old. The father is carrying the youngest child on his back. When the two older children were lining up, they were standing on the iron horse railing. Going back and forth, parents do not restrict their children's crazy play.
Because the weather is a bit cold, most of the children in China are being held by their parents, and some are playing with their mobile phones.
After waiting in line for about half an hour, a 3-year-old boy from a foreign family entered the play area through the railing. The tall father jumped directly over the iron railing and "caught" the naughty boy out.
He took the child over, who was a little frightened. He touched the child's head, kissed the child's cheek, and whispered a few words in foreign languages ??to the child. The child was playing happily next to his father. .
If it is a Chinese family, most parents will scold their children until the children cry in fear, which will end this parent-child war.
We often see many foreign film and television works, in which tall, wise fathers explore, vacation, and study with their children. This is the interaction that many Chinese fathers and children lack.
Many fathers in foreign countries not only do not restrict their children's freedom, but instead lead their children to "play crazy" unscrupulously. Fathers and children have secrets that belong only to each other and that even the mother does not know; they have long conversations with their children and truly put their children on an equal footing, rather than "Chinese-style" orders.
Between father and son, express love appropriately, communicate more, and provide more quality companionship. This will reduce the gap between parents and children and create more emotional integration.
(4) Limited time, high-quality companionship
During the short few days that Bald Qiang’s father came to Gouxiong Ling, he cooked stew for him every day, told him to get up and exercise, Flying kites, swinging, and going to the amusement park, I want to realize Bald Qiang’s childhood wishes one by one.
Although it was Qiang’s dad’s wishful thinking that caused Bald Qiang to feel rejected and misunderstood, it was precisely because of Qiang’s dad’s series of actions that he finally “recovered” his son with high-quality companionship, and in exchange for The love between father and son.
Many fathers are busy with their careers and have very little time to spend with their children. Maybe they can only see their children during the Spring Festival a few days a year. But in the limited time, have you spent time with your children well? I still spend 90% of my time playing mahjong, playing games, drinking, or scolding my children for their naughty behavior.
Former US President Obama should be one of the busiest people in the world, but he never "skid work" to raise his daughter. Even during the 21-month presidential campaign, he never missed a parent-teacher meeting with his daughter.
Obama is a ceremonial father. No matter how busy he is, he will come dressed in a suit and tie to blow out the birthday candles for the daughter of his daughter. The two daughters transformed from landlubbers to swimming experts, all thanks to this loving father's swimming coach.
Obama’s eldest daughter Malia will soon follow in the footsteps of her parents and enroll at Harvard. Her excellent results have given the world a glimpse of the educational value brought by high-quality companionship.
As the former President of the United States, Obama’s time dedicated to the country must not be reduced, so the time left for his children is limited. However, he quickly found a balance between work and life, and within the limited time We have optimized the quality of parent-child companionship within a short period of time.
Time is uncontrollable, only quality is controllable. Concentration is the top priority for high-quality companionship.
In life, there are too many fathers whose work takes up more than 90% of their concentration, and they are always subconsciously distracted when accompanying their children. You must know that such half-hearted companionship is of no quality. Although your child is by your side, you are looking down at your phone, euphemistically calling it companionship.
"The Art of Love" describes the art of father's love like this:
In the young mind of a child, father's love is the morning star in the vast night sky. No matter how big the world is, it will always be With its guidance and illumination, you will not be afraid of losing your way.
As a father who has no time to spend with his children, I understand your sadness. If the separation time is too long, then we must find a way to balance career and family. Money cannot buy the company of missing children. If our companionship time is limited, then we should improve the quality of our companionship, put down our mobile phones, have a meal with our children, watch a movie, and do a craft.