1． A roundabout "pathfinding method"

On the eve of the Xi'an Incident, Zhang Xueliang and Yang Hucheng met frequently, both intending to attack Chiang. But for such a major matter that concerns one's family, life, and the future of the country, no one dares to open the door easily until the other party makes its attitude clear. Seeing that the time was getting closer and closer, both parties wanted to talk but refused.

There was a famous Communist Party member named Wang Bingnan under Yang Hucheng, and Zhang Xueliang also knew him. In another meeting, Yang Hucheng asked him to say: "Wang Bingnan is a radical and he advocates detaining Chiang Kai-shek!" Zhang Xueliang responded promptly: "I think this is also a way." So the two smart generals started Discuss a plan of action.

At that time, Zhang Xueliang was much more powerful than Yang Hucheng, and he was also Chiang Kai-shek's trusted brother. If Yang Hucheng directly puts his views in front of Zhang, and Zhang disagrees, the consequences will be really worrying. So I borrowed the words of a third party who was not present to convey my inner voice. Even if it didn't work, I could retreat and find another plan. This kind of self-protection function that also serves as a "shield" is wonderful.

The third way to circumvent is to tell the truth and take the opportunity to express emotions. The famous Russian writer Dostoyevsky in the 19th century used this magic trick to find out the heart of his young secretary and "force" her to reveal his trump card.

1866 was an important year for Dostoevsky. His wife Maria and his brother died of illness one after another. In order to pay off the debt, he rushed to write the novel "The Gambler" for the publisher and hired a stenographer. Her name was Anna Grigorievna, a 20-year-old girl with an unusually kind-hearted, smart and lively temperament.

Anna admired Dosanyevsky very much. He worked seriously and meticulously. After the book manuscript "The Gambler" was completed, the writer had fallen in love with his stenographer, but he didn't know whether Anna would be his wife, so he invited Anna to his studio and said to Anna: "I am imagining another novel. A novel. "Is it an interesting novel?" she asked. "Yes. It's just that the ending of the novel hasn't been arranged yet. I can't control the psychological activities of a young girl. Now I can only turn to you for help." Seeing Anna listening attentively, he continued, "The protagonist of the novel is an artist. He's not young anymore..."

The protagonist's experience is that of the writer himself. Anna heard it, and she couldn't help but interrupt him: "Why are you torturing your protagonist?" "It seems that you sympathize with him? Him?" the writer asked Anna.

"I sympathize very much. He has a kind heart and a heart full of love. He suffered misfortune, but still longs for love and eagerly hopes for happiness." Anna was a little excited. Dostoyevsky continued, "In the author's words, the girl the protagonist met was gentle, smart, kind, and understanding of people. She was not a beauty, but she was pretty good. I like her very much."

"But it is difficult to combine because of the huge difference in personality and age between the two. Will a young girl fall in love with an artist? Is this a psychological distortion? I ask you to help and listen to your opinion." The writer asked Anna opinions.

"How is it impossible! If the two are in love, why can't she love the artist? Is only appearance and wealth worth loving? As long as she truly loves him, she will be a happy person, and she will never Regret."

"Do you really believe that she will love him? And love him for a lifetime?" The writer was a little excited, but also a little hesitant, his voice was trembling, and he seemed embarrassed and painful.

Anna was stunned, and finally realized that they were not only talking about literature, but also imagining a prelude to a love song. Miss Anna's true psychology is as she said. She sympathizes very much with the protagonist, the writer Dostoevsky, and loves this great writer from the bottom of her heart. If she answers the writer's questions ambiguously, her self-esteem will be affected And pride will be a terrible blow. So Anna excitedly told the writer: "I will answer that I love you and will love you forever."

Later, the writer married Anna. With Anna's help, Dostoev Key paid off all the debts he was burdened with and wrote many immortal works in the short second half of his life. Dostoevsky's clever plan to woo Anna has always been regarded as a love story and widely recited by the world.

2． Learn to "save the family through curves"

It is inevitable that couples will encounter obstacles in their lives. When dealing with these conflicts, they should not be too willful and unobstructed, but should be concerned about the consequences of their actions. Sometimes, you might as well have a "Curve saves the family".

For example, what should a wife who is in charge of "family finances" do if she discovers her husband's secretly stored private money? Obviously, if you look at each other in anger and make a hysterical fuss, it will inevitably affect the relationship between husband and wife and cast a shadow on the family; but if you are indifferent and let it go, you will lose your sense of family responsibility as a wife. How to deal with it without affecting the relationship between husband and wife and without losing the wife's sense of family responsibility?

① Throw stones to ask for directions and test reactions.

Do not directly ask or reveal your husband’s secrets, but use other ways to communicate with your husband. There are at least three benefits to doing this: first, it allows the husband to step down the "step" secretly, without causing the husband to fall into an embarrassing situation; second, it leaves room for the husband to think and deal with problems, and prevents head-on conflicts between husband and wife; third, it shows that Trust and responsibility for your husband.

This method better preserves the husband's face, does not hurt the relationship between husband and wife, and can encourage the husband to consciously disclose his intention to save private money.

There was a gentleman who had a deep relationship with his wife. Once, when his wife was organizing her husband's bookshelf, she accidentally discovered 1,000 yuan hidden in her husband's books. The wife thought: She has never heard her husband talk about this money, so what is the use of saving his private money? So the scheming wife left a note next to her husband's private money: "You have worked so hard to save, but I believe you won't spend it carelessly!" For several days, the wife seemed to be fine. Same. It wasn't until one day when the husband put money into the book again that he found a note from his wife and took the initiative to reveal his feelings to her: "You finally discovered my secret. This is the money I saved from royalties. I see you marrying I live frugally and don't have any jewelry, so I want to buy you a gold necklace when I save enough money to give you an unexpected surprise." What the husband said made his wife burst into tears.

③ Take a "detour" and inquire in a roundabout way.

A roundabout way to explore the husband’s intention of saving private money. The most common method is to ask other family members to inquire without asking directly. For example, ask your parents-in-law or sensible children to convey your message, and then wait for your husband's feedback.

There is a man who usually gives almost all his income to his wife. Therefore, his wife is absolutely assured of him. However, one day, the wife found 500 yuan in the drawer of her husband's desk. The wife suddenly became suspicious: Her husband has always been loyal to her, so why is he saving money in private now? With how angry the wife was at that time, she really wanted to scold her husband severely when he got home. However, she calmed down and thought: If she directly blamed her, her husband would be very embarrassed if he had no way out; besides, there might be some reason for her husband to save money in private. So, she instructed her son, who was in junior high school, to come forward and find out. Sure enough, the husband revealed the truth in front of his wife: the 500 yuan was the bonus the husband received from a scientific research project, and he planned to give it to his wife as a birthday gift on his father-in-law's 70th birthday. At this point, not only did the doubts and misunderstandings in my wife's heart were relieved, but she also felt a sense of gratitude in her heart.

When couples "make peace" after a quarrel, they can also adopt a roundabout and curved reconciliation strategy to maintain family harmony.

It can be safely said that almost no one says to the other party without any embarrassment after a quarrel: Stop quarreling, let's make peace! If someone has really done this, the following situation is very likely to occur: the other party glared and said angrily: "Why didn't you think of making peace when you were so angry with me? You made me half angry to death." , now that I think about making peace, it is not that easy. "

To make peace directly will often fail, but to make peace indirectly will often succeed. For example, a husband and his wife just had a quarrel, and the husband struggled not to know how to reconcile with his wife. At this critical moment, the infant child cried. The wife quickly picked up the child and coaxed her for a while, but the child still kept crying. The husband hurried over: the child might be hungry.

Wife: You know the child is hungry, why don’t you go make some milk powder!

The husband has prepared the milk powder, adjusted the temperature, walked over and handed the bottle to his wife, and said with concern: "The milk powder is ready, please feed her quickly." At this time, the wife may find excuses to complain. One or two sentences to express the anger in your heart: "The milk powder is so hot, can you feed it quickly? You are heartless, you don't know whether it's hot or cold, you can't make milk powder well, what else can you do besides being angry?" What to say to your wife? , the husband need not worry about it, because these words are purely for the need of psychological balance and are informal symbolic diplomatic condemnation terms.

"Family circumvention" is certainly not a "trap". Its function is to buffer the inertia of quarrels, protect the face of both husband and wife, and also add some interest and flavor to the small life, which is of great benefit to deepening the relationship between husband and wife. .

3． Go in circles more and hit fewer nails

Some birds that live on fish have straight beaks, with both upper and lower parts long and wide. When swallowing food, some people often throw the caught fish into the air, let the fish fall head down and tail up, and then catch it in one gulp and swallow it. This way of eating can make the fish pass through the throat. When eating, the bones of the shark fin fall from front to back and will not get stuck in the throat.

You will also encounter various "thorns" when you are dealing with others and asking for help. At this time, you cannot be "straightforward", but you should find a way to go in circles and detours to avoid the nails. This is the strategy and means that a person should have. Even a featherless crow can "eat a fish upside down". How can a smart man go into battle naked, hit a nail head-on, and let the "thorn" get stuck in his throat?

An editor wrote a manuscript to the famous scholar Qian Zhongshu. He successfully "got the fish" by going around the circle, and even said that "there is no thorn at all." The following is his ingenious encounter:

The media has exaggerated the temperament of Mr. Qian Zhongshu, a leading scholar in the academic world, to be so eccentric. A few years ago, I participated in the compilation of a dictionary of local celebrities. Colleagues said that Mr. Qian's materials were not easy to come by, and even writing letters and sending official letters sounded like a yellow crane. The editor-in-chief was also troubled by this. I wanted to try my luck and act in a special and unobtrusive way in view of the dangers ahead.

The reason I decided to give it a try is because first, I know something about Qian Lao’s works and academic achievements. Since the publication of his masterpiece (Synesthesia) in 1961, his name has been etched in my mind and I have been admired ever since. Second, Mr. Qian’s uncle, Mr. Qian Sunqing, was the former principal of my school. With these two items, I built up my confidence.

Since his birthplace is unknown, he cast stones to ask for directions and moved back first.

Mr. and Mrs. Qian have elegant tastes. They often joke and are humorous and enjoy each other. The heroine Yang Lu always calls her husband Qian Lao "the talented black dog". This is an acrostic crossword puzzle formed by splitting Qian Lao's character "mocun". So I took the liberty of making up two lantern riddles for their names. "Cultural works" shoot "Qian Zhongshu"; "catkins flying red" shoot "Yang Zhong". In the letter, he first presented his humble work and then stated his uncle's academic achievements. I received a reply soon and was overjoyed. A joint greeting card is included, with gold characters on a blue background, solemn and elegant. Especially the postcard signed by Mr. Qian, who can write three characters, full of energy and unique style. Such a straightforward nature! Mr. Qian is not as weird as the rumors say.

Not only can we win Long, but we can also look forward to Shu. So he sent a letter to narrate the attachment of his parents and fellow villagers to them. Yang Ju and his alma mater were angry because the "first editor" did not see Qian Lao's entry, and angrily refused to buy the dictionary. He also recounted that local historical records frequently appeared in supporting roles, but the protagonist did not appear. , the situation of failing to perform and sing, etc. I hope they can provide first-hand information. Soon I got a reply: "Thank you for your letter. We are grateful for all requests for materials for biographies of famous people at home and abroad. The occasional articles about us are all compiled by them. Mi will make an exception for you." Good things are hard work, and it turns out that The door was closed.

Think about it, if you don’t refuse the visitor and socialize frequently, it will be a disaster for you. The elderly have their own principles of life, which they stick to consistently. If the abnormality is minor or severe, it will inevitably lead to mental dilemmas. Although the love for hometown is deep, one cannot break the "law" rashly. At first glance, there was no way out of the mountains and rivers, but after careful consideration, since all the materials were not available, why not find another way. "Self-edited" drafts and submitting them for review can also complete the task of drafting. Another village has a bright future. So I compiled the biographical materials about Mr. Qian into a short biography, attached some questions, and sent a letter for advice. I read the reply in trepidation: "As ordered, I will make some corrections in the manuscript and return it." Most of the names in the biography were deleted, and the comment said: "It is out of style." He also corrected the mistake of Lantian (Lantian). Overjoyed! At this point, the manuscript compilation task is completed. Colleagues all congratulate each other with their foreheads and hands. I hold the prejudice against Mr. Qian that he is "powerful without being angry", but he is "warm even when he is there". He has passed the age, but he still retains his innocent heart, how eccentric it is!

From the above examples, it can be seen that for a formidable counterparty, it is best to go around in circles before making a request, mentioning his interests or current situation, so that the counterparty feels that "this person seems to know me very well" and deepen his impression.

Another editor invited a famous writer to write a manuscript. The editor had a reputation for being difficult, so the editor felt nervous and intimidated before going to his house.

It was not successful at first, because no matter what the writer said, the editor said "Yes, yes." or "Maybe this is the case." He could not explain what he was asked to write. He had no choice but to prepare to explain the matter to him another day and end the visit with a casual chat today.

Suddenly, an article in a magazine about the writer's current situation flashed through his mind, so he said to the writer: "Sir, I heard that one of your works has been translated into English and published in the United States. Really?" The writer suddenly leaned over and said, "Yes." "Sir, I don't know if your unique style can be fully expressed in English." "I am worried about this too," they gushed. As he spoke, the atmosphere gradually became more relaxed, and finally the writer agreed to write a manuscript for the editor.

Why did this writer who did not agree easily change his original attitude just to get a word from the editor? Because he believed that the editor was not just asking him to write a manuscript, but also had read his articles and knew his affairs very well, so he could not deal with it casually. By letting the other person think that he or she is very clear about his or her affairs, you can gain a psychological advantage just like the editor did.

Most people will feel timid when meeting celebrities or people with titles. If you are overwhelmed and don't dare to speak out what you want, both parties will be embarrassed. At this time, no matter how small the matter is, it doesn't matter. You must first talk about the other person's interests, current situation, etc., as if you know his things very well. We can say: "I heard that you quit smoking recently, is it true?" "I saw you on TV a few days ago." These words may not seem to have any significant meaning, but they can open the other person's heart and draw him into yours. in the topic.