When did my adolescence begin?

Probably from the day when Yang Yiyuan officially left my mother and me. Yang Yiyuan is my father, but as long as I can remember, I have never called him. I think there is only one word that can describe all my feelings for Yang Yiyuan, a word that comes from blood and genes and is planted on the head of blood and bones-hate.

Yang Yiyuan was reunited with my first love when I was in primary school, and hasn't been home since then.

It was a cold winter night and I was already asleep. In a blur, I heard a knock at the door, and then my mother was talking to someone in the living room. Instinctively alert, I crept out from behind the bedroom door, and it was Yang Yiyuan.

Yang Yiyuan said, "Please."

Mom was silent for a long time before she said, "You haven't mentioned divorce for years. Why did you suddenly mention it again? " Tell me the truth, maybe I'll think about it. "

This time it was Yang Yiyuan's turn to be silent. The air was so heavy that he finally sighed: "She is pregnant, almost 40 years old, and this is her last chance."

A week later, at dinner, my mother suddenly pretended as if nothing had happened and said to me, "Your father and I divorced." It doesn't matter. From today on, you are an adult, the man of this family. "

I didn't become as strong and mature as my mother hoped. Instead, he suddenly changed from a recognized good boy to a rebellious teenager. Tired of studying, tired of going home, and even tired of thinking. The only thing I want to do is to play online games. I was a freshman that year, 15 years old.

In my mother's eyes, I used to be polite and sensible, helping her with housework and studying hard, which was simply all her hope and hope for survival. But what about now?

My mother cried and asked me, "What's wrong with you?" I thought about it and answered her, "Nothing, adolescence."

What death cannot change.

Yang Yiyuan has heard of me. After the divorce, he changed from sending living expenses to saving money directly into the bank card every month. I made it clear to my mother that I didn't want to see that man again.

So, when I saw Yang Yiyuan staring at me solemnly at the school gate, I walked past him with a cold face and turned a blind eye. Yang Yiyuan often comes, but he doesn't take the initiative to speak. I can see his expression changing from the corner of my eye. At first, I wanted to reprimand and educate the elderly, but it turned into anger, then anxiety, and then depressed sadness.

It's time for the big bang. The report card of the final exam of senior one came out that day, and my mother received a notice from the school and suggested that I repeat it. I know that one day, I was psychologically prepared, sitting in the living room waiting for my mother to cry when she came back from school, cursing and even hitting me.

It was Yang Yiyuan who pushed the door and came in. The first sentence is familiar: "Please."

I fiddled with his expression: "The professor's son was asked to repeat the grade, and he felt humiliated."

Yang Yiyuan clenched his fist and the veins stood out on his forehead. I am not afraid of him. I am almost as tall as him. Although I am a little thin, I am confident that I will not lose to him.

Yang Yiyuan's hand slowly loosened. He gave me a contemptuous look, turned and walked to the door, then turned and said, "It doesn't matter how unbearable I am in your eyes. There are two women in this world who love me from beginning to end. They love me because I am excellent. My incompetence lies only in my failure to handle the relationship between them. But look at you. You don't even have half of me. Can you be admitted to the university where I was admitted? Will there be girls who love you in the future? So, it's not that you don't want to recognize me as a father now, but that I don't want to recognize you as a son at all. "

He slammed the door and left. My crazy adolescence ended inexplicably early.

Two years later, I was admitted to Yang Yiyuan's alma mater with a score of more than 20 points higher than the score. On the day of registration, Yang Yiyuan came.

Before he could speak, I spoke coldly. That's what I said to him after thinking about it for a few days: "Don't show your merits, don't say that I studied hard because of your provocation, and finally I was admitted to the university." You are wrong. I went to college to grow up, which has nothing to do with you. I 18 years old. From today on, my mother and I don't need your money. I will earn my own tuition and living expenses. Please don't bother us in the future. "

Yang Yiyuan painfully closed his eyes, left a passbook and left, his back faltering and his steps scattered.

I tore up the passbook.

During my college years, I applied for a student loan, studied hard for a scholarship, and took two jobs after school. My state can only be described as "despair". Although I am very tired, I have no regrets.

However, my body began to get sick. Those are unspeakable symptoms: for example, I feel frequent urination and urgency, but I have no intention to go to the toilet; Without a girlfriend, I always feel very weak, especially my legs; I am fidgeting, like Yang Yiyuan, my knees, hands and feet are shaking, and I can't control myself.

My mother took me to the hospital for examination. Looking around, there are very few young men like me in nephrology, and I almost want to escape from the hospital with shame. I hid in the garden grass outside the hospital, and my mother came out with a worried face. My heart is getting tighter. She said, "Nothing, it's not the body organs. The doctor said that it was probably the autonomic nerve dysfunction caused by mental illness. However, your father said that the problems caused by mental illness are more difficult to cure. "

I got angry when I heard it: "How did you tell that man that I was sick?"

Mother's mouth trembled a few times, but she didn't say it.

However, I soon understood my mother's painstaking efforts, because it is too expensive to find a psychiatrist, 200 yuan an hour.

Fortunately, the doctor who treated me was very amiable. He quickly diagnosed my illness-anxiety, and caused many physical symptoms such as frequent urination, urgency and collapse due to anxiety. He said that the origin of the disease is related to the relationship between you and your father, and anxiety is often caused by negative emotions such as guilt and self-blame.

The figure left by Yang Yiyuan suddenly appeared in my mind.

I will give you back your blood and bones.

If the doctor of psychology is right, he means that my physical illness is due to psychological anxiety, and my anxiety is due to my subconscious feeling guilty about Yang Yiyuan's attitude. If this sense of debt can be eliminated, anxiety will disappear and your body will be healthy.

Unexpectedly, I will soon face an opportunity to completely eliminate my guilt. Yang Yiyuan is ill. Moreover, it is not a minor illness, but uremia. There is only one radical cure-kidney replacement.

Who donated the kidney to him? He is alone. It is said to be his first lover, no, it should be said that his current wife is willing, but unfortunately the match is unsuccessful.

My mother told me the news, and I stared at her eyes sensitively: "Mom, are you going to donate his kidney, too?"

Mom didn't speak, just looked at me, her eyes were as unfathomable as the sea, and I couldn't see clearly. My heart ached and I blurted out, "No, you should hate him. Even if you want to donate, it should be me. "

Mother's eyes flashed with surprise: "Really? Would you like to go? "

Yes, it's a surprise. My mood is extremely complicated. My mother still loves the ungrateful man, even more than she loves her son.

Before the operation, Yang Yiyuan was lying on another operating bed beside me. He called me "son" softly, and his voice choked like an old man. My heart ached and my eyes were swollen, but I held back and turned my head to the other side without looking at him.

I told myself that I was paying my debts, and Nezha returned all the bones and blood to my people. From then on, I was relaxed, free and liberated.

The doctor's psychological analysis is really accurate. After the operation, although I lost a kidney, I obviously felt much better, and the symptoms that bothered me were alleviated or even disappeared. Of course, this has something to do with me not living in school, living at home every day, and my mother recuperating. In addition, I continue to take the medicine prescribed by the doctor to treat anxiety.

This year after graduation, I successfully applied for a job in a joint venture. On the first day of work, the unit organized a new physical examination.

During the B-ultrasound, the doctor hesitated and asked me, "Have you ever had a kidney transplant?"

I "hmm". The doctor smiled: "It seems that your condition has recovered well and you don't need to take too many anti-rejection drugs. The kidney transplanted to you is in harmony with your body function. It should be the kidney of a blood donor, right? "

I don't know how I got out of the hospital.

When I got home, I opened my mother's suitcase hidden by the bed, which contained a large stack of labels for medicine bottles. It turned out that my mother always tore off the trademark of anti-rejection drugs and replaced it with the trademark of anti-anxiety drugs. I also found a surgical agreement that I had never seen before, but it was related to my operation two years ago.

According to the agreement, Yang Yiyuan volunteered to provide his own healthy kidney source-his son. Below is his signature, but my name is signed by my mother.

Suddenly I was in tears.

I was 22 years old that day.

(Text/Qian Bei)

This article comes from: Classic Famous Sentence Network (www.sanwencn.cn). cn/article.asp？ id=6692