Mark Twain's humorous stories

Mark Twain wrote a large number of works throughout his life, covering novels, plays, essays, poetry and other aspects. This article is a collection of humorous stories about Mark Twain that I have collected for you. Welcome to read this article!

1. Lying

Mark Twain sat across from a lady and he said to her :?You are so beautiful!?The lady said proudly:?It's a pity that I can't praise you in the same way. ?And Mark Twain said without hesitation: ?It doesn't matter, you can tell a lie like me. ?

2. Exchange

A dancing girl wrote to Mark Twain, saying that she wanted to marry Mark Twain, "If our descendants have my appearance, yours will Mind, how wonderful!" But Mark Twain wrote back and said: "If it is your mind, what about my appearance?"

3. Books and Lawnmowers

There is one Back in the day, Mark Twain asked the neighbor to borrow a book. The neighbor said, "Okay, okay." But I made a rule: Books borrowed from my library must be read on the spot. ?A week later, the neighbor asked Mark Twain to borrow his lawnmower. Mark Twain smiled and said: ?Of course, no problem. But I made a rule: the lawnmower borrowed from my house can only be used on my lawn. ?

4. Making fun of the pastor

There was a pastor preaching on the pulpit. Mark Twain was so disgusted that he wanted to make a joke with him. ?Mr. Pastor, your speech is really wonderful, but I have read it in a book before. Every word you say is on it. After hearing this, the pastor replied unhappily: "My speech was definitely not plagiarized!" But the book was indeed word for word. ?Then lend me that book. ?The pastor said helplessly. So, a few days later, the pastor received a book? Dictionary sent to him by Mark Twain.

5. Association and lying

When writers weave real people and real events into beautiful oral stories, they must have rich and bold associations. One critic, who was particular about the originality of details, often accused Mark Twain of lying. mark. Twain said sarcastically: If you don't know how to lie, have no ability to lie, and have no knowledge of how lies are told, how can you say that I am lying? Only people with rich experience in this field can Quan was so blatantly arbitrary in what he said. You don't have this experience, and you can't. In this regard, you are a person who knows nothing but needs to be an expert. ?

6. Whales and Writers

Mark Twain received a letter from a young man who was just learning to write. The writer is very interested in this question: I heard that fish bones contain a lot of phosphorus, and phosphorus is good for the brain. So to become a world-famous writer, you must eat a lot of fish. I don't know if this statement is realistic. He asked Mark Twain: "Have you eaten a lot of fish, and what kind of fish did you eat?"

Mark Twain replied: "It seems that you have to eat a whale to do it." . ?

7. Books and Lawnmowers

Once, Mark Twain borrowed a book from his neighbor, and the neighbor said: "Okay, okay." But I made a rule: Books borrowed from my library must be read on the spot. ?A week later, the neighbor asked Mark Twain to borrow his lawnmower. Mark Twain smiled and said: ?Of course, no problem. But I made a rule: the lawn mower borrowed from my house can only be used on my lawn. ?

8. Hit the nail on the head

There was a millionaire in the United States. His left eye was broken. He spent a lot of money to have a fake one installed. It’s so good that no one would think it was fake at first glance. As a result, the millionaire was very proud and often showed off himself in front of people.

Once, he met Mark Twain and asked: Can you guess which of my eyes is fake? Mark Twain pointed to his left eye and said: ?This is just a lie? Mark Twain said: ?Because there is still a little compassion in your eyes. ?

9. Had to stand

American writer Mark Twain traveled to a small city in France and gave a speech. One day, he went to the barber shop alone to get a haircut. The barber asked: "Sir, you seem to have just come from abroad." Mark Twain replied: "Yes, this is my first time coming to this place." ?You're in luck, because Mr. Mark Twain is here too, and you can go hear him speak tonight. ?

?Definitely go. ?

?Sir, do you have a ticket?

?Not yet. ?

?What a pity!? The barber spread his hands and said sadly, ?Then you have to stand and listen from beginning to end, because there will be no empty seats there. ?

?Yes!? Mark Twain said, ?It was terrible to be with Mark Twain. I could only stand forever while he gave speeches. ?

10. Small mistakes and big mistakes

Someone asked the American writer Mark Twain: What is the difference between a small mistake and a big mistake? Mark Twain replied: If you start from When you go out to a restaurant, you leave your umbrella there and take someone else's umbrella. This is called a small mistake. But if you take someone else's umbrella and leave your own there, that's a big mistake. ?

11. Another six dollars

Once, Mark Twain was invited to a banquet by a rich man. In order to show off his wealth, the host had to say something when each dish was served. Find out the price of this dish. At this time, the waiter brought a plate of grapes, and the host said to the guests: "Hey, what big grapes! Each one is worth a hundred dollars!" The guests finished the grapes in a short time, and then Mark Twain said: He stood up from his seat and said loudly: "It tastes so delicious. Please give me another six dollars, sir!"

12. Servants and Boxes

Once, the American writer Mark Twain stayed at a hotel in a small town in England. When he signed the passenger registration book, he found that a famous traveler before him had signed like this: Duke von Butford and his many servants. ?

Mark Twain smiled and wrote in the passenger registration book: Mark Twain and a box. ?

13. Use it in your own home

Once, the famous American writer Mark Twain found a book at his neighbor’s house that deeply attracted him. He asked the neighbor if he could Borrow. The neighbor said: "You are welcome to come and read at any time, as long as you are here to read." You know, I have a rule: my books don't leave the house. ?

A few weeks later, a neighbor came to borrow a lawn mower from Mark Twain. Mark Twain said, "Of course you can, but according to my rules, you have to use it on my lawn." it. ?;