What are the years? Is it the hardships of life or the happiness of life?

Many people who like Zhang Ailing are very distressed by her. They met inhuman people in their half lives, their parents were widowed when they were young, their lovers were ungrateful when they were young, they were poor in middle age, and they died when they were old.

The most prosperous part of her life stayed in Shanghai. After bidding farewell to our homeland and going to America, what we saw was the extreme desolation.

when she died, no one knew about it, and it was only a few days later that she was found on the camp bed in her room. Wearing her favorite red ochre cheongsam, she looks safe. In the apartment, the family is surrounded by nothing.

A few days later, her ashes were scattered in the Pacific Ocean, and she was silent at the bottom of the sea as she wished.

Life is a gorgeous robe, covered with fleas. She shakes off the impurities and mess of life layer by layer, and restores the coldness and loneliness in the tomb of life.

However, if you only read the above words, you didn't understand Zhang Ailing's senior life?

Because for a woman like Zhang Ailing:

"I don't need the whole world to love me, I just love myself."

In 1937, Zhang Ailing was 17 years old and faced the first major choice in her life.

My mother, who divorced her father for many years, returned to Shanghai after studying in Europe. At that time, Zhang Ailing's father was provoked by his new wife, who brutally beat and scolded her, imprisoned her in a small building, and even refused to call a doctor for her daughter who had dysentery. She sent a letter to her mother: "I want to follow you." Mother replied, "If you want to think about it, you will naturally have money with your father.": Follow me, but there is no money. " After half a year of claustrophobia, Zhang Ailing escaped from her father's control and chose to follow her mother who had no money without hesitation. < P > She said, "What's the point of living if a person has no dignity?"

After Zhang Ailing fled from her father, she lived with her mother. However, the cost of studying and living after she lived with her mother has affected her mother's quality of life, and her mother talks about "all for you" every day.

Look at Zhang Ailing's Whispering. She wrote a sad mood in a paragraph:

Asking my mother for money was a kind thing at first, because I always loved my mother with a romantic love. She is a beautiful and sensitive woman, and I seldom get in touch with her. When I was four years old, she went abroad and came back and left several times. In the eyes of children, she is distant and mysterious. On two occasions, when she led me out and crossed the road, she occasionally took my hand and felt a strange excitement. But later, in her dilemma, I reached out and asked her for money for three days and two days, suffering for her temper and her ingratitude. Those trivial embarrassments ruined my love little by little. Being able to love someone enough to ask him for pocket money is a rigorous test.

Until 1941, in her junior year, Zhang Ailing wrote to her mother who went to Europe with her love for help, but her mother didn't send any money. The letter said, "If you get married now, you can not only stop studying, but also dress yourself up with tuition; Continue to study, not only without dressing up, but also for tuition. "

Zhang Ailing chose the latter and began to write and sell words. After becoming famous, she shouted the famous saying: "Be famous before it is too late!"

Many people think that she values fame and wealth and is too vulgar.

why do you want to be famous before it's too late?

because the economy is not independent, it is difficult to be independent.

the sooner you get economic independence, the sooner you can get personality independence.

The story of her and him, from the moment they met, was vigorous, shaking, loving, and desperate, even though the world was notorious, even if it was displaced.

Hu Lancheng really understands her and praises her:

"Reading your article is like stepping on the piano, and every step can make music ..."

On the back of the photo she sent to Hu Lancheng, she wrote:

"When she met him, she became very low and went all the way to the dust, but her heart was happy and blossomed out of the dust."

Zhang ailing is so brave and determined. She doesn't judge Hu Lancheng by worldly values. "He knows me, that's enough."

Many people feel sorry for Zhang Ailing, but Zhang Ailing replied in Half-Life Fate: "You asked me if I love you, but you should know that love means not asking if it is worth it."

After going to the United States, Zhang Ailing met laya, an unknown writer 3 years older than her. After half a year, they got married. Laya has only $52 a month in social welfare. Why did you get married?

Zhang Ailing met with understanding and infatuation in laya.

In a letter to her friend Zhu Xining, she said:

"I didn't get married for life or loneliness, but I just like him."

He is poor, he is not famous, he is old and sick, so what?

"I like him, that's enough."

in 1967, laya died. In the next 3 years, Zhang Ailing has been posing as Mrs. laya.

Many people think that Zhang Ailing lived a miserable life in her later years.

Four walls of the family: the walls are empty, and there are no ornaments hanging. There is only a table, a TV set and some books in the room.

Lack of food and clothing: wear disposable clothes and slippers, and only eat convenience food and canned food.

Alone: No partner, no children.

But the reality is that Zhang Ailing was not rich in her later years, but she was not poor either.

Crown Publishing House will give her a steady monthly royalty, and after her death, she will leave an inheritance of nearly $35,, while the rent was only $5 a month.

When we thought she was living in a desperate situation, she said in a letter to Lin Shitong, "The things outside her body are still not completely lost."

When we felt that she was living alone, she spent ten years reading various versions of A Dream of Red Mansions and writing an academic treatise, Nightmare in the Red Chamber. Therefore, we always felt that the "bleak evening scene" was not forced by reality, but her initiative.

"One of the signs of a person's real maturity is to realize that your life is meaningless to others. Other people's lives are meaningless to you. "

she said, "I don't live by other people's standards."

she has lived for herself all her life.

"I don't need the whole world to love me, I just love myself."

"Why should I be a likable girl instead of a person I like?"

Some people say that Zhang Ailing's life is lonely and miserable, but I say that we don't understand her. In fact, her life has always been very advanced.