When I watched the first ten episodes of this TV series, I didn't have a good impression of Mei Sheng, a fan. Too calculating, too greedy for powerful people, as Qu said, is a typical image of "hooking up with women". But all this began to change after her brother was beaten, which is also the focus of today's article-inferiority and transcendence.
Fan is undoubtedly the most inferior among the five girls on the 22nd floor. Andy and Qu Xiaoxiao are enviable. One is talented and the other is rich. Guan Guan and Xiaoqiu also have warm families. Only Fan Meisheng can't get support from home, both materially and spiritually. This is the source of inferiority complex.
1907, Adler published a paper on inferiority complex caused by defects and its compensation. He believes that inferiority complex caused by physical defects or other reasons will not only destroy a person, but also make people degenerate or suffer from mental illness. On the other hand, it can also make people angry and try to cheer up to make up for their weaknesses. Adler's views are closely related to his own experience. Adler, the second son, has a rich family, but he is hunchbacked, short stature, inconvenient to move and inferior to his brother in all aspects. His childhood was not happy.
Because of his own experience, Adler realized that children's inferiority complex is always a universal fact. Because they are weak, they must trust the life of adults, and their every move must be controlled by adults. When children use this sense of inferiority as an excuse to avoid what they can do, they will have a neurotic tendency. If this sense of inferiority persists in later life, it will constitute an "inferiority complex".
Depression is an important source of inferiority complex.
As mentioned above, Adler found that the root of children's general inferiority complex is the control of adults. In fact, adults also face a lot of controlled realization, and family and career may bring depression. The so-called "middle-aged crisis" is also a kind of inferiority complex in essence. When people reach middle age, their careers are blocked, and the burden of the elderly in family life is heavy, which may be the source of inferiority complex.
The more unhappy a man is, the worse his temper is at home, while a successful man has a good temper. This is the source of what we call "small ability and big temper". Depressed energy needs to be released properly, which may be anger, domestic violence or even suicide. In Japan, middle-aged men are at high risk of suicide. Of course, besides occupation, physical condition, family relationship, parent-child relationship and friend relationship may all be sources of depression.
There are two common manifestations of inferiority complex. One is what we call inferiority, feeling that you are not like others at all, and you are timid. The other is excessive arrogance. As long as others have the slightest doubt, they will immediately attack them with arrogance. Arrogance, a grandiose behavior, is often used to cover up inferiority.
Frustration is the most direct cause of attack.
The more people feel inferior, the more aggressive they may be. In the adult world, verbal attacks are the main thing. This kind of behavior is also called blx, and it will be smashed to pieces with a little stimulation. Frustration is the most direct cause of aggression. Fan is very aggressive. After learning that his younger brother was beaten, he tried to help Andy, but he was insulted and attacked by Mei Sheng, a fan. He thought Andy crushed himself with his superior feeling. This is a reflection of fragile self-esteem, and you can't accept others' help, because others may hurt your self-esteem in words, causing setbacks, and setbacks lead to aggressive behavior.
Friends with equal status, we are more likely to accept help, because we feel that you and I are similar, and our self-esteem has not been affected. But the help of people with high status is often understood as "charity". In fact, the reason behind this is that they feel that they don't deserve this kind of help and can't accept it. I once met such a friend Z, who was born in the countryside, was very stiff, nervous and dressed simply. Once, classmate X gave Z a hat, which was not expensive, but an ordinary sun hat. The general process is that X casually said that this hat is still there, you can take it. Z took the hat at that time, but Z returned it as it was a few days later. X finds it really hard to understand, and a hat is no big deal. Later, I learned that Z felt that X gave him something he didn't want, and he didn't want to accept this "reward".
Using the word "reward" shows that Z's preset for himself is not as high as X's, so it will make him feel so uncomfortable. It is normal for good girlfriends to rob each other of clothes, and no one will think that the other party is "rewarding" themselves. This is because girlfriends think they are equal.
Face inferiority complex
Inferiority may lead people to the abyss of extinction, or it may become the driving force for pursuing a better life. But the premise of all this is to be able to face inferiority.
In the study of human memory, it is found that human memory has an innate tendency to serve itself. Ask them for a period of time after two quarrels, and they will feel that they are justified and that the quarrel is the other party's fault. People sometimes tamper with their memories to protect their self-esteem. Inferiority-BLX-feeling hurt-anger-attack-arouses others' disgust, which is a negative reaction chain formed by not directly facing inferiority. Out of inferiority, I felt that what others said hurt me (others didn't mean it at all), and then I felt frustrated and attacked. Attacks cause others to resent, and others don't like them even more, so I am more blx ... and fall into an infinite loop, which may eventually lead to serious mental illness.
When you feel inferior, your brain will start a top-down "blx" mode, which will make you feel that the world is full of prejudice. If you think you are not beautiful (in fact, you are just not confident), others say you are beautiful, you will think it is ironic; When you feel that doing something is a fluke and others praise you as "capable", you will feel that others are satirizing you, but in fact you feel that you are not worthy; When you are in trouble and others want to help you, you will feel that others are "charity", but it is actually because of inferiority.
Facing inferiority is the premise of transcending inferiority. Faced with repeated blows, Fan was finally able to recognize the facts and put down his disguise. Break down, cry and rebuild yourself. The process of facing the self is painful, but only by facing the self can we break the endless chain and form a positive chain. People who feel inferior are often vain, and Fan interprets vanity incisively and vividly. Vanity itself has certain positive significance, and vanity represents the pursuit of a better life to a certain extent. In fact, the difference between vanity and dreams is only a matter of ability. The desire beyond one's ability is vanity, and what one can achieve can be a dream or an ideal.
The advantage of being able to face inferiority is that you can see your own abilities clearly, set reasonable goals from reality, first set "vanity" as a relatively realistic "ideal", and then decompose the goals step by step according to your own abilities.
Transcending inferiority complex
Inner inferiority is not entirely a bad thing. Adler believes that inferiority is not a symbol of abnormal condition, but a normal development process when individuals pursue superior status. It can also make people angry and try to cheer up to make up for their weaknesses. For example, Nietzsche was weak, but he abandoned his sword and wrote an immortal philosophy of power. Shi Tiesheng was also disabled by illness. He finished many excellent works in a wheelchair. There are countless examples of Zhang Haidi, Helen Keller and Zhijian. The inferiority complex caused by physical disability is obvious and externalized, while the inferiority complex caused by psychological depression and frustration is relatively hidden and imperceptible.
Adler believes that "it is not the environment that affects people, but people's attitude towards the environment." In the face of the same situation, it is up to you to decide whether to respond positively, negatively or even create an illusion by virtual memory. In the face of accusations and even provocations, confident people naturally advance and retreat properly; The inferior Blx is likely to break out at some point, be outspoken and completely flustered. In psychological counseling, a very important principle is "helping others to help themselves". The psychological counselor is only a helper, and the solution of psychological problems essentially depends on the changes of the visitors themselves. After all, we can't wake a person who pretends to sleep.
I prefer to compare the process of transcending inferiority to "phoenix nirvana and rebirth." This is a very painful process. Facing yourself, seeing your imperfect self, how to accept it and how to adapt to it are extremely painful. Once this process is completed, it is undoubtedly a kind of "rebirth" to get rid of the heavy "vanity" and get on the road easily from your own reality.
At the end of Ode to Joy, Fan completed the transcendence of inferiority. In reality, do we choose "life is so hard, please don't expose it" to maintain our blx, or do we bravely change to transcend inferiority and become "you are really much more beautiful when you are confident"?