1. Who plays the desolate music of Yuefu? The wind is also rustling, the rain is also rustling, and the lights are exhausted for another night. I don’t know what’s lingering in my arms, I’m bored when I wake up, I’m bored when I’m drunk, I never reached Xie Qiao in my dreams. It's not that I don't know what's going on, but I know there's nothing I can do about it. What can be untied is not called a knot, and what can be let go will not be settled in this life?

2. The meeting between people is like mountains and mountains, water and water. In between, it is likely to arrive in a meandering way, or it may not arrive in a lifetime.

3. I know that not many people can hold their hands and watch the scenery. There are not many people who I love deeply without looking back. I once agreed with you to listen to the rain together. Now you are not here. We promise not to change.

4. There were pear blossoms falling on her hair, but the person with gray hair was not around. The pear blossoms on the embankment are cool with rain. How about I accompany you in the next life to listen to the falling flowers?

5. If time can dilute my thoughts for you, I won’t be inexplicably absent-minded when I wake up. You are, I can't escape a smoke.

7. Time is like water, and the waves are as flat as a mirror. Suddenly a stone fell down, causing the water to frown. Fragments of memory, a missing picture in the soul, pop out in an instant and cannot be forgotten.

8. Her love is both turbulent and hopeless. She is like a moth chasing the light in her heart, but the light turns away. On the dark river, she stands in the middle of the water with a love that has never seen the light of day. . What people are reciting under the starry sky is your past and my last night.

9. Joy is like blooming fireworks. The brilliant illusion it brings makes people ignore the rapidity and chaos of falling.

10. All living beings are like lotus flowers. Whether they are emerging from the joints or sinking to the bottom of the pond, they are all struggling and unwilling.

11. No matter how much you have loved someone, you will gradually forget that face that you have not seen for a long time.

12. The secret and lifelong companionship of Sauvignon Blanc is the original myth of love. Staying together forever is the last thing.

13. After so many years, it should be a mere waste of good time and good scenery, but even if there are thousands of styles, who should I tell you? You are not around, no matter where you are sober tonight. It's nothing more than a bank of willows and a waning moon in the evening wind. The moonlight was all over the place.

14. People will grow old and their hearts will become barren. This is no longer the innocent and shameful vow at the beginning, but the purple spirit formed after love has been reincarnated many times in love. Seeing it, it will make people People are calm and silent.

15. Time is running out, why not raise your eyebrows and smile, and feel calm?

16. If I had known that I was just a flowery thing that I had no connection with. At the beginning of our meeting, if I suppressed my excited soul, maybe I wouldn’t sink in my thoughts tonight. It's a pity that we are not saints and cannot be pure in heart. Can it be so simple and light to say no to a romantic affair, and Tumi's heart is moved? A complete collection of jokes on WeChat

1. Ever since I bought a computer at home, my wife has become obsessed with online games, and from now on all the housework is my responsibility. This morning, I tampered with the power cord while my wife wasn't paying attention, making her mistakenly think that the computer was malfunctioning and she couldn't play. But when I got home from get off work in the afternoon, I found that my wife was still playing on the computer! I went over and asked, "Isn't this computer broken?" My wife said, "Yes! I took a taxi to have it repaired." I quickly asked, "Then it was repaired?" My wife said angrily, "Of course it was repaired. ! It cost 200! ”

Two old ladies chatting. A said: "Nowadays, everything is about high technology. In the past, it took half a month to ride a donkey to Beijing, but now it takes one night to get there by train. The chickens we feed used to take at least half a year to grow, but now You can eat it in forty days." B suddenly realized: "No wonder, my youngest son asked me to have a fat grandson just three months after getting married. High technology is not easy."

3. A man was newly promoted to manager. He was overjoyed and told all his friends. A friend said: What's new about managers? Nowadays, all the people selling soy milk in restaurants are managers. The man didn't believe it, so he called a restaurant and asked the manager of the soy milk department to answer the phone.

The person who answered the phone asked: Are you looking for the syrup department manager or the white syrup department manager?

4. That day I asked my dad: "If you had suffered more and been more tired when you were young, maybe I would be the second generation of rich people or the second generation of officials now, right?" Dad said: " Then if you suffer more now, won't your son become a rich second generation in the future?" "Me? Why should I suffer more and take advantage of that little bastard?" My father said with a slight regret, "I did the same back then. That’s what I thought... /呲呲/呲呲/呲呲”

5. Someone in the dormitory said: “I put too much washing powder.” A buddy asked: “Your brother’s. There are too many wives? How many are there? Give me two to play with!”

6. Life is like a game! I chose the random mode at first: I was born in China, and I only reached level 25. As a result, I got stuck on the task of buying a house and couldn’t get through it!

7. If the puppy is sick, please ask Doctor Bee to see a doctor. Bee busy for a long time, shook his head and said: "The effect of my acupuncture treatment is not obvious, you should go to Dr. Firefly to try electrotherapy."

8. Go fishing with my wife, my wife is chatting beside me She kept nagging me, and I told her to stop nagging me. She said she didn’t mind me nagging me before we got married. I said it wasn’t that I didn’t mind it, but I didn’t dare to mind it. She said how dare she do it now? I pointed to the fish in the fish bucket and said, do you think I still need to feed bait to the fish that have been caught?

9. I had sex with my girl during the safe period at the end of last month. This is the premise. As the days passed, my sister's aunt who was supposed to come still didn't come. The thought of not doing a good job in safety makes me feel all kinds of uneasy. Don't go to the drugstore and buy early pregnancy pills. The girl was shy just after leaving the drugstore: Husband. I know why my aunt didn't come. --Why? Answer: Aren’t there a few days missing in February? Messy. Do you have any friends who have had similar experiences?

10. The Architectural Structure class is a premise. During class, LZ heard the teacher in a daze saying, "It won't fall down in a big earthquake, it can be repaired in a moderate earthquake, and it's fine in a small earthquake." When the students were discussing the aftershocks, LZ said What about the car vibration? I still can’t forget the expression on my face when the teacher looked at me! !

11. When I was a child, I lived in a rural area and had a dog at home! I accidentally found my neighbor’s dog coming to have sex with my dog. I chased and beat the neighbor’s dog with a stick. Later, I beat the neighbor’s dog away and never came to see my dog ??again. Now think about it , have I ruined my dog’s sexual happiness?

12. A asked: "Do you have "A Brief History of Time"?" B answered: "Crazy, I don't pick up shit when I have time!"

13. Little In order to save Xiang Fei from the palace, Yan Zi and others lied that she turned into a butterfly and flew away. When Qianlong learned the truth, he was furious and expelled everyone from the palace. Yongqi, who was supposed to inherit the throne, lived in Dali, and the throne was passed to Yongyan, who had mediocre qualifications. Since then, the Qing Dynasty has turned from prosperity to decline. This is the butterfly effect.

14. Because there was a power outage at home last night, my sister and I went to the hotel and booked a double room. The next day, I read a few words written on her Weibo, as follows: I have always heard people say how great it is to book a room. Last night, I went to book a room with my brother. It was so cool to sleep in such a big bed by myself! I...sweat

15. Lu Xun was late for school when he was a child! As soon as he entered the classroom, the teacher gave him a slap! Lu Xun was very angry and carved a cursive character on the table. Later, when the teacher came over, he wisely covered his penis! The teacher nodded and walked away.

16. The ant asked the elephant to come up on the shore. After the elephant came up, the ant asked him to go back. The elephant was confused and asked the ant what was going on. The ant said: "I lost a pair of shorts. Let's see if you stole them. Now it's fine. You didn't steal them."

"When the elephant heard this, he fainted on the spot!

17. My husband and I were taking the bus today. During this period, he looked through my collar and said to me obscenely, "Short oily bra. It’s this color”… So I decisively pulled down the collar of his T-shirt, took a look, and said in horror, “Aha! You're not wearing any! ! ", my husband will never forget the eyes of everyone in the car.

18. A young tigress quietly came to the kennel and said very kindly: "Mother dog, can you lend me a dog? A puppy? The dog's mother said: "The tiger borrowed the dog to play with, but he would not return it if he borrowed it." The tigress said: "I will give you back the puppy. I am not eating it, but I want it to drink my milk. My baby is dead and the nipples are so swollen that it hurts." The bitch said: "I'm worried that the puppy will lose its dog nature after eating your milk. If the puppy has milk, it will be its mother." ”

19. My son is two years old this year. He was playing skates on the roadside and bumped into an aunt riding a bicycle (the aunt must be at least 75 years old). I was thinking about whether to go or not, when The aunt stood up and picked up the car and ran away on her bicycle. What the hell!

20. The pig said to the bear: Guess how many pieces of candy I have in my pocket? The bear said: You are right? Will you give it to me? The pig nodded affirmatively: Yes, I’ll give you both! The little bear swallowed and said: I guess five! Then the pig gave the candy in his pocket to the bear and said: "I still owe you four dollars."

21. Put your right foot on your left foot, make a circle with your toes in a clockwise direction, and then stretch out your right index finger and make a circle in a counterclockwise direction. Turn a few times, and then you will find that the direction of your right foot has changed to counterclockwise.

22. When I was on vacation, I thought, I was just playing hard during the vacation. Halfway through the vacation, I I thought, there is still so much time to play hard. The day before school starts, I thought, hell, school starts tomorrow, so let’s play hard today

23. Someone pricked a rose Later, he gained weight and the tattoo became enlarged. One day, his friend couldn't help but asked him: "Why do you want to tattoo a big cabbage on your body?" "

24. A salesman was selling speakers on the roadside. He stopped people walking by and said, "Sir, buy a speaker. It costs ten yuan a piece." Passerby: "No need, let me go. If you don't let me go, call the police." "Salesman: "The police are so far away that I can't hear them. Let's buy a loudspeaker and shout..."

25. To tell the truth, in junior high school, I had a bad classmate. I couldn't tell that he was a junior high school student. One time, this guy went out to rob someone and dragged her under the bridge. He took away her gold earrings, gold ring, mobile phone, and necklace. Finally, this guy said, "Untie your belt!" "The girl saw that he was holding a knife, so she had to obey... Unexpectedly, this guy ran away with his belt. ... Please tell me the truth.

26. When the teacher says to your good friend: Since you don't know how, then find a classmate to answer this question for you. The moment your good friend turns his head and looks at you with a wicked smile, you wish you had never known this idiot in your life.

27. There was a severe drought one year, and a farmer saw that his crops were about to die. Suddenly, he seemed to have thought of something, so he ran into the crop field, took off his pants and pee, and then muttered to himself. : It is said that a little kindness should be repaid by a spring. This time there will be no drought!

28. The mother snail said to the little snail: "You are not young anymore. I will take you to the next door tomorrow!" Went on a blind date in the village. "Little Snail: "Mom, I'm only 12 years old, and I haven't reached the legal age for marriage yet! Mother Snail said: "My child, you will be old enough when we get there!"

29. Last night, a friend invited me to dinner. During the meal, we chatted and drank. An hour later, I saw that my friend was a little drunk, so I asked the waiter to pay the bill. It was 268 yuan a piece. I I gave 300 yuan to the waiter and asked him to find it. My friend immediately got up and grabbed the money from the waiter's hand and said drunkenly, "I've agreed to treat you." While talking, he took out 300 yuan from his pocket and put the money in his pocket. . I'm so depressed. Are you asking me to do this or cheating on me?

Thirty, I have a second-rate wife at home. Just now I saw that my joke was on the hot list, so I said to her, "Wife, why don't you give me a thumbs-up?" "I hate that you are the one who always gives me the thumbs-up today." Why do you want me to pick you up?" "Don't bother talking, hurry up." "Wait a minute. I'm going to the kitchen." "Why are you going to the kitchen?" "Let me see if there are cucumbers, peppers, bitter melons, and eggplants. What do you want me to pick up on you?" Damn it..." A slutty wife is so happy

Thirty-one. Two tigers were chatting, and a cat came across from the other side. One of the tigresses enviously said to the other tiger: " I also hope to lose weight like that! "

Thirty-two, two girls came to the company for interviews, one had long hair and thin legs and big breasts, and the other had a mediocre figure and appearance. Everyone bet that the boss would definitely admit the first one, but unexpectedly the boss admitted the latter. Everyone was puzzled, and the boss said, "I just want those beautiful people to know that it is useless to rely on looks alone to gain a foothold in this society!" There was thunderous applause from the audience, and three months later the woman who was not admitted became Our boss lady.

Thirty-three, brother and sister eat rice noodles together. There are several kinds of rice noodles, regular ones cost 4 yuan, and cross-bridge rice noodles cost 10 yuan. The brother was puzzled and asked his sister: "Why are the bridge rice noodles so expensive?" The sister replied: "Maybe the 10 yuan includes the bridge toll!"

Thirty-four. One night, one The assassin sneaked into Master Bao Zheng's room, intending to assassinate him. He lifted up the quilt, but found no one on the bed. He thought the plot had been discovered, was frightened, and rushed out of the door. After a while, I heard Mr. Bao's words coming from the room: Fortunately, I'm used to sleeping naked...

35. The terrain is basin-like, the air is fresh, the greening is very good, and the sky is blue. Yes, sun protection is a must. Ramen is available everywhere, the market is dirty, and the canteen is inaccessible. There are still beauties, but they just ignore you. Majors are unpopular, but they are powerful. Geography cannot be learned and will kill people sooner or later. The price-performance ratio is very high, and anyone who dares to come here is doing a good job.

Thirty-six. My colleague’s girl is extremely mean! My boss and boss said bad things about me! She had a stomachache just now! I took the lead and immediately went to the toilet and wiped out all the paper! As soon as I walked out of the door, she immediately pushed me away! No, she has been in the toilet for more than an hour! Ha ha! Make you laugh!

Thirty-seven. Husband: Wife, listen to me, I smoke and watch TV in bed. And he came to our house to chat with me, and I accidentally dropped the cigarette butt on the bed. As a result, he tried to put out the cigarette butt with his butt. But his ass was also on fire. I was so anxious that I planned to pee to put out the cigarette butt, but you happened to come in. Wife: That makes sense. Why are you so hard? Still calling Kamang Beibi

38. If you tell your dad that you are hungry, your dad will say: "Let's go, dad will take you to a restaurant"; if you tell your mom that you are hungry, mom will Will say: "What do you want to eat, mom will cook it for you"; if you tell your boyfriend that you are hungry, your boyfriend will say: "What do you want to eat, I will buy it"; and if you tell your girlfriend that you are hungry, your girlfriend will They tend to say: "Me too..." Therefore, more and more boys choose to find a boyfriend.

Thirty-nine. The Chinese teacher asked the students to write a short essay on the topic of football match. In less than a minute, a student handed in his paper and wrote only four words: Suspension on rainy days.

Forty. A boy from a certain university jumped off a building. After successfully displaying his death in public, he was sorting out his belongings and received the last text message on his mobile phone: Husband, someone seems to have jumped over there in the teaching building. Hurry and go and see.

41. The first time I went to the school hospital was because of a fever. The doctor’s aunt handed me a thermometer without saying anything, and I put it in my mouth without saying anything... The aunt looked at me I glanced at him and said softly: "Under the arm." I thought about it, and yelled obediently: "Yeah!"

42. "Doctor, I have diarrhea!" 2,000 BC: "Just eat this root and you'll be fine."

"1000 BC: "It's useless to eat tree roots, come and pray with us! "1850 AD: "Praying is superstition, come and drink this potion" 1940 AD: "That potion is a lie, come and take this pill! "AD 1985: "That pill has low efficacy, take this antibiotic! "2000 AD: "That antibiotic is man-made, come on, just eat this root! "

43. Question: "What is the difference between Valentine's Day and Qingming Festival now? "Answer:" Valentine's Day and Tomb-Sweeping Day are the same. They both send flowers and food. The difference is: on Valentine's Day, you burn real money and tell people a lot of nonsense; on Tomb-Sweeping Day, you burn fake money and tell people a lot of nonsense. Listen to the ghost. "

Forty-four. After 20 years, I met my ex on the street. "Hey, it's been such a long time! How are you lately? ""Not bad," she said. "After graduating from my undergraduate degree, I went on to study law, and now we are all lawyers in partnership. Ah, it's nice to see you anyway, bye." After saying that, she left. This woman is still so self-righteous, I thought to myself. She neither asked me how I was doing, nor put anything in my can. Toss a coin...

Forty-five. A boy asked me to treat him to dinner, and I would choose the place. I said that would be embarrassing, let’s go AA, but he insisted on treating me to whatever you want, and I said Well, I chose an Indian restaurant with a better environment, and when I checked out, it was $66 extra. He told me that Indian food is really expensive, please share half of it with me. After I paid, I was speechless and wanted to hurry up. I went home, and then he caught up with me, asked me to borrow 40 yuan, and said he wanted to take a taxi home... A complete collection of love quotes suitable for WeChat: I won’t keep you, just leave if you want, and don’t look back

1. Sometimes, there are expectations because of dependence, and disappointment because of expectations. 2. When two people are together, it is not about who can conquer the other, but because they rely on and support each other. >

3. My troubles are all caused by the anti-pornography campaign

4. If one day you lament my depravity, please remember how my self-confidence was destroyed...

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5. Be a woman who has loved, cried, and continued to be strong.

6. "The best smell in the world is holding you." "The smell on your body"

7. Time has gone cold, the heart has become sick, and the people around me have gone away.

8. There are only two kinds of feelings in the world, one is to support each other but grow tired of it until old age, the other is to forget each other in the world but miss each other until we cry.

9. Please cherish those who can be together, because some people want to be together, but cannot.

10. Cherish the person who is willing to tolerate your temper and coax you.

11. I can listen to your call in the middle of the night. I can worry about whether you will be angry or wake up suddenly. I am afraid that you will leave suddenly and you will say whether I love you or not?

12. Life is like Super Girl, and those who survive till the end are pure men.

13. If you don’t want to stay, just leave if you want and don’t look back

14. As long as you are still here, as long as I still love you.

15. Be a pair of pants Only when you lose your belt can you understand what dependence is. A collection of the most romantic love stories in WeChat Moments

1. You see, there are so many people, such a big world, I met you, and you met me ,very nice.

2. The trickling stream will not be blocked by stones, and the deep friendship will not be separated by distance. In my friendship rankings, you are always at the top of the list, and the market is still rising. How are you lately? I am blessing you from afar.

3. Just thinking about talking to you makes me laugh like an idiot.

4. The new moon represents my passion, the first quarter moon represents my loyalty, the last quarter moon represents my longing, and the full moon represents my determination. My dear, you have to believe that no matter whether the moon is full or not, the moon always represents my heart.

5. There is no truth in true love, happiness does not depend on luck, I love you without asking you, I miss you and never ask you, blessings are always remembered, thoughts are never far away, smiles are hidden in my heart, warmth floats in my sentences Here, I have known you all my life, and there is no distance between us. When blessings arrive, happiness will fly to the bottom of your heart.

6. Take a photo of your face, copy your kindness, paste my love for you, write it into the most beautiful blessing text message, and send it to you. I wish you a happy Valentine's Day!

7. Without you, my mind is so confused. Without you, life is so lonely. Without you, longing is entangled in my heart. Without you, heartbreak is always with me. Without you, happiness is with me. It doesn't matter, my dear, I really can't live without you!

8. That time when the mints scattered in my drawer were wrapped up dexterously by you, I was often inexplicably moved by your thoughtfulness; that time, if you were reincarnated, we would be destined to hold hands for a lifetime. My heart often beats because of your words; that time you were worried that you would lose my good confession to you, and my heart often ache because of your sadness and worries. If you are willing, I am willing to lean on you. Beside you, watching affectionately; if you are willing, I would like to live in your heart and stay together happily. I just want to be drunk in your love.

9. I drank a few drinks when I was sad. It was strange that I felt a little drunk. I felt so humble when I was drunk. It turns out that falling in love with you is a little bit heartbreaking. Love makes people sad and wanders with me day and night, and also disappears in the hazy night.

10. I want to see you every morning when I see the sun.

11. Do you still remember that time when we went to the mall? A woman brought her child to buy toys. The child fondled the toys and couldn't put them down. When the woman was about to check out, she only knew her wallet when she touched it. Lost. Seeing that the account could not be settled, the children ran out with toys in their arms, leaving the anxious women scratching their heads and scratching their heads, unable to do anything. Suddenly, a group of onlookers came to watch. You walked forward lightly, asked about the price of the toy, and without hesitation took out 260 yuan and paid the bill to the salesperson. When a woman catches up with you and asks your name gratefully, you say without looking back: It’s nothing, sister-in-law! Even if it is a meeting gift for my children.

12. I wish you peace and quiet and enjoy simple happiness. I only wish you are healthy and enjoy simple warmth. I wish you success and peace of mind. I wish you are relaxed and relaxed. Enjoy the freedom of happiness. I just want to keep you in my heart forever and keep your heart warm at all times.

13. The summer night is charming. We sit together to admire the moon and the stars in the sky. You said that star is you, that star is me, and we will never leave each other for life. The stars blinked, laughing at the obsession of the two young people. You said that maybe the moon is more peaceful than the human world, and I hope Chang'e will bring more beauty to the human world.

14. You smoothed my path while walking, enriched my life because of you, and made my emotions beautiful because of you in this world. This is how you gave me. If I love you, I will do my best, you know?