Text/Dailei

Study notes, thoughts and insights!

If a person is compared to a complex machine, behavior is the result of the machine's output, and the mental model is the underlying program that drives the machine. Therefore, if people want to achieve sustainable development, they not only need behavioral changes, but also cannot do without the effective operation of mental models.

The ancient Greek philosopher Epictetus famously said: People are not troubled by things themselves, but by opinions about them. Self-determination theory believes that there are three main factors that promote people's internal motivation for self-development: security, autonomy and competency.

Security mainly comes from interpersonal relationships, especially the attachment relationship between us and our mothers. If your attachment relationship with your mother is secure enough, like a ship knowing that there is a safe haven behind it, or a marching team knowing that there is sufficient food support behind it, you will naturally be curious about the development of the world and develop the instinct to explore the world. If the mother gives her child unconditional acceptance and affirmation, then the child's instinct to explore the world will be autonomous and spontaneous, without the need to consider other people's evaluations or to gain praise from the mother. In this way, his autonomy comes out. Instead of taking setbacks as a threat that "if I don't do well, my mother will dislike me," he stays committed to his goals, works hard to solve problems, and sees limitations and difficulties as interesting challenges. In the process of solving problems, his abilities continue to grow, and in this way, his sense of competence is developed. Slowly, he discovered that he was capable and able to cope with these challenges, and therefore he became confident in himself. And this sense of competence will allow him to constantly look for new challenges and solve new problems. His autonomy will be enhanced, his source of security will shift from his mother to himself, and he will consider you to be qualified for this job, thus creating a positive cycle in Xingchen Pavilion. This is a growth mindset.

The three kings of defensive thinking: rigid thinking, should thinking and absolute thinking. Behind these three types of thinking are things they want to defend against.

Many of the troubles you encounter in daily life, such as fear of failure, fear of facing challenges, and fear of other people’s evaluation, have the shadow of these three kinds of thinking behind them, but you don’t know it. . This is not surprising, because our thoughts often operate automatically, and you need a pair of eyes outside of yourself to see them.

I often liken growth thinking to a river. For a river to flow, there are two conditions: one is potential energy, which is the tension of action. The other is to have a source of living water, which means to be in constant contact with reality.

Man is the only rational animal. From Socrates and Stoicism in ancient Greece, to Buddha in India, Lao Tzu in China, Confucianism, Wang Yangming's philosophy of mind, to modern psychology, they all emphasize the need to use the power of reason to guide and allow oneself to Live a good life. A growth-oriented mental model develops a more flexible way of responding to the world by changing the way we view the world, others, and ourselves. It is the light of human wisdom. You can see this light of reason and wisdom from anyone who has made something successful. Fortunately, this kind of rationality can be learned and trained.

The world is constantly changing, and our experience is also constantly changing, so we also need to develop a way of thinking that can accommodate changes. In terms of actions, we want to change the world, but in terms of thinking, we want the world to change us. Not to become simple, but to become deep and complex. This is the way to self-development.

When I was in high school, I had a fixed mindset, but it was probably atypical. The difference was that I worked very hard in high school, because hard work is a necessary but not sufficient condition for success. But my problem is that I am very concerned about other people's opinions of me. I have always been very anxious because I entered the key high school class with the aura of being ranked among the top in the city. I always felt that I should be the best, but I didn't expect that there were so many great people. I competed with my deskmate to see who could write homework faster, and the whole class to see who could write papers faster, and who could respond quickly in class to keep up with the teacher... This kind of comparison consumed too much of my energy, and I was a bit shaky academically. If you don't ask for a clear explanation, your grades will get worse and worse. As your grades get worse and worse, you become more anxious and want to show your "power" in these aspects, and you are even less interested in studying seriously, thus creating a vicious cycle. I especially couldn’t stand those people who had poor grades in the high school entrance examination, but could pass the test before me in the monthly high school entrance examination. I was filled with anger and couldn’t extricate myself...

The teacher said something that I can relate to: The essence of rigid thinking , is a defensive mentality. People with fixed thinking will shift their attention from how to do things to how to maintain the self-image of "I am strong." When I was in high school, I just wanted to maintain a strong image of myself. Even if I looked very strong on the outside, it could alleviate some of my psychological pressure.

The subsequent changes were also very simple. If you hit the bottom, you will rebound; if you have nothing, you will not maintain anything. You will focus on learning, learning is more important, and then everything will get better. If you believe in change, then it doesn't matter what kind of person you are, it's how you develop that matters.

Three ways to manage mistakes:

Our children today are all scared. Take my sister who is in the fourth grade of elementary school as an example. In normal homework and examination papers, if you make any mistakes, you will be punished by copying them. Regardless of whether you are careless or not good at it, if you make any mistakes, you will be punished by copying them several times. Of course, you can't leave the question blank. The penalty for leaving it blank is heavier than writing it wrong. Children and parents are frightened every day, and accidentally fail to finish their homework at 10:30 in the evening. Every final is treated like a college entrance examination, preparing for the exam many days in advance, and answering questions unexpectedly...

I have been instilled in me since childhood that this idea of ??not writing wrong questions, having standard answers and steps is deeply rooted in my bones, as if I have never paid attention to whether I have mastered the knowledge. I can't let go at all. I am frightened and have a sword hanging over my head: I can't make mistakes. I have not been able to escape this clutches. Even though I am about to graduate with my Ph.D., I am still hesitant when writing papers because I am afraid of making mistakes, getting low scores, and being embarrassed. It seems that I have never considered whether I will? Sigh~ No wonder I am one step away from Tsinghua University and Peking University in the college entrance examination, and no wonder I am always a little bit behind the top.

Now I keep telling myself: Learning is the way to go, and saving face is all rubbish!