Because of love, strangers can suddenly get familiar and sleep in the same bed. But the same two people, when they broke up, said, I think you are getting more and more strange. Love is a process of turning a pair of strangers into strangers and another pair into strangers.
3. Sometimes I like someone, but I'm already lovelorn. No confession, no hand holding, no hug, no, nothing. But I feel that I have been in love for a long time, as if I have fallen in love with this person who has no intersection since I was born.
4. Women refuse love with friendship, and men exchange friendship for love.
When I was a child, I hoped I would grow up quickly. When I grew up, I found that I lost my childhood. When I was single, I began to envy the sweetness of my lover. When I am in love, I miss the freedom when I am single. A lot of things always feel beautiful when they are not obtained, and only after they are obtained do they begin to understand, and what they get is also lost.
6, Goose Goose, cut the curve with a knife, pluck the hair and add water, ignite and cover the pot!
7. Make yourself more peaceful and open-minded and more tolerant of the faults around you. Everyone has his difficulties, so why force others.
8. Because I know too much, I dare not make a promise easily. Talking about mood phrases
9. Looking back for 500 years only brought us a meeting in this life, but in the blink of an eye, we left each other and forgot each other … maybe we didn't cherish it. If I hadn't met you, I wouldn't feel sorry. Because in that case, I won't have much imagination about the future. But when I met you, I saw the future. In this way, there are many "ifs" in memory, but "ifs" are a kind of regret.
10, I am an emotional person, so please don't be nice to me, otherwise I will fall in love with you.
1 1. Work hard for your dreams. Looking back, you will find those sufferings, which later became the wealth of your life. The future is in your own hands.
12, you said you were my friend, but in fact I know that animals are indeed friends of human beings.
13, some people know it well, but they don't like it. Some people, even if they meet for the first time, can't extricate themselves.
14, Obama, do you remember that little bin Laden by Daming Lake?
15. Sometimes, the world is so big that we never have a chance to meet it in our lifetime. Sometimes, the world is small and I can see your smiling face when I look up. So, when you meet, please be grateful; When you love each other, please cherish it; When you turn around, please be elegant; Please be sure to smile when you say goodbye.
16, you think the sourest feeling is jealousy. No, the sourest feeling is that you have no right to be jealous.
17, suppress fart, suppress bad heart. Don't push, exercise.
18, I injected tears into my blood. If one day, I really hurt my heart, you will see a drop of bright red liquid.
19, I needed your advice when I was young, but I didn't need your advice.
20. What is a true friend? A true friend is someone who sees through you, still likes you and is willing to be friends with you.
2 1, the best way to keep men is to remain mysterious, which is beyond our power. Perhaps the grapes that cannot be picked are the sweetest.
22. Loneliness means that there are more and more phone numbers in mobile phones, more and more calls are answered every day, and more and more text messages are sent every day. But when you suddenly see a sunflower field that has appeared repeatedly in your dream, you take photos with excitement and shout loudly, but later you don't know who sent the photos to your mobile phone. At that moment, you suddenly realized that there was no one standing beside you to watch the scenery with you.
23. Because memories are so beautiful that even the most cruel people don't want to forget them. It's not that love can't let you go, not that memory can't let you go, not that fate can't let you go, but that you can't let yourself go. If you don't hesitate, I won't love you.
24. Mom said that "love" can be true or deep. If it hurts, the truth must be deep.
25. Why do we always feel that pain is greater than happiness? Sadness is greater than happiness; Sadness is greater than happiness. Because we always regard what is not pain as pain; Treat what does not belong to sadness as sadness; Treat what does not belong to sadness as sadness; What should belong to happiness, joy and happiness is very dull and not regarded as real happiness, joy and happiness. In fact, contentment is happiness.
A word that laughs till you cry.
Guide: I went to see a doctor with my husband today. The doctor told him not to drink, so I ended up eating at night. I saw my husband drinking through a straw. "Husband, didn't the doctor tell you to stay away from wine? Why did you drink again? " "Wife, don't you think I used a straw? Far away. "
1, "Husband, how much do you love me", "as much as a dime", "Husband, do I deserve this little love?" "Wife, do you know that a dime is ten?" Beautiful wife: very, very ~
Husband: Honey, how soon will you be back? I miss you. Wife: Didn't I just leave for 2 days? As for it? Husband: It's been two days. Why haven't I found the place where you put the money?
I like to play. Once I met my boss in a bar and hugged a beautiful woman. The boss quickly introduced: This is my wife! Later, I met her several times, but that beautiful girl was different. Finally, the boss was anxious: why can I meet you every time? Please introduce her to me (pointing to the woman he is holding) ... Who is it? Me: Your wife! Boss: Hmm! How wise!
A butcher was caught by the police and a young lady was fined 5000 yuan. His wife found a ticket in her pocket and asked how much it was. The man replied, "Fill the meat with water."
5, the company has a dinner party, leading the hairy crabs on that table to be wild and small; The hairy crabs on the staff table are cultured and very big. The leader was very angry, and the director of the office quickly explained: Their table is a son of a bitch!
6. When the police academy graduated, we went to the bus to catch pickpockets. One day, a classmate came back with a person. When he saw us, he said that I caught a robber today, but it's a pity that his partner ran away. During the trial, the man cried and said, I don't know the runner. That man stole my mobile phone, so I asked him to bring it back when I got it back.
7. Some experts say that the probability of men being struck by lightning is six times that of women! Do you know why? Why? Because men often curse! Shit, that makes sense. Well done!
8. I work in a construction company. My boss is a man with a bad temper. He is always anxious about us and occasionally swears. I still remember that six months ago, he swore at the new Xiao Li: It's despicable that you get paid for performance. Be careful to find a husband impotence in the future, and have a baby without an asshole! But now, Xiao Li is the wife of our boss! I can only say: God, your eyes are so long!
9. I went by bus today. There are many people on the bus, which is very crowded. Someone shouted, stop squeezing, stop squeezing! My pants are fucking squeezed out! At this time, a sister shouted, put on your pants quickly, I am dizzy! suddenly ...
10, the boss invited our editorial department for dinner on the weekend, and I ate freely. Very real. The boss smiled and said, "Look at your eating, it's worthless!" " A table full of people laughed. Next month, the boss invited the editorial department to dinner again. I learned the last lesson and basically stopped using chopsticks. The boss smiled and said, "You see how lofty that man is. Do you still want to invite him?" A table of people suddenly speechless.
1 1, Lao Shi: What should you do if others are in trouble? Xiao Wang: Give him a chicken. Lao Shi: Why? Xiao Wang: You said to give up (chicken) and help. Old stone: ...
12, a man complained to the doctor that his wife was afraid of the cold after marriage, and the doctor gave him a bottle of medicine. On the first day, he gave his wife two pills, but she didn't respond. The next day, he gave her four pills, but it didn't work at all. On the third day, in a rage, he gave his wife half a bottle and ate the rest himself. Soon the medicine took effect, and his wife said to him in a charming way, "honey, I need a man!" " "The man nodded and said," what can I do? I need a man too! "
13, the whole family watched TV together in the evening ... Dad: You see Kangxi became emperor when he was eight years old ... Son: It was his father's early death ... I: ...
14, Lao Shi: Some bugs can only live for one day. Xiao Wang: How happy. Lao Shi: Why? Xiao Wang: I have been celebrating my birthday all my life. ...
15, Wife: Honey, I know you married me not because you love me, but because I have money. Husband: No, it's because I have no money. I have to make up the money.
16, my mother-in-law and father-in-law said to go shopping and told me to wait at home and not to go out to buy food. They will buy it back. Seeing that they left, I opened qq to dance K songs and scored. Singing for more than an hour, screaming at the top of my lungs. My mother-in-law patted me and said, keep your voice down. Your aunt and uncle are here. Look at the living room, Emma. Didn't we agree to go shopping?
17, Lao Shi: How does the human body feel? A: Touch. B: smell it. Xiao Wang: Illusion. Lao Shi: rough ...
18, on the way to dinner, a man and a woman came hand in hand. The man suddenly sneezed, and the woman said, Oh, who missed you? The man didn't speak, but the woman just pondered and said, well, my sister misses you. Hearing this, I was suddenly confused by this relationship.
19, the parents' meeting will come as scheduled. Why is the content the same every time? Talk about the theme in the first half hour and take me as a typical criticism in the second half hour. Come here, son. I promise I won't kill you.
20.a: Do you think if one day I die and you see me in the street, will you turn around and run, or hug me tightly? B: Neither! What would you do? B: I kick you to see if you are a person or a ghost! My friend is exhausted!
2 1, reporter: With such a large population, many people are unemployed and unable to find jobs. Farmer: Then why do everyone go to cities with many people to find jobs, and rural areas with few people can't find jobs?
22. At school, there was a female classmate with only one name, Kwai ... At that time, it was popular to run social dormitories or something. I met a friend from another school, and a female classmate introduced herself. My name is Kwai, and my friends from other schools paused and replied that my surname was Xiang ... Everyone didn't react at once. A few seconds later, someone suddenly realized and whispered, Sunflower. ...
23, my husband did something wrong, my wife has been criticizing, my husband dare not say anything, and suddenly put a fart. Wife: Oh, how dare you talk back? ...
24. Yesterday, I took my son. A car is reversing. The son hurried to the side of the road. I am slow. My son shouted, mom, get away from it. It's a female driver. ...
25. Yesterday, a roommate went out to be a female netizen, and the result came back soon. I hurriedly asked what the rhythm was. He said they passed the flower shop when they were shopping, and the woman said, what beautiful flowers. However, my roommate took out his mobile phone, snapped some photos of flowers, and said, I took them all, and I will send them to you via Bluetooth later! Then the woman said that she had something to leave at home. Damn it, she deserves to be single!
26. The boss of the company and I are brothers. Recently, he is quite worried. I asked: What's the matter? The boss said, hey, I'm worried about my girlfriend. I asked: What's the matter? The boss said: I don't understand why she is pregnant after taking more than a dozen birth control pills every time. I calmly replied: because other men didn't take it.
27. The landlord, who has been smoking for five years, went back to the dormitory last night and pushed open the door to call me to quit smoking. As a result, two roommates threw a whole box of Yuxi in my face and said that they would borrow it from us when they ran out of cigarettes. Oh, forget it, Yuxi is easy to smoke.
28. Xiaoming: Teacher, what is shredded potato? Teacher: Just shred the potatoes. Xiaoming: Shredded pork is to cut the meat into shreds? Teacher: Yes. Xiaoming: What about diaosi? The teacher was about to scold when Xiao Ming said, Teacher, stop it. I'm leaving.
29. Wife: How did I meet a husband like you? Where was my brain when I decided to marry you? Husband: It's on my shoulder.
30. I stayed up all night last night. I want to sleep in class today. Later, I fell asleep at my desk and I didn't know ~ I always felt that someone was making trouble in my face. I thought it was my deskmate, so I grabbed a book and covered his face, saying that lz wouldn't just sleep and let you keep rubbing it in lz's face. . As a result, when I opened my eyes, I only saw the confused eyes of the class teacher and the surprised expressions of my classmates.
Editor's Note: One day, there was only me and a female colleague in the office, so I jokingly said to the female colleague, "You take off your clothes, and I will give you 100 yuan if I touch it, ok?" I thought she wouldn't say yes. Unexpectedly, female colleagues are greedy. I blushed and said shyly, "You can't tell anyone!" " "Then, I decisively took off my clothes. I looked at it for a while, felt my clothes and said, put them on. I told you, I just want to touch my clothes.
Smile from ear to ear.
1, I took your promise to feed the dog last night and found the dog dead the next morning.
2, you said that ice is sleeping water, I only remember that fart is a breath of shit.
It's really comfortable to see people who don't like me add trouble to your hearts.
4, men are not bad, women do not love, men do not color, purely decoration.
5, freezing three feet is not a cold day, and the three layers of the lower abdomen are not a cold day.
6. I don't even want a basin for spilled water.
7. I used to be young and energetic, but now my youth is gone, and I am so energetic.
8. There are no fat people in the world. There are many thin people, and there will be fat people!
9, heartless, can live to a hundred years old, have a clear conscience, not tired.
10, whoever bullies me in the future, I will carve his name on the wood and light two white candles.
1 1, it's not that I don't want to be a lady, it's life that makes me a bitch.
12, whoever says he loves you again will get a slap in the face. If he doesn't fight back, then he really loves you.
13, fart is the unyielding soul of the food you eat.
14, I shook my head very smartly after breaking up, and my wig was thrown out.
15, in the autumn of 1982, Xiaoping met with Mrs. Thatcher in the Great Hall of the People. When talking about the Hong Kong issue, Thatcher asked: Is your country going to take back the whole of Hong Kong? Xiaoping walked to the front of the map and carefully pointed to the map: not only here-Hong Kong Island, but also here-outlying islands! Territorial issues must not be negotiated! Don't you want Kowloon and the New Territories? Thatcher asked incredulously. Xiaoping scratched his head and said sadly, alas, I can't reach it.
At the starting stations of Line 16 and Line 9, a rural woman squeezed into the carriage with her child in her arms. Her old man shouted outside, come down, and people will give you a seat with a child in their arms? Don't make people feel uncomfortable. Who will be seated this morning? Let's wait one more time! Then she obediently carried the child down. Then we didn't squeeze into the car and the people who continued to queue silently retreated, leaving the first row position for this family of three.
17, an Indian was chatting, and he suddenly asked me, where is your balance? What does balance mean? Deposit? Or do you want to find a balance by pretending to force the same online text? After thinking for a long time, he replied, "Sorry, I don't know." . He looked at me in surprise. I don't understand. Later, I consulted an expert. It turned out that he was asking where my parents were, your sister.
18, mothers all have a common problem. As long as you say which dish is delicious, they will cook it frequently until you are bored and complain. In fact, in this life, she is desperately giving you what you think is good, giving you love at a loss.
19, the development of Tibet has broken the hearts of Wen Qing and some intellectuals, and there is another holy place in the world where they can wash their hearts with poor but simple beliefs after eating and drinking. These people should be as melodramatic as ancient intellectuals, just go whoring or engage in Quito. It's good to spend tens of dollars to find a young lady to talk about her ideals and the democratic process in China under the sigh of universal values. They can also get some buttons and kiss, which won't hurt people.
20. A friend came to Xiong Haizi's house and turned his room upside down, and all kinds of restrictions were destroyed. When my friend came back, he didn't scold Xiong Haizi. Instead, he took him to the piano and let him play for a while. Then he told his parents that your child is very talented at playing the piano, so this Xiong Haizi never had a holiday again.
2 1. From the first moment I met your girlfriend, I made a deal with you as a brother.
22. When did you start to like me? I don't know. I just wake up one day and look around you. Both men and women feel that they are rivals in love. I knew it! I am hopeless! !
23. Give you a little sunshine and you will be brilliant. Give you some charcoal and you can make a bomb.
24. The old woman once turned to smile and was fascinated by the teacher.
25. I counted my fingers and found that I was missing in your life.
26. Living in this era of grass and mud horses, Jimmy's classic sad quotations should hold his sister's mentality in everything.
27. You have so many pimples on your face that you will turn over when driving a tractor.
28. How can you be so calm about someone who has a crush on me?
29. Don't tell me to grow old together. I want to have black hair forever. Interesting quotation
30. Good dogs don't get in the way, roadblocks get in the way!
3 1, please raise your left hand if you love me, and raise your middle finger if you love others.
My future is not a dream, but a nightmare!
33, the sky is gray, and the wind and grass are moving to see cattle and sheep!
34. Do you know why Yu Quan won the song king? This is because some people like Yu Fan, one vote; Some people like haiquan, two votes; Some people like Deng Chao, three votes; Some people like Bai Baihe, four votes; Others like Sun Li, five votes, so it's basically a five-man fight! Deng Chao is the spokesperson of 3G Tianyi, 3G Tianyi is my singer sponsor, and Deng Chao's wife Sun Li and Sun Li are the image spokespersons of Libai Laundry Liquid.
35. Bin Laden is a good man, because good people are always hard to find. Kim Jong-un is a man among men. Toss and turn just don't shoot.
Tax revenue should be the only source of government revenue. However, under the system of China, taxes can't meet the needs of the government, so there are fee finance and land finance. There is no land to sell in the ancient city. Circle it to sell tickets. This is essentially a business competition between the government and city operators. On the one hand, the government has the right to formulate the business model that is most beneficial to its own operation, on the other hand, it has to collect taxes from other operators. Eat at both ends
The child always kicks the quilt when he sleeps. Fortunately, I found out that I broke my leg in time, otherwise I would have caught a cold!
38. My girlfriend gave me a song called "You are faster than before".
39. Intimate brother is not that simple. It takes different skills to comfort different types of girls. For example, when a flat-chested girl is sad, if she wants to create a miracle, someone has to persuade her: Don't worry, it's no big deal.
40. pilgrim: master, why do people in Buddhism and Taoism like to say amitabha? Zen master: benefactor, it would be vulgar for a monk to express his emotions with hehe. Pilgrim: I see. Buddhist culture is really profound. Zen master: Hehe. The pilgrim exclaimed, shouldn't master say amitabha? The Zen master sighed: I am a poor monk from the south, and there is no Amitabha in the south.
4 1, the degree of internationalization in Beijing is already very high-line 10, I see 180, there is a beautiful foreign girl standing at the door above, and an ugly man who is not the owner of the cow says, howl and block the oil calf? Yang Niu smiled sweetly and answered, What about your mother? Rogue! The whole car was silent, and even the blind uncle and blind grandmother who sang gave approval.
42, walking on the road, suddenly pulling my sister: watch your step. She looked down and said, Oh, mud. Hey ~ ~ ~ I'll answer right away.
The complete set of phrases for laughing and spitting
Introduction: My girlfriend is a flat-chested person. One day, I went shopping with her. I said, "Look at these women with breasts, but you have nothing. Really sad! " She said, "What is a chest device? It's all rubbish to me. I brought hidden weapons and can kill people invisibly! "
1, a five-year-old son quarreled with his sister. It was like family. My daughter pulled him in front of me, ready for me to uphold justice. Before I knew it, my son pointed his thumb at me: "Dad, you have to think about it. You have to think about it: Who will support you and send you to the end? " God, at an early age, who did you learn it from?
2. I had a problem with my wife and went back to my parents' house, but it's best not to come back. So I sent a message: since I left you, my neighbor Xiaoli has always come to our house when she has something to do, dressed scantily and acting frivolous. I'm afraid I can't help it. She immediately replied: Don't fool me, don't you know that her husband is a martial arts school coach?
3. The landlord's daughter, whose daughter is over two years old and whose son is several months old. Every time I change my son's diaper, I will say, "Change the baby's diaper." Once when I came to change my menstrual towel, my daughter pushed the door and came in and shouted, "Grandma, my mother is wearing diapers, too. I have grown up, and my mother still dresses like my brother ... Oh, you are really my good girl.
4, hands! Curiously used the Yan Ling camera on QQ, and the result showed "56 years old, Lao Wang next door." Damn it, how old am I! Now, I want to die.
The 5.LZ family has a funny son. Yesterday, I went to work for dinner, and there was a funny big sister (the big sister is older than the landlord 15) ... The big sister asked her son to call her aunt. Although my son is small, his eyes are still good. He immediately called grandma ... and then my sister decisively disappeared ... and then she came out of nowhere and said to my son, It's ugly that the baby is called grandma.
6. A handsome friend sprained his ankle playing basketball and was hospitalized. The landlord went to see him, and a little nurse was preparing to hang water for him. I didn't tie it three times in a row. When I was about to tie it for the fourth time, my friend yelled at her. The little nurse blushed and muttered softly, who told you to be so handsome? I'm nervous! My friend was elated at once, and hee hee came with a sentence: plunge, plunge, plunge casually, plunge to death, I am responsible for it myself!
7. One day, I invited a beautiful woman to dinner. After eating, I said send her home! She said, "It seems that you are still a virtuous person. I thought you would invite me to open a room, and I would definitely refuse, but I am willing to open a room with you for this reason! " I took out the only three crumpled dollars left and said, "Bullshit! You ate so many things that you ate all the money I was going to open a house! " "
8. I met a blind date in the restaurant today. They didn't talk much. The woman asked the man, "Do you have a house, a car and a deposit?" The man said affectionately, "I always thought it was important for men to have a house, a car and a deposit, but I didn't think so when I met you!" " "The woman asked shyly," why? The man said, "because you don't deserve these!" " "Say that finish, the man picked up his things and went away! That woman's face is green!
9. I had dinner with a buddy and a female colleague last night. Just in the middle of eating, my buddy said to his female colleague, Beauty, do me a favor? The woman asked: What's the matter? My friend said: My girlfriend gave me a TT, saying that I can only betray her once. The woman asked: Then what? The buddy said, I want you to use it for me. Then my female colleague got up and threw Lamian Noodles at my buddy's head. . . Now that I think about it, I have a headache for that guy.
10, Xiao Min and her husband have been arguing about who listens to whom at home. Husband: "Look, the first page of the household registration book is me. You have to listen to me." ? Xiao Min: "The first page is the preface, and the text starts from the second page." ?
1 1, summer is coming, and everyone has a feeling. If you really can't sleep, turn the backlight of the mobile phone to the brightest, and then a bunch of mosquitoes and flying insects fall on the screen and kill it. Anyway, find some tape and stick it upside down, and start sleeping to see how much you can stick tomorrow …
12. I bought a new mobile phone for Ma Ma two months ago. Mom just started using it yesterday, but it wouldn't open, so mom took it to repair it. In the evening, I asked what happened. Ma Ma: People say it's been useless for a long time, and the battery is starving. . . Starving to death. .
13, when I came back from a blind date, my mother asked me, "What's the matter, son!" I said, "I feel like Sprite now!" Mother asked, "What do you mean?" I said to my mother with a wry smile, "My heart flies when I go, but it gets cold when I see it!" " "
14, I was working, and I managed to climb over, only to find that I forgot to bring my screwdriver. So he said to Xiao Zhang standing on the ground, throw me a screwdriver! He said, clubs or crosses? I held back my laughter and said that I didn't want a word, not even his flat mouth, which laughed at himself.
15, a distant relative of my hometown passed away, and I followed my parents back to my hometown to pay homage. When I got there, my parents asked me to bow with them later. It's my turn to go to the table and bow. I look at two red candles. I don't know which nerve is out of order, but it's broken ... and it's out. ...
16, my husband sang to Xiao Min: "Love you for ten thousand years ..."? Xiao Min: "Don't scold yourself, don't think about what can live for ten thousand years?" ?
17, one day, I went shopping with two bad friends and passed a tall man. I looked at his back and said to myself, it's a pity that such a tall man doesn't play basketball. Two bad friends talked: then why don't you buy sesame cakes?
18, an idiot friend asked me: "Brother Zhi, how to avoid the embarrassment of not finding a topic! ? "I said to him," We can discuss clothes! " Who knows, later, this funny girl said, "Look, this is my new underwear. Do you think it looks good? " And then it's gone!
19, I've always wanted to know a question. In the movie, others are hiding behind a very thin tree. Why do others pass by him but can't find him? And others hit him with a gun, hitting the tree every time. Every time I see this place, I'm fucking anxious, and 10 thousand grass mud horses rush by in my heart, damn it Are you blind? Is this a disease? I can't believe it's just me.
20. My friend is getting married recently. His daughter-in-law went to work yesterday and asked me to accompany him to the wedding photography shop. After entering, the proprietress asked enthusiastically, what can I do for you? I had a seizure and took his arm. Hello, let's take a wedding photo! Can you imagine the expression of the whole store, brother? Don't go, don't break up with me. .......
2 1, chat with friends about the necessary skills of blind date, and friends say, "Be sure to add her WeChat before blind date!" I quickly asked, "Why?" Friend: "Add her WeChat, first look at her circle of friends and see if there is a selfie. If a girl doesn't even take a selfie, there is no need to watch it. Probably ugly! " Emma, new skills GET!
22. Today's children get to know each other earlier than when we were young. Today, someone called me uncle in QQ. When I saw that my nephew actually had QQ, he was only in the fourth grade, nicknamed Ghost Wolf. . . The signature is "I can't feel love because love is gone"! ! ! Could it be that we were too unconventional when we were young? . .
23, a buddy blind date, the woman asked: "Do you have a car?" Buddy: "BMW X6!" Woman: "Do you have a room?" Buddy: "Three-story duplex in high-grade residential area!" Woman: "Well, the conditions are ok, let's talk about it first!" " "Dude:" Why don't you ask me if I can have a crush on you! ""Woman: "..."
24. Me: "Wife, domestic violence will seriously damage the relationship between husband and wife and destroy a happy family!" Can you stop hitting me if you make a mistake in the future? "She said," you're right. I don't feel good either. I won't punish and hit you in the future. Let's change it to a fine "Me:" Forget it, you can fight as you like. I didn't say anything! " "
25. I went to my girlfriend's house for dinner yesterday. Her mother is very enthusiastic and keeps feeding me, which makes me a little embarrassed. So I said, "Aunt, the food is delicious, but I'm full." Then her mother gave me a white look and said, "Eat, eat, or feed it to the dog." .
26. I have a buddy whose girlfriend who talked for several months broke up with him. I asked him, "I saw you two were very good and close the other day." How can you say that you are separated? " He said: "She thinks I am like a child, immature. I don't understand: "impossible, I think you are quite mature!" ""He said, "Not because of my personality, but because I act like a child." Me: ...
27. My wife told me a few days ago that my chest was swollen, just like when I was pregnant last time. Everyone was nervous when they asked me if I was pregnant again. My period came these days, and the stone in my heart finally fell to the ground. She said it was still big. I wonder if there is something wrong with my breasts. If I ask my wife, if you lie flat, there will be two pancakes, which will tell me where the tumor grows. . .
28. When I was in college, a buddy in the dormitory was too lazy to wash clothes for a month. On weekends, the dormitory secretly made hot pot, and everyone went to buy materials, so this buddy brought some mushrooms, which were delicious. I asked him where he bought the quantity. He said that his underwear had been in the basin for two months, and he took it off when he saw the mushrooms grow. . . Anyway, some of our roommates are going to see him again this Qingming Festival.
29. There is a chubby girl in the company, who looks ordinary and quite white ... One day we were discussing her ugliness (joking in person). A colleague said,' Nothing, it's quite white, one white covers three ugliness'. The fat girl is beautiful, so I opened my mouth and said,' You are so ugly after covering three ugliness. How ugly are you?' Alas, my friends are exhausted.
30. When my wife came home, she found that the bank card, the cardholder's signature and the magnetic stripe were all smashed. Asked angrily who did it. The husband said, baby son did it! Wife: Why did he do it? Dave: He wants to see if he has won the prize!
Editor's note: I introduced an object to my colleague. The next day, she came to the company, threw her bag on my desk and shouted at me angrily, "What girlfriend, what did you introduce me to?" I asked innocently, "What's the matter, is it not to my taste?" She roared: "What bird, I asked him if he had a room?" Do you know what he said? ! "I asked," what did he ... what did he say! " Colleague said, "He said he was ready. Let's go! "