A common irrational factor in life, do you lose your temper? Do you know when to lose your temper and when not to lose it? o
If you are driving, will you be startled by passers-by, whistle and swear? Many people will lose their temper and even be unhappy all day. But I don't know, the other party may have gone to the party happily. To solve the bad mood, we might as well explain the situation in a funny and gentle way: "This guy, his wife must be anxious to have a baby." ?
Then, laugh it off. ?
On the contrary, is it always good to hold your temper? For example, when your child is studying, the stereo next door is very loud. You just have to endure it and don't defend your rights. What was the result? In this case, holding back your temper is tantamount to conniving at others to do things they shouldn't do. ?
There are many irrational factors in life, and we often can't control our emotions because of these irrational factors, leading to some bad consequences. In order to better control their emotions, we must first analyze the common irrational factors in life. ?
The world is so big that what we can see, hear, feel and experience in our whole life is extremely limited. Not to mention the vastness of the universe, even standing on this small planet, we have repeatedly admitted that life is limited and short. But even trivial things, projected into our spiritual world, may become extremely complicated and rich. ?
In life, we feel the things around us, form our ideas, make our evaluations and make corresponding judgments and decisions through our psychological world. As long as we understand and observe things through the subjective psychological world, it will inevitably lead to deviations in our understanding and judgment of things and be disturbed and influenced by irrational factors. There are many factors that affect our cognitive accuracy, such as the limitations of knowledge and experience; Deviation of cognitive concept; Sensory restrictions and so on. Among them, the most influential factors are emotional intervention and interference. ?
Common irrational factors in life are as follows:
(1) jealous?
Jealousy fills people's hearts with malice and harm. If a person has jealousy in his life, he will live in a dark corner from now on. He can't talk or do things in the sun in public, but he hates the success or advantages of others. The jealous person hurts himself first, because he doesn't put his time, energy and life on the positive progress of life, but on the waste day after day. Jealousy can also make people depressed or full of hatred; If a person's heart becomes depressed or full of hatred, then he is farther and farther away from success. ?
(2) Anger?
Anger deprives people of the opportunity to think rationally. Many times, because of uncontrollable anger, people lost a good opportunity to solve problems and conflicts. Moreover, impulsive anger may mean paying a high price to make up for it after the incident; In real life, the loss caused by anger may often be irreparable. You may lose a good friend and a group of customers from now on; You may be damaged in the eyes of the leader from now on, and others will doubt your cooperation from now on. ?
The worst consequence of anger is that under the control of anger, people often ignore the dignity of others and seriously hurt their own face. It may not be too serious to damage other people's material interests, but to damage other people's feelings and self-esteem is tantamount to breaking the back road and digging a trap for yourself. If your dream is success, then anger is an unwelcome enemy and should be completely driven out of your life. ?
(3) fear?
Excessive worry may lead to fear, which makes people learn to escape and hide, instead of meeting challenges and not being afraid of difficulties. Fear of something may come from lack of confidence or inferiority. ?
A failed experience or an embarrassing encounter can be frightening. For example, after an incoherent speech in public, it may be that he has been afraid of speaking since then. This undoubtedly deprived him of many opportunities in life out of thin air, and the chances of success that could have been obtained through some speeches and lobbying will also slip through his fingers. The generalization of fear can also lead to anxiety, which is even worse than fear. ?
Some people describe anxiety as "an ant on hot bricks", which is quite accurate and vivid. To generate fear without trying to control and overcome its subtext is equivalent to admitting that you are a timid loser; On the road to success, a small failure made him flinch and stop. So, how should he deal with the bigger challenges he may face after success? ?
(4) Depression?
The most terrible enemy on the road to success is depression. If other negative emotions are obstacles on the road to success, it will make the road to success long and dangerous; Then, depression is simply the opposite of success. ?
Overcoming other emotional problems may be just a matter of cultivation and skill, but overcoming depression is equivalent to a huge project, which needs to completely change your essence: from cognition and attitude to character and concept. ?
If a person who pursues success is infected with depression, then the existing success will also leave him. Because success didn't bring him joy and excitement, he was immersed in his trivial experience. A depressed person is like a snail carrying a shell at any time, but the cocoon that binds him is invisible; ?
A depressed person is like being in a lonely castle. He can't get out, and no one else can get in. Kafka, a famous writer and depression patient, once described his depression experience like this: "There are two soldiers with spears beside me. Inside a circle of soldiers turned towards me, spears pointed at me; Outside a circle of soldiers face outward, spears pointing outward. They surrounded me so tightly that I couldn't get out and outsiders couldn't get in. ?
(5) nervous?
Moderate tension can make us concentrate and not be distracted. But excessive tension will make our long-term preparations go to waste. Words and gestures that were originally conceived and planned will be forgotten when you are nervous. Excessive tension makes people childish and ridiculous: pale or red face, trembling hands and lips, sweating head, pounding heart, even palpitations, shortness of breath, and fragmented language. This situation makes us look like a lying child. Nervousness may just be due to lack of experience and preparation. ?
A successful person, he may always be a little nervous; But he succeeded because he learned how to control his nervousness. Lincoln is the most famous president in American history. He is always a little nervous when he speaks in public, but he knows how to control and cleverly hide the past from the audience. ?
(6) Manic?
Mania is easy to give people an illusion, as if he is full of energy, and everything he says and does is so infectious and aggressive. Seeing a manic person for the first time, many people will have a wrong feeling that he is so energetic and touching. But with the passage of time and deeper understanding, you will find that mania is actually just a blank sheet of paper. His speech is not profound, and his actions are not organized and planned; What he said will be forgotten in an instant, and the task entrusted to him will not be taken seriously. Manic emotions are easy to make people intoxicated, because manic people feel great about themselves; He will appear ambitious, as if to shoot the last sun with Hou Yi. However, there are no examples in the world where manic people can succeed, because mania and depression are actually two extreme emotions: mania is extremely excited and depression is extremely inhibited. In the classification of mental illness, there is a mental illness called mania-depression. ?
(7) doubt?
Suspicion is a corrosive agent of interpersonal relationships, which will ruin the chances of success at your fingertips. In his famous tragedy "otero", Shakespeare vividly and profoundly portrayed the corrosion of doubt on success. Love is alienated by suspicion, cooperation is divided by suspicion, and career is divided by suspicion. The reason for doubt is lack of communication. ?
Many doubts turned out to be misunderstandings. If the communication between them is smooth, then the suspected mold will have nowhere to grow. For pursuers who trudge on the road to success, doubt will be a trap that may engulf your entire grand career at any time. Because your doubts may be used by others at any time, and you are unaware of them in the dark. In fact, as long as you analyze it carefully, it is not difficult to find out how unreasonable and flawed the doubt is. ?
Another reason for doubt is the lack of confidence in one's control ability. Why do you doubt it? Because I am worried that my interests will be harmed, and this worry is obviously caused by my lack of confidence in my ability to control the situation. ?
So, how can we control the bad emotions caused by these irrational factors? Napoleon Hill told us the following five examples:
1, look at this matter from the cultivation of an American president. President Ma once stopped his anger when he could have been angry, which is enough to prove that he is a man who can tide over the difficulties. He has a clever and simple way to defeat his angry opponent. ?
Several representatives protested because the president appointed someone as a tax agent. One of the leaders is a congressman, 6.2 feet tall and grumpy. He cursed the president in an angry tone, almost insulting language. But the president didn't say anything, let him run out of energy, and then the president said calmly, "Do you feel better now?" Then he went on to say, "according to what you say, you really have no right to know why I appointed someone, but I will tell you anyway." ?
The congressman immediately blushed and wanted to apologize, but the president smiled and said, "No matter who doesn't know the truth, it's always easy to get angry." Then he explained the facts. ?
President Ma's calm and sarcastic answer is enough to make the congressman feel that he is wrong to use such rude language, and this distribution may be correct. His clever handling left the senator completely at a loss. ?
When the congressman went back to report the results of his negotiations, he could only say, "Guys, I forgot what the president said, but he was right." ?
The result of anger is that you always admit that you are wrong. If you don't get angry and prove yourself right, there is nothing your opponent can do. If you act calm, the other person will calm down. The other person's way is to arouse your anger and do something unreasonable to make you regret it afterwards. It is foolish to fall into this trap. It really doesn't make sense for you to get angry with someone who doesn't respond to your anger. ?
There is no better way to defeat an angry opponent than to calm down. ?
Trotter, a barrister, thinks that casual methods are the most effective. When trying a case, he either tilts his feet or leans back in his chair and holds his head in his hand; Or straighten your legs and put your hands in your pockets. He never gets excited, loses his temper and doesn't work hard. He seems to regard the trial as a big joke; There is no argument, just a play. His humor filled the court with jokes. It is impossible to yell at him or get angry. ?
This calm method is more effective if it can make the other person lose his temper. Isn't it ridiculous that the other party wants to arouse your anger and win, but is angered by your calm attitude? ?
Rockefeller stimulates the lawyer's anger. ?
When Rockefeller was on trial in a case, he won the lawsuit with a calm attitude and a calm reply in the face of passionate inquiries from the other side. Questioning the lawyer seems to be obviously malicious. Rockefeller's anger is human nature, but he is too smart to be so reckless. ?
"Mr. Rockefeller, one day I want you to take out the letter I wrote to you!" The lawyer said in a very rude voice. This letter asks many questions about Mobil Oil Company, and lawyers have no right to ask these questions. ?
"Mr. Rockefeller, have you answered this letter?" Asked the judge. ?
"I think so, judge." ?
"Have you answered that letter?" ?
"I don't think so." ?
Then he took out many other letters and read them in the same way. ?
"Mr. Rockefeller, do you mean that you have answered all these letters?" ?
"I think so, judge." ?
"You mean you didn't reply to those letters?" ?
I don't think so, judge. ?
"Why don't you answer those letters? You know me, don't you? " ?
Asked the lawyer. ?
"Oh, of course! I used to know you! " ?
Rockefeller's answer was so obvious that the lawyer almost went mad. The whole court was silent. Rockefeller sat there motionless. ?
Don't be angry because others are angry. You know, that's when you should be calm. ?
Witmoya, chairman of the board of directors of the First National Bank of Chicago, said: "If someone is angry, I always feel that it will help my own position." ?
If you want to get angry, think about the impact of this outbreak first. If you know that anger is bound to harm your own interests, you'd better restrain yourself, no matter how strong this self-control is. ?
So, should a person never be angry? This is not the case. Many people are wrong about this. They cited many examples to show that anger is bad, so they came to the conclusion that one should never be angry. This is not right. ?
That's because we easily misuse anger, not because we never get angry. Therefore, getting angry depends on the opportunity. Anger has a high value in life, and it is good to use it well. ?
There are some talented great men who have mastered others and surpassed all the forces that hinder their development, relying on his grumpy help. Passionate emotion contains ability. ?
Mr Wang Xi, the Grand Railway, is an example. When he is angry, everyone should avoid it. He can't stand those incompetent people; Useless people must avoid him. For incompetent people, including lazy, brainless and especially untrustworthy, his anger often erupts. These people all fled in front of his strong wind, so he was quiet. He is gentle and close to hard-working people; ?
They never met his angry wind, nor did they hear him say a rude word. ?
When you are angry, remember this principle: do things with a purpose. Don't suppress everything, because depression will increase tension and make people unbearable. You want to do something, but it must be valuable. ?
Curbing anger is not to suppress anger, but to guide anger into an action to improve one's career. ?
Anger turned Frey into a banker. ?
Frey, general manager of new york Stock Exchange Bank, set up a huge bank to vent his anger. Once upon a time, he wanted to set up a Queens bank in Long Island. He thought the plan would go smoothly, but once the manager of a big bank came to him and made a contemptuous remark, so his attitude changed greatly. ?
The manager is very arrogant. When he left, he casually said to Frey, "If you live long, maybe you can set up a bank here." ?
"This sentence is so irritating that I don't know what to do." Frey said, "If you live long, it means that I'm just waiting for the years to pass and my career to fall from the sky. This kind of ridicule made me have to fight for strength after hearing it. I was determined to beat him, and finally, I really did it. ?
After four years, my bank deposit is more than twice that of his! "?
Frey doesn't suppress anger, but leads it to the road of hard work, making his bank bigger than the bank of the person who insulted him. ?
Anger can be the driving force of efforts. The perfect machine turns silently, but there is great power behind it. A weak and noisy machine seems to be very powerful from the sound appearance, but this machine is too uncoordinated. If there is great power behind it, it will blow the machine to pieces. ?
Similarly, if there is any difficulty, you will often feel impatient and unwilling to work, just like temporarily stopping the machine (doing nothing), but you never know that if you do nothing indefinitely, you will eventually be sent to the scrap yard like an old car. ?
When you are angry, the most important thing is to guide the forward "qi" appropriately, so as to avoid the backlog in the future and get out of hand. To make a machine, you must know how to use "Qi" and use it quietly and effectively. But sometimes there is too much "gas" for the machine to keep up with, so we have to close the gas with a safety plug. ?
Sometimes, people will explode unconsciously, because they only know how to suppress their anger, but they don't know how to prepare a closed piston. However, such behaviors as shouting, pulling hair, smashing dishes, closing the door hard, etc. Are not good pistons, because doing so will expose our unbearable inner side naked, which will not only attract the attention and ridicule of others, but also leave us irreparable scars. ?
In the face of angry people, President Ma has a calm and self-controlled attitude. Is this a harmless safety piston or the example mentioned above?
One day, a despicable member of parliament said something unbearable to President Ma Li Qin. He said how loyal and selfless he was; But in fact, the president does know that his actions are just the opposite. President Ma Liqin gritted his teeth and held back his anger. He didn't vent his anger until the congressman left. He angrily attacked the congressman and struck the table so hard that all the good friends present jumped up in surprise. President Ma is like an angry lion. ?
Not all calm people are not angry. They vent their anger on good things, and there is a safety piston to stop it when it goes too far. ?
More than 200 years ago, the poet Dryden adapted such a Latin idiom: "You should be careful of the anger of a patient person. Too long and too depressed emotions, once relaxed, will lead to the most intense outbreak. " ?
A big businessman once said, "if I am angry, I will never let others know." I will hurry and run to the gym next to my office on the roof, put on boxing gloves, have a fight with the teacher and get angry. When the teacher is away, I will fight hard for sandbags. " ?
This man's idea is really right. When stimulated, he didn't stop, trying to suppress his anger. He ran to a place where he could vent and got into a fight with a boxer or a bag. If he imagines that his bag is the head of someone who makes him angry, it will be more to his taste. ?
4. De Yue Se skillfully diverted the anger of the masses. ?
Dai, the world's largest real estate agent, described how he used this principle to deal with the masses and avoid any physical harm to himself. ?
A group of people were angry with him. They want to hit him. If he is not smart enough, does not understand them, and does not prepare a way out for this anger, then he will be beaten to pieces. ?
Will he make a speech to calm their anger? He wouldn't do that. His method is much smarter. ?
This time, the government asked him to auction the house 1898 in Fairfax near Camden, New Jersey, a town built for shipyard workers in the previous war. ?
These renters shouted that the government asked them to move here and now they are going to be evicted. However, after investigation, only three families in 1898 moved in during the war. The rest were automatically moved here later. If you want to argue with them and point out their mistakes, the outcome is really obvious. Because refuting-that is, you are right-can't eliminate the anger of others. ?
De Yue Se started the auction one hour before the scheduled time, so as not to make it the climax of public anger. Moreover, he knew that the tenants of the first house wanted to buy it. ?
De Yue Se said, "I expected the tenant to bid immediately, and as a result, he would buy it. This will make him very happy, and the masses will be happy when they see it. So they can rest assured, because they are angry that the government will drive them away. ?
"Everything is as smooth as I expected. When the tenant got the house, the crowd cheered and I helped cheer. In this way, they began to get a little angry. When I finished cheering, I took the lead and shouted, "now let's all scold the auctioneer!" " " ?
"At this time, there seems to be more than a dozen locomotives screaming. These thousands of people are really breathless. After the scolding, everyone laughed again. I laughed with them. I know that if these people who want to hit me want to take me away, they must carry me on their shoulders. " ?
This kind of people are very angry, and they plan to hurt Dai Lai to vent their anger. ?
But de Yue Se is smart, and she has prepared a way for them to vent their anger. He prepared cheers and curses for them and finally smiled. As a result, not only was he not injured, but the house was auctioned in the shortest time. ?
However, it is very important that the exhaust port we prepare must be harmless. ?
Hull vented his anger in red ink. ?
Woodhull, the general manager of American banknote company, came up with a good way to vent his anger. ?
When he was young, he worked as a clerk in a company. He is very unhappy because others don't attach much importance to him and think that his promotion is slow. Many young people who do things have this feeling, but if it is too obvious, it will cause people above to be unhappy. How does Woodhull vent his dissatisfaction? ?
He said: "At one time, I felt so strongly that I felt I had to leave here. But before I wrote my resignation letter, I went to get a pen and a bottle of red ink-because black ink is not enough to vent my fiery anger-and sat down to write down my comments on every superior employee and manager in the company. I write very well and use many adjectives. Then I put away the list and told an old friend about my worries. " ?
This old friend asked Woodhull to bring another bottle of black ink, write out the talents of these people, write out what he can do, and plan how to improve his position in ten years. ?
Then he compared the two lists of red and black ink, and all the anger disappeared. ?
He calmly examined the facts and decided to do it here. ?
"In the future, whenever I can't help it," Woodhull said, "I will sit down and write down what I have to say but dare not say it directly. This is really a good safety piston. After writing, I feel very relaxed. I put these things in my pocket and don't show them to others. Year after year, others know that I have self-control. I advise people who are in charge of others, old and young, to learn to write this red ink note to restrain themselves. ?
Ed Leeds, an electrical giant in new york, thinks that sometimes it is a good thing to write anger in a letter, which can relax the mood. However, this kind of letter will be sent a day later. In particular, you should have considerable time to think about this important question: "What will happen to me if my angry words are implemented?" ?
For an insignificant temper, you can cultivate calmness in the face of major events. At this time, patience is very important. ?
Bielitz, who has been the general manager of People's Gas Company for 30 years, has a strange temper, that is, he easily loses his temper on trivial matters, but he can be indifferent to serious matters. One day, he left a box of cigars in the carriage. After a while, he remembered, went back to look for it, but it was gone. ?
On the road to success, the biggest enemy is not lack of opportunities, nor junior qualifications; The greatest enemy of success is the lack of control over one's emotions. When you are angry, you can't contain your anger and make your partners around you flinch; When you are depressed, indulge your depression and waste many fleeting opportunities. ?
A common irrational factor in life, do you lose your temper? Do you know when to lose your temper and when not to lose it? ?
If you are driving, will you be startled by passers-by, whistle and swear? Many people will lose their temper and even be unhappy all day. But I don't know, the other party may have gone to the party happily. To solve the bad mood, we might as well explain the situation in a funny and gentle way: "This guy, his wife must be anxious to have a baby." ?
Then, laugh it off. ?
On the contrary, is it always good to hold your temper? For example, when your child is studying, the stereo next door is very loud. You just have to endure it and don't defend your rights. What was the result? In this case, holding back your temper is tantamount to conniving at others to do things they shouldn't do. ?
There are many irrational factors in life, and we often can't control our emotions because of these irrational factors, leading to some bad consequences. In order to better control their emotions, we must first analyze the common irrational factors in life. ?
The world is so big that what we can see, hear, feel and experience in our whole life is extremely limited. Not to mention the vastness of the universe, even standing on this small planet, we have repeatedly admitted that life is limited and short. But even trivial things, projected into our spiritual world, may become extremely complicated and rich. ?
In life, we feel the things around us, form our ideas, make our evaluations and make corresponding judgments and decisions through our psychological world. As long as we understand and observe things through the subjective psychological world, it will inevitably lead to deviations in our understanding and judgment of things and be disturbed and influenced by irrational factors. There are many factors that affect our cognitive accuracy, such as the limitations of knowledge and experience; Deviation of cognitive concept; Sensory restrictions and so on. Among them, the most influential factors are emotional intervention and interference. ?
Common irrational factors in life are as follows:
(1) jealous?
Jealousy fills people's hearts with malice and harm. If a person has jealousy in his life, he will live in a dark corner from now on. He can't talk or do things in the sun in public, but he hates the success or advantages of others. The jealous person hurts himself first, because he doesn't put his time, energy and life on the positive progress of life, but on the waste day after day. Jealousy can also make people depressed or full of hatred; If a person's heart becomes depressed or full of hatred, then he is farther and farther away from success. ?
(2) Anger?
Anger deprives people of the opportunity to think rationally. Many times, because of uncontrollable anger, people lost a good opportunity to solve problems and conflicts. Moreover, impulsive anger may mean paying a high price to make up for it after the incident; In real life, the loss caused by anger may often be irreparable. You may lose a good friend and a group of customers from now on; You may be damaged in the eyes of the leader from now on, and others will doubt your cooperation from now on. ?
The worst consequence of anger is that under the control of anger, people often ignore the dignity of others and seriously hurt their own face. It may not be too serious to damage other people's material interests, but to damage other people's feelings and self-esteem is tantamount to breaking the back road and digging a trap for yourself. If your dream is success, then anger is an unwelcome enemy and should be completely driven out of your life. ?
(3) fear?
Excessive worry may lead to fear, which makes people learn to escape and hide, instead of meeting challenges and not being afraid of difficulties. Fear of something may come from lack of confidence or inferiority. ?
A failed experience or an embarrassing encounter can be frightening. For example, after an incoherent speech in public, it may be that he has been afraid to speak since then. This undoubtedly deprived him of many opportunities in life out of thin air, and the chances of success that could have been obtained through some speeches and lobbying will also slip through his fingers. The generalization of fear can also lead to anxiety, which is even worse than fear. ?
Some people describe anxiety as "an ant on hot bricks", which is quite accurate and vivid. To generate fear without trying to control and overcome its subtext is equivalent to admitting that you are a timid loser; On the road to success, a small failure made him flinch and stop. So, how should he deal with the bigger challenges he may face after success? ?