1. I got into trouble today. There were several transparent shrimps raised in the fish tank in the office. The boss looked at them for a long time with glasses on and asked me what they were. I said: "A shrimp!" The leader was stunned, and I was also stunned. I quickly explained loudly: "The leader is really a shrimp, a real shrimp!"

2. Go to the driving school to practice driving. Others come in The instructor before the bus said: "Don't be nervous, relax!" Before I got on the bus, the instructor said: "Everyone, get out of the way and stay away!"

3. Finally understand the gap between me and the top student , she was lying on the table in a bad mood, and two minutes later she suddenly straightened up and started doing her homework. I was in a bad mood, lying on the table, and fell asleep two minutes later.

4. The boy took his girlfriend for a walk and passed by a restaurant. The girlfriend praised: "It smells so good!" The boy with a tight pocket said very gentlemanly: "If you like it, let's walk in front of the restaurant again."

5. The boyfriend got it

Five million, come to me and say: Let’s divide it! I nodded happily. It took me a few days to realize that he was not talking about cents.

6. God is really fair. If he gives you an ugly appearance, he will definitely give you a low IQ to avoid making you look uncoordinated.

7. I advise you all to stop playing with mobile phones and computers. Recently, I feel that my eyesight is getting worse and worse. I can’t even see money when I open my wallet.

8. The father taught his son arithmetic: "What is one plus one?" Son: "I don't know." Father: "It's two, idiot! Do you know?" Son: "I know. "Father: "So, how many people are you and I?" Son: "We are two idiots!" 9. "You really want to lose weight if you eat so much every day?" Enjoy it! ”

10. There is a girl in the class who thinks she is invincible in arm wrestling and always competes with boys. Every time she wins, she calls the boys grandson and asks the boys to call her grandma. Finally one time a boy won, and the boy looked up to the sky with excitement and screamed: "Finally I won, call me grandson!" 11. My wife asked me: If a female colleague seduced you, would you obey? I smiled and shook my head. Haha, who do you think I am? Am I the kind of person who tells you what I really think?

12. After many years of continuous hard work, I finally changed from an ignorant boy to an ignorant young man.

Thirteen. Midnight

At eleven o'clock, my wife was still watching TV, so I yelled at her to go to sleep. She reluctantly turned off the TV, and then made a fuss with me. After a fight, I quickly turned on the TV and apologized in every possible way, but it was still useless. Finally I realized that I didn't praise her for being so good when she turned off the TV.

14. If life deceives you, don’t be sad or impatient, because life will not only deceive you, but even beat you next.

15. I shouted the name of my first girlfriend a few times in my sleep. My wife woke me up and asked alertly: "Who are you calling?" I hurriedly covered it up: "I dreamed of being a teacher and calling my students. Answer the question." My wife asked, "Then why do you always ask the same student to answer the question in each class?" I was stunned and then answered: "Because I am a tutor."

6. For a person who looks like a failure, looking in the mirror is equivalent to watching a ghost movie.

17. When I do something, I either don’t do it or I do my best. So I choose not to do it because I can’t do it well!

18. There was a child sitting at a door playing. A middle-aged man asked him: "Is your father at home?" The child replied: "At home", and the middle-aged man went to ring the doorbell. For a long time, no one opened the door. So the man asked angrily: "Why don't you open the door?" The little boy replied: "I didn't know, this is not my home!"

19. When you feel ugly and poor, don't Sad, at least your judgment is still right.

Two

10. I have been thinking about a question for many years, that is, what exactly did Monk Risha carry in his burden in Journey to the West? Speaking of clothes, the master and disciple

the four of them had never changed their clothes. It is said that it is food, but every time they either go to ask for fast food, or the senior brother goes to pick wild fruits. Now I can roughly guess what it is. They had been four for so long. So, I suspect it’s mahjong!

Twenty-one. People should live their lives to the fullest. If you have someone you like, be brave enough to chase them. Otherwise, how will you know that they don’t like you at all?

Twenty-two. When you are in love, you should let your boyfriend do everything, let him cook, wash dishes, do laundry, and make money. Girls have to work harder, responsible for eating and drinking. Responsible for buying, buying, buying.

Twenty-three. Friends: If a girl can say rude words in front of you without any grudge, either she is a tomboy or she just likes you. Me: So I have hope? There was a girl who asked me to pee and take pictures of herself, but she was not a tomboy.

24. The scariest thing about buying something is: you cautiously negotiate a price, and the boss hesitates for a moment and agrees immediately!