This is a good question, and I know many parents have similar questions. Many people worry that children don't have the same judgment as adults. If we respect children, they may do whatever they want and not listen to adults.
I have also seen some real examples. Some parents read some parenting articles and books and said that they should respect their children, so they began to "respect" their children dogmatically. Dogma is generally manifested as infinite tolerance and non-stop.
The children cultivated in this way are often overbearing and unreasonable. We often use bossy to describe them, which is an adjective derived from boss. This word is particularly vivid and has a sense of picture.
Therefore, I can understand parents' doubts about this issue.
| What is the core of respecting children? |
Before talking about how to respect children, we must first figure out why we should do this.
I think the ultimate goal of "respecting children" and "treating children as adults equally" is actually to empower children. The best way for children to acquire abilities, perhaps the only way, is actually to absorb and acquire them in the process of experiencing the real world.
We respect children and give them rights and responsibilities in order to let them get in touch with the real world more, so that they can absorb more abilities and become stronger in the interaction with the real world. When children become stronger, they will gain more rights and responsibilities, which is a virtuous circle.
Respecting children is actually helping children adapt to such a real world and making them more sensible.
To be sensible means not to listen to adults, to understand things and laws, to understand the cause and effect of everything, and to understand the relationship with yourself. Such children are often more popular in the process of contact with the outside world.
And "treating children equally like adults" should be a vision that we should always uphold in the process of "respecting children", not a principle.
That bottomless "respect" is actually a kind of harm to children, because it creates a false world for children. In the real world, no one will tolerate the behavior of others without a bottom line. Everyone's rights should be respected, but at the same time, their actions also need to bear the consequences.
Boundless indulgence will only make children suffer setbacks when they get along with others or face the real world alone in the future. They may eventually learn this from the real world, but it is conceivable that this process is much more difficult than learning it under the guidance of their parents when they were young.
| Where is the boundary of respecting children? |
What is respect for children? In my opinion, the child can bear the consequences himself, he has absolute autonomy, and his will is the most important; The child's mind is not enough to support him to make the right decision, so I won't ask him, because I don't want him to make the wrong decision in case, I will use my parents' strength to correct him, which is not conducive to the cultivation of his personal willpower. I basically won't feel guilty about rejecting him and denying his will, because I know that the freedom of autonomy must be under the rules.
This is a message left by a mother in the last article. She speaks very well.
Respecting children's boundaries is actually the boundary between children's mental ability and physical ability. Beyond this limit, parents need to make decisions and be responsible for their children.
In the question at the beginning of the article, the mother asked her children to pick up cat food. Mother was right. Children have no sense of shame Children under the age of three don't have the concepts of "morality" and "right and wrong" of adults, so children's mental ability can't make the moral judgment of "picking it up if it is knocked over".
When the concept of "right and wrong" is beyond children's cognitive range, we adults need to judge for him. So adults can help children make decisions and make them have to pick up cat food. Not disrespectful to him.
When children destroy the environment or hurt others without the concept of "right and wrong", these responsibilities have to be borne by parents, so parents have the right to judge for their children.
Nowadays, Xiong Haizi and his parents who offend others in public are often "begged" on the Internet. Their problem is that when a child can't make a strong judgment, parents not only don't bear the responsibility of judgment, but also ask others to tolerate his child without restriction.
On the other hand, judging from the physical ability of a two-year-old child, picking up cat food is something he is fully capable of doing by himself. We ask him to clean up like adults, which is actually a kind of trust and respect for his ability.
Of course, the most important thing for parents is how to let their children pick it up after judging the boundary of "knocking it over by themselves". We must never drag the child to pick it up rudely, and we must never accuse him of "moral judgment", hoping to drive him because he can't understand "moral right and wrong".
In fact, we can guide him to finish it in various gentle and firm ways, such as helping him pick it up together, or turning it into a fun game and completing it in a game way.
Although the child is still young and doesn't understand the truth, I believe that growing up in the environment of "picking up the cat food spilled by himself" will subtly help him understand the truth of "doing his own thing" better than others when he reaches the age of moral concept.
With the growth of children's ability, their rights and responsibilities will also increase, and we need to constantly adjust and expand the boundaries of respecting children.
Every child is different. How do you know the boundary of your child's ability? Spending more time with children and observing them is the best way to understand and perceive these boundaries.