At the beginning of my country's reform and opening up, the temptation of "single nobles" confused many people in the besieged city. Qian Zhongshu's famous saying "People in the city want to rush out, and people outside the city want to rush in." " gave countless people the courage and courage to break out of the "siege". However, more than 30 years have passed, and a large number of facts have shown that many divorced men and women, not only have not enjoyed the happiness they deserve as singles, but have been bruised and miserable in the search and pursuit again and again. Some of them have remarried and divorced, some have never married, and some are hesitating between marriage and cohabitation. At this time, they suddenly woke up. Marriage was far less romantic than they had imagined. Instead, it gave rise to more troubles and pain. It’s still Qian Zhongshu’s words – “People in the city want to rush out,” but “people outside the city will never dare to rush in easily!” This is the common mentality of divorced and remarried people nowadays. A man I know, in his prime, abandoned his wife on the grounds that "she can't read me." In the following ten years, he first fell in love with a beautiful TV anchor who was 20 years younger than himself, but broke up within two years due to the age disparity. Then they kept searching and breaking up, and the marriage never settled. A few years ago, he finally found a beautiful woman who was 8 years younger than him, and he also made up his mind to grow old together. But things went counterproductive, and within a year, they had to divorce again. Every time he thought of this, he beat his chest and regretted it endlessly. Now, at the age of 60, he is still alone. Jinyuan Vision 2: For a long time, among the consulting cases I have received, there are mainly two categories: one is the marital crisis caused by extramarital affairs and "mistresses". In these cases, regardless of whether the other half is physically Infidelity, or spiritual infidelity, will completely overturn the original complete family structure. A considerable number of people choose to break up after a battle of wits and courage. The second category is emotional crises caused by trivial matters in life and differences in personal opinions about interests and hobbies. When faced with these differences, both parties held their own opinions and "firmly stood", which also caused the marriage to fall apart. Jinyuan Vision 3: Statistics show that the divorce rate for the second handshake is far higher than the first, and the survival rate for remarriage is less than 30%. A survey data by sociologist Li Yinhe also supports this point. About half of the people felt relaxed and relieved when they were just divorced, but after a period of time, most people felt lonely again. This number accounted for 69.1%, and 71% are ready to remarry. In Shanghai, there are even service agencies that provide help specifically for remarriage. It can be seen that the problem of difficulty in remarriage has indeed troubled many free people who "broke out of the siege". How difficult is it to get remarried? What troubles will you encounter? Are good men and women treasured? Visitor from Changsha - I am a divorced man. The divorce experience that year brought me an unforgettable pain, and I still feel scared when I think about it now. I have always kept a distance from love and women, and I feel that marriage is just "very tiring". I don't understand why some women have two faces before and after marriage. They love to death before marriage, but they become bitter and ruthless and rule after marriage. Can I still believe in love? I am afraid of marriage now, I don’t know why? Visitor from Hefei - It takes courage to get married. People who remarry have experienced the blow of marriage and understand what they need, so they are more cautious in their choices. Because remarriage is not only the union of two people, but also the union of two families, especially whether the children will accept it. So I waited until my children were older before I considered starting a family. I never thought that my age would no longer allow me to choose the person I love according to my own wishes. It would be so difficult to remarry! Why do remarriage have so many additional conditions? Visitor from Weifang - I had an unhappy marriage. When interacting with others, I would always be entangled in the pain of the past, and I was afraid of meeting another man who would be sorry for me and irresponsible. I also met a man who had feelings for me, and we got along very well at first. I told others the pain I was going through sincerely, always looking for comfort, and hoping he could tolerate everything I was going through. But why can't others accept my past, why do they leave me? Visitor from Sichuan - It is said that the better a woman is, the harder it is to find a good man. This sentence is not true at all. To be honest, I am an excellent woman, but my marriage is too sad. I really don’t know what to say. It's really hard to find someone you like. Fate is so unfair. I feel really lonely alone at night. Sometimes I really want to have someone to accompany me.

I'm tired. Where is the person I love, the person who loves me? Visitor from Zibo - I am a divorced woman who has been emotionally betrayed. I have a certain fear of remarriage. Today's society is too open and there are too many extramarital affairs. I am afraid of suffering such hurt again, but I am also a person who longs for family because I think a happy family is really important. Moreover, there are many objective and realistic problems and troubles in second marriage. How should I choose and what issues should I pay attention to? Visitor from Shijiazhuang - I am a single man with a boy. My work unit is better and my economic conditions are better. I want to find a partner who is not too different in economic conditions from mine and has good qualities and education. But women with good conditions often have higher standards and generally won't choose me. I also know that the most important measure of a person's merits is character, not economic conditions. But I still can't get out of the mental circle. For this I may go a long way in being single. I am also very distressed. I am unwilling to lower my conditions and find someone based on my own conditions. I don’t know when I will be able to get married again. What should I do and what should I pay attention to when remarrying? Visitor from Baotou - I went through a marriage and met a man not long ago. I learned about his work and family situation through chatting and met twice. He served in the military and now lives with his parents after divorce. He works in a power plant. As a worker, his speaking quality is quite good. He was anxious to live with me and for me to have a house. But I feel that the relationship is progressing too fast and I have become dependent on him. I mentioned that I needed to calm down for a while and told him not to contact me for the time being. He thought I was fickle and related to my character and told me to stop bothering him. I thought, even though I was remarrying, it still felt like it was progressing too fast. Was my decision wrong? How many hurdles does it take to get remarried? Some people say that one divorce is a treasure, but two divorces are nothing. Yes, the dissolution of a marriage or the loss of a spouse is a catastrophic event for most people, causing tremendous emotional and mental trauma to the person and their family. Choosing to remarry has become a way for divorced or widowed people to eliminate emotional trauma and rebuild their spiritual home. However, many people's remarriage journey is even more difficult and painful than their first marriage, and they often become more realistic and cautious. Compared with those in first marriages, remarried people have more concerns. They have expectations, conflicts, desires, and they are inevitably picky. The reason is that we still cannot overcome the psychological hurdles. The first hurdle: lack of security and dare not trust others easily. Once bitten by a snake, there are many people who are afraid of well ropes for ten years. There are many divorced people who are afraid of repeating the same mistake. Coupled with the negative reports of failed marriages in society and the increase in the number of unhappy marriages among the surrounding people, people who remarry are afraid when they think about it. They would rather miss out on three thousand than give in easily. The fashionable saying is "It is better to lack than to waste." Secondly, some divorced people are often too ambitious and always think that they will find a lover who is more perfect than their ex. As everyone knows, the range of choices for first marriages and remarriages are hugely different, and the number of candidates to choose from is limited. The outstanding person may be someone else's husband, or he or she may be more discerning than you. If you have the mentality of finding someone better than him (her), you will either go crazy while searching, or die while waiting. The second hurdle: "I only drink one ladle of weak water. I don't know how many romantic men and women have been harmed by this sentence." Divorced or widowed people are particularly realistic and need both hardware and software. They often say that "marriage without love will never give in", but in fact there are many unequal treaties attached to it. If the conditions are relatively good, the prerequisite for pursuing love is a house and money, both of which are indispensable. But if the other party has a child, the first two items are invalid, and many people refuse to allow the child to enter the new family. The third hurdle: Conflicts caused by economic disputes, and unwillingness to share financially with others. If a divorced person has good financial resources and economic strength, and his career is on the rise, he is often not in a hurry to find someone to live with. Even people who want to get married are extremely sensitive to property. In some cases of remarriage in the past, if one of the parties left or the two divorced again, it was inevitable to fight for property. Therefore, some people's improper handling of the issue of financial control will lead to a second divorce. The fourth hurdle: problems caused by psychological distance. Hostility or emotional attachment to the original spouse, or difficulty adjusting to life in a new family, can trigger a remarriage battle. Sometimes, you will unintentionally "compare" your ex and your current one, but the comparison is not equal. When you get angry, you will inevitably take advantage of your predecessor and suppress the shortcomings of your current one. This kind of mentality is the most hurtful and the most likely to cause emotional breakdown. The fifth hurdle: the problem of sexual disharmony. People's physiological functions deteriorate with age. Strangely, remarried people have extraordinary needs for sex, and they must talk about sex when talking about love.

In addition, if one party is sexually frigid or impotent, or if the couple is old and young, they will face sexual life problems. The sixth hurdle: fear of marriage. Because of high work pressure, many people have no energy, time, or mood to take care of their relationships. They only fall in love but don't get married, fearing that they will fall into the tiger's mouth again. The code of happiness for remarriage: 1. Find out clearly the reasons for the failure of the previous marriage, sum up experience and improve yourself. Summarizing the reasons for failure is mainly to find out the most fatal problems in your previous marriage, including your own shortcomings and the shortcomings of the other party. You must know that when there is a problem in a marriage, it is not about who is right or who is wrong, but each has their own fault. 2. Treat remarriage with caution. Being too idealistic or too pessimistic is not conducive to the success of remarriage. Understand clearly the other person’s family background, personal growth experience, his or her life beliefs, values, hobbies, emotional experiences, whether there are bad habits, and expectations for marriage, etc. This can be said to be the decisive factor in a happy remarriage. This is not something to be taken lightly. Otherwise, not only did you not jump from the bran basket to the rice basket, you might also jump into the fire pit. 3. See yourself and the other person clearly. Remarriage is not about lowering your conditions, nor is it about preferring to be less than extravagant. It is a brave test of the waters of your own marriage life. If there is no serious problem in the big aspects, you can completely turn a blind eye and not hear in some small aspects. For example, if the other person has excellent qualities, is diligent and kind, and you have many similarities, but some differences in living habits, this is completely acceptable. Or the other party's other conditions are good, but they just have a child. You can be honest about your worries and concerns. It's not a bad thing to discuss everything in advance. If the other person is a reasonable person, he will naturally understand. For remarried couples who want to have more children, they also need to understand each other's views and opinions on childbearing and educating children, as well as the educational environment they received since childhood. This is the key to avoiding conflicts after marriage. 4. You must end your previous marriage in a timely manner and do not delay, which may affect the quality of your remarriage. No matter what the reason is, remarried couples should strictly avoid or try to avoid contact with their ex-wives and ex-husbands as much as possible. Any form of communication will cause emotional harm to the other party. You can make a phone call in front of your wife or husband. If you don't have to, you should also invite your current wife or husband to talk about things together. Do not go behind your husband's or wife's back for any reason to interact with your ex-husband or ex-wife, unless you ask him ( She) agrees. 5. Establish new family boundaries and use new family norms to restrain family members, especially stepchildren in adolescence. 6. Frankness, trust and consideration are the master keys to dealing with remarried families. If you are more concerned about pre-marital property, it is recommended to do a good job in post-marital financial management. The marital property system is the core of the property relationship during the marital relationship. The avant-garde approach is the "contracted property system", which means that the husband and wife reach an agreement on a voluntary basis and choose to apply a certain form of marital property relationship. The effectiveness of the agreed property system is higher than the legal property system. Conclusion: In this world, only husband and wife are the closest people forever. Parents will leave their children to grow old, and the children will form their own families and live independently. Only husband and wife, whether they are remarried or first married, are the only people who can accompany you day and night, stay with you forever, and be with you all your life. No one can replace or replace you. Small link: Four major difficulties to face before remarriage. 1. Fear of marriage. The divorce process leaves the parties involved emotionally frustrated and depressed, cutting off social activities and deliberately closing themselves off. 2. No one has to close it. The failure of a marriage and the breakdown of a family are a process of denial from the inside out. Being denied by others is also denied by oneself. Even if one chooses a second marriage, he will unprincipledly lower his standards for choosing a spouse because of his strong self-denial. . 3. Revenge level. Surpassing the ex-husband or ex-wife becomes the most eager problem for remarried people, which will prevent their real needs from being considered or ignored. 4. Perfect level. The remarried person's demands on marriage are too high, which makes the current husband or wife feel overwhelmed and leave the family. Say goodbye to unrealistic fantasies and objectively evaluate your own conditions, so that you can successfully pass the test and have a chance to find the half that suits you.