My third sister-in-law is an elderly woman. At 43, she gave birth to a strange son. The child is difficult to control. In the middle of class, he would suddenly stand up and walk around the classroom. In the middle of the teacher's teaching, he will suddenly interrupt and express different opinions from the teacher, so it is a headache for the teacher at school and even rejected by his classmates. Fortunately, he has a mother who studies special education. Of course, I also guess that it is precisely because of the particularity of this child that his mother has to go to further study and become an expert in this field. )

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Geeks who teach themselves at school.

Because the child has a headache in class, my sister-in-law actually went to talk to the school and asked the school to find another place for his son. He doesn't have to go to the classroom for five subjects: Chinese, English, mathematics, physics and chemistry, but let him study by himself there. It is said that this is the only student in Taiwan Province Province who is "at school" but "self-taught".

At that time, a teacher disagreed, took out the child's report card and pointed to the above results and said to my sister-in-law: "Look at this result, it is very general. How can I teach myself? " My sister-in-law repeatedly asked, and I reluctantly agreed.

I taught myself at school for two years. Guess what the result is?

This child actually got the highest score in the whole school, and was admitted to the Physics Department of Taiwan Province Provincial University as the first choice, and was admitted to the Physics Department of Leiden University in the Netherlands with high scores. Later, he chose to enter National Taiwan University. It is said that he is now in the second grade, because a large number of students in the department are also "geeks".

This proves that every child is different and should be educated in different ways.

Wait a minute. The effect is very good.

One day, I asked my sister-in-law how to teach her "weird" son, and what was the most she said to her son.

My sister-in-law said, "Wait a minute! 」

I waited for a long time, but before she said anything, she asked again.

She added, "Wait a minute! 」

It turns out that what she often says to her son is "wait a minute".

So we discussed the reasons for "waiting", and I found that "waiting" is very important for every child.

Delayed gratification experiment

First of all, there is a so-called "delayed gratification" in psychology. This famous "marshmallow test" was designed by Walter Mischel, a psychology professor at the University of Denver, in the 1960s.

He gave a group of preschool children a marshmallow and told them that you can eat it right away or wait for me to go out for fifteen minutes before coming back. If you can wait, I will give each of you an extra candy.

Some children can't wait to eat their candy! Some children use various methods to suppress their desire to eat, such as not going to see candy, pretending to sleep, singing, or covering their eyes, just holding back from eating, and many will get a candy when adults come back.

Walter Michelle's team followed these children for the next ten years, and found that those children who "ate late" did much better in their studies and work when they grew up than those who "ate right away". They get higher scores in the SAT, and they can restrain their desires, think carefully, endure setbacks and resist temptations.

This is "delayed gratification"! "I can satisfy you, but not now, but I want you to wait." "In order to get better results, you must suppress yourself and wait! 」

Babies must learn patience.

As mentioned earlier, when the baby is crying, adults can observe the baby's needs, but they don't have to satisfy the baby immediately. Sometimes, you can even take care of the baby later. If the baby hugs and feeds when he cries, it may make him think that "crying can win the love of adults immediately." The "wait a minute" here is already a training for the baby.

You should keep the child waiting until he is older. When he comes home from outside and is in a hurry to watch TV or eat, you tell him to wash his hands first. When he asks you to help him with something, you just let him wait, reason with him and say, "Mom, get ready, don't worry, wait!" " If he cries and makes a scene, you have to tell him "wait a minute"

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For the future. Wait a minute.

When you take your children out to play, you tell them in advance: "Now there is a toilet next to you, you'd better go, or there will be no toilet in the future." It will be very troublesome if you have to go. 」

This "wait" is to tell him to think back, or to think ahead and take precautions in advance.

If the child doesn't listen and then suddenly wants to pee, you should tell him to "wait a minute" until mom and dad find a place for you. You can't pee anywhere. The first two "wait a minute", one is for the future and the other is for the self-control of the present.

You can't eat dessert until later.

The deeper level, wait a minute, is to teach children to prioritize. For example, when eating, desserts are also placed on the table. As soon as the child reached the table, he reached for dessert. You tell him to "wait a minute" and then have dessert. Eat dessert later! 」

Children can't compromise no matter how noisy they are. You can't eat dessert before he finishes eating. You can simply take the dessert away, or even stop eating it because of his noise!

This is because you need to train his self-control and planning.

Plan your own time

You can also teach children to "wait a minute" and think about what to do in advance, what to do afterwards, or do it together later. For example, after dinner, the child is about to take the bowl to the kitchen. You said to him, "Wait a minute! You can take grandpa's bowl away after he finishes eating. 」

Or when your child is going to kindergarten, you say to him, "Wait a minute! Mom has something, please give it to the teacher by the way. Don't run after school, wait and ask the teacher if you can sign it for you. 」

For older children, you can even teach them to plan a series of things. For example, when you pick him up from school, you see some letters from the postman, including children's books, family bills and grandma's letters. The child is in a hurry to open his children's book, and then you call him, "Wait a minute! Put the bag down first, send grandma's letter to grandma's room, then put the bill on mom's desk, and then read yours. 」

Don't feel meaningless. You know, if you can teach your child to plan from an early age and do everything in an orderly way, it will be very helpful to him in the future.

Mom and dad can also wait.

"Wait a minute" is also a way to appease children.

For example, if you take your child to a friend's house to play, at that time, you should take him away. He is having a good time with his friend's children. At this time, if you insist that he leave at once, he is likely to quarrel. You can use one method, that is, "good! I will wait for you and let you play for another ten minutes. Look at the clock yourself. When the long needle reaches two o'clock, we must leave. 」

To tell the truth, children have no concept of time. At this time, he saw that you compromised and let him play for another ten minutes. He will probably be very happy, stop arguing and continue to play. But when he promised you to "wait", you had given him special accommodation, gave him concessions, waited for him, and when the long needle pointed to two points, you called him again, and he could not resist (if he resisted, he would never compromise).

Therefore, "waiting" is also a delaying tactic. The more anxious a child is, the less willing he is to wait, or the more impulsive you are, the more you have to let him wait.

Wait a minute, think about it.

"Wait a minute! Don't worry yet! Think about it first. Is that so? Think about it first. You are not tall enough to ride the roller coaster. Why? This is for your safety! What if you just sit on it because you are too small to fasten your seat belt and fly halfway and throw you out? So you have to wait until my brother finishes playing, and then we'll find the next one you can play with. When you are older and taller next year, you can play. It can be said that waiting is to teach children to wait until the time is right. It is also to teach children to calm down and think about whether what they say makes sense. Later, I will teach my children, "There is not only one way and one choice in this world. You can wait and find another way. "

Think about it, if children know self-control and planning since childhood, they will know how to exchange time for space, exchange time for better returns, and even know whether it is more effective to concentrate things on the back and finish them together!

Keep your promise.

"Wait a minute" is really a good way to teach children. However, there is a principle that adults should have credit, just like "Ceng Zi Killed a Thief": One day, Ceng Zi's wife is going shopping, and the children are crying behind. Ceng Zi's wife coaxed the children: "Go back first, and I'll kill the pig for you later. 」

When Ceng Zi's wife comes back, Ceng Zi is going to kill the pig. His wife stopped me from saying that I was just lying to the children. Ceng Zi said, "Even children can't cheat. Children learn from their parents everywhere and listen to their parents' instruction. You broke your word, but you taught them to cheat. If a mother cheats her children and the children don't believe her, how can it be a good education? Then I really went to kill pigs and cook them for the children.

In the same way, adults can keep children waiting. But wait a minute. No, forget it.

All "wait a minute" will be cashed later!

"Waiting for you to eat." There will be food then. "I'll take you there later." Then I'm leaving. "Wait a minute can't find the toilet is in trouble! Sure enough, the child will have to hold his urine and look around for the toilet. " Wait a minute, I'll let you play for another ten minutes. "At that time, if you don't leave, you will be punished." "Wait a minute" is a request and a promise! "Wait a minute" is to build mutual trust between parents and children.

Taiwan Province business authorization reprinted the original source liuyong talked about 40 lessons of parenting education: diagonal education, starting children's multiple forces, and facing the actual combat and wisdom of the Internet generation.