1. When Bush inspected the Pentagon, he said sadly: "The Pentagon has become a Quadagon." Powell said: "Mr. President, if the Pentagon loses a corner, it will become a Hexagon."

2.7. An international student in the United States wants to take the international driving license test. During the exam, because I was too nervous, I saw the marking on the ground to turn left. He asked worriedly: turn left? The invigilator answered: right. So he immediately turned to the right. Sorry he'll just have to come again next time. 10. A: "Is your talking parrot still alive?" B: "Oh, forget it, I didn't expect it to die after I raised it for a week." A: "Did it die of illness?" B: "No. , it competed with my wife and talked about dying of exhaustion."

3.19. There is a painting depicting Adam and Eve in the art gallery. An Englishman looked at it and said: "They must be Englishmen. When men have delicious food, they share it with women." A Frenchman looked at it and said: "They must be Frenchmen. Couples walk naked." A Soviet man After seeing it, he said: "They must be the Soviets. They have no clothes and little food, but they still think they are in heaven!"

4. The mother said to her daughter: "Today you go to practice cooking. Let me teach you how to prepare two dishes. The yellow croaker should be boiled with straw on the top. The bamboo shoots should be cut into pieces and turned once each time." The daughter agreed and left. After a while, my mother went to the kitchen to take a look and was shocked. I saw that my daughter's head was tied with straw. Just rotate your body on the ground, turn around, and cut the bamboo shoots. When she saw her mother, she shouted: "What's wrong! I'm dizzy!" 5. A farmer's daughter was too ugly to get married, so the farmer had to let her go to the cornfield as a scarecrow to scare crows. When she got there, she not only scared away the crows, she even scared three crows into sending back the corn they had stolen before.

6. The three ghosts came to God and said in unison: "I died unjustly and should go to heaven!" God: "I will only let the most unjust one go to heaven. First of all, you are How did you die?"

A: "I'm a cleaner. One day, I was sweeping the floor on the roof of an old, low-rise building that didn't have a security net, and I accidentally fell down. A sewer pipe, but some bastard pushed it down. Because the building was short, I didn’t fall to death. But a refrigerator fell from it and killed me.”

B: “I’m here. I went to someone else's house to have an affair, but when her husband came home, I hid in the refrigerator. The refrigerator seemed to have fallen from the window without a security net, so I didn't die as soon as I came out. The next person smashed me to death."

C: "When I came home, I saw my wife with another man from the window of my house. I was very angry when I came home and drained the water. I pushed it down, threw away the refrigerator, and had a big fight with my wife. As a result, I accidentally fell out of the window and hit someone’s head and died.”

God: “You all died. It’s very unfair, let’s all go to heaven.”

7.

One day, the blind man and the lame man were riding bicycles to do errands. The blind man was riding and the lame man was looking at the road. Suddenly a deep road appeared on the road. Ditch, the lame man screamed: "Ditch, ditch, ditch!" But the blind man thought he was singing, and sang back: "Oh kind, oh kind, oh kind!" As a result, the blind man and the lame man fell into the ditch together!

8. The fortune teller said to the frog prince: The beautiful woman you are about to meet will be attracted to you and want to know you deeply and get close to you. Frog Prince: Where will it be? Fortune teller: In biology class.

9. One morning, the math teacher got up very late and went to school in a hurry. Fortunately, the principal was not checking, so he quickly ran into the classroom and the students were already sitting in their seats. After waiting for him, he said apologetically: "Students, as a teacher, I'm late. I'm sorry, but I'm not qualified to enjoy everyone's salute. There's no need to call me "Teacher" today. "The math class representative said: "No, the teacher who knows his mistakes is a good teacher, and he is qualified to let us salute. We must shout. "Classmates, stand up." "So the students shouted in a high voice: "Hello, teacher." Mathematics teacher: "It's over. Now the principal must know that I'm late." ”

10.

There are three brothers, the eldest is called age, the second is called culture, and the third is called joke.

Their parents were old and their legs and feet were inconvenient, so the three brothers went up to the mountain to chop wood. After returning from cutting firewood, their neighbor saw the father of the three brothers and asked: "How is it?" The father said: "He is very old, has no education at all, but he has a few jokes."

11.A: Hey, I have two worries, can you help me eliminate them?

B: Let’s talk about them

A: The first one is sleeping naked.

B: That’s nothing.

A: But my second worry is sleepwalking

B:…………

12. Search, look, look,

p>

Panic, panic, and trembling,

It is most difficult to feel at ease when the exam has not yet been taken.

Three cheat sheets and two sheets of paper,

How can you beat it? The test questions are wide.

The teacher left and I cheated.

I was caught on the spot.

The paper is full of empty questions and I can’t do it.

Who can help me now?

How can I do well in the exam alone when the teacher is watching?

Looking left and right,

By the end of get out of class, I was nervous and nervous,

How could I get a difficult word in this exam paper!

13. One day, three chefs from China, Japan and the United States were competing to see whose knife skills were better, so they invited a referee to compete in cutting flies.

The first person to appear was a Japanese chef. Two flies were cut in half with two "昘昘" knives, and the referee gave him 80 points.

The second person to appear was an American chef. He saw only "昘昘昘昘" four times, and two flies had their wings cut off. The referee gave him a score of 90 points.

The last one to appear was the Chinese chef. As soon as a white light flashed, the fly was still flying. The referee caught the fly and looked at it again, and gave it 100 points.

The two Japanese and American chefs were not convinced, so they went to the referee for comment. The referee said: "The fly was cut into double eyelids."

14. One day, the mouse proudly said to The cat said: "Do you know? She may have done it to my daughter bat, she can also fly, she is the fruit of my love with the bird!" After hearing this, the cat proudly said to the mouse: "Tsk, What’s so great about this, my son Owl is in great spirits and is active at night! He is the result of my love with Eagle!”

15. Mr. Zhang and Mr. Hou are good friends.

One day, Mr. Zhang went to Mr. Hou’s house as a guest, but Mr. Hou was not there. His wife said to Mr. Zhang: "What's your surname?"

"My surname is Zhang."

"Is it Gong Zhang Zhang or Li Zaozhang?"

After Mr. Zhang returned home, he praised his wife greatly and praised Mr. Hou's wife. Zhang's wife was very dissatisfied.

One day, Mr. Hou visited Mr. Zhang’s home. Mr. Zhang was not here either, so Zhang's wife asked Mr. Hou, "What's your surname?"

"I don't want to give you a surname, but my surname is Hou."

"Are you a male monkey or a female monkey?"

p>

16.

Polonius was expelled for cheating.

"What's going on?"

"During the physical hygiene exam, he was counting his ribs and was discovered."

17. Question When is the exam?

A Well, I don’t know yet.

B It seems there are a few more days, right?

C The exam will be tomorrow.

Ding, probably next week?

Answer: Ah, didn’t you go to the exam yesterday?

18. Ivan returned home with a bleeding nose. His mother asked, "What happened?"

"A boy bit me," Ivan said.

"Can you recognize him when you see him again?" Mom asked.

“I recognize him wherever he goes,” Ivan said. "His ears are still in my pocket.

”

19. God gave me a treasure basin, and it changes into whatever I think about. I accidentally thought about you once, and it changed into you. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and it kept changing. , in the end, the house was full of you, and I was worried. There were so many piglets asking me how to feed them!

20. The little camel asked his father: "What are our humps for?"

Dad said: "We can use camel humps to store food in the desert!"

The little camel then asked: "What is the use of our meat pads?"

Dad Said: "We are in the desert. If we have meat pads, we will not sink into the sand!"

The little camel asked his father again: "Then what are our eyelashes for?"

Dad said: "This can block the wind and sand!"

The little camel finally asked: "Then why are we in the zoo?"

Dad: "@#$%&. ”

Give me points!