I wonder if other people's marriages are trivial. All I know is that my own marriage really caught me off guard.
Looking back on the past three years, it seems to be a long and painful long March. I have changed from a person who sleeps well to a person who is full of nightmares even if I can sleep completely for three years. I have never been a heartless, careless and ignorant silly girl, but now I have become this crazy woman who is mad, irritable, suspicious, sensitive and inferior from time to time in the face of the burden of life-this is what I hate! I have changed from a lovely woman in a chubby world to a chubby, round, yellow-faced woman, with no image, running around for a living and taking care of my baby every day. This is more like a journey of self-destruction, self-destruction and self-redemption.
I don't know how I got here. Maybe I stumbled, maybe I staggered and walked with one foot deep and one foot shallow. I often have tears in my eyes, and I have nowhere to talk and I can't talk. Because that busy person who always travels far away can't feel your entanglement, your anxiety, your balance and your thoughts in real time! He knows nothing about family affairs, or he is still waiting for your assignment, because he has his difficulties, his hobbies and his various legitimate reasons. He hopes to get a solid rear area and get your understanding, tolerance and support. And you can't and can't get security from him. You can't always complain, because the other person will look at you with the eyes of a dissatisfied wife, and the big hat of "unreasonable, haggle over every ounce, pessimistic and negative" will be buckled on you, which will make you disheartened and have no fighting spirit. It seems that with these few words, you can stand on the moral high ground and let yourself continue to work hard and stand on your own feet.
The most difficult moment is not that all the trivial things and burdens of life are on you, but that the people at the bedside don't understand your choice at first-don't understand why you chose to keep your children with you, and insist on begging the other parents to come to our side to help with the children. Instead of choosing the most realistic and convenient way to save money-put the children back to their hometown for the elderly to take. Everyone doesn't understand you, and even thinks that you are melodramatic, that you are stubborn and unreasonable, and that you are embarrassing your elders and increasing their difficulties. Also from your closest relative-mother, always from the perspective of "for your own good", she hates you, thinks that you don't have a stable and decent job, thinks that you are a wage earner without social status, thinks that you are cheap, thinks that others look down on you, thinks that you drag down your parents' family, and thinks that you let your old mother drag you sick and can't enjoy your old age ... I think, an enlightened person. Besides, my sunny optimism is really pitiful.
Finally, children go to kindergarten, and the quality kindergarten closest to home has no conditions, so choose a farther and more formal one. Fortunately, my child helped me solve the problem of separation anxiety in the early stage of entering the park. I go to school happily with my schoolbag on my back every day. However, the problem comes again. . . My 80-year-old mother's physical strength and energy simply can't support the heavy responsibility of tossing and turning to pick up her children from school every day. I don't trust this old man to cross the overpass and take the bus on his way home every afternoon. . . So at that time, I always asked for leave in advance from time to time and dragged myself to pick up my children from school. And frequent leave of absence, of course, brings the censure of big leaders and severe attendance punishment.
Well, there seems to be a rule that when people are struggling in a difficult quagmire, most of them will only have a vicious circle, and bad luck will pounce on you, just like the black hand of fate, constantly suppressing your determination to climb out of the abyss of despair. Sometimes I have unrealistic expectations, hoping to meet someone in my life and give you a hand-then, after disillusionment, I will continue to be tired. After all, everyone can only rely on themselves, and only themselves can save themselves. I wonder, did you dig a deep, deep hole for yourself from the beginning? This pit is deep enough to bury your youth, simplicity and good expectations for everything! Cause and effect are due to their species. In the past three years, at the turn of autumn and winter, domestic and foreign troubles have been as tight as the devil. I seem to be depressed all the time, but I always try to pretend to be happy, pretend that the clouds are light and the wind is light, and maybe pretend that I will really get rid of it.
I don't know what kind of thorny road is waiting for me ahead. I only know that I have already arrived in no way back! In addition to cross the rubicon, in addition to continue to be cocky, no way back! Although by secular standards, I seem to have nothing. But at least now, I still have a body that has not fallen, a partner, children, relatives, a job to make a living, and most importantly, I am still alive. This is the best gift from God. What's to complain about? It is enough to accept the imperfect self, accept the imperfect reality, work hard towards the sunshine and live a good life. There is hope if you live.
"Live hard, love hard, even if the liver and brain are everywhere. Don't ask anyone to be satisfied, just be worthy of yourself. I never choose to give up my dream, even in dusty days ... run forward! Face cold eyes and ridicule! How can you feel the vastness of life without suffering! Fate can't make us kneel for mercy, even if our arms are covered with blood! Keep running, with the pride of a child! " This song stirs people's hearts and keeps spinning in my mind. I think life should be so upward-only life and love can't live up to it!