In our daily study, work or life, we are always exposed to jokes, which can bring us joy and smiles. Here are the homophonic jokes I arranged for you. Welcome to reading. I hope you like them.
Homophonic joke 1 1, watching CCTV's "Jianbao" program, the hostess said: This gentleman sitting in the first row, please show your baby to everyone!
2. Liu Qian: Where do you want me to pass? Dong Qing: In the middle. Liu Qian: Try it, Miss Dong Qing. Is it difficult? Dong Qing: Difficult. Liu Qian: Wipe it with a paper towel and it will become soft.
3, dry this cup of Fuyanjie, your sister will always be your sister! Blow this bottle of Jieeryin and renovate it for the New Year! Drink this big kidney treasure, let's talk about it together!
4, has always claimed to be a handsome guy, and likes to surf the Internet to soak in MM. One day, I met another MM, and I knew at a glance that she was a little girl who was not wet behind the ears. She asked me for advice and said that she had a crush on a boy downstairs, but she didn't know how to confess. Every time I just silently watch him pass by her downstairs. I suddenly felt the hero's desire to save the beautiful woman, so I immediately told her a brilliant idea: the next time you see him passing downstairs, you will deliberately throw something at him and apologize to him. So that we can get to know each other. When I came home from work, I was hit by a flowerpot flying upstairs. ...
5, the girl's first time: the beginning is extremely narrow, just to pass people. Take a few steps and you will be suddenly enlightened.
6. KFC's service attitude is getting worse and worse. I sat for half an hour and no one brought me the menu!
7. Guinness Book of Records: The world's largest coffee table covers an area of 9.6 million square kilometers and can hold 65.438+03 billion cups!
8. This house is full of traces of our love.
9. Businessmen don't know how to hate their country, but they still sing nunchakus across the river.
10, as a pressure, I feel great.
A girl said that I have no other shortcomings except dysmenorrhea.
12, Sina news headline "Yi Jianlian: Happy for Yao Ming as a father".
13, it's hers (can you understand what it means? )
14, get in the car. Seeing a woman with a baby in her arms, I offered my seat. She said excitedly, "Thank you!" I am angry and afraid: "Thank the country first!"
15, lying lazily in bed with mm, the voice in Yi Xue's advertisement said coquetry, "I am your Youlemei ~" My eyes lit up and I was delighted, "Oh, great, let me put the tube in quickly!"
16, a little girl went to the bakery to buy breakfast. She said to the boss: boss! Buy a chocolate doll. Boss: Do you want a boy or a girl? Girl: A boy doll, of course! Because there are a little more places to eat.
17, there was once a man and a woman. In love, a woman was injured and lost a lot of blood. The blood in the hospital blood bank was just used up, and the man's blood type was just right, so the man gave the woman blood transfusion. After a while, the woman fell in love with someone else and wanted to break up with the man. So the man said, then give me back the blood I lost before. Hearing this, the woman took off her pants and bloody sanitary napkins and threw them at the man's head. She said to him, "I'll pay you back in installments!" " "
18, lewdness is not my fault, but my sense of responsibility and mission as a strange millet.
Homophonic joke 2 1. The boss called a clerk and said, "You have worked in this company for one year, and your performance is very good! At first, I was only responsible for distributing letters. A week later, I began to deal with sales. A month later, I was promoted to sales manager, and only four months later, I was promoted to vice president. Now that I'm retiring, I want you to be the new president and general manager of the company. what do you think? ! "The clerk said," Thank you! ! "Boss:" Nothing else to say? " Shop assistant: "Thank you, Dad!
2. The history teacher said: The order of unifying the six countries in the Qin Dynasty can be recorded as: Call Zhao Wei to action! (Zhao Han Weichu Yanqi)
4. The teacher asks the students questions; What is the highest state of life? Students answer; Can you get an American salary, live in an English house, wear a Swiss watch, marry a Korean woman, raise a Japanese mistress, be a thai massage, drive a German car, fly an American plane, drink French red wine, eat Australian seafood, smoke Cuban cigars and buy a Russian villa? What, you just want to be a cadre in China!
6. What is a brother? Brother, you are lying in bed when you are old. I asked you to drink water. You shake your head. Eat fruit? You still shake your head. I asked again: Find a girl for you? You open your eyes with tears in your eyes. Brother, help me up and try. ......
7. I had an opportunity to add clothes before, and I didn't cherish it until I caught a cold. If God gives me another chance to start over, I will not hesitate to add all my clothes. surname
8. The National Development and Reform Commission will raise the price of gasoline and diesel by RMB per ton from 0: 00/month 1 day. After receiving the news, people all over the country said that the price increase of oil products does not include waste oil, so it has little impact on real life.
9. On the bus, a standing pregnant woman said to the man sitting next to her, Don't you know I'm pregnant? I saw the man nervously say: the child is not mine! !
10, meaning of cup letters: A cup airport: airport, B cup barelythere: There are hardly any, C cup cando: Just so-so, D cup damngood: It really fits, E cup ecstasy: fascinating, F cup fake: fake, right? G Cup God: God&;
1 1. The President of the United States received a letter from Osama bin Laden. One letter only said qs-ihs-in, and the top cryptographers in the United States have been fighting day and night for the past two days, and they have not been able to crack it. So I turned to China for help and received a reply from China soon. You've got the letter backwards!
12, Jing m Guo, a seven-foot man; Chris Lee, a good family; Model husband Yang Zhenning; Have a pure heart and want nothing; Wu Ailan, a chaste and heroic woman; The United States is in dire straits; Democratic and free Korea, the origin of the world is South Korea.
13, a child asked a rich man: Sir, why are you so rich? The rich man said, when I was young, I had nothing like you. My father gave me an apple. I sold it and bought two more apples with the money I earned. Then,
I sold it and bought four apples. The child said thoughtfully, sir, I seem to understand. Mr. Millionaire said: You know your sister, and then my father died, and I inherited all his inheritance.
14, the soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in the battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: Shit, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.
15. When the bull was running, he saw a cow grazing on the roadside. He eagerly said to the cow, run, the expert is coming. Niu: What are you afraid of when the experts come? Aren't experts people? Bull: At present, experts only brag. The cow was frightened when she heard it. When she dispersed Huan Zi, she ran to ask the bull: Experts brag, you are a bull. What are you afraid of? The bull said, you really don't know. At present, experts can not only brag, but also talk nonsense.
16, the woman is ugly and can't get married, expecting to be trafficked. Finally, my dream came true, but I couldn't sell it for half a month. When the kidnapper brought it back, she insisted on not getting off the bus. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet: Let's go, the car is not good! ! !
17, Judge: Why do you want to print counterfeit money? The defendant said innocently that it was because I couldn't print real money.
Patient: Doctor, you left the scissors in my stomach. It doesn't matter. I have another one.
19 years ago, my father held you waiting for the bus. Everyone laughed at the ugly child, and my father cried. An old man selling bananas patted his father and said, big brother, stop crying and give the monkey a banana! Poor thing, I'm so hungry that I have no hair.
20. Once upon a time, there was a cucumber. She felt that there were too many pimples on her face, so she sliced it herself and applied it to her face.
2 1. When I was a child, my teacher told me that everyone has a diligent villain and a lazy villain. You hesitate, they fight. Diligent villains often beat lazy villains out of the water in primary school, tied in junior high school, and lazy villains often win in high school. But when I got to the university, I suddenly found that they stopped playing, and that damn diligent little man was killed.
22. At night, a masked gangster broke into Mike's house with a knife. He shouted to Mike, Give me all your money, or I will kill you! Mike looked at the gangster and said helplessly, I'm sorry, I've been unemployed for half a year, and I have no money to give you. The gangster was furious: you lazy bastard, I just lost my job last month and have been robbing outside this month!
23. I saw her with a shy face and a lovely expression. I couldn't help trembling in my heart and asked in a low voice, Do you really like me? She buried her head: guess! Yes ~ She looks redder and her head is lower. Guess again!
24. After the Tang Priest drove Wukong away, he met the monster again, so he had to read a spell to call Wukong back for help. Soon, a new voice came from the air: Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is not in service area, please redial later.
25. Why are hurricanes usually named after women? Just because the hurricane came, you just ran lightly. When the hurricane left, it took away your house and car.
26, the minimum standard for college students; Peasant woman, mountain spring, a little field.
27. W: I will marry anyone as long as I have money. M: Will you marry the safe in the bank?
28. In order to attract business, Hot Pot City wrote the following sentence in the advertisement of the cat flapping lamp: self-help hot pot, RMB per serving, free for children under one meter in height. My aunt in kindergarten was very excited after reading it. She was pregnant with yuan and took a class 100 children to the hot pot city.
29. The child stole the parrot kept in the brothel. As soon as he entered the door, the parrot called, Move! Seeing his mother, he shouted: The boss has changed, too! Seeing his sister, he shouted, Miss has changed! Seeing his father, he shouted: Wow, still an old customer!
In Chinese class, the teacher called a sleepy classmate to answer the questions. This classmate is in a daze and can't speak. The teacher said, is that okay? You won't let me know! This classmate: cheep.
3 1, a working girl jokingly asked for a bag with his signature on msn because of work fatigue &; Yang, many male colleagues called to ask about the price, and some smart people asked: How much is the annual package? How much is the monthly subscription? Whether it can be counted by the day; In the end, only one person captured the beauty's heart. He asked: can it be calculated according to the flow?
32. My brother went to a primary school to play basketball and heard a junior girl ask a junior boy: Do you love me or not? The boy said helplessly, my mother gives me yuan a day, and two and a half yuan is for you to buy snacks. Do you think I love you or not?
33. A couple went to register for marriage. Have you had a premarital examination? Yes, his house. These cars are all occupied. I mean the hospital. The young woman blushed and whispered, yes, it's a boy.
35. The answer is: monkeys are the most typical; Orangutans have low intelligence and few tendons; Apes are the precursors of Alzheimer's disease; King Kong is a fool whose head is caught in the door; Have you ever seen a coconut tree grow bananas?
36. Children are thinking about heredity and environment. Mom interjected: This question is very simple. As we all know, children who look like their fathers are inherited. Like neighbors, that is the environment.
37. Chatting with friends the day before yesterday. He has never had a girlfriend. I asked him why. He said earnestly that my feelings died as early as kindergarten! Then he lit a cigarette. I liked girls at that time. One day I bought some candy bars! She came up to me as if she wanted to eat. I said I'll give you one, and you let me kiss you. She said yes! So I gave her one, but she ran away. Since then, I no longer believe in feelings!
38. The mouse is depressed because he doesn't have a girlfriend. When the last bat agreed to marry him, the mouse was very happy. Others laughed at his lack of foresight. Mouse: What do you know? She is at least a stewardess.
39. There is a tree called Shu Gao in the university, and many people hang it.
40. Hee hee and Haha are a pair of good friends, very good friends. One day, haha died. Hee hee is very sad. He went to Haha's grave and said, Haha, you are dead.
4 1, someone spilled oil on you and said to you, don't worry, it's automatic! What would you do? Hit him with kidney deficiency and tell him not to worry. There are also Liuwei Dihuang pills, which are used to treat kidney deficiency and contain no sugar.
42. I said you were a pig, but you said: I am a pig. From now on, I will call you a pig! Finally one day, you can't help shouting at everyone: I'm not a pig!
43. He Xu is a double fan, called Durex for short.
44. The boss kept a secret for half a month. On the night when he came back, in order not to let his wife doubt anything, he worked very hard when making out and made a lot of noise. Suddenly, the neighbor downstairs knocked at the door and shouted, it's been half a month, and it's like this every day, and it still makes people sleep? !
Beggar: Sister-in-law, I haven't eaten for two days. Can I have some cake? Sister-in-law: Cake? I only have rice here. Beggar: Forget it if it's normal, but today is my birthday!
46. Two counterfeiters didn't notice the counterfeit banknotes with a face value of RMB and decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they took the Sugar-Coated Berry that Bird bought with RMB, they cried and the farmer gave them two pieces.
47. The clearest sentence in listening comprehension of CET-4 this day: Please ask the invigilator to take out the tape and turn to side B to continue listening.
48. The sunshine was really good last night.
49. Thief A: Calculate how much money was robbed this day? Thief B: No, just read the newspaper tomorrow.
50. There is a very tall coconut tree with four kinds of animals on it. The ape, the ape and the Monkey King climbed the tree to pick bananas. Who do you think will be chosen first? Test your character.
5 1. My colleagues and I drove out for dinner. When I got to the place where I ate, there was no parking space, so I had to park by the side of the road. When asked if he would give my friend a ticket, he said nothing. He took a ticket out of the box and stuck it on the window. It is safe to come back after dinner.
52. The leaders of China and the United States are more loyal than their bodyguards. The American leader ordered the bodyguard to jump off the building, and the bodyguard knelt down and said, Come on, I have a family. So the president of the United States gave in. The leader of China ordered the bodyguard to jump, but the bodyguard of China jumped without saying anything. The president of the United States quickly caught him in fear. China's bodyguard said, come on, I have a family.
53. A gorilla came to the zoo. It was so ugly that the tourists threw up all over the floor. One day I went and I vomited; Another day, you went and the orangutan threw up.
54. It is said that sandstorms have blown to Taiwan Province Province. Many old people took to the streets, spread out their hands, looked up at the sky, burst into tears, took a deep breath and said excitedly, for many years, for many years, they finally smelled the soil in their hometown.
55. The Weaver Girl came down to take a bath and got to know the Cowherd. She told us a touching story. This tells us that there is no chance to take a bath at home, so it is necessary to take a bath outside.
56. A woman asked a man, Do I look good? The man said: You are like Mona Lisa's sister at the moment. The woman said: Really, who is her sister? The man said: Janet Martha.
Homophonic joke 3 1. The crab accidentally bumped into the loach when going out for a walk.
The loach is very angry: "Are you blind?"
The crab is very wronged: "no, I am a crab!" " "
2. In the driving school theory class today, the teacher said, "Anyone who causes a serious traffic accident to escape is forbidden to drive for life."
A girl in the back raised her hand and said, "Then I will never get married?"
My girlfriend's name is Zhu Jing. I took my girlfriend back to my hometown in the countryside for the first time. As soon as I came in, I said, Mom, Zhu Jing is here.
Mother listened and said: The pig came in and just drove it out!
On his deathbed, Grandpa called his young and ignorant grandson to the bed and said with his last breath, "Son, this world ... is so good to be an official!" " The little grandson is an obedient child, and he firmly remembers grandpa's words before his death. Many years later, he finally became the best coffin manufacturer in the village.
A woman came to a man's house to play, and the woman teased him and said, I will marry you if you have a piece of land. Then the doorbell rang, and the courier brother said, sir, there is a courier for you!
In Chinese class, Xiao Ming didn't listen carefully when the teacher was talking about text analysis. Suddenly, the teacher asked, "Xiao Ming, what does the article 1 to 2 say?" Xiao Ming was stunned and said, "Did the article make a clean break that he broke up with Ma Yili?"
7. Niu Niu and Da Zhuang are playing downstairs. Niu Niu suggested: "Let's play the star!" "Yes, yes!" "You think I'm G.E.M.!" "ok!" In a moment of excitement, Da Zhuang pushed Niu Niu to the ground and rode up. Niu Niu was startled. She groaned and screamed: "Wang Dazhuang, your father, who the fuck told you to ride me as a stool!"
8. The bus I took arrived at the station that day, and the passengers got off in a column. Just as the door was about to close, a lady shouted outside. "I will die in your car! ''
I was so nervous that I closed the door immediately, stepped on the gas pedal and thought; "There are many strange people in this city. ''
Unexpectedly, the lady called a taxi to chase my bus and finally stopped.
The door opened and the lady shouted again; "Why don't you stop? I will die in your car! ''
I dare not ask her; "Young lady, what are you working hard for? ''
He angrily walked to a seat, then picked up a bunch of keys and said to me; "I will die in your [key] car! ''
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