Last year, I went to the vegetable market with my child. On the way back, I met a father and son. The child looked about 13 years old. The father carried a lot of things, and neither of his hands was empty. , after walking a few hundred meters, I stopped and panted, looking very strenuous.

Of course, the child also carried some things symbolically and hurriedly walked ahead. When he turned around and saw that his father couldn't carry it anymore, he said to his father: "Dad, let me carry some for you." "

The father shook his head and kept telling the child: "Don't worry about me, you can't even lift it."

The child said: "Then let me get you a few of these. The things inside will also lighten your burden a little."

Dad quickly said: "Forget it, forget it. It will be here soon."

Look. Seeing such a scene, I was actually very touched. I was touched by the child's initiative to help his mother carry things, and I was touched by the father's love that he would rather tire himself than tire his child. But even though I was moved, I actually didn’t agree with this mother’s bravery.

Professor Li Meijin once said:

For children after the age of 12, parents must learn to show weakness.

As parents, even if we can do many things well, if we learn to show weakness, it will not only make the parent-child relationship more harmonious, but also cultivate children's multi-faceted abilities!

In life, I often encounter parents who often say something like this when educating their children -

I thought that this would stimulate the children's fighting spirit or make the children feel that they would be very grateful to their parents. The results are often counterproductive.

Not only does it not inspire, but it gives children the illusion that they can never be as good as their parents anyway;

Not only may they not be grateful to their parents, but they may feel that everything their parents do is insignificant. It's as it should be.

So they become dependent on their parents. Let’s look at two cases first.

Case 1:

Case 2:

Some people say: If we do everything, the children will naturally have nothing to do; if we have 20 Children can complete 20 things without doing them. Imagine if we didn’t do anything about our children? That child really needs to bear the responsibility. In the eyes of children, the more powerful their parents are, the more dependent they may be. Parents who know how to show weakness to their children actually make their children "strong".

There is a saying: Women are weak by nature, but mothers are strong.

It is true that when we become parents, the burden on our shoulders becomes heavier and we have to be strong.

But there is an important question that is easily overlooked: children will eventually be independent one day. When we can no longer protect them, can they create their own future?

The famous Italian educator Montessori said:

"Education must first guide children to take an independent path. This is a key issue in our education."

Regardless of whether it is a boy or a girl, one of the most important qualities is independence. Only with an independent personality can one gain a foothold in society and control one's own life.

And showing weakness is a secret weapon to cultivate children's independent spirit.

Parents must understand that showing weakness is not weakness, showing weakness is also a kind of wisdom. Parents take advantage of their children's desire for independence, show weakness to their children appropriately, give their children a certain degree of autonomy, and stimulate their ambition and confidence, which is more beneficial to their children's growth.

First, parents must learn to show weakness to their children in life.

There is a mother who has been afraid of bugs since she was a child. However, when she takes her children out to play, they will inevitably encounter various small bugs. She is worried that her daughter will also be afraid, so she has always tried her best to hide her fear of bugs. of fear.

Once when I was reading with my child, I turned to a page with a very scary bug. I was so frightened that I threw the book away. I thought my daughter was also scared, but I didn’t expect her to throw the child away like this. I was amused and found out that my mother was afraid of bugs, so I kept comforting my mother not to be afraid.

This incident did not make the mother eliminate her fear of bugs, but because of this incident, the child became braver and was no longer afraid of bugs. When he went out to play again, the child would still hold it Even if insects come to scare mom, they will also protect her in a sensible way!

Actor Hai Qing often records her son’s growth on Weibo.

Since she was a child, she has done homework independently, made simple breakfast for her family, and prepared handmade gifts for her mother... The child has never complained, and Hai Qing is also happy to see the results.

When it comes to educating her son, Haiqing said that she has a unique parenting method: gradually cultivating her son's sense of independence through appropriate displays of weakness.

I never do everything for my child. I have been consciously training his autonomy since he was 4 years old, letting him do simple housework, carry his own schoolbag when going to and from school, and help him carry bags when he goes shopping. etc.

Hu Ke, who has two sons at home, once said: "When adults do less, children do more, and they grow up slowly."

When children grow up and it is time to acquire life skills, we cannot miss this lesson.

Parents are their children’s first teachers. They can preach and teach their children, but they cannot complete their homework for them. Otherwise, how can they graduate from the university of life?

Second, parents must learn to show weakness to their children when it comes to learning

When many children encounter difficulties in learning, they are accustomed to asking their parents for help, "Mom, this word is pronounced "What?" "Dad, how do you answer this question?"

When a child asks us a question and we don't know the exact answer, we don't have to be vague or lie. We might as well tell the child directly: "This question is for me." I don’t know the answer, and I don’t know everything. Let’s find out the answer together, okay?”

If you don’t know how to answer some sensitive questions, you can also tell your child honestly: “ I haven’t thought about the answer to this question yet. Give me some time and I’ll tell you when I think about it, okay?”

Or the parents know the answer, but instead of telling the child directly, Use the method of showing weakness to guide the child to try to solve the problem by himself, such as "My mother doesn't know this word, so you can look it up in the dictionary or Baidu and tell your mother", "This question is indeed very complicated, let's look at an example question together" Let’s see who can come up with a solution to the problem first.”

Parents can even take the initiative to ask questions from their children and let them be their own teachers, so that children's learning initiative can be more easily improved.

Third, parents must learn to show weakness to their children when it comes to interacting.

Some children are unwilling to interact with others, and are even afraid of interacting with others. They need their parents to do things that they should do by themselves. Help; I feel wronged and dare not tell the teacher, so I ask my parents to call the teacher.

At this time, it is best for parents to show weakness and let their children figure out how to deal with it on their own. After a few times, the children will be able to deal with these problems with ease, even better than their parents can solve them.

Parents can try to create various "showing weakness" scenarios,

For example, going out for a trip and letting their children plan routes and act as tour guides, you can enjoy the results. For example, when it comes to small decisions at home, listen more to your child and make him feel that he is very important in the family, so he will have family responsibilities.

"Weak" parents will push their children into the face of difficulties and let them learn to face and solve them. In this way, the children will slowly improve their abilities and become a strong and responsible person. Good boy.

Parents who know how to show weakness are real and sincere parents, and they are also parents full of wisdom.

Good family education has nothing to do with face, but it must be connected heart to heart and connected equally.

May we learn to communicate with our children as soon as possible, and may we harvest their children’s sincerity as soon as possible.

A father-son-mother-daughter relationship is the most beautiful fate in the world.