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Funny text messages like this, anything else?
Once I went to dinner with my ex-boyfriend, he suddenly said, "You have something dirty on your eyes! Close your eyes and I'll help you get rid of it! " Then I closed my eyes, and he slipped and tore off my double eyelid patch.

How to bully a cat: 1 Meow likes to sit in a box. 2. Meow can't read. Write on the box "Only idiots and big bastards sit in this box." 4. Wait for Meow to sit in. 5. Take photos and laugh.

If life is just like the first time, you don't have to draw a fan in the autumn wind. It is easy to change, and it is also easy to change. Lishan language is clear at midnight, and the rain bell doesn't complain at night. More importantly, if you are lucky, you will be more willing than before.

I just ate mala Tang in a small shop. There are two people beside me. There are only poached eggs with vegetables in boys' bowls, and there are many meatballs, chicken wings and seafood in girls' bowls. It's really full Almost full. . Eating and eating, the girl said: Do you think I am a prodigal bitch? I think even the boss nodded. As a result, the man said that the idiot was so poor that he could only take you to eat mala Tang. What else is there to lose? Eat quickly. . Get fat. What's the matter? Have you eaten at your house? Have you paid the water bill? Pull your cloth? Or hug your thighs? Diusim's story is thin and erratic! Yang Yuhuan is very fat, but she sealed the imperial concubine! ? Cecilia Cheung and Faye Wong have lost weight and divorced! As the saying goes: those who get fat get the world! Fat people are prosperous, and fat people are warm in winter and cool in summer. What is the gap?

There is an Inner Mongolian in the dormitory, saying that he will go back to herding sheep on holiday! One or two teammates asked him, can you herd sheep? I said that Mongolians were born to herd sheep, and recognizing sheep is just like recognizing people. Each one looks different! The Mongolian guy answered the phone, yes, they are all familiar with it! Idiot asked, then why do you eat miscellaneous vegetables when you are so familiar? The Mongolian thought for a moment and answered, picking the dishes with bad relations. .

Summarize the completion of personal goals in 20 13 years: buy a house of 200 square meters in the second ring road √; Change a beloved sports car √; Send your company to IPO √; Come √; Become a VIP √; Golf course √; Find a white girlfriend √; Adopt an orphan √; Watching movies with favorite female stars √; Keep a Japanese Akita dog √; Stock profit against the market150% √; Get rid of the habit of bragging

Lisa Sparks, an American porn actress, currently holds the world record of slapping multiple opposite sex faces 1 day. On June 6th, 2004, she had sex with 9 19 men in Polish Erotic Expo 12 hours, a record that has never been broken. Lisa/kloc-got married at the age of 0/8, and her husband was only 20 years old. They are already together 18. Think about her husband. Do you think there are obstacles in this world?

The young man asked the Zen master how to get rich quickly. The Zen master replied, "As long as you find all the seven legendary beads." The young man suddenly realized: "Is it a dragon ball?" The Zen master shook his head: "No, it's a two-color ball ..."

One month before the exam, the classmate's QQ signature was "Everything depends on human effort"; One week before the exam, the student's signature was changed to "Everything goes with fate"; After the exam, the signature was changed to "Focus on participation".