Comments on the paragraphs of the article
My old desk lamp is actually not old, only four years old. However, according to people's age, they are old enough. Compared with people, it reflects the history of old desk lamps.
He has a blue head, a long gray neck, a blue and white base, and a long black tail at the back.
The old desk lamp is our good friend. Every night, when my mother writes papers and prepares lessons; When I want to finish the homework assigned by the teacher, the old desk lamp is silently accompanying us, emitting soft light. The old desk lamp witnessed the joy of our success and also experienced the pain of our failure.
The old desk lamp is still a lamp with strong vitality.
Its base-a blue and white "ellipsoid". I accidentally fell to the ground last time, so I broke a hole in the ellipsoid. I thought I couldn't use it. I didn't expect it to emit white light when I pressed the switch when I was doing my homework at night.
Its light tubes have been replaced by two. I accidentally broke one last time, and the second one burned out a few months later. The third one is used now.
My mother has always wanted to change a desk lamp, but she has never had time to change it, and she is reluctant to change it, because the old desk lamp has been with us for four years at night. It should be "degree"
The old desk lamp has no red and purple "coat", but it has an unpretentious heart.
I like the old desk lamp, and I like its unpretentious heart more!
General comment
The author describes the desk lamp that has been used for a long time at home in simple language, and the pen and ink mainly show the "vitality" of the desk lamp, which embodies the unpretentious characteristics of the desk lamp. However, attention should be paid to details and appropriateness when describing to highlight the theme.
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The fifteenth day of the first month is the Lantern Festival.
Comments on the paragraphs of the article
Today is the Lantern Festival on the fifteenth day of the first month. Everyone knows that we are going to enjoy lanterns, guess riddles and eat Yuanxiao today. There is another custom in Langxi County-watching fireworks. Describe the background of social life and highlight the scene.
In the evening, my family went to grandma's house to watch fireworks. Grandma's family lives in China-Hong Kong community, opposite the stadium, which is the best viewing spot. The road is so busy and crowded that everyone rushes to the stadium. Explain the characters, background and related environment clearly.
Hardly had we boarded the platform when the fireworks party began. Look, the small fireworks over there are blooming at low altitude. Red, green, orange, yellow ... people are dazzled. Look at the fireworks from a distance and write a little.
Wow, look over there, that kind of fireworks is really beautiful! From a distance, it looks like the seven fairies in fairy tales, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, streaking across the sky like meteors; Just like a dancer, she dances gracefully. She turned over colorful dance skirts for a while, danced passionate Mongolian dance for a while, swinging back and forth with long sleeves and erratic sleeves; Like trees in the forest, this one is newly planted and relatively short, and that one is a century-old tree, higher, higher and lower, with irregular attendance. The central paragraph, using rhetorical devices, subtle metaphors and gorgeous parallelism, sets off a gorgeous scene.
This passage is mainly composed of imaginary static scenes.
"Hoo, boom" is so beautiful! How big it is! There was another loud noise. I looked up at the sky and saw a huge orange universe blooming in the night sky. This chrysanthemum illuminates the whole sky. With a loud noise, colorful "stars" appeared in the sky, which is difficult to distinguish between true and false. More inclined to dynamic writing.
On the fifteenth day of the first month, Lantern Festival and fireworks became a beautiful scenery for langxi people. The moon garden in the fifteenth, fireworks in the fifteenth, and the hometown in the fifteenth are more lively. Love is born of scenery, real and moving, and infinite nostalgia is contained in it.
General comment
Gorgeous and exquisite moves, meticulous and appropriate narrative, multi-level movements and distance descriptions show us the grand occasion of the night.
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Idea: Lantern Festival decorated with lanterns and fireworks is a peaceful scene. What I saw and heard at that moment was so exciting. Facing the things, things and people around you with a sunny attitude will be amazing.
Material selection: Lantern Festival, celebration style, and so on. Young students, on the other hand, have a unique eye, seize the most expressive "fireworks" to show, concentrate on using pen and ink, and have a clear goal.
Level: detailed and appropriate, orderly. The explanation of the elements before the fireworks show is concise and clear. Then from far and near, from point to surface, from static to dynamic, the dazzling visual impact brought by fireworks is described in a multi-level and all-round way. The ending is lyrical and the artistic conception is far away, which makes people sigh.
Text: two or three paragraphs, the most prominent. The second paragraph outlines the colorful night sky with powerful parallelism, supplemented by novel and unique metaphors and gorgeous words, mainly in virtual writing; The third paragraph, describing the changes of fireworks, is much written.
Throughout the full text, detailed and appropriate material arrangement, exquisite use of parallelism and metaphor, and all-round description of movement and distance all reflect the bright stars of that night in front of your eyes and mine. The atmosphere of joy lingers around us. The mood at that time flowed between papers. How many happy smiles and happy times make us miss.
3. I want to be a boy
Comments on the paragraphs of the article
Since childhood, my parents have always favored my brother and neglected my quiet and sensible child. At that time, I wanted to be a boy. I changed the word "child" to "girl", which is more obvious than the title.
My parents took us to the bookstore, and my brother and I fell in love at the same time. The education of love >< Although the price is a little expensive, the content is rich and colorful. My mother said sadly, "Ying, don't buy it, it's a waste of money." Then the father smiled and said to his brother, "buy it!" Enjoy it! Hearing this, my brother immediately smiled and said,' Thank you, Dad! I can only cry on one side. At this time, how much I want to be a boy. This is a cruel reality. Of course, these are not common for many children.
Once, a guest came to our house. My mother said to the guests carefully, "My son is very sensible and his academic performance is very good ... The guests praised his brother one after another. I am not allowed to drill into the coal seam. At this time, I want to be a boy more. The description in this paragraph is not as clear as that in the previous paragraph, because there is no contrast. How is your academic performance? It should be explained.
How I want to be a boy! Speak your mind, but can you tell me your plan?
General comment
Naive and immature words, let us really feel the confusion and helplessness from the child's heart.
Theme: Why is there such confusion in the only child era? Sigh, let's witness the depressed inner world of children together.
Material selection: Choose two things to describe how parents prefer boys to girls. But it is not convincing enough, and the foreshadowing of the cause and effect is still lacking. Especially the second thing, many things are not explained clearly.
Level: show your attitude, then describe the current situation, and finally express your feelings. The content is simple and clear.
Text: The language is relatively immature, and the expressions, movements and psychological descriptions of the two things are relatively dull. As a primary stage, we still need to study hard. After reading the full text, the author introduced us to a current situation and realized the inner helplessness. Of course, due to the limited age and level, more training is needed. For the description of the selected case, we can learn from other excellent works in order to improve it in time. Everything is difficult at the beginning, so work hard.
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4. Teachers who think less about themselves and more about others.
Comments on the paragraphs of the article
The teacher is like a star in the sky that day. His light is always so small, and the moon is always so bright. That's because the light of the moon is given by the stars! ! The moon shines from the sun.
On New Year's Eve, my mother cooks in the kitchen. Dinner is ready! Wow! ! ! How rich! ! !
I soon began to use chopsticks. Just when I was about to feast my eyes, it suddenly occurred to me that I said I would call my teacher and say "Happy New Year". I put down my chopsticks because I know the teacher is still looking for the next lesson in the bookstore! ! ! I quickly picked up the phone and called the teacher. I can't wait to say, "Happy New Year, teacher! ! ! "I didn't expect the teacher to answer the phone, but the librarian of the bookstore. He said that the teacher forgot to take his mobile phone when he was reading! I put down the phone. At this moment, the telephone rang. It's the teacher. He said, "Happy New Year!" "I suddenly couldn't say anything in my heart. At this time, he thought of paying a New Year call to us, and he was still quietly looking for information about various classes for us. I also said, "Happy New Year! ! ! "The teacher said he was very busy and hung up the phone. Didn't you tell him that you lost your mobile phone in the bookstore?
It should be "preparing lessons"
You said that there are only a few such teachers in this world, who think too much about others and too little about themselves! ! ! ! ! !
General comment
Seemingly ordinary things show the noble character of teachers caring for students. A short New Year greeting makes people feel the sweetness of the teacher's spring breeze and rain moistening everything, which naturally shows the equality and goodwill between teachers and students. When you write your teacher's blessing, you can write more about your inner feelings or describe the festive atmosphere of the day appropriately. In the future, the author should also be careful not to use punctuation at will.
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have fun
After class, the students heard the bell, just like a fine horse galloping on the grassland and rushing out of the classroom. The campus suddenly became lively. A word "urgent" points out the impatience of students.
On the playground, some students play games, some skip rope, some play basketball and some play yo-yo. My good friend Xiaohong and I are kicking shuttlecock. Xiaohong kicked forward for a while and kicked back for a while. Shuttlecock flies up and down like a cheerful little butterfly, which is very beautiful. I counted when she kicked. Unconsciously, she has kicked 100 many times. The students stared at her with surprised eyes.
It's my turn to kick, but I can only kick forward, not backward. Although you can only play forward, you can play fast. Xiaohong is too tired to count. She said, "Slow down, slow down, I can't count your speed." The shuttlecock on my feet is like a blooming lily swaying in the wind.
After kicking the shuttlecock, I suddenly saw a little classmate skipping rope during class. She danced many kinds of tricks. There are twisted ropes, jumping on one leg and jumping on two legs, which are very beautiful! I saw the rope sliding gently under her feet and heard the sound of "shua shua". Her toes touched the ground gently, falling and flying for a while like a happy bird. Very light! Two locks of long hair are flying up and down like a pair of little bees.
Students, this is a happy moment. Let's remember this wonderful time!
General comment
Recess is the most noisy moment on campus, and it is also the moment that students are most eager for. Without the trouble of homework and the formality of class, every student enjoys the fun of childhood. The author describes the scene where students take turns kicking shuttlecock and skipping rope, which is full of campus atmosphere and joy.
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6. A meaningful Spring Festival
Comments on the paragraphs of the article
Most of the Spring Festival in previous years was spent by eating and setting off firecrackers. Although I am happy, it is meaningless. This Spring Festival, I was lucky enough to witness a wonderful tug-of-war competition, which added to the excitement of the Spring Festival. Can be changed to "submerged"
This year, our family went back to their hometown in the countryside for the New Year, carrying big bags and small bags into the village. As soon as I entered the village, I heard that there would be a tug-of-war this year. At that time, as soon as I heard it, I felt a "good play" and my heart was full of joy. After I left my bag at home, I ran to the village Committee to check the details. It turned out that our village and several other villages held tug-of-war competitions, with six men and six women in each village. The competition is arranged at 3 pm, and the winner will be rewarded. "That's funny." Somehow, I said this to the bulletin board. Adding "competition" is smoother.
"Check the details" is a bit exaggerated, and it can also be said to be "finding out the truth".
After lunch, it's almost three o'clock. Just out of the gate, I saw that the battle was a bit like the Japanese entering the city: the village head and village secretary led the contestants in front, followed by all the men, women and children in our village. The line is long and wide. I heard it's going to the competition venue. I joined the team and came to the venue. Sure enough, as I expected, it was a sea of people. A hemp rope was firmly placed in the middle of the playground, surrounded by people. This comparison is not accurate.
"Nonsense ~ Li ~ pa ~ la ~" firecrackers sounded. First, the game between Hanlepo (male) and Xiatun Village (male), that is, the game between our village and Hanlepo, the players came into the arena one after another, and the audience on both sides craned their necks, as if afraid of not seeing the players in their own village. In order to "attack and defend freely", the players dragged their shoes, some of which were not frozen.
"DuDu", the whistle sounded, and the players all bowed their front feet and bent their back feet, pushing hard at themselves, while the audience next to them craned their necks and stared at the players closely. The cheerleaders in the gymnasium shouted "one, two, three" rhythmically, especially "three", which was particularly explosive, as if they were tug-of-war, and at the same time kept fanning their teams with their hands to signal to pull over there. The players' teeth are biting their bloodless lips, as if the rope would be pulled away by the other side as soon as they let go, especially our "ambassador behind the house"-the last aunt. Look at her crouching down, clutching the rope tightly, frowning, her lips turning purple, the cool winter wind blowing, and her unkempt hair shaking slightly. And our "pioneer"-40-year-old aunt is not inferior, only to see her eyes locked tightly in the middle of the red rope, the whole body tilted backwards, for fear that the red rope would be "robbed" in the past.
"Du", the final whistle sounded, and the audience breathed a long sigh of relief. The players also held hands, but they did not let go. Perhaps at this time, their hearts are also tightly pulled. Just listening to the cheers of "Yeah, we won", I expected our village to win, and my frown suddenly loosened. In the next competition, we all went all out to lose, and finally won with the results of the women's team third and the men's team second.
I had a very meaningful Spring Festival this year. I not only watched a wonderful game, but also felt the true meaning of the sentence "Unity is strength" from the game. I believe I can have a meaningful life in 2008, because a good beginning is half the battle. It should be "this"
General comment
The article vividly describes the experience of watching tug-of-war in the countryside during the New Year, with strong local flavor and sincere and delicate feelings.
The author vividly describes the eager and equal situation of the players in the tug-of-war competition from the perspective of expression and action, which makes readers feel the intense and strong local flavor of the competition.
7. The power of love is infinite.
-Reflections on reading education of love.
Comments on the paragraphs of the article
Today, after reading the world famous book "Education of Love", I benefited a lot! It should be changed to "benefit a lot"
There are many touching stories in the book, so I won't say them one by one, just one that touched me the most! The article is shipwreck, and the story goes like this: a huge ship sailed from Liverpool, England to Malta, and there was an Italian boy named Maria in the third class. Shortly after sailing, an Italian sailor took a little girl, gave her to Maria and left. Maria chatted with the little girl for a while and learned that the little girl went to Burroughs to see her parents. The little girl's name was Colette? Faguini also learned that her parents sent her to her aunt's house, expecting her aunt to share some of her inheritance after her death. Unexpectedly, her aunt was sent back without any money. The little girl also knows that Maria's parents have passed away. Just as they were chatting happily, suddenly the wind and waves were blowing hard and the ship was going to sink. The captain ordered the last lifeboat to be put into the water and let some people leave. One more child had to sit on the lifeboat, so the captain let little Maria go up, but Maria said, "She is lighter than me, let her sit!" " Then I held the little girl sitting on the boat and threw it into the sampan ... The story was not concise enough.
This is a fight to the death. Whoever can get on the sampan will have a chance to live, but why did the little boy Maria let the little girl go down? This is love. It is the power of love that makes Maria resigned to her fate, regardless of her own life and death, leaving the chance of life to the little girl. This is self-sacrifice. I remember one time, Xiao Bing and I were playing football downstairs and accidentally kicked the window glass of our neighbor's house. I still blame Xiao Bing for it, which gave him a good beating. Now that I think about it, I'm really sorry. Compared with Maria, I am really ashamed!
Read the education of love That touching text will definitely make you memorable! ! !
General comment
It can be seen that the author was deeply shocked and infected by the education of love, so he truly expressed his reverence for Maria with sincere feelings.
The article does not quote the whole story, but chooses an impressive fragment story to reveal the feeling of reading. It will be more convincing if it can be combined with life examples.
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8. My reading life
Comments on the paragraphs of the article
Gorky said: "Books are the ladder of human progress". Now, my understanding of this sentence is more and more profound. The introduction and infiltration of famous sayings not only increases the persuasiveness, but also makes people eager to look forward to the author's perception in the sense of famous sayings.
After finishing my homework every day, I will open the extracurricular books, eagerly read every interesting story, feel every touching plot, appreciate every beautiful paragraph, and share joys and sorrows with the protagonist in the book. This not only made me learn a lot of knowledge, but also made me understand a lot of truth. For example, reading the two stories "The Fox and the Crow" and "The Emperor's New Clothes" made me understand-don't listen to other people's rhetoric, think clearly about everything, otherwise, the consequences will be unimaginable; "The Little Match Girl" made me know that there are children who suffer like her in the world, and made me realize that I must cherish the beautiful life now, study hard and contribute my love to the society when I grow up. The story of "koi fish leaping over the dragon gate" tells me that as long as we work hard towards a certain goal, we will certainly succeed. Books have really become my mentor and friend. Parallelism, description of artistic conception, concise and smooth.
"Not only", "and", turning sentences, connecting the preceding with the following. Make the text compact and coherent.
Give three examples, all representative. But it takes up a little more space, so leave one and explain your purpose.
Now, I am reading 100,000 Why. This book is really great. If I have any questions I don't understand, just open the book and look them up, and everything will be solved. Such as "does the heart never stop?" "What is the limit of human life?" "Why do dragonflies drink water?" "Why are the brightness of the stars different?" Wait, after reading this book, I am no longer confused about these problems. It taught me a lot of scientific knowledge and led me to explore more and deeper scientific mysteries!
Books are really my spiritual food! It makes my life colorful, my study full of sunshine and my life more meaningful! I grow up day by day in the faint ink fragrance! Describe "100,000 whys" in detail, clear and smooth. The ending is lyrical, sincere and smooth.
There is no fourth paragraph in the manuscript. However, the revised fourth paragraph is separate, which once again expresses the feelings of reviewing the past and has a deeper meaning. It should be separated from the previous paragraph to highlight the author's mood.
From this, I also developed good reading habits. After reading every article, I have to think: is this article good? Where's the good news? Where is the beauty? What beautiful words and vivid descriptions are there? Unique brushwork? Then write them down in a notebook, or write down my reading experience and write it into my reading notes. From loving reading to cultivating good reading habits. The relationship with books has reached a new height.
Reading makes me happy! Reading broadens my horizons! I love reading, and I will always take books as my friends and companions, and accompany me all my life! Express your feelings, name the theme, express your sincere feelings, and express the feelings of book lovers.
General comment
Make friends with books, full and warm. Students lead everyone who loves books to recall the past between her and books.
Intention: Life is rich, how splendid and unparalleled will the life of reading be? Savor it carefully, whether you love books in the past or not, and whether you have experienced it before.
Material selection: Have general feelings for books, strong feelings for some books, and good reading and cultivation habits. The content is substantial and the perspective is multi-level. The fly in the ointment is that since it is life, there should be ups and downs, and the taste is unique. But in the text, it seems that there is only sweetness, which is monotonous. Are there really no other feelings about being friends with books?
Level: mainly the fourth paragraph, emotional expression, has been very enthusiastic, but the following twists and turns, but also narrative, and finally lyrical. This kind of treatment can be seen as ups and downs, but it is also easy to make people feel suffocated, thinking that the pen has been collected, and the result is magnificent. Personal views are for reference only.
Text: fresh and clear, with a book everywhere. Sincere and simple feelings, distant words, revealing a clear and far-sighted feeling.
People who love reading are happy, because they know what is happening in the world without leaving home and have a perfect friend. Today, we read the sweet and warm breath from the text, but as a fellow traveler, I seem to feel that the days accompanied by books have various tastes. Dear students, I look forward to your different study and life and different experiences here.