“If you use gold to make friends, gold will be wasted and you will be forgotten; if you use benefits to make friends, you will be scattered when all the benefits are exhausted; if you use power to make friends, you will fall when power fails; if you use power to make friends, if power is lost, you will give up...” This popular passage As a warning, many media mistakenly believe that this was said by a senior official in ancient times, but this is not the case.
"Those who make friends with wealth will lose their friendship after all their wealth is gone; those who make friends with sex will love you even though they are rich. Therefore, concubines will not stay at the banquet, and favored ministers will not avoid the pavilion..." This passage is the earliest It comes from "Warring States Policy·Chu Ceyi", which is what the counselor Jiang Yi said to Anling Jun. An Lingjun, the great official of Chu State, was deeply favored and trusted by King Xuan of Chu before he was granted the title. He was bossy and proud all day long.
Counselor Jiang Yi believed that Lord Anling did this inappropriately, because Lord Anling had no great merit in Chu State, and he had no blood relationship with King Xuan of Chu. Just because King Xuan of Chu favored him, he Enjoy high official position, good salary, fine clothes and fine food. However, the favored concubine Xingchen can only gain power for a while. Nowadays, Lord Anling is in power in Chu State, but he is unable to deepen his friendship with King Xuan of Chu. This is very dangerous.
Jiang Yi made further suggestions: "Your Excellency told the king that he would accompany you to death, so that he could keep his wealth forever." Lord Anling felt that what he said made sense, so while he was hunting in Yunmeng with King Xuan of Chu, he He expressed his loyalty to King Xuan of Chu: "After your Majesty has lived forever, I am willing to accompany you and sit at the King's table under the Yellow Spring, to stop the ants for Your Majesty, so that Your Majesty can enjoy peace and happiness forever." After hearing this, the King of Chu was very happy and gave him the gift. He was named Lord Anling.
With the passage of time, in "Historical Records·Zheng Shijia Praise", there are two more sentences, which become: "Those who use money to make friends will lose their money; "Those who unite with their rights will be separated by their rights."
In "Wen Zhongzi·Li Yue" written by Wang Tong of the Sui Dynasty, "Those who are united by their rights will be separated by their rights." One sentence further developed into "Those who use power to make friends will lose their power; those who use benefits to make friends will fall apart when all the benefits are exhausted." The whole meaning is similar with some differences.
Later, this saying had new developments: "Those who intersect with Tao will grow old as time goes by; those who intersect with virtue will grow old as time goes by; those who intersect with color will fade and love will fade. "Those who communicate with each other by virtue of advantage will be exhausted and the friendship will be sparse; those who communicate with each other by force will be weakened and the relationship will be destroyed."
In 2010, Master Hsing Yun and Liu Changle wrote a collection of essays called "Cultivation of the Heart". This famous quote is summarized in the book as follows: "To join with gold, gold will be wasted and forgotten; to be joined with benefits, and the benefits will be scattered; to be joined with power, and if the power fails, it will fall; to be joined with power, if power is lost, it will be abandoned; to be joined with love, "If love is broken, it will be hurt; only when the hearts are intertwined, walking quietly can lead to a long distance." As soon as this saying came out, it was widely appreciated and widely circulated.
Extended information:
Those who make friends with benefits will lose their friendship; those who make friends with power will lose their friendship; those who make friends with sex will fall in love with you; Those who communicate with each other on the road will grow old as time goes by.
"Those who have sex with each other, the flowers will fall and they will love you." Now that we are studying classical Chinese, we need to understand some words.
The word "渝" means change. There is an idiom called "Until death, we will never change." If you use sex to make love, your beauty will be gone, and this love will no longer exist. So now many men and women want to use their beauty to find a good partner. Is it easy? Not easy.
In the past, people and women in the past would dress simply and plainly when they went out, but when they came back, they would dress up more solemnly.
That is, it is best to leave it to your husband to see, and don’t go around showing it to others. This logic is quite right, right? Now this logic is upside down. Please note that the inversion can be seen everywhere. Now I put on such heavy makeup to show others; when I come back, I don’t dress up at all to show my husband. So sir, where should I go to see it? Seeing his wife looking so sloppy, he said, "Oh, this is so annoying."
If the woman was dignified at home, wow, he felt relaxed and happy after seeing it, and he was in awe of his wife. So now I'm down, dressing up and showing off to others, but asking whether this society can be stable. Everyone needs to understand, what is "the hero is sad"? "Beauty Pass". This sentence does not appear in the classics.
Who said this? It was said by the person who obviously couldn’t pass the beauty test but wanted to pretend to be a hero. This is what the man who said "If you cover it up, you will be punished". A real hero can only be called a great hero if he has definitely passed the beauty test. Therefore, many of our current attitudes and practices are actually inappropriate. You will know this by referring to the scriptures and teachings of our ancient saints and sages.
And you see, if the female colleagues are all dressed up in a glamorous way, this gay man will not be able to sit still, right? Then the perfume came over me again and again, how could I bear it? So it’s really not easy to be a gentleman now. Why? To be a gentleman, you can’t even look at it. “See nothing that is not etiquette, hear nothing that is not etiquette, do not speak that is not etiquette, and do not do anything that is not etiquette.”
So in the whole work environment, it is very important for women to dress dignifiedly. Everyone is responsible for the rise and fall of the world. Including how we wear clothes and dress up, they all affect social atmosphere. We need to have this sensitivity.
Okay, so now when we guide our children’s thoughts, we must also let them distinguish between love and desire. Nowadays, many social phenomena say that men and women love each other, but why does love end up causing men and women to hurt each other? So that is definitely not love. Love is about putting yourself in someone else's shoes. How can you hurt the other person?
So those love songs now are not love, they have ruined the sacred meaning of love.
It's all about possessiveness. If you have that desire and can't satisfy it, you will resort to any means. "If I can't get it, I'll destroy it." That's all lust, not love.
Let’s not talk about anyone else first. Are we ourselves the ones who really know how to love others? You don’t even know how to love, so you still have to talk about relationships? That's inappropriate, and it's hard not to hurt people.
Okay, so Confucius has a saying that reminds us to look at ourselves, "If you love someone, you want him to live, and if you hate someone, you want him to die. Isn't it because of delusion?" When you love him, he is good at everything and thinks about everything. When you look at him, you appreciate all his advantages, and "you love him so much that you want him to live." When I hate him, I curse him every day, why don't I just die as soon as possible.
For the same person, why is he good at everything when you like him, but bad at everything when you don't like him? Is it his problem? It's our own problem. And this love is not real love, this love is eros. True love, true love, real things never change, that's what is called "real".
Just like how parents treat their children, no matter how biased the child's behavior is, the parents' attitude is just thinking about how to help their children, and it will never change throughout their lives. This is called true love. As long as our attitude and feelings towards this person change, this is not true love, it is still about likes, dislikes, and desires.
When he follows our lead, we like him. If he disobeys us, we will hate him. Therefore, "if your heart is happy, it will not be upright." How can there be true love if your heart is not right?
Okay, so we also sang "The True Meaning of Love" together at that time. Later we talked about, "Tolerate all things, believe in all things, hope for all things", "Love never ends", and never ends is What doesn't change is called true love.
So let’s think about it now. If we hate someone who was very good to us in the past, then we have to reflect on it. We are not kind.
The "Disciple Regulations" say, "It is only right to repay kindness and forget grudges." Changes in a very good friendship are caused by holding grudges and grudges. People with true love know how to put themselves in others' shoes, appreciate others' contributions, and appreciate others' kindness, which they will never forget throughout their lives.
Okay, so we look at ourselves. Love should give people a warm feeling, like a spring breeze. "The feeling of love is warm." "The heart of love is selfless." The words of love are not flattering, but sincere and upright. If you don't talk sweetly just to catch up with this girl, that is not love anymore, it is the power of desire.
The act of love is fulfillment, not possession. (Write on the blackboard: The feeling of love is warm, the heart of love is selfless, the words of love are upright, and the actions of love are perfect.) Okay, then as parents and elders, we must clearly distinguish this love desire ,Why? You must explain it clearly to your children and young people, otherwise the relationship between men and women will be very confusing now.
Think about it, everyone, a girl doesn’t understand these principles and doesn’t know how to act appropriately. We actually met a girl in her thirties who said she had had abortions more than 20 times. And when she said this, she felt that she was very capable. You said you don’t know how far people’s sense of shame has gone.
So, if women respect themselves, men will know how to respect women. If a woman doesn't love herself, then the man himself is more impulsive, so the whole relationship between men and women will be very confusing.
So let’s take a look at the women of the previous generation, who were particularly dignified and valued honor and integrity. So on the contrary, her temperament will make men awe. Nowadays, women misunderstand that they only show their charm if they can attract men. Do you think these ideas are correct? None of them are appropriate. When that charm comes together, flies, ants, and cockroaches all come, right? Right.
So women have a misunderstanding, that is, it seems that this man is close to me and having sex with me means that he loves me. This perception is inappropriate. Why. If he loves and respects you today, the first thing he will consider is that if he is in a relationship with you, the fate may not be sufficient. He thinks about you all the time, not just about his desires. He is selfless and wants to fulfill you.
So it is very difficult to say about fate in life. Just because he is dating you does not mean that he will marry you in the future. This is very difficult to say. Therefore, people cannot all be impulsive and have temporary passion, which is inappropriate.
So since fate is hard to guarantee, he should respect you before he decides to marry you. Why? He hasn't married you yet, but you will marry someone in the future. He has plans for your future.
Suppose he is not married to you, and you later date another person, but you have lived with him before. That person is a good man. After investigation by relatives and friends, you will find that that woman has been with him before. If you live together, your marriage and your good relationship may no longer exist.
Even after getting married, when the husband got to know you, wow, you used to live with that man. Will this husband respect you from the bottom of his heart? Yes, it's impossible. In the relationship between man and woman, this kind of sand cannot be allowed to enter. Men and women are the same. This man says it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, but he means verbally that it doesn't matter, no.
If something really happens, it would be troublesome to single it out and talk about it. Moreover, if a woman comes to the door on her own, she will cry and make trouble in the future. The man said, "You came to the door on your own, so why are you crying?" You have no leverage at all. Yes, you found it yourself, why are you crying.
No one is forcing you.
So these things need to be explained clearly to women. First, if he is thinking about your future, he will not be so frivolous or face the relationship with each other so lightly. Nowadays, women don’t understand these things and have been confused by social trends. Oops, we've been dating for so long, why doesn't he touch me? These concepts are wrong.
Again, if you have sex, you will get pregnant. If you accidentally get pregnant, the man said that you can just have an abortion. Does he love and cherish her body? Next, abortion means ending the life of one's own child. Such a person is so reckless when it comes to abortion. Does he understand love? Is he responsible?
Don’t explain these analyzes to the girl, explain them first, she won’t think of where they are going. The so-called "there is no escape", right? If you don't establish her ideas as soon as possible, you will be defeated like a mountain when you encounter her. Therefore, it is said in education to be "cautious at the beginning" and remind her of these concepts earlier so that she can deal with these situations appropriately. Therefore, parents must understand this love desire clearly.
Reference material: Xi'an Evening News - tracing the origin of "To intersect with gold, if gold is wasted, it will be forgotten"