There are usually three stages of self-development, which are constantly upgraded with the development of our lives. If we can't improve our life, then all kinds of problems will appear in our life. If you want to make your destiny better and better, you need to improve your life wisdom in three stages. The third stage is the highest, and you can do whatever you want.
First, the first stage, the self-centered stage.
The first development stage of life, that is, the egocentric stage, can be called the giant baby stage. At this stage, we will naturally realize that the world and others revolve around our needs, regard our own needs and desires as those of others, and regard our own concerns as the focus of others' attention. At this stage, everyone feels that they are the center of the stage, and it is natural for others to take care of us and be good to us.
The first stage is the beginning of our arrival in this world, and we perceive this world through our mother's reaction. At that time, we couldn't tell the stage between others and ourselves, and we thought others would respond unconditionally. This is not as important as I thought. For others, not for yourself. In other words, we are not as important as others think. This is a very important lesson in our growing up.
This means that no matter what we do, whether we lose face or do badly, we need to understand that this matter is not important to others except ourselves.
Second, the second stage: in other stages, others decide our behavior.
When a person begins to break away from the self-centered stage, he begins to move towards what we call the second stage, another stage. At this stage, we will find the difference between ourselves and others. We can understand this difference as conflict, and then want to solve this difference, and many people's growth will be stuck at this stage. At the stage of others, we are prone to two kinds of bad behaviors and signs.
Third, the first sign is to put ourselves in a passive position and let others decide our behavior.
At this stage, people often have two different attitudes. One is obedience. We will live in the eyes and expectations of others for the grievances of others. We feel that others' evaluation, recognition and concern for anger are the most important. We will feel guilty and blame ourselves for not meeting other people's wishes, but we ignore our own needs and values.
These are all things that we decide our own behavior through other people's behavior, while ignoring our own subjectivity. This kind of letting others' behavior determine our own behavior is essentially a kind of fuzzy control, and it is through this rebellion that we express our dissatisfaction. The assumption behind this is often that others are responsible for my life. If others are good to me, I will be good to others. Others are not good to me, and I will not be good to myself. If we put ourselves in this position, life will be passive and limited everywhere.
Fourthly, the second bad feature is that it is difficult to tolerate differences.
It is difficult for us to tolerate the differences between ourselves and others. Sometimes we are influenced by others, and sometimes we want to influence others, transform others and make others like us. We can't tolerate differences, which are contradictions and conflicts in many relationships. Especially in the construction of intimate relationship, we will find that many couples have a tendency to reform each other, which is also based on the fact that we can hardly tolerate differences.
We think that if others love me, they should be like us. We confirm that we are right, that we are loved and recognized by habitually transforming others. If we can't tolerate differences, there will be contradictions between husband and wife. This intolerable difference also includes the change of parent-child relationship.
So if we want to get out of the conflict, we must fully realize that others are different individuals from us. Even in the most intimate relationship, everyone is an independent individual consciousness. Only by going deep into our hearts and souls can we truly respect others.
Fifth, the third stage: independent and free development stage, follow one's inclinations.
So if we can understand the stage of others, understand the difference between others and us, and stop emphasizing that our standards are the same as others', then we will gradually enter the third stage.
This is what we call the stage of independence. With the ability of self-responsibility and tolerance of differences, we will not fall into obedience or punish others in a rebellious way in our relationship, and actually lose the initiative in our lives. At this stage, we can distinguish ourselves from others, understand that others are different from us, separate ourselves from others and understand others, then our life will reach a most advanced stage.
We, Roman Roland, have said that true heroism is to love life after recognizing the reality. He already has his own set of mature standards. When we have inner beliefs and behaviors, we will have a very positive and responsible attitude towards ourselves.
At this time, we are fully mature. There used to be a classic saying on the Internet. I used to think that others respected me and I was excellent. Later, I learned that others respected me and I was excellent. In fact, truly excellent people know how to respect themselves, and naturally they will respect others and do whatever they want without crossing the line. That is, Mr. Jiang Yang once said that one day we will understand that the world is our own after all and has nothing to do with others.