This article is almost all famous aphorisms, specific cases and specific solutions, please understand.
Every family, school, shop and office should frame the following passage and hang it on the wall;
Children should remember these words instead of wasting time reciting knowledge;
If you and I practice these words, our life will change.
Schwab said: "My ability lies in inspiring the enthusiasm of people around me."
"The biggest capital I have is appreciation and encouragement. I stimulate people's potential in this way.
"Nothing can dampen a person's enthusiasm more than the boss's criticism.
I have never criticized anyone.
I think it is very important to give people positive motivation for their work.
So I like to encourage others and don't want to find fault.
If I see any bright spots,
I will sincerely praise, and I will not be stingy with praise. "
This is Schwab's secret.
It sounds simple, but what do ordinary people do in their daily lives?
Do it backwards!
At the first sign of trouble, they immediately reprimanded their subordinates mercilessly;
When they are satisfied, they turn a blind eye to the efforts of their subordinates.
As the old saying goes, "Good things don't go out, but bad things spread thousands of miles."
"I have a wide range of friends and know celebrities from all over the world," Schwab said.
"I found that no matter how successful the other party is,
Everyone will work harder when praised, but the opposite is true when criticized. "
This point mentioned by Schwab is also one of the reasons why andrew carnegie has made outstanding achievements.
Whether in public or in private, he did not hesitate to praise his colleagues and subordinates.
Andrew carnegie doesn't even forget to praise others on the tombstone.
The epitaph he wrote for himself is like this:
"Fortunately, people who sleep here are always accompanied by wise men."
A few years ago, someone did a survey to study the reasons why his wife ran away from home.
Please guess, what is the main reason?
The answer is "no treasure". I bet men run away from home for the same reason
We are always used to the efforts of our partners, but forget that they also need to be praised and appreciated.
People get used to six days, six weeks,
Even after 60 years of stingy sincere praise to them,
They ignored this point:
People are eager for recognition, praise and gratitude, just like they are eager for food.
In the movie Meet Again in Vienna,
Alfred Lunt, the movie star who plays the leading role, once said:
"I want nothing but to nourish my self-esteem."
We pay attention to the nutrition of children and their families.
Care about their health, but forget that self-esteem also needs nutrition and care;
We cook to provide nutrition for others, but refuse to provide spiritual food.
Never realized that words of approval would be like the morning star,
Shining in their memory, eternal.
Sincere praise can change a person's life.
Friend little red riding hood said:
Specific language of sincere praise:
Language action.
1. language
You're amazing! I'm really lucky to meet you, because ... let me ... I will ... do it,
If we express it in this way, do we feel this energy?
Step 2 act
If someone praises it like that, it's over. Of course, we won't feel anything.
But if after a while, one day we suddenly receive a private letter:
I tried what you shared recently.
I did ... now I'm making some progress, and I really feel great!
How will we feel at this time?
How would we feel if we received feedback after this action every once in a while?
If one day after a long time, someone tells us:
Meeting us is a turning point in life, so how will we feel?
People will be happy only with sincere praise from the heart, but they will naturally feel exclusive to flattery.
So what's the difference between praise and flattery?
The former is sincere and the latter is hypocritical; The former is selfless and the latter is selfish;
The former comes from the heart and the latter is superficial;
The former is praised by the world, while the latter is despised by the world.
There is a bust of General Alvaro Obregón in Tepeck Palace in chapple.
His immortal sentence is engraved under the statue:
"Don't be afraid of enemies near the city, but trust kind and gentle friends."
Please don't get me wrong, I don't advocate getting into a dead end.
What I advocate is a brand-new attitude towards life.
Please allow me to repeat here-this is a brand-new attitude towards life.
"In any language," Ralph Waldo Emerson once said:
"Everything you say is engraved with your own brand."
People only think about themselves 95% of the time.
Praise is the most easily overlooked virtue in daily life.
Whenever our children hand in a beautiful report card, we always forget to praise them;
When they cheered for the cake that was successfully baked for the first time or the bird's nest built by themselves,
We also forgot to affirm their progress.
Parents' attention and recognition are what children want most, but they are always ignored by us.
Next time, when you have a delicious steak in a restaurant,
Ask the waiter to tell the chef your approval;
When the clerk who has worked all day is still patiently and politely entertaining you,
Please don't forget to thank him.
For our colleagues, family and friends, the same indifference will cause double sadness.
When dealing with people, please don't forget that everyone around us is an ordinary person who is eager to be recognized.
Every heart in the world will be happy because of the recognition of others.
Please, wherever you go, let gratitude be like fire;
They will light the flame of friendship and repay you with warmth.
When criticism and ridicule do not help, sincere praise will work.
The practice of hurting people's feelings is not worth advocating, and it will not make the other party change anything.
The following proverb is used by me to remind myself at all times:
The road of this life, I will finish;
After this time, you can't start again.
All the good things that can be done, all the kindness that is full of heart,
I will give it to you right away without hesitation.
I will not delay or be indifferent, because the road of this life will never be repeated.
Emerson once said:
"Everyone I meet must be better than me in some way.
Because of this, I learn from everyone. "
(that's what I've always stressed: a threesome must have my teacher)
If this sentence applies to Emerson, it also applies to you and me.
Let's put aside gains and losses and desires for a while and think about what is commendable about others.
Please put away your flattery and praise it with the most sincere attitude.
"Sincere praise, not stingy praise."
People will cherish your words for life,
When you forget these words, the other person will still relive them in your heart over and over again.
Second, how to get others to help you?
The world is so big that there is only one way to get others to serve you.
Don't you believe it? Really only this one:
Let the other party do it voluntarily and spontaneously.
Remember, there is no other way.
If you want to work for me, the only way is to give you what you want.
The first way to persuade others is to arouse their strong desire.
Capable people travel all over the world, and mediocre people walk alone. )
What do you want?
Sigmund freud said that the desire for sex and success is the eternal motivation of human beings.
John dewey, an American philosopher, holds a slightly different view.
Dr Dewey said that the deepest motivation in human nature is "the desire for attention".
This crucial conclusion will be reflected in the full text, please keep it in mind.
What do humans really need?
The real needs of human beings are not many, but they all stem from the most primitive and firm desires.
Here's what everyone wants:
1. Health and longevity
2. food
sleep
4. What money and money can buy.
5. The afterlife is immortal
6. Sexual life satisfaction
7. Children are happy and healthy
8. Feeling valued
Usually, these requirements are not difficult to achieve, with one exception;
Freud called it "the desire for success" and Dewey called it "the desire for attention".
People's desire for it is as urgent as their desire for food and sleep, but it is difficult to be satisfied.
Lincoln once wrote in his letter that "everyone likes to be praised".
William james once asserted that "in the depths of human nature, there is a strong desire to be appreciated by others".
I don't know if you have noticed that he didn't use such gentle words as "hope", "want" and "yearning".
His exact words were "strong desire".
This desire is so strong that it stirs in everyone's heart, but few people know the truth.
If someone can quench others' hearts, they can easily control others' hearts.
When he died unfortunately, "even strangers will cry for him."
Hope to "feel important" is also one of the biggest differences between people and animals.
People are eager to be recognized and appreciated.
If our ancestors didn't feel the call of human nature,
If we were eager for a sense of accomplishment, there would be no civilization today.
Without this desire, human beings are no different from animals.
If you are willing to tell me what makes you most satisfied, I can know what kind of person you are.
This determines your character and has the greatest impact on your life.
In order to satisfy himself, john rockefeller invested in building a modern hospital in Beijing.
Take care of thousands of poor people he has never met;
Dillinger, on the other hand, embarked on the road of crime and satisfied himself by robbing and killing people.
When FBI agents rounded him up, Dillinger rushed into a farmhouse in Minnesota.
Shouting: "I am Dillinger!"
Being regarded as public enemy number one made him pretentious and complacent;
"I won't hurt you, but I am the legendary Dillinger!"
As you can see, this is also for self-satisfaction.
Rockefeller and Dillinger took very different approaches.
Similarly, even celebrities are eager for attention.
In order to win sympathy and attention, people sometimes even pretend to be weak and gain a sense of existence.
People are so eager for others' approval that mental patients even go crazy.
This shows how much people need to be valued, and how much miracle sincere praise can create.
Third, human nature means that everyone thinks he is a good person, even a criminal! ! !
The law of human nature is that people only think about themselves 95% of the time.
Ninety-nine percent of the time, no matter how serious the mistake is, people will not blame themselves.
"Be strict with yourself" is a true portrayal of people.
Understand the laws of human nature, you can forgive everything.
Few criminals admit that they are bad people.
They have the same humanity as you and me,
So they made excuses for themselves and explained why they pulled the trigger.
They tried to find a suitable reason for these anti-social behaviors.
Whether this reason is true or not, they firmly believe that their actions are justified and should not be put in prison. "
If even the lawless criminals in the prison think they have done nothing wrong,
So is this especially true for people around you and me?
John wanamaker, the founder of chain department stores, once admitted:
"Thirty years ago, I knew complaining was stupid.
It is enough for me to overcome my shortcomings.
I don't have the energy to complain why God doesn't distribute talents to everyone equally. "
Wanamaker has long understood this truth, but it took me more than 30 years to understand:
99% of the time, no matter how serious the mistake is, people will not blame themselves.
Criticism is useless, it arouses resistance and makes people eager to defend themselves;
Criticism is dangerous, it hurts self-esteem and even makes people hate it.
The famous psychologist B.F. Skinner found that reward is more effective than punishment in animal experiments:
The rewarded animals learn faster and more effectively than the punished animals.
Subsequent research further proves that this conclusion is also applicable to humans.
Criticism brings resentment instead of change.
Another psychologist Hans Selly once said:
"How eager we are for others' affirmation and how afraid we are of being accused. "
The resentment caused by blame is not only useless, but also discourages the enthusiasm of family, friends and employees.
George johnston is the safety manager of an engineering company in Oklahoma.
One of his duties is to ensure that employees wear safety helmets on construction sites.
Every time he sees an employee who doesn't wear a helmet, George will move out the relevant regulations and order the other party to obey.
Although the employee reluctantly compromised, he would take off his hat as soon as he left.
So Johnston decided to use another way.
When he found another employee breaking the rules,
From their point of view, ask them if the hat is the right size or uncomfortable to wear.
Then he kindly reminded employees that helmets are used to protect them.
They are advised to wear hats to ensure their own safety.
In this way, employees' resistance is greatly reduced, and violations are also significantly reduced.
The evildoer complains, but never repents. This is the case all over the world.
Next time, when the words of accusation are about to blurt out, we might as well think twice and think about those criminals.
Accusations are like boomerangs, they always hurt themselves.
The critics either defend themselves and fight back with the same accusations;
Or, like that gentleman, he said innocently, "I don't think I did anything wrong."
This is the most precious lesson in life, namely:
Please stop writing insulting words from now on.
No more sarcasm, no more direct criticism of anyone or anything.
Please adhere to the principle of "don't treat others with evil, get along with others with kindness".
Keep silent about everything, because criticism only has side effects.
Please add a motto, "Don't judge others, lest others judge you".
Please don't be too hard on them. If we were in the same situation, we would do the same thing. "
Have you ever thought about teaching others or changing others? I totally support you.
But why not start with yourself?
Selfishly speaking, changing yourself is far more beneficial and less risky than changing others.
Confucius once said:
"If you are honest, what about politics? Can't be right, like a right person? "
If you want to provoke each other, you only need to use fierce criticism as a weapon;
Even if the criticism is reasonable, the other party may hold a grudge for life.
When dealing with people, please remember this:
People are not rational creatures.
They are driven by emotion and dominated by prejudice. Arrogance and vanity are the source of their motivation.
Thomas Hardy, a brilliant writer in the history of English literature, wrote this pen because of criticism from others.
Faced with severe criticism, thomas Chatterton, an English poet, took suicide as his answer.
Benjamin Franklin was clumsy when he was young, but sophisticated when he matured.
Because of his courtesy, he was appointed as the American ambassador to France.
What is the key to his success?
"Never hurt anyone," he said. "Praise everyone."
Criticism, accusation and complaint are the innate "gifts" of fools;
Understanding and tolerance are great tests of character and self-discipline.
Carlisle once said:
"The greatness of a great man can be seen from his attitude towards a villain."
Bob Hoover is a world-famous test pilot, and he is always indispensable in the air show.
However, according to Flight Operations magazine, Hoover flew back to Los Angeles from San Diego as usual after an air show, but at an altitude of 300 feet, both engines stopped running at the same time.
Hoover used his quick wits and landed successfully with superb skills.
Fortunately, there were no casualties, but the plane he was flying was completely scrapped because of the accident.
As soon as Hoover landed, he immediately checked the fuel of the plane-as he expected, the propeller plane during World War II should have used gasoline, but accidentally added the fuel of the jet engine.
Back at the airport, Hoover immediately called the mechanic in charge of refueling.
The young mechanic trembled with fear because he made a big mistake. When he saw Hoover, he shed tears of regret.
His mistake not only destroyed an expensive plane, but also nearly killed three people.
You can imagine how angry Hoover is.
The mechanic thought that this excellent and rigorous pilot would scold him like a dog.
Unexpectedly, however, Hoover didn't blame him, or even say a word.
Hoover patted the mechanic on the shoulder and said to him:
"I believe that you will never do this again. Come and take me F-5 1 tomorrow. "
You see, this is cultivation.
Because, even if you hold the truth, the other party is all wet. Please leave a face for the other party.
Blaming the other person's face does no good except destroy his self-esteem.
The legendary French aviation pioneer and writer Antoine de Saint-Exupé ry once wrote:
"I have no right to make any words and deeds that make the other person feel inferior.
It doesn't matter what I think of him, what matters is what he thinks of himself.
It is a sin to hurt others' self-esteem. "
Because Hoover knew:
It's no use blaming at the moment. In fact, the mechanic is already blaming himself.
And if Hoover continues to blame, human nature is either an instinctive counterattack or self-defense.
Either you can't take responsibility, and your heart is too fragile to commit suicide.
Obviously, neither of these results was what Hoover wanted.
Only by being calm and expressing the recognition of mechanics with practical actions,
This is Hoover's best compliment to him. He praised and recognized the mechanic with practical actions.
Finally, share seven ways to win others' love:
Principle 1 Establish interest in others and pay sincere attention to others.
Principle 2 smile
Principle 3: Please remember other people's names. Because no matter to whom or in what language, a person's name is the sweetest and most important word in the world.
Principle 4 Listen attentively and encourage others to talk about themselves.
Principle 5: Talk about what the other person is interested in.
Principle 6: Sincerely let the other party know how important you are.
Principle 7: imitate what others say, use what others say, and make others resonate more.
At the same time, understand his underlying thinking and resonate with him.
Masters know how to be backward compatible, and resonate with others with their heart, not their own.
Summary:
Appreciation and encouragement are far more effective than criticism and complaint.
Remember that classic story?
The wind and the sun bet who can take off the clothes of people playing outside first, of course, the sun.
So let yourself be the sun before you can warm others.
For example, when I took action, I began to admire and encourage others, I began to vomit fragrance, and I lived into sunshine.
When others feel warm, they will naturally change and change.
So I can only change myself first.
Let my brain plant flowers, and when I start to change myself,
Start spitting incense, only implant positive energy,
I found people around me, even strangers, and I found that everything had changed.
May you live like the sun:
In the journey of life, while warming, while illuminating.
Finally, thank you very much for reading. If you feel good, please pay attention.
The fragrance always stays in the hands of the roses.
Previous articles recommended:
The power of believing-you will become the person you believe in.
How a person views himself often implies his own destiny (including the underlying logic of money).
Three things to know in life | Get rid of self-knowledge and establish the cornerstone of human nature cognition, and you will understand my article better.
The world is in the hands of "people who can see the inner world", and your life has long been doomed.
As long as there are three steps, let everyone learn to use the "law of attraction" to realize their wishes.
After a difficult experience of getting along with her mother-in-law, I finally woke up.
The ultimate truth of the universe: wise men are afraid of the cause, fools are afraid of the result. It turns out that all the causes in the world are love.
Today is the 86th | 365th day of my writing.
My original intention of changing the text:
People's hearts touch people's hearts, and we are willing to drive more people to change their underlying thinking and act immediately.
My goal concept:
Love yourself, respect yourself, change the underlying logic, find self-worth and goals (self-sufficiency), reflect on yourself, and integrate knowledge with practice (always guarding good thoughts, good words and good deeds), then "yourself you want" and "life you want" will automatically appear in front of you.
This is the law and secret of attraction.