A disharmonious family is worse than a single-parent family

A disharmonious family is worse than a single-parent family. We often say that children from single-parent families often grow up in an environment lacking love. But did you know that the most harmful thing to a child is often a disharmonious family? I feel that a disharmonious family is worse than a single-parent family. A disharmonious family is worse than a single-parent family 1

First, the growth of children What is needed most?

When a person is growing up, love is an essential nutrient from the perspective of psychological development and psychological growth. If a person needs to eat a lot of nutritious food to grow physically, then a person's psychological development and growth require psychological nutrition to provide the most basic guarantee for personality.

What is psychological nutrition? Just love and respect. No matter who he is, no matter what kind of family he lives in, during the process of psychological development, if he gets enough love, he will feel that he is valuable, that his parents love him, and that he is worthy of love. . With such a premise, the environment of his external life is just a formality.

Of course, this form will have an impact. For example, if a child lives in a family where parents love each other; another example is an orphan who has no parents, but he may be cared for by his guardian or the director of the orphanage. Give him unconditional and selfless love. In short, as long as he feels that he is loved and enjoys love, he will obtain this psychological nutrition. In other words, love and self-esteem are the key to a person's psychological growth and development, sound personality and future development. protection.

A person not only needs to be happy, but also needs to be successful, creative, courageous, able to participate, free in character, and able to be himself. These are all It is a positive quality that a person must have to be successful in the future. Therefore, as long as children and adolescents have these two nutrients, one psychological nutrition and one development nutrition, if they are satisfied while growing up, then they can be happy. , and it can be successful.

Second, what are the adverse factors that affect children’s psychological development and growth?

Some unhealthy events, sudden traumatic events. For example, if parents often fight, children will feel ashamed. The guilt in young children's hearts will be directed at themselves. If I were better and more obedient, my parents would not fight anymore, especially some fathers. Mom, they will show it to their children invisibly and intentionally or unintentionally. If it were not because of the children, they would not get angry and quarrel. For example, they blame each other for the way their children are educated. Some parents say, "Why do you do this to your children?" "The child has been spoiled by you a long time ago" something like this,

Then the child will feel guilty. If it were not because of me, my mother would not suffer, and she would not be scolded by my father. Parents If one of the two parties is weak, the child will hate the stronger party. If the father hits the mother, the child will hate the mother's incompetence and the father's cruelty. Therefore, if the relationship between parents is not harmonious, it will have a psychological impact on the child. The impact is lifelong psychological scarring.

Distressed families can also cause psychological trauma to children. For example, if there is a patient in the family, if the mother is sick or the father is sick, the child will have low self-esteem. He will feel inferior and silent in school. Those left-behind children, those whose parents are getting divorced, those whose mothers have run away from home, those families who have lost a relative, all the children feel inferior to others.

In other words, in a divorced family, in addition to lacking love, self-esteem and nutrients for development, the child will also have a kind of social pressure. The pressure of this society is that I feel that I am different from others. I am inferior because my parents are divorced. It is a kind of social and cultural pressure. This kind of social and cultural pressure is similar to the first kind of psychological trauma. It will affect a child. Therefore, some children begin to have low self-esteem after their parents divorce. He became taciturn, had fights and quarrels at school, and then became a juvenile delinquent. Why? This is because of the pressure that social culture has given him, which is the negative influence in two aspects.

Third, if a single-parent family is a widowed family, the child will only have psychological trauma, not It feels abandoned because it was not abandoned by its parents.

Another example is "Mom ran away and doesn't want him anymore. He and his father depend on each other." He will feel abandoned.

Theoretically speaking, the meaning of a single-parent family is problematic. In a single-parent family, only one parent raises the child. The current law of the People's Republic of China is that both parties to a divorce must raise their children. It is just a matter of custody and who the child is with, so there is no single-parent family in the narrow sense. Because many people in China are getting divorced, they end up not communicating with each other until they die, and they become enemies. This behavior has the greatest impact on the children. In other words, the children have psychological feelings about themselves through their parents' quarrels, court proceedings, and mutual harm. Those who are not worthy of love have a psychological feeling that their parents are hostile to each other, so the harm is greater than that of a single-parent family.

Looking at all the divorce problems China is currently facing from this perspective, all divorces should be a way of getting together and breaking up, and living in peace, with the least impact on children. Therefore, the healthy growth of children does not depend on the divorce, nor does it depend on whether it is a single-parent family, but on how the divorce was achieved?

Are you still hurting each other after the divorce? For example, if a husband cheats on his wife, and the wife divorces him and takes care of the children, she often tells the children that your father is not a human being, so why is it bad to scold the grandparents? Such a child's psychology will definitely not be sound.

In another situation, two people get divorced because one party betrayed the other, and one party cannot get over the traumatic event. He always feels that the other party has hurt him, and he always plays the weak and the victim. Or, this victim was really a victim at the beginning, but later continued to pretend to be a victim, and the child was kidnapped all the time. It is impossible for children living in this situation to grow up healthily.

In the second situation, two people are easy to get together and stay apart. Even if they are not grateful to each other, they do not hate each other. They allow each other to see the children, and both think that the influence of parents on the children is Lifelong, so they will take care of each other because of their children, and they will not say that they are not allowed to see each other after divorce. At this time, the children will feel that although my parents are divorced, they are divorced because they have no love, and they have them. My father still loves me, and my mother still loves me. I still have a father, and I still have a mother.

I have not lost anything, I am just a little regretful, that is, the pressure of society and culture, that is I am different from others. In this case, the impact on this child will be small, even positive. For example, we see that many children from single-parent families are very successful. Of course, success is only superficial. We don’t know what they have experienced in their hearts. Some of them are just because they have handled it well. From another perspective, parents from single-parent families, If the mental health is high, their children can gain love and self-esteem,

and the pressure from external culture will be reduced, because you are very calm and healthy about this matter, and you will not care about what others think. If it's important, your children will feel it too.

After talking about children from single-parent families, let’s talk about families where both husband and wife are noisy. To what extent do we see noisy families?

If there is so much noise that there is no love at all, but we must protect that "righteousness". How to protect righteousness? For example, I have to consider the other person. Since we are destined to be husband and wife, we should not hurt each other because of our actions. We have to safeguard our righteousness and treat him as a relative. After all, he is still the parent of the child. If If there is this "righteousness", two people can live with each other, or at least respect each other. It is not a big problem for this child to grow up in such an environment. In other words, the responsibility for the three elements in love is still there. Since there is no passion, no sex, no attachment, and no intimate love, there is still responsibility, so there is no problem.

What I fear the most is that all three of them are gone. They are hurting each other by intrigues and insulting each other. This family is doing a lot of harm to the children but not any benefit. It is better to separate early and let each of them live their own lives. This means that it depends on Spend.

So now we look back, which one has a greater impact on children, a single-parent family or a family with an indifferent relationship between husband and wife? I think a healthy single-parent family will have a better impact on children than a family with an indifferent and unhealthy relationship between husband and wife. There is a dialectical relationship between the two families. Depending on the degree, it does not mean that single-parent families are better.

To sum up, if the child has a good sense of self-identity, his sound personality will not be harmed, and he also has his own understanding of himself and his attitude towards marriage, whether in a single-parent family or Growing up in a healthy family, they will all have a bright future and happiness. If we put it in one sentence, the sound personality, psychological maturity and moral level of the parents determine the child.

So, whether you are married or divorced, as long as you don’t hurt each other, don’t do immoral things that hurt each other, as long as you keep this righteousness and still have the ability to love, I believe this Nothing is a problem. A discordant family is worse than a single-parent family 2

In a discordant family or a single-parent family, which one is better for the growth of children?

Although discordant families and single-parent families are good for Children are all hurt, but they don't seem to be better in comparison. Because family situations are different. Let me give a small example to illustrate my point.

A disharmonious family environment will cause children to mature prematurely.

This is supported by practical scientific experiments. An unharmonious family environment, such as constant conflicts between husband and wife, loud quarrels at home, or mutual dislike, can lead to family indifference, which can lead to premature sexual development and maturity of children.

Scientists have never known how to explain this problem, and later found support from the level of animal reproduction.

This is scientifically called reproductive selection.

For example, some animals will give birth to many children, which is to measure in a turbulent environment. So you will see that sometimes the poorer you are, the more children you have. There are also some animals that seek quality, and their living environment is generally stable. Many people with wealthy families and seemingly adequate conditions are not eager to have children.

It's all written in the genes. Turbulent environments trigger reproductive patterns in our genes. This is a scientific explanation.

Children who suffer from family disharmony are more rebellious.

Children who do not get good emotional feedback from the family will look for comfort from the outside. It is easy to be rebellious and become more and more distant from parents.

A disharmonious family will affect a child's personality.

Children are born to imitate. Many of his actions were imitated. If a family is filled with complaints and arguments, the child will assume that this is the way to solve the problem. It will affect the way he handles his emotions.

My parents often quarreled when I was a child. Therefore, I became irritable when interacting with others and was not good at maintaining close relationships. His emotional intelligence is very low and he has taken many detours in his life choices.

If the family is not harmonious and often in a repressive atmosphere, the child will become introverted and timid. It also affects his ability to interact with others when he enters the society in the future.

Although the family is not harmonious, it has not affected the children's normal life.

A friend has a five-year-old son after marriage, and his father-in-law and mother-in-law help take care of him. My friend goes to work, but my husband is away from home all year round. Extravagant gambling is a hopeless habit. A friend wants a divorce, but the wife is considering going out alone without being able to take care of the children. Her husband has a lot of gambling debts, and he is asking his parents and his wife for money. With this kind of family situation, any other woman would have divorced and left long ago. But my friend is not divorced. She said that if she gets divorced, her children will have to live separately from her, and it will be even more painful not to see her children. If you get divorced, you will have no fixed place to live, and your children's livelihood will not be guaranteed. Anyway, my husband is away from home all year round, so out of sight and out of mind.

Think about it, although such a family is not harmonious, the normal life of the children can still be guaranteed.

As long as there is love in a single-parent family, it is not necessarily bad.

Single-parent families generally refer to the absence of either the mother or the father. For example, parents are divorced or widowed. If the parents are divorced, the children will live with one of them. But you have to understand that you love your child, so working hard to create a healthy and positive atmosphere for him will not be a big problem.

First of all, do not refuse visits from your significant other. No matter what happens between adults, negotiate well and do a better job in loving your children. No matter what happened, the other person is the person closest to the child. Don't let your other half go missing. Regular visits and attentive company.

Secondly, if you really can’t do it. Then, try to find a father figure or mother figure and let the child learn from them. make up for the shortcomings in this area. Or find role models in your life. Many children from single-parent families have multidimensional love from other aspects, and they also grow up very healthily. For example, grandparents, parents, friends, etc.

The most important thing for a child’s living environment is to be calm and loving, and to move forward in an orderly manner within the child’s control.

In single-parent families, there is no longer the situation of superficial harmony and detachment, and no repressed mutual accusations. There is only a relatively quiet and stable small life. It is much better for the children than a discordant family. Although life may be relatively tight or have many difficulties. But overcoming these difficulties with children is also a positive anti-stress education.

Single-parent families are not all unlucky.

Zhu Zhu is a lively and cheerful little girl, eight years old. My parents divorced three years ago. She lives with her mother, a working woman who is strong and optimistic. I am busy with work and taking care of her every day. Zhu Zhu feels very happy spending time with her mother every day, because her mother is more creative in life and often gives her various little surprises. She feels that she is much happier with her mother than with her father before. In the past, her parents always quarreled, and she was very afraid of their quarrels. Now that we are separated, we no longer have to suffer the fear of the smell of gunpowder.

In families where marriages are breaking up, nothing seems better. It's best to make your child feel comfortable.

From the above two small cases, it seems that there is no choice between the two. Because I’m not sure which one is more harmful to the child. Therefore, we can only weigh the pros and cons based on our own actual situation.

Tolstoy has a famous saying: Happy families are alike, but unhappy families are each unhappy in its own way. A discordant family is worse than a single-parent family 3

What should we do if we get divorced or not?

As an adult, I actually know the issue of whether to divorce or not. One person's pain cannot be completely understood by another person, but you can feel your own pain 100%. The same is true for marriage. How to tell others about your own marriage in person is not as good as feeling it 100% yourself. .

So you need to make your own decision about where to go after divorce, but you need to figure out some things before making a decision. What was your original purpose for forming a family? Is it really necessary to go to the stage of divorce after considering all aspects? Has the relationship come to an end?

We need to consider these points

First, the good times. No matter how bad things are now, there were happy times at that time, otherwise I wouldn't have married him or her just like that, so think more about the good times at that time, don't compare the good times at that time with now, just remember them Just fine.

Second, think about whether the relationship has ended.

When you think about the good and happy times in the past, do you have a trace of nostalgia, a trace of reluctance, whether it has reached the point of no return now, or is it just emotions, and both parties can't extricate themselves from the troubles. Is there still salvation? opportunity? These need to be clarified before considering the next step.

Third, the division of property and the issue of alimony after divorce. We have to calculate whether it is more cost-effective to own now or after divorce, and whether we can maintain our normal life. Regardless of whether we are divorced or not, we cannot overdraw our lives. How to maximize your own interests is something you must consider clearly before divorce.

The separation and separation of marriage will indeed have an impact on the children, but what is more important is whether both parties can handle the relationship well and minimize the handling of the children

Marriage In fact, it has little to do with the children, but the parents are unwilling to give up a marriage that has been broken beyond repair because of the children, or choose to divorce for the sake of a better future for the children. These reasons for choosing divorce will have an impact. to the child’s future life.

The parent-child relationship is a parent-child relationship, and the husband-wife relationship is a husband-wife relationship. We cannot mess with these two relationships. Even if both parties end the marriage, we can still bless each other, which will cause the least harm to the children. .

It is best for us to teach our children what the big picture is in the divorce incident. The divorce of our parents is just a mutual choice for both of us. Dad will still act as usual. I love you just as much, and my mother will love you as always. Her love for you will not be less, and she will miss you more.

Don’t involve your children in the divorce relationship between husband and wife. Many parents will say to their children, “If it weren’t for you, we would have divorced a long time ago.” This is an irrational approach. We are adults. You should take responsibility for your own choices.

Regardless of marriage or divorce, this is the choice of both husband and wife, but if you choose to divorce, at least do not involve the children emotionally, and do not drag the children down too much financially. Children are least affected. We must be cautious about divorce, make a decision in our hearts before implementing it, and do not make impulsive decisions.