(Zou Jizhai)

Narrator: A new day has arrived. Zou Ji, the prime minister of Xiaoyao country, got up and stretched with his wife, and the two of them dressed in the mirror.

Zou Ji looked in the mirror and said to himself from Aidit, Mirror Mirror, tell me, am I the most handsome in our country?

The commentator speaks for the mirror: Do you want to hear the truth or ~ ~ ~

Zou Ji: Of course it's true!

Mirror: No!

Zou Ji: Look! Go to hell! (Piang！ Liang! According to Zou Ji, the mirror is broken! )

(Zou Ji takes out the mirror again) and says, little magic mirror! Little mirror! Am I the most handsome in the world?

The narrator spoke for the little magic mirror: to tell the truth-yes!

Zou Ji: That's more like it! (Looking at the mirror for a long time) Hey! But I always feel that compared with Xu Gong in the north of the city, it is still inferior. Xugong's eyebrows are thick, just like fried dough sticks, and people's eyes are staring at them, just like two bells! Or call my wife to have a look!

Hey! Honey. Come here for a second! (waving)

Wife: (walks over) Xianggong, what is it?

Zou Ji: Brave! Who is more handsome than Xu Gong in the north of the city?

Wife: Wait a minute! (talking to it with a mirror) What did you just say? ~ ~ ~ ~ Yeah ~ ~ Got it!

(The wife turns to Zou Ji and says): Xianggong! Look at you, handsome and imposing! Eyebrows are eyebrows, eyes are eyes, and Xu Gong in the north of the city can't compete with you! By the way, is there another Xu Gong in the north of the city?

(Zou Ji is very comfortable and nods straight) Say: Yes! And! Your mouth is so sweet!

Narrator: Here comes the little girl!

Wife (rushing to open the door): Little sister, pull it! Come on, it's cold outside! Look at our little sister's frozen, all of them are iced Lin Daiyu!

(I put the washbasin on the table)

Wife (pulling my concubine aside secretly): My "xianggong" has lost his mind again and asked about Xu Gong again. I'll ask you later, so be smart!

Concubine: I see! & lt Wenzhou dialect >, say that finish, twist the towel and give it to Xugong. )

Zou Ji: Come and pull! (takes the towel, wipes it and returns it to my concubine) I ask you, who is more handsome, Xu Gong or me?

Yu Ji: Of course you are more handsome!

Zou Ji: Are you serious?

Yuji: Really!

Zou Ji: Sure enough?

Concubine: Sure enough!

Zou Ji: So I'm really good! All right, it's none of your business. You can go!

Concubine (washbasin, towel, under the wife)

Wife: Oh! By the way, Xianggong, we are going out shopping!

Zou Ji: OK! (after thinking for a moment, it suddenly occurred to me) Remember to buy me hand cream and face cream. Yes ~ ~ ~

Wife, concubine (at the same time): I see! & lt Wenzhou dialect >

Narrator: Just then, the maid came in!

Maid: Sir, there is a loyal fan outside who wants your autograph. He has been kneeling for three days!

Zou Ji: I see! Then let him in!

Fans: Ah! Master Zou, I finally saw you with my own eyes. I have been kneeling for four days for this! ! ! I didn't even give the funeral when my little Huang died! I've been drooling for a long time since I heard your song "When will there be a moon cake with water falling down"!

Zou Ji: Hehe, they all caught up with Yang Lijuan! what can I do for you?

Fan: My Lord, my admiration for you is as endless as the Yangtze River and as uncontrollable as the Yellow River! I just want to ask you for an autograph this time! My Lord, have mercy!

Zou Ji: It's easy to sign, but I want to ask you something first!

Fan: Just tell me, as long as it's not something that will bleed if I go through fire and water and scratch my skin, I will go through fire and water!

Zou Ji: Let me ask you, who in the north of the city is more photogenic than Xu Gong?

Fan: Which Xugong? Is there such a person?

Zou Ji: Just the one in the north of the city!

Fan: Oh, that, sucks! Absolutely depressed! I can't compare with you. I use him as an insole for you. I don't think he is a warm card!

Zou Ji: Hahahaha! ! ~ ~ ~ Come on ~ ~ Sign wherever you want! I'll sign it for you! ! ! ! (The hands on the fans are all signed back and forth), someone, send our dear and lovely little comrade out! ! hahaha

Narrator: The guest is gone! Handsome Zou is dancing in the room!

Zou Ji: I really want to see Xu Gong now, haha!

Maid: Your honor, Xu Gong is visiting!

Zou Ji: Speak of the devil and he will come! Please welcome!

(Xugong came to Zou Ji with great confidence)

Zou Ji: Wow! Who are you?

Xu Gong: The next Xu Gong! Xu of Xugong, congratulations!

Zou Ji: Xu Gong in the north of the city?

Xu Gong: Next!

Zou Ji: (I watched it up and down many times, left and right, talked to myself, and finally sang) I watched it left and right, up and down, and it turned out that Xu Gong was really handsome, alas! Handsome than me! (turning around) Xu Gong, please sit down. Somebody, bring tea.

(Xugong sits down and finds Zou Ji watching him all the time)

Xu Gong: (I am scared, whispering to the audience) Is he Brokeback Mountain? (coughing, turning around and saying): I heard that Brother Zou's article is very good, and I'm here for advice!

(Xu Xufa, Zou Ji, looks dazed and thoughtful)

Xu Gong: It seems that Brother Zou has something to do today. Come again next time!

(Zou Ji was taken aback and woke up)

Zou Ji: So soon? Do it and talk to you later!

Xu Gong: No, some other time. We're close anyway.

Zou Ji: OK, see you later. Come on, see you off!

Narrator: The night after Xu Gong left, Zou Ji began to think hard. He thought, my wives, concubines and fans all say that I am more handsome than Xu Gong, but when I look at it carefully today, I really can't compare with him, but why do they all think that I am more handsome?

(Zou Ji is pacing up and down at this time, sitting in a chair again, holding his face in his hand and changing hands)

Zou Ji: (knocking on the head) Oh! I see! (Singing) I thought and thought, guessed and guessed. It turns out that other people's minds are really strange, alas, really strange! (Finishing all the hair and clothes) Somebody, get a sedan chair to see the King of Qi!

Scene 2: State affairs in the world

(Imperial study room)

Narrator: Zou Ji hurried to see the King of Qi, who happened to be eating roast duck.

Zou Ji: Go and tell your majesty that I have something to see.

Xiaolizi: Wait! (See King Qi) Your Majesty, Zou Ji outside the door asks for an audience!

King Qi: Please tell me if Ai Qing wants to try Beijing Quanjude Roast Duck!

Zou Ji: Long live the King!

Wang Qi: Zou, stand up. What are you doing here?

Zou Ji: I want to talk to your majesty about one thing.

Qi Wang: Tell me about it.

Zou Ji: Xie Wang. I have long heard that Xu Gong, a handsome man in the north of our city, is incomparable, but we have never met. My wife and fans say that I am much more handsome than Xu Gong, and I am convinced of this. However, when I saw Xu Gong yesterday, I realized that I was nothing compared with heaven and earth.

Qi Wang: Ai Qing, is that why you came today?

Zou Ji: No! Of course not. Your Majesty, do you know why my wives and fans say I am more handsome than Xu Gong?

King Qi: If you hit me again, I will know that you are not good. With my IQ, how can you guess? Say it!

Zou Ji: Because one of my wives and concubines is partial to me and the other is afraid of me, my fans want something from me! So everyone says I'm good Lou! Go to hell, Lou.

King Qi: What does this have to do with me?

Zou Ji: Your Majesty, I thought about it all night yesterday, actually! Your Majesty, there are many similarities between your position in North Korea and China and my position in China. Your concubines are trying to be the first. The imperial court and the whole world are afraid of you and dare not give you advice. There are fewer and fewer people telling the truth now.

Qi Wang: Well, Ai Qing is right. So, what should we do?

Zou Ji: Why don't you put up a yellow list, talk openly and adopt everyone's opinions widely, so as to govern the country more easily and better!

King Qi: (thoughtfully) Hmm! Ai Qing is right! I feel the same way. Someone ~ ~ ~ ~ (on Xiao Lizi)

Zou Ji: Your Majesty is really a wise SHEN WOO. Will he write soon? I will grind ink for you. (Roll up your sleeves and prepare to grind ink)

Wang Qi: No! (Turning his head) Little Plum! Help me throw away this chicken leg. It must be a fake.

Zou Ji: Your Majesty is really a wise SHEN WOO. He immediately guessed that fake and inferior products were rampant now!

Qi Wang: Come on, grind the ink!

Zou Ji: Hey!

King Qi: (thinking while writing) The ministers and people can point out my fault face to face, with 22,000 gold and 1,000 mu of fertile land; A luxury sports car is a luxury sports car if you write or leave a message on QQ or E-MAIL to point out that I am wrong; Those who dare to publicly say my shortcomings, a three-day trip to Xinmatai,

Zou Ji: The emperor is wise, the country is fortunate, and the people are fortunate!

King Qi: Don't thank me. All the new ideas and concepts brought by the spring breeze of reform inspired me and made our small border country so prosperous!

Zou Ji: Right, right, right!

Qi Wang: Come on! Ai Qing, let's give you some words!

Take out the prepared couplets together and face everyone. All the actors take the stage to make a curtain call. Wang Qi and Zou Ji respectively read: (1) Tell the truth, do practical things, be down-to-earth and seek truth from facts; (Part II) Tell the truth, know by fax, be true, be diligent and pragmatic, and create the future! Horizontal batch: the second glory.

Zou Ji satirized the King of Qi. Author: anonymous time: April 27, 2006 22: 02: 41Source: popularity of members: 16 10.

The first field

Time: One morning in the Warring States Period.

Venue: Zou Jijia

At dawn, Zou Ji got up to wash, and his wife was sorting out the bedding. He went to the mirror and was getting dressed.

Zou (looking at himself in the mirror) Hey, who is more handsome, my wife, me or the Xugong? (Looking at myself in the mirror with great pride)

Wife (walks up to Zou Ji with a smile and helps him tidy his clothes) Come on, little Xu Gong! You are so handsome. He can't compete with you! You look handsome, charming, handsome, versatile, both civil and military (take a deep breath). In my eyes, you're just-

Zou and his wife (chorus) are perfect (four eyes are opposite)

Zou (mental activity, monologue) knows this sentence again. (turning around)

Wife (psychological activity, monologue) is too exaggerated! (clutching his chest)

Zou Ji didn't believe in himself and strolled to the little aunt who was serving tea.

Zou (triumphantly): Who do you think is more beautiful than that boy named Xu?

Who is the mistress (frown, monologue)? (Shu Mei flashes his eyes) Oh ~ (suddenly enlighted) Xu Gong, who is he! How can I compare with you! Go, can you compete?

Zou He! (Picks up tea from Xiaoting's plate and gargles) Really? (takes some money out of his pocket) Come on, (waves) Here's your reward.

Concubine: Wow! (Jumping up) Master Xie! (Bow, step down with tea)

The next day, Zou Ji's guests came home to discuss borrowing money with Zou Ji.

Guest (stands up and holds Zou Ji's hand) Oh, Lao Zou, I haven't seen you for three hundred years (takes the tea from the maid and takes a sip).

Zou (coming out of the inner hall) Lao Lu, nice to meet you. What are you doing here?

How can it be a guest? Look at you. You can't do it.

Zou, I think you can't tell jokes again. You are a busy man who runs business outside all day. If you have nothing to worry about, will you come to see me?

I can't seem to hide it from you. Indeed, I have something to ask you for help.

Zou first said. Guest Lao Zou, you see, we businessmen have nothing to do in the wind and rain, and we don't ask you to borrow some money to make money.

Zou Oh, um (thoughtfully, paused for a moment), um, ok, put it aside first, and I'll have the waiter deliver it to your home later.

Alas, Lao Zou, I am still a reliable friend for many years. Your kindness to me is like a surging river, endless! Another example is the flood of the Yellow River. ...

Come on, Zou, don't be poor. We are WHO and WHO. By the way, do you remember Xu in the north of the city?

When I was a child, I hung my nose and ran around with bare arms. That kid, I remember burning carbon, too

Zou, tell me, I'm more attractive than him ... Well, how about it?

The guest's sample is too ashamed to find the goods in the pile-ordinary goods can no longer be ordinary. Being able to compare with you is a blessing that he has trained 88 generations.

Zou, look at what you said (shy)

Don't deny that this is a fact.

Zou, really?

There are fakes there.

The second field

The next day, Xu Gong wore dignified clothes to visit Zou Ji, who treated him with courtesy (look carefully).

Zou, I said, what do you usually eat?

Xu doesn't know why Mr. Zhou asked?

Zou: Nothing, just asking (I remember) that, what, what did you come to see me for?

Xu: Mr Zou, my mother is 80 years old. I'm here to invite you to dinner. (takes out an invitation from his sleeve and hands it to Zou Gong), and invites Zou Gong to attend.

Zou: (taking the invitation and looking at it) OK, I will definitely celebrate my birthday! Give my regards to your mother!

Zou Gong cares about Xu Xie. I'll tell my mother. (Looking up and looking out, turning to Zou Ji) Well, it's getting late. I won't stay long. I have to go! (getting up, bowing)

Zou: Oh, go ahead. I'll ask the servant to see you off. Xugong went smoothly. (Shouting) Small pine nuts

Song zai

Zou, you see Mr Xu off.

Song is, my Lord. (watching Xu Gong go out)

After Xu Gong left, Zou Ji has been sitting in his seat thinking hard (the performers here are free to play and their expressions are changeable, so you can add some exclamations appropriately)

Third field

Zou Ji and his ministers put on royal robes and went to appear before Qi Weiwang.

Long live your majesty, ministers! (clap your sleeves and bow down. )

Wang Pingshen!

Thank you, Your Majesty!

Zou (patting the sleeve and bowing) I have something to play.

Go ahead, Wang. I am all ears. (Seriously, my kingly temperament)

The country of Zhou dynasty

Thank you, your majesty. Your majesty, I thought I was beautiful, but I didn't know I was really inferior to Xu Gong until I met him. My wife is partial to me, my concubines are afraid of me, and my guests want my things, so they all say that I am more beautiful than Xu Hongmei. I realized this last night.

Wang well a cry. (thoughtfully. )

The country of Zhou dynasty

As a humble minister, I will still be cheated. Now, the land of Qi is thousands of miles away in Fiona Fang, and there are 120 cities and concubines in the palace. There are no attendants who do not favor your majesty, and there are no courtiers who do not fear your majesty. There is no one in the country who doesn't want anything from your majesty. From this point of view, your majesty, you are more gullible than me.

Wang Well, what Zou said is also reasonable, but I ignored it! Tell me, how can I not be cheated?

Zou: I hope your majesty will draw up an imperial edict (stretch out his hand and draw an arc around him), so that everyone in the world can correct my king and let your majesty really become the king of the people.

W: OK, let's do it. Make us angry (from music). Someone, pen and ink to serve. (A waiter hands a pen and paper and steps down. The king of Qi wrote a few strokes on the paper. After putting down the pen, the waiter took it away and read it out on the spot.

Attendant: Fengtian brought goods, and the emperor said: Official, if you can accuse me of my fault face to face, you will be rewarded with 3,200 silver and 3,000 silks; If you can write a letter to accuse me of my fault, I will be rewarded with silver 1200 and silk horse 1000; Anyone who can criticize my fault in the market and be heard by me will be rewarded with 520 taels of silver and 500 silks. I admire that.

Ministers (classes): Long live the king, long live the king.

Narrator: Yan, Zhao, Han Jun and Wei heard about it. One after another went to the State of Qi to worship Wang Wei, which made the imperial court defeat other countries.