There seems to be no trace of being in the same frame with him in college life: class photos, class reunions, outings... he is not included in any of them, even graduation photos. Anyone else would probably not remember having such a classmate. And he is still vivid in my heart and memory even though more than ten years have passed.

There are three things on hand that can prove that he has this memory: a personal photo with his signature, the rabbit scarf he gave him during the Christmas class activity in his freshman year, and a 222-day diary. .

First love at first sight

I have been in the same class since the beginning of school in September. I really noticed him when I saw him on the court at the school basketball game in October. , wearing the "00" uniform, with a dashing appearance, outstanding performance, good figure and good looks, he was deeply attracted at once. He's exactly the type I like. Seeing him shining brightly, the person next to him is completely eclipsed and ignored.

This is the first time I have this feeling of rapid heartbeat and inexplicable joy. Could it be the legendary "love at first sight". I have seen too many interpretations in movies and TV shows, and I have also imagined such a scene, but I didn't expect it to happen so unexpectedly. I, who rely on myself to be sensible about love, am already panicking at this moment.

From that day on, my heart, thoughts, and words followed him and remembered him. However, I never thought that this memory would be until now, 14 years later. If I had not lost my memory or had dementia, I would have remembered him. It will continue.

Confessing frustration

After surviving the boring three years of high school, I was able to breathe freely in college. At that time, I thought that everything would follow my heart and I could do whatever I wanted, so I I thought of taking the initiative to confess. In middle school and high school, I helped boys write love letters to pursue girls, and even helped with analysis and advice. I also worked with light bulbs, but I never took action on my own.

With the support and encouragement of several girls in the class, one night, our female monitor helped me think of a way to ask him out. On the steps of the campus, I sat side by side with him and chatted for a while. I don’t remember the details. We talked about his hometown, his physical condition and so on.

In short, that night, I pretended to be calm and seemed to deal with it easily, but my goal was not achieved. Isn't it a confession? After the confession, isn't there a response? He didn't give a reply at all. So after I came back, I was timid and firmly understood that he had no feelings for me or any affection for me.

Just because he didn’t give a clear reply, I thought I had been declined and felt unconfident. After that, entanglement, shyness, timidity... all came up. Maybe it was because I was not prepared to deal with it, or maybe it was because it was my first time and I didn't know how to deal with it.

It was very unnatural to see him again. I didn’t have any memorable interactions with him. Even if I met him by chance or watched him play on the court, he would always be shy. I don’t understand why this is the case?

I missed him so much that I didn’t dare to tell him, so I turned it all into words and left it in my diary.

I remember that in order to be closer to him, I moved from the first row to the first two seats next to him (he sat in the last row). This way I was closer to him, although I couldn’t see him often. I don't dare to look back when I see him, but I can hear his voice or I deliberately talk to my deskmate, hoping to attract his attention, so I'm sorry - my deskmate in the back row, I have a purpose for looking for you.

Also, I often vent in the dormitory, and I don’t remember exactly why. I really want to thank these good sisters for understanding me and enlightening and comforting me. If he wasn't crazy, he would be really annoying.

Even the building management aunt knew what I was worried about, and she actually supported my fight in a serious manner, saying that she would open the door for me no matter how late in the evening I came back.

Well, you are a strong supporter, but at that time I was no longer supportive, especially when I later heard that he had a relationship with a beautiful girl from the English department.

In this way, I was completely defeated. I knew that I was not a so-called beauty. If he liked that kind of woman, he would naturally not fall in love with me. This is not an indirect answer to me, so why bother asking for trouble. You may be new to love, but you still know how to be happy with each other. If one person doesn't like it, no matter how passionate the other person is, it doesn't matter. !

From then on, I began to control my thoughts and deliberately stopped disturbing them.

After looking through the diary again, I found out that I had written letters and called him, but I must have dared because I couldn't control my emotions.

Now think about it: In fact, this is just my own unrequited love, a coward who is not brave enough but unwilling to let go. Thoughts about him are flying all over the sky in my own ideological world. This love really has no meaning other than innocence. It brings endless pain to myself, but how can it bring happiness to him?

Maybe he is simply disdainful and confused, or maybe he is bored and evasive... It is always a variety of speculations. If you haven't gotten close to him, and you can't get into him, how much do you know about him? Other than where his hometown is, he likes basketball, and he is ill, he knows nothing else. It's ridiculous to love someone but not understand them. Is this love? But at that time, I had no such reflection.

In his sophomore year, he dropped out of school and went to other provinces with his family. I don’t remember the specific time. It was very sudden but I was indifferent. We were already far apart from each other. Such a change only lengthened the distance. It was more like a taunt: Look, you have no chance at all! Later, I gradually came to believe that this was God's will: this was to make me give up and stop thinking about the possibility of being with him.

The last remaining time on campus was spent in chaos.

I can’t see him, but basketball is with me

The school also had basketball classes at that time. Unfortunately, I only learned how to shoot. I got perfect marks on the fixed-point shooting test. I persisted in getting up every morning for nearly a year. Shooting in half an hour, highest record: 8 out of 10 consecutive goals.

A person with a high degree of myopia of 500 or 600 can even shoot accurately in the dark without wearing glasses. Over time, it depends on the feel of the hand, the angle and strength, and being impartial and just right.

I can’t talk about my football skills, but I have gained a good body. I have basically never gotten sick during school, and my resistance and immunity have been invisible. It really proves that exercise brings health. To overcome this, we must Thank you very much for giving me the strength to persevere.

I shoot when I am bored, when I am depressed, when I shoot to vent, I want him to shoot too... I especially like the sound of the ball passing the net, it is very pleasant, like he is responding to me and applauding me. On the court, it always felt like he was right there, never leaving, always there.

Looking at the NBA, the Rockets and Lakers were the most concerned about at that time, because they had Yao Ming, O'Neal, and Kobe. I don’t dare to speak randomly about the game. I am a fake fan and I don’t know the rules at all, but I can understand shooting. The fast pace and superb skills of the game are really exciting.

With so many stars, he sometimes guesses who he likes best, whether it is Iverson or Ray Allen, because his QQ name is Allen. I can finally understand why there are girls who like a male-biased sport. It turns out to be Aiwujiwu.

What happened later

After he left school, I only contacted him once and sent him a message to say goodbye. I was leaving the city where I had studied/worked for 8 years. , go back to your hometown to get married. And he called me back unexpectedly and said some greetings.

During this period, I remember that he took the initiative to contact me twice. Once when he was about to graduate, we chatted on QQ. I could feel his loneliness in a strange city and missed us classmates. The other time was a phone call, talking about his girlfriend. If this had been said to me when I was still on campus that year, I would have been excited and even imagined, thinking that he still remembered me and was even thinking about me.

But in the future, I am no longer innocent. It’s not that I don’t love you, but I don’t deserve it. That's right, that's what I think: if he can contact me, he treats me as an old classmate who can still talk to me. At most, he trusts me more than other classmates, that's all.

Because he has never said such words as "I liked you, I miss you". If he had any other affection for me, how could he be so stingy and silent for so many years? So I believe that he only has a simple affection for me as a classmate, nothing more. It was this kind of analysis and conclusion that made me regain my sanity, and I could easily have a brief chat on the phone without disturbing him.

Later, I gradually entered the work of society, and also had some emotional experiences. People always have to move forward. Even if you don’t think about it, looking forward will push you forward. When walking among these intricacies, I didn't have much thought to indulge in memories.

It's not that I've forgotten him, it's just that he's lurking deeper and deeper in my heart, and he won't appear unless he mentions it deliberately.

Later, each of them got married and had children, had their own home, and had their own circle, and the intersections became less and less. Even though they have QQ, WeChat, and mobile phone numbers, no one has taken the initiative to contact me. Even during the holidays, there are no copied and pasted blessing text messages. I have kept him in my heart, even dusty.

And he himself is tolerant and even aloof, so how could he come to tease you? But he is already deeply in my subconscious, even if I don’t think about it, it will pop up. Sometimes I still see him in my dreams. Sometimes I wonder if after all these years, he will accidentally remember that there was such a girl who liked him so stupidly...

I clearly remember that it was the freshman year in 2003, and now, it has been 14 years, right He has no longing, writing these is just remembrance and treasure. Although he has cried, been in pain, has not held hands, and has no ending, this love has bloomed like fireworks, but will last forever like running water.

In my heart it is the most beautiful and pure feeling, it does not contain any distracting thoughts. This love is unconscious, but it is sincere. Life is still going on, and such innocence may never happen again. It is hard to come by, so it is especially valuable.

"00", so many years have passed, although I still remember you, and what I want to say most to you is: Time is like water, always speechless. If you are well, there is no need to bother you.

Postscript:

Regarding his story, I have long wanted to compile it into a chapter, but I have never written it. In September, I met Teacher Wang, who gave me great encouragement. In this The open platform allowed me to muster up the courage and determination to finally fulfill this wish.

Because I have work and family matters, I don’t have enough time, so I take advantage of my free time and type in fragments as I think of them. Just like this, when you read the whole article, you will feel that it is not organized. It's clear, but the context doesn't make sense, so what does it matter?

In fact, this memory related to him is so inextricably linked, intermittent, even if you want to break the thread. I record these with true feelings, and readers can feel every bit of it. I am completely satisfied. Thank you for your patience in reading the whole article. I hope every good thing will last forever, not just now but also in my heart.