They dare not divorce because they are afraid of being alone after divorce.

They are afraid to leave their jobs for fear of losing their ability to support their families.

They are afraid to try what they like to do because they are afraid of taking risks.

They are afraid of making new friends in society because they are afraid of being cheated.

……

They shut themselves in a narrow circle and carefully lived a monotonous life of two points and one line. They want to walk around the outside world countless times, but they are brought back to reality by the idea that it is dangerous outside, and it is still safe to stay where they are. They are afraid of losing everything they have now, even though it makes them tired. Happiness is sometimes like a handful of sand. The tighter you hold it, the faster it will run. In the book Habit Trap: 15 Compulsory Course of Lifelong Self-renewal, it is written that "you can let it go easily and happily" in order to have a smooth life. It is not feasible for us to repeat yesterday's practice every day. Not only will it not alleviate the fear and anxiety, but it will make us stop on the road of life and even be surpassed by others. Only by stepping out of your comfort zone, clearing your previous misconceptions and constantly updating your way of thinking can you achieve explosive growth.

Next, I will tell you how to break through the previous comfort zone from three aspects: getting rid of the past, jumping out of the strange circle of ineffective efforts, fighting hard on your own battlefield, and realizing your true life value.

1 "Give up" the past

You must have encountered such a situation:

What used to work doesn't work now;

The idea of creating achievements in the past doesn't work now;

My previous workplace skills are out of date now;

The belief that supported me in the past is beginning to waver now.

……

In Fish Leong's song "Happy Parting", there is a lyric that goes like this: "Say goodbye to mistakes and welcome correctness". This sentence applies to the wrong feelings, but also to our wrong methods, ways and thinking. Faced with these factors that affect our progress and development, the only thing we can do now is to "break away" from the past.

Many people think that this method is only suitable for cleaning things, but it is not. When our methods no longer work, when our skills are backward, and when our actions can't keep up with this society, we need to completely "break away" from our skills, ways of doing things and ways of thinking.

There used to be a passage in the book, "Save Your Life": useless things hoarded in cabinets, dining tables or refrigerators, rags and rubbish piled up everywhere in the house, and inappropriate excess ideas on the spiritual level, or negative thinking or emotional commemoration that makes you fall into self-denial and self-condemnation. As long as you let go of these things, you can liberate yourself and your life. My understanding is that we should abandon all things, methods or concepts that hinder personal growth and progress, so that we can have more room for development.

How to "get rid of" things that hinder your development?

If you want to change your life, it is important to abandon old practices and ways of thinking without hesitation on the basis of understanding your own stage, and then accept ideas and practices that you didn't know before.

Change starts from this moment, starting from small things. I used to have long hair. Is it more refreshing to try short hair this time? It used to be procrastinating. Will it be more efficient to finish the task one or two days in advance this time? In the past, I always considered the positive side of the problem. This time, if I think about it in reverse, will there be a different answer? When you change, everything around you will change dramatically, and you will find another different self.

2 Jump out of the cycle of ineffective efforts

When the length of our study is not proportional to the effect, when we repeat what we are proficient in every day, and when our job is just to get to and from work on time, we are actually making "ineffective efforts". Now you will realize that the reason why we are mediocre and have no opportunities for development and promotion is that all our efforts are in vain.

The book Cognitive Breakthrough once wrote a sentence: Where you spend your time determines who you are. The time mentioned here refers to the effective time to really pay attention to something. If you want to jump out of the cycle of ineffective efforts, you should spend more effective time on what you want to fight for.

How can we jump out of the cycle of ineffective efforts and realize personal development?

First, be clear about your goals.

I don't know if you have heard of the SMART goal rule. When you set goals, your goals should be specific, measurable, exciting, realistic and time-sensitive. When the target set meets the following five requirements, the more specific the image, the easier it is to achieve. The goal is the direction light when we walk in the dark. Only under its guidance can you get where I want.

Secondly, match your goals with your actions.

When you do something, you must ask yourself what the ultimate goal is. Take writing as an example. If you write just to record your life, you don't need to learn any professional knowledge such as word formation, article structure and how to make a good title. However, if your writing goal is to become a famous writer in the future, and if you still demand yourself as you used to keep a diary and don't improve your literary accomplishment, you may never realize your dream of being a writer. Different goals will lead to different practice methods and quality. Therefore, what you do should look like what you do. You should take a ruler to measure yourself, what you should do and what kind of effort you should make. Only you can help yourself achieve the goals you set.

When we take action for the goal, we need to regularly check whether the door we are knocking on is really the one we want to open. If you take action, but the progress is not smooth, you should be able to see whether your actions can't keep up with your goals. At this time, we should reflect on ourselves in time, adjust our direction and take more effective actions.

Finally, put yourself first.

Some people in our lives, especially women who take care of their children and family all day after marriage, easily put their husbands and children first, and it seems irrelevant whether they like them or not.

We should be the first person to pay attention to or please, neither important partners nor parents or children, but ourselves.

We often hear the saying "love yourself first and then love others" is reasonable. Because only by making yourself happy and giving yourself enough love can you really love others.

Therefore, please take care of your feelings, feelings and needs before taking care of others. When you satisfy yourself, you have the ability to give more love to others.

3 Fight on your own "battlefield"

When recruiting human resources a few years ago, I interviewed a job seeker. After graduation, I worked in FMCG industry for several years and found that the financial industry was very profitable for two years. Later, when the Internet became more and more developed, it turned to the Internet. Now the country is vigorously developing education, and we are wondering if we can also try the education industry. He did too much but not well, and finally the company decided not to hire him.

Job seekers have made a big mistake, that is, they jump around in their work and never find a "main battlefield" where they can give full play to their intelligence. In the workplace, we also advocate to improve our "concentration" in a certain field and concentrate on digging this "well". Only in this way can you have water to drink in the future.

As long as you focus and continue to focus, the process and result of life will be completely different.

Ma Yun is a model of changing people's lives with concentration. If Ma Yun can't firmly believe that the network will develop in the later period, and if Ma Yun gives up after many attempts, China won't set off an online shopping craze, and there won't be such a big online shopping platform as Taobao.

The book Habit Trap: 15 Compulsory Course of Lifelong Self-renewal points out that concentration is the process of focusing and determining the focus. The secret of concentration is that although it is important to think about what to do, it is more important to decide what not to do. When we decide not to do something, the scope of what we do will be narrowed, so that we will focus more on what we should do. If your job is copywriting and you just do your own job, then other sales and customer service jobs should not be done. At work, you need to distinguish what your job is, so as not to waste too much energy on "unimportant" things.

The present era is an era of "exerting one's uniqueness and individuality", and the process of finding one's "battlefield" is the process of focusing on one's own characteristics.

Please use your concentration on the "main battlefield" where you can play the residual heat.

After reading the book Habit Trap: 15 Compulsory Course of Lifelong Self-renewal, you will find that it is not as difficult as you think to break through your "comfort zone". When you can abandon the stumbling block that hindered you in the past, jump out of the cycle of ineffective efforts and concentrate on the battlefield where you can display your talents, you will find that your life stage can be so big. Now is an era of extreme freedom. Believe in yourself and you can be what you want to be.