How to praise yourself for being handsome?
I was born in an ordinary family, with healthy parents, grandparents and several uncles and aunts. It is said that when I was born, a piece of auspicious clouds appeared in the northern sky, which gradually drifted from far and near to the roof of my house and became a word:
A leader/handsome boy
After seeing me, my father cried at the top of his lungs for a month and a half. He killed me and didn't believe that I was a child of his chromosome inheritance. He took a kitchen knife and rushed to my mother's bed several times, waving it to cut me into pieces. My mother used her death to protect me and let me live.
Grandpa has been suffering from glaucoma for more than ten years, and he can't tell whether it's a man or a dog from a meter away. But when I appeared in front of him, the old man burst into tears, closed his eyes and never saw the light of day again, saying that he didn't want to see anyone again, so as to avoid endless future troubles.
Later, in order to prove her innocence, the mother dragged her father to the hospital for paternity test. The doctor lifted the quilt, only looked at it and cried. He wiped his nose and said, go home. This is not your son, nobody. Humans can't give birth to such a handsome child. .....
An intern nurse walked by and saw me as a baby. She immediately found a box of red inkpad, printed my fingerprints, spread her hair out at once, and muttered to me: Long hair is for you. If I don't marry you in my life, I will never lose it again.
Mother hurried out and trotted all the way, accidentally meeting an old lady waiting to have a baby in the obstetrics and gynecology department next door. The old lady grabbed her mother and said kindly, son, what's the hurry? What is the hard part? Don't hit the child. ....
My mother was upset by her, so she pulled the quilt away. As soon as the old lady saw me, she immediately followed me like crazy, tears streaming down her face, shaking her head and screaming: I was born 50 years earlier! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Mother flashed ...
When I was fifteen, I didn't dare to go to school, not that I didn't. I dare not go to kindergarten for a long time. The children, teachers and dean in the whole park are crazy. My face was swollen into watermelon by the little girl's kiss, and the aunts beat the children, not for anything else, just because they were born in the same year as me, and the police were not there, in order to quell the riot. There are people fishing in front of my house all the year round, and they never come back empty-handed. The most interesting thing is that our home is 0/00 km away from the sea/kloc-,but they often catch tuna in the gutter in front of the door and look for turtle eggs behind the haystack. Later, after investigation, it turned out that there were countless women crying in front of my house all the year round, and the tears were rich in amino acids and protein, which was very suitable for tuna survival and turtle spawning. Those women's tears gathered into a small beach. By the time I was fifteen, the beach was already flourishing. By the time I was eighteen, the beach had developed very rapidly, so it was called Hawaii.
Once, I was so bored that I sneaked out of the house at night. If I see a female animal, I'm ready to run. Who knows that after I went out, I didn't catch up with her except for a scream. I looked back carefully and found that they all fainted on the beach. ...
The U.S. Department of Defense formally sued me in The Hague International Court of Justice, saying that I ruined the happiness of the first family. It turned out that the old lady, the president's wife, filed for divorce with George W. Bush after seeing the photos taken secretly when I was six years old, creating the first divorce case of an incumbent president in American history. After the International Court of Justice in The Hague accepted the case, she issued a summons to me. After receiving the summons, I expressed my willingness to appear in court, because this life was unbearable, but the summons did not return to the court, because I signed it, so it was delivered by the postman halfway. The CCTV focus talk show group came to interview me and fainted three times in front of the glass of the camera. The little girl in charge of taking notes wrote Chinese in Italian and Spanish.
When it was broadcast, because the TV station mosaic my face, I was smashed the next day and posted slogans everywhere. The United Nations allocated special funds to build a hiding place for me, located at the top of Mount Everest in the Himalayas. The news is extremely sealed, and no one in the world knows where I am except my family and Secretary-General Annan.