She was thinking about how to answer to satisfy her. She sighed again: Oh, forget it, don't say it. If there is an opportunity, I may not hold it myself. . .
2. Wife: How many times have I told you that this rice needs more water to taste good.
I said, you bought the rice and cooked the rice.
wife is furious: I am teaching you!
3. I have been married to my wife for more than ten years, and the romantic period has been very long! In the morning, I suddenly said to my wife on a whim: let's talk about love again, and you pretend you don't know me.
the wife said: ok!
I said to her: Hi! Little bitch!
Who knows that this product slapped me when it raised its hand, and cursed: I'm tired of harassing my aunt!
4. My husband and I are going to have children, so I have been strictly managing my husband's diet and work schedule recently. The most important thing is to supervise my husband to quit smoking. My husband can't stand it before three days!
So he discussed with me whether he could be allowed to smoke a cigarette when he went to the toilet, and I would allow it if my husband felt really uncomfortable.
But this morning, I found that my husband was secretly taking laxatives. . .
6. When I got home from work, I saw that my wife had fallen asleep, so I lifted the bed and was about to get in, when I smelled the smell of white wine.
I asked my wife what happened. Why is there such a strong smell of wine?
She said: You said that white wine was disinfected, so I took a bath with white wine to see how it worked. What's the fuss?
me. . . Boom! Niu Mowang's son, of course, is called Niu Mowang Jr.
Introduction: A female colleague has a very naughty son, and she often says that it would be nice to have a girl at the beginning. One day, the little boy was wearing her skirt jumping around the house. When he saw his mother, he shouted, Mom, look, will you have a girl or me?
1. Recently, the violation of motorcycle regulations in the city was very strict. A friend of mine had complete certificates. He saw pol.ice checking the car on the road, so he deliberately rode to the side of pol.ice, and was stopped by pol.ice. He proudly turned out all kinds of certificates, and found out that pol.ice fined Ya 2 yuan for driving a motorcycle in slippers ...
2. Struggle for the ideal: There are problems: eat well, be good. Analysis of the reasons: good food, good girls, good cigarettes and good wine. Sum up experience: eat well, pick up girls well, smoke well and drink well. Rectification measures: eat well, soak well, smoke well and drink well. The final realization: eat a good meal, pick up a good girl, smoke a good cigarette and drink a good wine.
3. Once, when I went to the vegetable market to buy food, I couldn't help glancing at a beautiful woman buying pork. The beauty wanted to buy a kilo of pork, but there was not enough pork left, so the boss cut a piece from the pig's face and saw the beauty shouting, "I'm shameless!" "
4. One day, my brother asked his mother, "Mom, what's the name of Niu Mowang's son?" Mother made a pout and said, "You don't know this. It's silly. Of course Niu Mowang's son is called Niu Mowang Jr." I fainted on the spot ...
5. One day, the male god and I finally held hands for the first time. We stood face to face, and he held my hands with both hands. The scene was very romantic. Suddenly I found that his right hand was slippery. You don't just wear moisturizer on your right hand, do you? I asked him jokingly. After asking him where he was embarrassed, I seemed to understand something ... < P > 6. One day, my brother asked his mother, "Mom, what's Niu Mowang's son's name?" Mother made a pout and said, "You don't know this. It's silly. Of course Niu Mowang's son is called Niu Mowang Jr." I fainted on the spot ...
7. "Do you know, dear? Don't provoke a woman when she comes to Dayima, because our temper is very violent and completely unreasonable at this time, so don't mind saying goodbye to you last time! " "You speak as if you had made sense at ordinary times! ! ！”
8. One day, the teacher met Wangzhi, who often skipped classes. The teacher was very angry. Wangzhi saw it and ran away. The teacher said, "No way!" Hope to know: "I don't believe it!" " Then, Wang Zhizhi bumped into the wall.
9. In order to borrow a banana fan, the Monkey King got into the belly of Princess Iron Fan. Look at the following dialogue. Wukong said, "Sister-in-law, I am already in you." Princess Iron Fan: "Come out and get in the way. Uncle, I can't stand it … Wukong: "Sister-in-law, I'm coming out soon. Please open your mouth quickly." Princess Iron Fan: "Hinder" Niu Mowang from listening outside the door, leaving a divorce agreement … and moving away from home.
1. A: Did you fight with your wife again yesterday? B: Well, at last she gave in and knelt down and begged me! A: How did she ask for it? B: She knelt by the bed and said, honey, I beg you, please come out from under the bed quickly, I won't hit you.
11. In the arithmetic class, the teacher asked A Dai, an imbecile, "What is 1+1?" A Dai thought for a moment and answered, "Teacher! I have no idea. " The teacher was angry and said, "You're such a fool! Even this topic can't be worked out. Let me ask you again: for example, how much do I add you? " A Dai said, "I know this, two fools."
12. "Sister, judging from your appearance, you must be a person who respects the old and loves the young." "Brother, how can you tell?" "My mother told me several stories about respecting the old and loving the young yesterday. One of them is called the dinosaur letting pears."
13. When I went to buy fruit, the boss's wife was so beautiful that my mouth watered. After weighing her, she said that she was a pound, and I said, "Are you cheating?" This is not ten pounds! " She went on to say, "There are eight catties of saliva ..." < P > 14. I told Wang Xiaomeng about the nature of aluminum hydroxide Al(OH)3 in the exercise. I said, "Aluminum hydroxide can react with acid to produce salt and water, and also with strong alkali to produce salt and water. What shall we call it?" Wang Xiaomeng said without thinking: "Bisexuality?" I don't feel the need to tell him any more ...
15. That night, you sat in the yard looking up at the moonlight, pulled out a cigarette, put it to your mouth, paused, and put it down again. Behind you, I looked at your lonely back and asked, "Do you quit?" You didn't look back and replied, "It's me, big brother."
16. A female colleague had a very naughty son. She was angry and often said that it would be nice to have a girl. One day, the little boy was wearing her skirt jumping around the house. When he saw his mother, he shouted, Mom, look, will you have a girl or me?
17. Humans can't stop teachers from assigning homework! ! ! The teacher took a dozen papers and put them on the table. When they left, the students said in unison, "Teacher, you have a dozen! ！” The teacher looked back and smiled: "It's a dozen of you."
18. The classmate took a taxi to follow his example and complained to his brother, "Your car is so boring that there is no music." Brother: "Then you'd better take a fire truck and a sprinkler."
19. "Every day, why didn't you go on a date these days? "Heroism every day," ah, don't mention it. My girlfriend thought my wallet was too flat, so she blew it. Now I'm trying to figure out how to make money. ""so that's it! "But I saw the wallet spread out not far away," I said your boy was lying! This multi-card also said that there is no money. "I was just about to ask why I lied to myself," yeah finally earned 1 billion yuan, and now I can date. "Pick up the phone," hello? Honey, I have earned 1 billion yuan. Turn on the computer quickly and let's go shopping together. In class, the teacher saw that we were sleepy again and said, "Now I'll tell you a story about a merry monk." Our spirits are slightly refreshed. The teacher said, "There was a romantic monk who walked across a bridge one day and saw a beautiful woman coming." Then suddenly stop. We were wide awake and asked about the aftermath. The teacher said faintly, "One went west, the other went east, and left. Ok, let's start the class now ... "
21. When we were doing exercises in physical education class, a piece of paper full of words fell out of our male classmate's pocket. The sports committee picked it up and read it. After reading it, his face turned red. Later, I learned that it was a love letter written by the male physics teacher in our class to the male classmate ...
22. When I was in high school, the teacher would go to each dormitory to count the number of people every night. One night, When I saw a person's quilt shaking, I thought it was a cramp, so I went over and pulled it away ... I still can't forget the classmate holding j8 at a loss ... and I haven't met a teacher to check our dormitory since.
23. When I was a child, my parents didn't have time to take care of me. My grandparents always looked at me. Take me to kindergarten every day. As a result, no one came to pick me up after school one day. I held the iron gate of the kindergarten until it was getting dark. Suddenly I saw my parents walking here. My mother pointed at me and said to my father, "You see this child is really like our daughter!"
24. On the way home from school in elementary school, I suddenly saw my dad's car passing by, thinking that I finally didn't have to walk, so I desperately shouted: Dad, Dad … The whole street knew that I was calling Dad, and the car stopped after chasing more than 1 meters. It turned out to be an old man who rolled down the lathe. In order to cover up his embarrassment, he continued to run and shout for Dad …
25. After school, he was at the dinner table. I said how is it possible? No. After a while, my mother brought the food, and he suddenly said, this food is delicious and bring some to your partner. I said he doesn't like it! All of a sudden, we were silent for five seconds ...
26. My brother was very annoying when he was a child, and my mother refused to listen to him. Then my brother loved to cry with his mouth open. Once when he was crying with his mouth open, my mother spat into his mouth. My brother stopped crying from then on. I'm drunk thinking about that taste.
27. Mom, I don't mind if you buy a wig, I don't mind if you support the wig with a ball, and I don't mind if you give it to my closet, but please let me know! ! ! Do you know how I feel when I open the closet and see a head jump and roll to my feet? ! ! I just scared myself to pee, okay! ! !
28. I remember when I was in Grade One, my father said for the first time that he would pick me up, because my mother had been picking me up from primary school. After school, I waited for an hour without seeing anyone, and then I walked back on my own. When I got home, my father beat me with a clothes hanger and told me why I skipped class. I waited for me at XX primary school for more than half an hour, but I cried and said, "Dad, I'm in Grade One."
29. My view of the company: it looks like heaven from a distance, like a bank from a close look, and it looks like a cell when I go in. Everyone said yes, and everyone went there. If you earn money here and spend it here, how can you send money home? It is said that the salary here is high, so I have no money to buy toothpaste; It is said that the food here is good, and grass is added to the vegetables; It is said that the environment here is good, and cockroaches and ants run around; It is said that the foreman here is handsome, and everyone has a flat head and a pot cover. I work every year and worry every year. I work overtime every day like a monkey. I get scolded every day for no reason. I meet my boss with my head down. I shook my head when I got paid, and I was worried at the end of the month. I don't know when I will get ahead.
3. When listening to a group of men in the company talking about private money, everyone is feeling that their wives will find out anyway; Angkor across from me said flatly, "I keep everything in the bank." They asked, "What about the passbook or card?" Angkor gave a simple and honest smile: "Burn it. When you want to use it, take your ID card to make it up. "
Editor's note: One day, the male god and I finally held hands for the first time. We stood face to face, and he held my two hands with both hands. The scene was very romantic. Suddenly I found that his right hand was slippery. You don't just wear moisturizer on your right hand, do you? I asked him jokingly. After asking him where he was embarrassed, I seemed to understand something ... The funny phrase
Introduction: My best friend said that the sign of her maturity was that she would keep accounts every day. Out of curiosity, I looked through her account book and saw that it said: I spent money on May 7th, May 8th, and actually spent money on May 9th ... Nima ...
1. Ask my girlfriend: "You are not the youngest, why do your roommates call you the boss?" She proudly said, "Our dormitory is not arranged by age." Looking at her towering breasts, I seem to understand something ...
2. In a nearby takeaway shop, there was a special offer recently that if it was not delivered within 45 minutes, it would be free of charge directly. Really exciting! In short, the courier brother chased my mobile RV for 2 minutes, but after all, he failed to catch up, cool!
3. I went to get the money this morning, and my mother went to the ATM to get it. I sat in the battery car and waited for her. Then came an old classmate, a handsome guy I had a crush on before. In an instant, I changed from a big cross-legged posture to a shy cross-legged, bowing my head and being shy. As a result, after my mother took the money, she watched me wriggle and said directly, "How long has it been, and the hemorrhoids haven't healed yet?" Dear mom ...
4. I took the bus in the morning and saw a couple of children. The girl asked the boy, Do you love me? The boy replied: love. The girl asked: How long will you love me? The boy replied: I will love you until the day when Big Wolf eats all the sheep in Yangcun. Nima, Lao Tzu was completely shocked. This is more powerful than what the ends of the earth have dried up and rocks crumble!
5. Horror movies are the best flirting products for couples. When the first ghost comes out, the girl says, "I'm so scared," and then hides in the boy's chest. Boys began to coax girls to say, "Don't be afraid, I will protect you forever." The two were very much in love until the end of the movie. Horror movies are horror movies for single people. People are hard to tear down!
aunt: how much is this meat, young man? Attendant: 18.8 yuan. Aunt: It's so expensive. It was only fifteen yuan yesterday. The waiter said impatiently, love to buy or not. Aunt is furious: what are you arrogant about? Don't you know that customers are God? After a few seconds, the waiter replied, I'm sorry, I believe in Buddhism ... < P > 7. Yesterday, I went out with my roommate and saw a couple, a man carrying a woman. I said to my roommate, "What can a woman do when she comes down for a walk? The man is so stupid that he doesn't know to save his strength for the night."
8. Just now, my roommate, an idiot, told me with great pride: "I did a very meaningful thing today. I put two hamsters you took good care of back on campus." Damn it, school wildcats have been spying on them for a long time, don't you know? There is really no way to play together.
9. In the evening, I took my son with me for a company dinner. During the dinner, I said to my son, "Son, do you want to live in a villa?" The son nodded: "Hmm!" Me: "Want to drive a luxury car?" "Uh-huh!" "Do you want to be a rich second generation with food and clothing?" "Uh-huh!" I touched my son's head and said, "study hard if you want, and make a lot of money for dad in the future, so that you can be a decent rich second generation."
1. Mom: Yesterday, I received a phone call saying that you got the girl pregnant and asked me to pay for an abortion. Er: Ha, ha, ha. With your old intelligence, you definitely fooled the liar! Mom: I asked them to give birth to the baby, and I gave them alimony. They said yes, so I charged them 5 yuan for the phone bill. Son: Mom, you've been cheated! Mom: Get out!