Praise others and sometimes praise yourself.
There is a speech contest with the theme of "life". After a paraplegic young man finished speaking, a middle-aged man sitting next to Hui took a deep breath and turned to Hui excitedly, praising again and again: "Great, great, this is a speech, this is life!" " Actually, Hui doesn't know him, and he doesn't know that Hui will be the next speaker. That's true. The young man's speech was unpretentious and touched people's hearts with true feelings; But Hui is thinking about his speech. Besides, he is Hui's "opponent". Although he thought his speech was very successful, he didn't devote himself to it, just watched it as a bystander. The sincere and emotional praise of middle-aged people immediately made you feel ashamed. When Hui boarded the podium, the first sentence at the opening ceremony was actually a compliment to the young man who had just left in a wheelchair, or an "opponent". In the process of Hui's speech, Hui felt that the audience was very quiet and the speech received the expected effect. Just as Hui finished his speech and walked to his seat, he saw the middle-aged man clapping hard at himself and raising his hand above his head twice.
We may not praise others easily, but if we can't help but praise those who are like-minded, worthy of our admiration, or people we don't know, then we will feel extremely happy at the same time. Because praise is not flattery, and praise for others is not conformity.
Everyone likes compliments and compliments from others. However, learning to praise does not mean learning to flatter.
There is such a story. In ancient times, there were two people, one named Zhu Ziyuan and the other named Tang Ling. They are going to Beijing to be an official. Before leaving, they will go to the teacher's house to say goodbye. The teacher told them: "Under the present circumstances, it is not feasible to take the right path. To be an official in Beijing, you should be respectful to them. This is called sending a top hat. If you can do this, you won't offend people, but you will get everything done easily. " Tang Ling said admiringly, "The teacher's handwriting is really good. How many people don't like tall hats like teachers today? " The teacher was very happy after listening. On the way back, Tang Ling said to the sub-garden, "Look! Another tall hat was sent out. "
In fact, the most important thing in praise is sincerity and naturalness. Praise should not be entertainment, let alone a shot in vain. Giving people a moderate compliment sometimes affects others' lives. The power of praise and the spark of encouragement can even make miraculous changes in people's lives.
There is a boss who organizes tours for employees every year, but suddenly stops one year because he spends a lot of money every year, but no employee ever says to him, "Thank you, boss!" " "A mother angrily threw straw on the dining table and said," I have cooked for my family all my life, but the whole family has never given a word of praise and thanks. Isn't this the same as giving you a straw? "There is a famous saying:" 70% of creativity is erased by cold words. "Through these examples, we can see that many places in daily life actually need praise, which also reflects the importance of praise.
Students who herd cattle need to be praised for becoming chemists; Shy students need praise to become popular scholars; Children's great achievements in the future need the praise of their parents ... without praise in life, they lack the motivation to move forward.
There is a saying in Buddhism: If Buddhism wants to flourish, it must be praised by monks. Xingyun said: praise is like sunshine, which can spread warmth in ten directions; Praise language is like perfume, a small drop can diffuse around. Praise should be touching. Praising others is a practice of Si Qi. Praising others is a kind of self-motivation. Praise is the most beautiful language in the world and the best lubricant between people. The most economical gift in the world is praise. Praise and appreciate others more, and society will be natural and peaceful. Praise others with an open heart, then life will be better and happier.
Although praise is a good thing, it is by no means an easy thing. If you can't judge the situation when praising others and master certain praise skills, even if you are sincere, you will turn good things into bad things. Therefore, you must think twice before you speak. This requires us to do the following five things:
1. Learning varies from person to person.
People have different qualities, different ages and different people. Outstanding personality and targeted praise can get better results than general praise. Although "brave men don't mention their courage in those days", for some elderly people, they certainly don't want to think so, because they always want others to remember their achievements and glory of "recalling those years" forever, and they can praise his proud past more when talking with them; Praise the young man's creativity and pioneering spirit with a little exaggeration, and give some examples to prove that he really has a bright future; For a businessman, he can be praised for his flexible mind and the way to make money; For cadres with status, they can be praised for being honest and clean for the country and the people; For intellectuals, we can praise him for his erudition, gentleness and indifference ... Of course, all this should be based on facts, and we must not brag, let alone flatter.
2. Be sincere.
Almost everyone likes to listen to compliments, but not all compliments can make each other happy. Only those compliments based on facts and from the heart can arouse the goodwill of the other party. On the contrary, if you praise others without foundation or foundation, others will not only feel puzzled, but also think you are glib, treacherous and hypocritical. For example, if you meet an ugly lady, you should say to her, "You are so beautiful." The other party will immediately assume that what you said is false and against your wishes. But if you focus on her dress, speech and manners, find her outstanding points in these aspects, and sincerely praise her, she will certainly accept it gladly. Sincere praise will not only make the person who is praised feel happy psychologically, but also make you often discover the advantages of others, so as to make yourself optimistic and appreciate life.
3. Words should be specific and detailed
It is not common for a person to achieve outstanding achievements. Therefore, in communication, we should be specific to specific people, be good at discovering even the smallest advantages of others and seize the opportunity to praise them. Use specific and detailed compliments to show that you know each other very well, attach great importance to his advantages and achievements, and make the other person feel that you are sincere, cordial and credible, so that the distance between you will get closer and closer. If you only praise each other vaguely and say vague or even exaggerated words, such as "You have done a good job" or "You are an outstanding leader", it will arouse the suspicion of the other party and even cause unnecessary misunderstanding and trust crisis.
4. Praise others enough is enough.
Effective praise is to act according to circumstances, enough is enough, and truly "the wine is slightly drunk, and the flowers are half open."
When someone intends to do something meaningful, the initial praise can motivate him to make up his mind to make achievements, the middle praise is conducive to the other party's persistent efforts, and the end praise can affirm the achievements and point out the direction of further efforts, thus achieving the effect of "praising one and inspiring a batch".
Step 5 praise others in time
As the saying goes, "adversity sees truth." We don't want to praise those who have achieved success, but to praise those who feel inferior or are in adversity because of being buried. It is difficult for them to hear a word of praise at ordinary times. Once they are sincerely praised in public, they may cheer up and make great achievements. Therefore, the most effective compliment is not "icing on the cake", but "giving charcoal in the snow".
Of course, there are many ways to express compliments. Sometimes, a bunch of approving eyes, a approving gesture and a friendly smile can get unexpected results.
By doing these five things, you can easily praise others.
A mother who often praises her children will create a happy family, a teacher who often praises her students will unite and love a class every day, and a leader who often praises his subordinates will manage his organization into a United and upward group. Seeing this, we may sincerely accept and learn sincere and kind compliments from people.
Are your interpersonal relationships good? Praise behind your back will make your interpersonal relationship like a duck to water.
When someone you want to be close to is present, although you praise him in front of him and say, "You are great! It's amazing. " But because this is everyone's praise, the effect is not ideal. Compliments are best said behind your back.
For example, if you admire Mr. A's work performance, you can say when you meet his colleagues, "Mr. A really works hard!" " This kind of comment will be fed back to Mr. A in another way, "So-and-so appreciates your work performance!" Which is more pleasant, to hear the same thing directly or to be told by others? Usually, praise in person can only be regarded as social rhetoric, however, it is not necessary to say flattery behind others' backs. Therefore, it will be very happy to learn from his population that he has been praised. Moreover, indirect praise means that others also know that they have been praised. This alone can make people feel that their abilities have been highly praised, which is enough to show that the worshippers really admire themselves.
Almost everyone has vanity. So in school, if you can express your admiration for his subordinates to the other boss, the effect will be better. If one day, your boss says something nice to you. Then how happy you will be! Sometimes bring up the advantages of subordinates that the boss didn't notice, and the other party will appreciate you. Of course, the content of praise should not be "he works hard!" Or "Your subordinates are really excellent!" Something like that. You should try to put forward specific content, so as to really achieve the effect of praise.
Specific praise is very important, which will not only impress the boss, but also pass it on to the other party. If you just say something flattering, the other boss won't take it seriously, and it won't spread to the other ear further. This requires us to have the necessary observation. If you don't have the ability to see the other person's good points, your praise will be limited by social rhetoric. On the other hand, as long as you have meticulous observation, interpersonal relationships will certainly expand.
For a person's shortcomings, we are usually easy to find. On the contrary, if you are good at discovering the advantages of others, the praise from them will be convincing, and you can know that as long as the other person is engaged in those jobs, he can play his ability more effectively. Sometimes, they don't even notice these advantages, but you can find them and praise them. Can they be unhappy? Get to know each other in this way, and your interpersonal relationship will definitely be more active.